-Emilys date is up next. You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think he picked her based off what we witnessed last night. He runs to go see her, then tells her to wait right there since he forgot something. Uh oh! Was it his mandals? Some bottled water? His fannypack? Even Emily is perplexed. “I’m like, you had all dag gone day to get ready for this date. A lion could come eat me.” Yeah, keep Brad away from the lions. He seems to be fascinated by waking up and taunting one of the worlds most dangerous animals. I think. I’m just sure I heard that on the History Channel at some point in my life. Or 5th grade. Brad returns riding on the back of an elephant named Tembo like Jim Carrey at the end of “Ace Ventura 2”. If only Brad would’ve started talking out of his butt would the impression have been complete. Emily says that Ricki would’ve loved this. Really? She likes hanging out with Brad? Couldve fooled me. I wonder if she’ll like hanging out at the Dizzy Rooster?
-So they go trekking around Africa on the back of Tembo, the worlds largest elephant. Well, at least in my eyes he was. Hey, maybe Tembo was the elephant they used in “Ace Ventura 2”. It was filmed in Africa after all. Maybe Tembo didn’t have any other gigs he was working on at the time and his schedule was open to make an appearance. Wonder if he’s still getting royalty checks if that was him? Whatever the case, Emily is loving getting to check out all the wildlife while on the back of Tembo, the hottest young elephant actor going right now. “This feels like the Lion King but better.” Wait, like the play “Lion King” we saw last season with Ali and Roberto? Or the movie with Timon and Pumbaa? Maybe that’s why she said Ricki would’ve loved this. Maybe “Lion King” is her favorite movie. It’s all making sense now. Silly me. They end up having a little picnic as well and Brad asks my favorite question of the night. Well, outside of the one billion he brow beat Ashley with. “Does Ricki understand what it means if we start spending more time together?” Translation: How soon after we get this going can I start violating mommys private areas when Ricki is upstairs? Like, right away or do we have to ease into it?
-Emily says that by being with her Brad needs to understand her and Ricki are a package deal. Totally get it, Emily. Just like Maddie and I. Sorry, but if you aren’t into dogs, no way in hell you’re gonna make it with me. And Maddie has to be the most low maintenance dog on the planet. If you’re annoyed by her, then you can’t get along with anyone. Just throwing that out there. Brad says he’s been thinking about Ricki a lot since the hometown date. Like, wondering if she still even plays with the kite he spent $1.50 on at Target. Does she even remember his name? Or will she slip up and call him Dale? Or Jarrod? Or Scott? Or whatever other celeb she’s dated? I hope Ricki doesn’t get too confused that new daddys name is Brad, he owns bars in Austin, and he likes working out six days a week for two hours a day, he eats egg whites, turkey burgers, and tofu, and he likes Katy Perry. Brad, I’m gonna help you out here. I believe Ricki is five now, