Reality Steve

The Bachelor 15 - Brad

The Bachelor Recap – 2/14/11

For episode-by-episode spoilers of Brad’s season, click on the link above that says “Bachelor Brad Spoilers” (it’s like, 1″ inch above this sentence). It has a breakdown of every date, rose, and elimination, all the way down to Brad’s final choice. However, there will be spoilers talked about throughout the course of this column. You’ve been warned.

So there’s been a lot of discussion since Friday’s column regarding the Laurel article that came out in US Weekly last week about her relationship with Brad. As I said Friday, I don’t really think the article did all that great of a job in getting her point across since there’s so much more to the story, and plenty of more texts that he sent her. Plenty of stuff people haven’t heard and what exactly was Laurel’s reasoning was for even doing the interview? I’m going to do something I’ve never done in 8 years in this column. I’m going to have a poll. Right now, I’m really on the fence. Part of me thinks that you don’t care about this story, think it’s a non-issue, and that it should just go away. Another part of me thinks, knowing how much people enjoy being voyeurs about this show and loving all the dirt and gossip that it brings, that you would love to actually hear what Laurel has to say regarding the article and all the stuff that didn’t come out in it. So, very easy question for you to answer in the poll below. I have a percentage in my head of what it would need to be before going forward with the interview. If it doesn’t get to that percentage, then I won’t do it. If it does, then I will. Simple as that. Please vote now. You can only vote once per computer, so it’s not like this thing can be rigged in any way:


In case you haven’t noticed, I have updated a few things on the site. Since SOOOOO many people still can’t seem to figure out where the spoilers are and what to click, I’ve made that process a tad easier. The “Bachelor Brad Spoilers” link at the top of the page is now sitting there by itself. You can’t possibly miss it. I’ve also changed the “Read more” link (which brings you to the next page for those who could never grasp that concept) to now “Click here to read more” also in a bigger font. So even if you are skimming and don’t read every word on the page, I don’t know how you could possibly miss in big, giant font “Click to Read More”. Hey, maybe it should’ve always been this big so I could’ve avoided the “Hey, where do I click to read the next page of the post” questions. Mind boggling. Do those people reach the end of the page in a book and ask, “What do I do next” too? Anyway, you can’t miss it now, so hopefully that will help you navigate better. And finally, the “RealitySteve” text in big orange letters at the top of the page, is now a link back to the home page. So if you’re on another page, instead of clicking that small “Home” text to return to the homepage, you can just click on the big “RealitySteve” text in orange letters. I’m like 2nd grade proofing stuff for people now. Lets see if the confusion still continues. Ha ha.

And yet another addition to my site this week? That’ll come in Friday’s column. Haven’t done this in about two years, so I decided I’m gonna have a little fun on Friday. Hope you all enjoy it.

Before we get started, I wanted to promote something for my friend Holly Durst. As you know, she is engaged to Michael Stagliano (yes, they’re still engaged) from Jillian’s season and have entered a contest to win their dream wedding. So, please go to this link and vote so Holly and Michael can hopefully get an all-expense paid boffo wedding:

The Ultimate Wedding Contest

And finally, a couple people came to me yesterday saying there’s a big rumor floating around Austin right now that Brad and Emily were seen out together this past weekend. Now that’s laughable. Even if Brad did pick Emily in the end, which he didn’t, he’s not allowed to just troll around his hometown with her on his arm for everyone to see. Uhhhhh, that’d kinda be giving away the ending. So lets just put an end to that rumor right now. Brad was not with Emily this past weekend, not only because he wouldn’t be allowed to, but because he’s not engaged to her either. He’s happy, in love, and engaged to Chantal. I cannot be any clearer than that. I’ve said it in basically every column since Dec. 8th and it’s certainly not going to change. Trust me. That’s who he chose. On to last night…

-When the show started, I thought it was interesting as all six girls are coming to shore on the boat, that three of them are dressed exactly the same as they were in the picture that I posted back on Oct. 27th when someone was at the St. Martin airport and saw the girls at baggage claim. In fact, Chris Harrison even mentioned it in his blog today that tourists were snapping pictures of them at baggage claim. In case you weren’t following the site in the “off-season” (which you probably should because that’s when I’m usually leaking stuff months early), here was the picture I posted back then (Don’t mind all the arrows. At the time, I didn’t know which girls were which outside of a few):

As you can see, Michelle, Emily, and Chantal are in the exact same clothing they were in when they arrived on the boat. Emily’s floral top with jeans, Michelle’s white pants and pink top, and the pink dress that Chantal is wearing by the baggage carousel. So they arrived in St. Martin that day, then took a ferry on over to Anguilla, then hopped in a boat and were taken to shore. One side of me wants to feel sorry for the constant traveling and getting off a plane and immediately filming that day. The other part of me says, “Suck it up wusses. It’s a free vacation in the Caribbean.” I think I’m leaning more towards the latter.

-First date card arrives and says “What’s three things you would take with you on a deserted island? A picnic lunch, champagne, and Emily.” Awwwwwww, how cute. Although, all the things that incorporate a picnic should each count individually. I mean when I hear, “You can bring three things”, a “picnic” is like 10-15 things depending on how big it is. Kind of unfair, but whatever, this is fantasy land they’re living in. Brad asks Emily what she wants to do today as if she has any say in the matter. “Yeah, I think I’m down for some outdoor barbequing, maybe play a little Frisbee, then build sandcastles. Whaddya’ say?” Yeah, not gonna happen. You will do what the script says you’re gonna do today, so Brad stop asking her rhetorical questions. A helicopter comes flying in to pick them up and Emily couldn’t be more surprised or more blown away by Brad’s thoughtfulness. Emily: “You do too much on our dates.” Really? So you think Brad booked that helicopter all by himself, huh? Emily, I know you’re blonde and all, but please don’t tell me you’re this stupid. And it’s not like he actually wanted this date to be with you anyway. Your name’s not Laurel.

-The helicopter takes them to Sandy Island for a picnic. The beautiful waters, the sunny skies, the romantic setting, it was breathtaking really. So much so that this conversation ensued:

Brad: “I like it out here.”
Emily: “Me too. (Long pause). What are you thinking?”
Brad: “Really, really cool view.”
Emily: “Yeah, it’s really pretty.”
Brad: “Love it here.”

Screw knowing what the spoilers are. We’re seven episodes in now. How could anyone possibly think for a second these two are falling madly in love with each other to where he’d be proposing to her in a few weeks? Are people watching the same show as I am? The guy is pitching a tent and fondling Chantal every five seconds he’s with her, and he tells Emily every four seconds that he’s scared of her. Huh? Really? This far into the process and you’re still not comfortable around the woman? Yeah, this is just bizarre. I’ve come to realize while watching this show that Brad is one giant weenie. Quit telling women you’re scared of them after a month of filming. This is getting to be uncomfortable. Then again, when you’ve been in and out of therapy for 3 years (now that’s funny), I guess your emotions will get the best of you sometimes. Except with Brad, it’s all the time. Dr. Kajagoogoo would be very proud of you Stephen Bradley Womack. You’re making progress. Now just quit telling Laurel’s mom you want to marry her daughter weeks before the show and everything will get better.

-I loved how in one scene Emily’s hair is soaking wet from being in the water, then the very next shot of her, it’s dry. Great editing, people. Can you not make it so obvious next time how much of their conversation was spliced together? Thanks. Really appreciate it. Brad: “I get nervous around you…I move very slowly…I care for you more than I probably should say right now…I care for you a lot.” On and on and on he went describing how great this boring date was and that he and Emily had this amazing connection. Uh huh. Sure he did. I guess he can keep trying to convince himself of that. Whatever floats his boat. I just found it quite humorous that sitting on Sandy Island, with a beautiful, plastic woman like Emily, Brad still found some time to sneak away and fire off a few texts to Laurel during his ITM’s. That was real thoughtful of him. I’m sure he told Emily he was just conversing with producers about some production stuff, but we all know what he was doing. He’s a tricky one that Bradley Pickelsimer. Turn off your phone during the date, man. Kinda rude. At least Sandy Island gets good reception, so that’s a plus.

-So these two are now at dinner right on the shores of Sandy Island, which kinda sounds like a porn stars name if you think about it. Who wouldn’t watch a porn with a big breasted blonde named Sandy Island? Where was I? Anyway, during dinner the big question arises regarding a hometown date with Emily and whether or not he’ll meet her daughter Ricki. Brad: “Would you allow me to meet Ricki?” Then Emily comes back with probably the third or fourth biggest line of B.S. she’s told this season. “I really never introduced her to anyone I’ve dated.” I’m here to tell you that’s a flat out lie. Yes, she has. Take my word for it. And it’s not like that lie is that big of a deal either. Just like a couple of her other fibs aren’t all that bad, I’m just curious as to why she can’t be 100% honest with her past. Weird. I guess she really wants to play up her storyline so it’s an easy transition into the “Bachelorette”. I’m not sure. I mean, just the sole fact she’s attractive, has a daughter who will never seen her father, and finishes 2nd this season you’d think would be a solid lock for everyone to fall in love with her. Which they have.

-The children talk continues. Brad: “It’d be huge to me if you’d allow me to meet her.” Emily: “It’s just so scary. It’s starting to get so real. What are we gonna do? That’s a good question.” See, this was all just so dumb to show this part of their conversation. It’s not like from the time this part of the episode was airing, til the time the previews for next week aired, that they spliced together stuff showing Brad meeting Ricki next week. Obviously it’s an important conversation to have for them, but the parts of it that were shown were pretty anticlimactic considering they give away in the previews that Brad meets Ricki. I mean, seriously? Did anyone honestly think for a millisecond that Brad would go on a hometown and not meet Emily’s daughter? Of course he was going to. Brad’s all about family as he reminded us numerous times last night. This guy wants a family, wants desperately to be married, and being with Emily means he’d be marrying into someone else’s family. That’s a huge deal. Probably was a major deciding factor why he didn’t choose her in the end. But for them to spend so much time showing us on their date talking about this stuff was nonsense. Of course we were gonna see Ricki next week. This show wouldn’t have it any other way.

-Brad is so geeked right now, he’s turning into a rebel. “I’ll tell you right now. I’m giving you a rose. I don’t care if I’m not supposed to do this. I’m breaking protocol. We’re going to your hometown.” Damn! This guy is crazy! Did you see what he just did? He told us he’s giving her a rose before the rose ceremony even takes place! My head is going to explode! The guy is breaking protocol, he’s talking about meeting children, he’s taking Emily out into the ocean to make out some more. Man, this guy is seriously fired up right now. How much longer can he keep this up? You know what I think he should do? Head back to his room tonight, break protocol again, and contact Laurel while he’s at it. You know, because he’s so whipped on her and for 8 years they couldn’t ever seem to get rid of each other. I think while he’s getting paid a ton of jack to be on this show, and he’s a month deep into filming, he should really be sending an email to Laurel asking her how she is. You know, because he’s moved on and everything. Uh huh.

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100 Comments

100 Comments

  1. bbnrs88

    February 15, 2011 at 12:11 PM

    Ok, really? I enjoy reading your posts, but in all honesty, you need to spellcheck and proofread! Don’t you do this before posting? It is so totally annoying to read something and have it spelled wrong, or spell one person’s name correctly in one sentence and then use someone else’s spelling in the next. PROOFREAD please!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Nobody

    February 15, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    If I can’t get an all expenses paid wedding, why the f**k would I vote for some d-bag reality tv people to get one? What exactly have they done to deserve it that no one else has? Please….

    Bbnrs88, RS has already said in the past that he doesn’t proofread or spellcheck his blog and doesn’t plan to. He didn’t say these words, but in a nutshell he said that he’s writing a blog entry, not a disertation for a doctorate degree. If you want to pick on the way people write, go back to school and become a teacher.

  3. Elizabeth2010

    February 15, 2011 at 12:17 PM

    Via a source who spoke with Britt: She was never interested in Brad, broke up with him on the 1-on-1 date because she didn’t want to do the hometown date. Producers asked her to shoot a scene in which Brad breaks up with her so that it could be aired on ABC.

  4. mommyof2

    February 15, 2011 at 12:18 PM

    I agree with you in that I can’t help but like Shawntel, too. I think she actually seems to be the most easy-going, real, and normal girl left, which is somewhat ironic considering her profession is anything but normal! Also, her date with Brad seemed to be the most normal and realistic, and her conversations with brad in their last few dates are actually entertaining as they seem to enjoy being together, laughing, etc… I like Emily, too, but I don’t see the connection as their conversations do seem awkward. I just think Emily is totally out of Brad’s league. I’m glad Michelle is gone, however, I do agree that her comments in her ITM’s are more entertaining than most anything else this season.

    Also, I have to disagree with you on the cat thing. I grew up with dogs and cats, and I love them both. Cats are excited when you come home, and they do love you unconditionally. How would you know, Steve, unless you had a cat yourself?

    And, finally, Steve, you do need to proofread your column. You kept going back and forth between Shawntel and Chantal’s names in your recap of Shawntel’s date.

  5. addishonte

    February 15, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    There’s a difference in proofreading if your simple mistaking is saying “it’s instead of “its”. It’s a completely different issue when you’re using the WRONG person’s name. I mean come on: if you’re going to rip on the show, the contestants and are are going to call people fat, then you should at least get their names right.

    Oh, and this juvenile behavior of “I know something you don’t know…” Please..is that all you can come up with. If that’s what you need to say in order to feel relevant, then go for it. Seems if you’re so witty, you should be able to come up with a better lure to get people to read and believe your posts.

    Fortunately, you do have a good sense of humor; so I’ll read your posts for that aspect.

  6. mommyof2

    February 15, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    @Elizabeth 2010- I definitely could tell Britt wasn’t in to Brad on their date, and she didn’t seem to be upset when she left the yacht on the dinghy. Thanks for letting us know this. You would think the way they showed Brad end it would make her upset, so it does make more sense to me that she wasn’t upset b/c she’s the one who ended it. She seemed more upset at the house only b/c she would miss the other girls!

  7. PhoenixStrength

    February 15, 2011 at 12:34 PM

    Chantal has 2 cats AND a dog (Pomeranian), they showed that during her set in the first episode.

    Brad already stated in an interview this morning that he and Britt both agreed that there was nothing between them and had a long conversation about it, but they spliced it to make it look like it was just him feeling that.

    The Laurel thing is ridiculous. Please don’t bother interviewing her. Even if she is telling the truth (which I certainly think is possible), it is still only one side of the story. And the adage that there are 3 sides to every story is correct. Not to mention that if it is true, than it just makes Brad and Chantal more perfect together, since she was supposedly trying to get back with her ex weeks before the show too!

  8. Gidget

    February 15, 2011 at 12:39 PM

    Hope we get the Laurel interview. It’s human nature to want the dirt, gossip and insider info. Maybe not the best part of human nature, but oh well.
    In reference to Britt, it didn’t look like she was breaking up with him. It looked like he was dumping her and she wasn’t quite getting it. She kept interrupting him and asked for more time. The last time I checked asking someone for more time with them does not constitute a break up! Sorry Britt, don’t believe you.

  9. Sunnyside422

    February 15, 2011 at 12:42 PM

    Oh my gosh…I’m still laughing…describing Brad as an android! That is priceless! Way to go Steve.

    I’m not concerned with spelling errors, etc.! Love your blog and always will. Amazing how you read everyone on the show. And also amazing that there are people who see a true love story with Emily! How stupid.

    Can’t wait till Chantel kicks wuss pants to the curb! He will bore her to death in no time!

  10. cldbachelor

    February 15, 2011 at 12:45 PM

    LOVED this recap, Steve. I don’t know if I am the only one here, but I feel like Emily would be an AWFUL bachelorette. I must admit I fell in love with her at the start of the show and she was my pick to win the season (I tried REALLY hard not to read your spoilers and just watch the show, but after the first episode, I just couldn’t contain my curiosity.) As beautiful as she is, she is equally as BORING. Wow, their date was almost more painful than Britt’s, simply because these two should be able to enjoy themselves by now.
    Maybe if she gets more screen time and gets to know more guys, she will be more exciting to watch on her own show. My vote goes to Michelle. She may be the “villian,” but she’s HILARIOUS. None of this is real anyway, so I wish Michelle had made it to the end. I’m not even sure I care to watch anymore…

  11. manila75

    February 15, 2011 at 12:49 PM

    I think RS should also re-arrange these 3 so other people don’t get confused:

    Bachelor Brad Spoilers (should appear first)
    Bachelor Pad Spoilers (should appear second)
    The Bachelorette 6 – Ali (should appear last)

    Or, better yet, who cares about the last season? Just have “BACHELOR BRAD SPOILERS” – all CAPS so people can find it!

    LOL

  12. Gidget

    February 15, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    @PhoenixStrength Oh! That explains it then. Now I understand why Britt told the girls that she and Brad had talked and agreed they weren’t right for each other. I thought she was spinning things to make herself look better! I kept wondering if I missed something on their date. Wow, just another example of weird manipulation on the show’s part.
    Emily appears very dull on this show. Don’t see any chemistry between she and Brad either.
    Also-why would she bother coming on this show if she is so scared to fall in love and won’t let the man in her life meet her daughter? I don’t buy anything she is saying. And I will die of boredom is she is the next Bach-ette.

  13. shell9212

    February 15, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    Chantal looked a bit piggy & tubby in her bikini on the beach – flabby ass and her stomach sticks out. If she looks fat at age 25 think how much worse she will look at age 40. Michelle had the best body of all of them but what a nasty ho-bag & – I bet it hangs like wizard’s sleeve ….

  14. shawnda

    February 15, 2011 at 1:07 PM

    I finally gave in to registering because of your problem with names!!! Using Chantal’s name once in place of Shawntel’s was bad enough but then at the start of the next paragraph you did it again!! I realize they are similar names but you need to keep track of who you are talking about even if you don’t pay attention to checking for spelling, grammar and missing word problems!!!

    Just because Chantal was honest enough to say she was having a bad time with her weight does NOT make it ok for you to go on and on about Chantal’s weight. Nor on the other end of the weight spectrum, Britt’s either.

    I don’t see the big deal with Emily as the next Bachelorette. She seems pretty similar to previous ones. What would be different is seeing someone as real as Shawntel get this opportunity.

  15. surrealtvfan

    February 15, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Hilarious recap Steve, especially the parts about the emaciated Britt. She looked like a twig ready to snap at any minute with 2 big eyes poking out! All funny stuff, well except for the unneccessary comment about the middle aged housewives who watch the show so that they can live vicariously. You know, not all of us are housewives. Ha Ha. Anyway, just wanted to compliment you on this one because for the first time, in a long time, you wrote a recap without patting yourself on the back all the way through.

  16. surrealtvfan

    February 15, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    BTW, almost forgot, what is so great about Emily anyway. She is about as interesting as watching paint dry. She was an 18 year old girl who got herself pregnant without being married. Just becuase the guy, who was no hero, just a race car driver, unfortunately got killed in an accident, do we now cannonize this woman? Yes, she is pretty, and she has had a terrible thing happen to her, but in my opinion, she is not enough to carry a show on her own. None of these “leads” are particularly special in any way, but at least some of the others had personality. With Emily, the princess thing will get old very fast. If she is the next Bachelorette, hope the guys are eye candy so us middle aged women have something to live vicariously for!

  17. DawsMA

    February 15, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    I agree that proofreading for name clarity would be a good idea, but can generally overlook the grammatical errors. It’s a blog about a reality show.

    As for the great cat/dog debate, it’s Steve’s loss. My cats greet me at the door almost every time I get home. Jumpy dogs annoy me. It’s just a matter of preference, so who cares?

    Why is Laurel the focal point of this entire column? Her name is mentioned every other paragraph. I beg people to vote “no” on the poll so this chick can fade back into oblivion for another few seasons. I suspect Steve will interview her either way since he seems to have her on his mind so much. Yawn.

  18. amylynn

    February 15, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    Has anyone kept count of how many times Brad says “No doubt about it?” You can definitely make a drinking game out of it! So annoying. . . . .

    By the way Steve, you crack me up with your changing of the font size/bold, etc. I have a big feeling, it will not work for all those morons. You should have a link that says “If you are having a difficult time navigating through this site, please click here” – when they click on it, it will take them to an I.Q. test and if they score high enough, then they will be sent the directions on how to navigate through it! haha If they score too low, they should either be blocked from your site or be sent to a site like yours with even BIGGER font & BRIGHT, FLASHING COLORS with arrows and all ( :

    KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK STEVE!

  19. JeannieB

    February 15, 2011 at 2:44 PM

    I think @cldbachelor is spot on: I’d MUCH rather see Michelle be the next Bachelorette than Emily. Emily is pretty & sweet, but sooooooooooooooooo boring. Not making out with anyone and not talking a lot and not letting anyone meet her daughter (as Emily would do) does NOT make for compelling TV. But with Michelle, we’d get tons of macking, beach frolicking, mysterious black eyes and wonderfully snarky ITMs.

  20. ImBusyB

    February 15, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    Give me a break, you proofreading Nazi freaks! Who gives a flying crap over some typo’s when the man is writing out multiple pages in a hurry (so as not to dissapoint faithful readers.) This is his HOBBY – not a full time job. Writing out this amount of information and proofreading it 20 times before posting just isn’t going to work. He has another full time job, end of story. If something like this has your panties in such a wad, hire someone for him, or better yet, volunteer yourselves to copy-edit. I’m too busy laughing my butt off to even notice such trivial things.

  21. rayberny

    February 15, 2011 at 3:07 PM

    Hi Steve. Always look forward to your columns as you are right on the money with your comments/observations. My girlfriends and I have started a drinking game for every time the word “amazing” is said this season. Ugh. Also, I never realized Brad was such a dud the first time he was on the show. His conversations are about as exciting as Jake’s were. Guess these shows are all starting to sound the same these days.
    Also, about your website, I’ve never had any problems navigating from page to page or finding information. I’m a fairly bright person so I don’t know what that says about the rest of your readers. I wish the folks that moan and groan about your column and your opinions would just GO AWAY!
    See you Friday. Thanks for all you do for our entertainment!

  22. mommie dearest

    February 15, 2011 at 3:33 PM

    LMAO at the thought of Bankie Banx singing Wes’ song. That was a good one!

  23. DonGrigio

    February 15, 2011 at 3:43 PM

    Great recrap! And I agree with Nobodysays – eff the free wedding. I can’t stand all this wedding crap anyway. Bad enough we got everybody fawning over the royal couple -couple of jacks – getting it on in April this year. Does anybody give a real shi*t?

    I enjoy this site simply because I like it when someone calls it like it is. The show is pure horsecrap, plain and simple. I watch it because, besides being totally pathetic, I like to see 30 plus hottie women get the axe they deserve, one by one. I actually hate the last two shows and this site has helped with that.

    On with the PAd. Better yet, bring back Paradise Hotel. Tony – you out there? ha

  24. choclabs

    February 15, 2011 at 4:00 PM

    I can believe the Britt story also the Laurel story but in no way the story “Em” told about her daughter not meeting someone she has dated…who on this show is actually speaking 100% truth? It is good escapism though; as is RS blog, love it, thanks RS. Grateful you take time out of your schedule to type your blog, & it isn’t a short one either. I am one who accepts the fact that you don’t have time to go back and spell & grammar check. I’m laughing too hard to let such a prickly remark about spell & grammar check ruin my moment of laughter and escapism. As the owner of 3 Chocolate Labs & previous owner of 2 cats, I agree with RS about the loyalty, attention, love, etc. a dog gives vs a cat, it is common knowledge about this, they are two different animals, one is independent and one is dependent. I was shocked how much weight Chantal has gained, she looked pregnant in the SI shoot from her profile shot and she waddled while she was walking away. Seems she is eating her emotions & Ashley is drinking her emotions… Looking forward to reading more. Love the male perspective (RS) on these shows, more than any female blog out there.

  25. ZoeMonster2

    February 15, 2011 at 4:29 PM

    Interesting comments. Same for blog (80% of it)

    I’ll start my comment the way Steve starts blog entries, dedicating the lead paragraphs (20%) to topics un-related to his blog titles (“The Bachelor Recap – 2/14/11”)

    Steve alerts readers that before they get to read his witty sarcasm, they must endure wedding contests, vote contests, changes in layout announcements..

    😉

    The Comment:

    Cats versus Dogs. Our dog runs our lives. Somebody has to. She’s my profile pic on Twitter and FB. And ZoeMonster2 is my name for comments, tweets, FB, blogs. If I had been as great of a parental unit, as I am a dog owner– my kids would be geniuses. I know cuz my dog is. Before the dog, we played games. Owned 3 cats. Only cuz the 1st cat was a dog. I swear. Then we got more cats. But Tommy–he’s dead now. Our buddy left us 2 years ago. But he and ZoeMonster were tight.

    My husband can turn a phrase. I can’t. Maybe if Steve has time to skim this, he’d see why some of us go both ways;)

    http://www.islandpacket.com/2008/06/13/523715/beloved-cat-heads-to-that-big.html

    The Comment continues:

    OMG.

    Freakin Hilarious this blog entry was. N/K

    I thought last week’s blog entry was the best ever. Wrong. Because I am middle-aged, bored– I pasted Steve’s best, most clever remarks in a WORD file. I thought Steve had a few witty remarks and puns. Ooops. He had TWENTY- EIGHT. Here are the best:

    10.
    I have a question: Who on God’s green earth is Esperanza Spalding? (ties with) I’d take Chantal every day of the week and twice on Sundays
    9
    I wonder if little Ricki thinks Brad is crazy too?
    8
    unless she has some straight-to-video D-list movie she’s making right now, I can’t see any way where they wouldn’t cast her
    7
    He’s a tricky one that Bradley Pickelsimer.
    6
    definitely showed sides (well, multiple sides) of her… the cameras adds ten pounds…didn’t realize they had four cameras on her
    5
    Quit telling women you’re scared of them after a month of filming. This is getting to be uncomfortable.
    4
    Maybe Brad and Britt won’t become Facebook friends. Maybe they will. At the very least, couldn’t he just poke her?
    3
    Brad is so geeked right now, he’s turning into a rebel.
    2
    This guy is crazy! Did you see what he just did? He told us he’s giving her a rose before the rose ceremony even takes place! My head is going to explode!
    .
    DRUMMMMMM ROLLLLLL
    .
    1.
    sitting on Sandy Island, with a beautiful, plastic woman like Emily,

    HAHAHAHAHA.

    The Comment concludes:

    As Brad is, Chantal, and on and on ad nauseum, so is Steve. He wants his horn tooted– and often. I will toot that horn (afterall, he called me middle-aged! I lost a good 30 years! Thx, Steve!).. but Steve’s gonna pound that horn. He didn’t do it as directly as he usually does in this blog piece.. but HEY.. what do you call that big ole VOTE box up there.. flashing w/ thousands of reader voting for Steve to do what he has been teasing us to do for awhile?

    I’d say that’s pretty clever. I also am so middle-aged.. that I pasted in a list of the times he wrote about Laurel in this blog entitled “Bachelor Recap”

    Aww, n/m… I’ll just paste in the list. You might even read it if you’re as old and bored as I;)

    BTW, I voted “yes”

    .

    (paste)

    ) “Do You Want to Hear an Interview with Laurel, Along with Seeing More Texts Brad Sent Her?”

    the Laurel article

    I don’t really think the article did all that great of a job

    so much more to the story

    plenty of more texts that he sent

    Plenty of stuff people haven’t heard

    Your name’s not Laurel.

    Now just quit telling Laurel’s mom you want to marry her daughter

    found some time to sneak away and fire off a few texts to Laurel

    break protocol again, and contact Laurel

    whipped on her and for 8 years

    he should really be sending an email to Laurel asking

    Problem is, he wants to marry Laurel.

    was telling her this hundreds of times in texts just weeks before leaving

    Does she need to text it to him over and over and over and over again like he does to his ex’s

    Except for instead of the 2:00am visits into their bedroom, he’ll just blow up their texts every five minutes,

    Something I’d definitely ask Laurel if the situation presented itself. All you gotta do is vote.

    you will hear plenty of things that didn’t come across in the article

    closer to the guy than any other female has been in the last eight years.

    hat’s not even counting all the times he checked in on “Roo”

    pet name for Laurel, short for “kangaroo”

    I even checked with Laurel on this

    over her. Just because her birthday is in a couple days and I need to email

    Thx, Steve.
    Zoemonster2

  26. Dana

    February 15, 2011 at 4:31 PM

    Ditto Mommie dearest! Bankie Banx! LMAO! Would love to learn more about Laurel and how desperate Brad was acting just before the show. I wonder why they never sealed the deal? I love listening to Howard Stern’s morning show when he makes fun of Brad. He thinks Brad is really dumb. His imitations are pretty funny. Thanks for the updates, I enjoy them!

  27. truebachelorfan4ever

    February 15, 2011 at 4:45 PM

    I agree bring on the bachelor pad, not too sure what paradise hotel is but does anyone else remember Temptation Island??? Now that was a show!

  28. thewipf

    February 15, 2011 at 5:45 PM

    This episode should be labeled, “I don’t want to lead anyone on the time”. Brad has changed, he sent Britt home to show he’s not leading her on, he’s a changed man. Then he doesn’t do the cocktail party because he’s a changed man a doesn’t want to lead another girl on. What a bunch of crap. After seven episodes we get it already. If they had shown Britt dumping him it would have been why more interesting tv, but it’s all about his dang transformation.

    The producers should really take note of your idea for having some unknown band sing Wes’s song next season. Too funny.

  29. thewipf

    February 15, 2011 at 6:00 PM

    This episode also showed just how dumb the producers think it’s viewers are, and most of the are. “You do too much on these dates.” How dumb are you if you think Brad planned any of those dates? I’m guessing Brad had never heard of Anguilla before, much less know how to set up a helicopter ride to a private island for a picnic. Making it seem like he comes up with and plans these dates is one of the most annoying aspects of the show for me. Also along with one of Steve’s pet peeves it was so funny how Brad said that Bankie Bankx was the biggest band in Anguilla.

  30. shell9212

    February 15, 2011 at 6:54 PM

    Brad the talking doll . . .
    You could pull a string and he’d say one of 5 things:
    “I’m a different man.”
    “I’ve had walls up.”
    “Please, be honest, that’s what I want.”
    “I like you. I really do.”
    “You’re scaring me.”

    With Michelle as the next Bachelorette, the theme song could be changed to “Crazy Train”…?

  31. smd64

    February 15, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    ummm, wth is with zoemonster2’s comment. I don’t get it. Am I missing something? Anyway, quit bitching about steve’s proof reading. He has said multiple times he doesn’t proof read so he can get the blog out to us as fast as possible. If he proof read and waited to post it until Wednesday, then everyone would be complaining about that. Give the guy a break. He’s providing entertaining, witty comments about a stupid show.

  32. shell9212

    February 15, 2011 at 7:07 PM

    Hell yes its pretty stupid of the producers to think most viewers are dumb enough to credit Brad with planning all these “dates….”hey isnt it amazing how I orchestrated this date where were hanging from a cliff, drinking Crystal, being lifted by a helicopter while fire works are spelling out your name?” so lame…
    I want to see a reality show where they get thrown into a big dirty city and have to find jobs and get a crappy apartment and argue over whos paying for take out…that would be a good show, I really don’t need to see giant elaborate dates, or rose ceremonies (christ-those are so long and so dumb) or any other crap like the challenges or whatever….just drama that’s why were all watching. I don’t even need them to fall in love- just cheap dirty drama please -!

  33. D-Runner

    February 15, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    Reading the blog and then the responses, I’m taken aback at all the haters out there.

    To follow the blog and notice grammatical errors is one thing, but to be totally annoyed and comment about them over and over is a hater. Nobody is forcing anyone to read and grade the blog.

    Also, why would anyone be so strongly against a Laurel interview? Again, nobody is being forced to listen to it. I say bring it on, I’ve enjoyed all RS audio so far.

    On a brigher note, good column Steve. I appreciate your non-political correct comments on Chantal’s weight, but I actually thought she looked better in a bathing suite than she does in all those tacky outdated dresses she wears at the cocktail parties.

  34. MidwestGirl

    February 15, 2011 at 7:32 PM

    I’m glad Britt is gone. But eeee gads eat something before the women tell all.

    I like Chantel and I think 99% of guys would choose plush over skeletor any day.

    Personally I could care less about the Roo story. We all know it’s to promote the show by adding scandal. How about – Hey I’m a hoe who has your kid and been leading you on so I can make a quick buck this time around.

    Do they really sleep together on the overnight dates?? Gawd, I’d hate to be the third date….

  35. MidwestGirl

    February 15, 2011 at 7:34 PM

    Michelle had the best line of any season with her Facebook line.

    Bravo Michelle

  36. wisewords

    February 15, 2011 at 8:04 PM

    RS: Esperanza Spaulding is one of the coolest Jazz artists on God’s green earth.

    If you heard her, you’d know why she won.

    And thanking the Lord the award didn’t go to Just-a-Beaver.

  37. SLLDOE

    February 15, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    ZoeMonster2 has way too much time on her hands, lol.

  38. scavanau

    February 15, 2011 at 8:32 PM

    Gestapo proofreaders – get a life. Remember, as Steve readily admits every single week, this blog is sarcastic, slanted, sophomoric, and skewed. I still don’t get it when people want to dissect and critique Steve’s column when it’s all in fun. And I don’t get why people continue to read the column if they don’t like Steve’s personality. I hope they’ll find it in their hearts to get over themselves.

  39. healersdaughter

    February 15, 2011 at 9:07 PM

    * Thank you for calling out Emily. She’s beautiful and has a heart-wrenching story. That’s it. She has no chemistry with Brad, and I’m sorry, but it’s creepy how UNinterested she actually seems in Brad.
    * He did NOT send Michelle home because she’s “too much woman.” I don’t know his intentions, but Steve, there is a HUGE space between trashy and classy, and wanting a woman who can challenge you is a LOT different than wanting a woman who will DOMINATE you. He was almost visibly SCARED of her as she left, and not in a good way. Bottom line: she didn’t respect him, and your credibility went way down in my eyes for that ludicrous assessment.
    * Finally: this is the evil side of me, but … I’m glad for your assessment of Chantal’s body. I actually like her and think that she and Brad have the most realistic chance of making it, BUT I was wondering if I was seeing something totally different than everyone else on the show. She looked SO much chunkier. The “McBlubber” comment was a little much, but I agree: no guy who is that into fitness wants a chunkier wife. I should know; I’m married to a vain guy. It stinks sometimes, but I knew when we got married that working out and keeping myself nice was part of the package. No surprise. You want your partner to value the same things that you do.
    * PLEASE don’t interview Laurel. Brad does sound codependent from his texts and the article, which I read, but she still comes off as very desperate, untrustworthy, and fame-whoremongering. She doesn’t deserve the attention.

  40. dawnmyst

    February 15, 2011 at 9:27 PM

    Well I’ve been to Anguilla twice and I absolutely love it. There are many wonderful places to visit there but Bankie Banx’s place called The Dune Preserve isn’t one of them. My boyfriend and I stopped by his place one afternoon for a rum punch and it was deserted except for Bankie smoking a doobie with a couple of his cronies. I am sure the Bachelor team must have had the dinner catered because I certainly wouldn’t eat a meal there. It is an out of the way dump. Crazy! I was also at Little Bay and the snorkeling was beautiful. (I don’t know why no one did that on the show) Brit was nuts to jump off that cliff. I really felt sorry for her. This season is so boring. I only watched Episode 7 to see Anguilla, otherwise I just read Reality Steve!

  41. ZoeMonster2

    February 15, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    Why is there all this discussion about the grammar in these comments? Only *one* person (the first comment) ragged on grammar. The other 39 did not. A few asked Steve to proof for *name* mix-ups. That’s not grammar.

    ZoeMonster2

  42. dawnmyst

    February 15, 2011 at 10:08 PM

    I just read this on the Anguilla travel forum. One of the posters wrote this.

    “Did anyone notice the scene of the rejected girl driving away? The limo was driving on the right side of the road, it didn’t seem like it was filmed there, but maybe they just decided to drive on the “wrong” side.”

    (Everyone drives on the left side of the road in Anguilla.)

    Someone responded with this:
    Yes, I noticed that as well and the road did not look like anything I’ve ever seen on island – especially near Island Harbor.

    (Island Harbor is the area where the Rose ceremony was filmed).

    Another person posted this:

    That limo scene was from their stock footage. Not only was it right lane driving, but the road was marked with a center line, passing markers, and a shoulder stripe. lol When they went around the curve it was typical California landscape.

    ( Anguilla doesn’t have road markers and the roads are too narrow for a limo)

    There are other hysterical posts about the Bachelor on the Anguilla forum but it is obvious that the exit scene with Michelle in the limo was NOT taped in Anguilla. This show is terrible. It keeps getting worse! As if people wouldn’t notice these things.

    Gads.

  43. amylynn

    February 15, 2011 at 11:01 PM

    Shell9212: you can add to your list of what the Brad doll would say with:
    “No doubt about it!”
    haha

    Dawnmyst: that would make more sense as to why Michelle had no emotion, because they probably sent her off in a little car while in Anguilla where she probably said something – but they had to re-shoot in Cali. and she chose to keep her mouth shut, for whatever reason. There are SOOOO many horrible edits in this show, that it’s sort of funny.

    One thing I noticed that Steve had mentioned was when Britt was packing to go home, she was taking stuff out of a Blue hard case suitcase and the next thing you see is her walking out the door with a soft case Red one – HOWEVER, to her left by the plants, you can see the Blue on sitting there waiting. I watched the show after I read his column and that was one thing that I remembered, though it’s pretty meaningless I still thought I’d mention it!

    Can’t wait for Fridays column ( :

  44. justa_viewer

    February 16, 2011 at 5:08 AM

    Note to latecomers: When Steve posted the latest recap, he several times referred to “Shawntel” as “Chantal,” which was obviously a bit confusing. Hence all the understandable complaints about “proofing”. Steve has since fixed the issue, so some of you may not be aware of that.Can we all move on now?

  45. finerthings

    February 16, 2011 at 6:12 AM

    Steve is like…fixing stuff and like..listening to us. Twilight Zone, but I like it.

  46. ajkailing

    February 16, 2011 at 6:52 AM

    Thank you RS for making me laugh out loud every time I read your blog! Reading what you have to say actually keeps me watching in spite of knowing the outcome. Wondering if you do stand up comedy?!

  47. petuniamilz

    February 16, 2011 at 8:34 AM

    In regards to Emily’s “heart-wrenching” story…yes it’s sad that she lost her fiance and the father of her child, but come on!!! It’s been years since this has happened and she was 18 years old. It’s time to move on Emily, really.

  48. mrs_joiner

    February 16, 2011 at 9:00 AM

    Warning: The following is my opinion and doesn’t mean a hill of beans, but I’m gonna type it anyways.

    Cats are users and moochers! They look out for themselves. Dogs are dumb sometimes, but they love you.

    Who cares whether Steve makes a misspelling – it’s his freakin’ blog, he can type what he wants or spell anything as incorrectly as he wants. Easy solution – don’t read it. Anyone that was watching knows he meant to put “Shawntel” instead of “Chantal”. If you weren’t watching the show, good for you, you must have a life 🙂

    This show is absolutely ridiculous, but it’s a guilty pleasure and I still watch it no matter how fake it really is.

    Brad is shallow and a doof.
    Michelle is nasty, but funny.
    Emily is boring.
    Chantal is a spoiled brat.
    Shawntel is great – she should be the next Bachelorette.

    I’m fatter than Chantal, but yeah if I was her and I was feeling like a fat lard, I don’t think I’d be on a national television poking my belly and my buttocks out looking like a before picture for an Acai berry infomercial.

  49. kmorris246

    February 16, 2011 at 9:03 AM

    Ahhhh realitySteve, I can’t decide whether I hate to love you or love to hate you??? Dude, you’re hilarious, but wow you can be a bit harsh can’t you! I find myself laughing at your blog, then I feel ashamed of myself for finding it so funny! Love your work, but think you should lay off on some of the physical put-downs on these women. Not everyone can have the body of a super model… I find it refreshing that Brad didn’t just go for the hottest body/prettiest face?

  50. Dianne

    February 16, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    juliejulie – hate to say this, but your blog, in one word, is..BOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!! I wish you’d stop using Steve’s blog to promote your own; it’s really tacky.

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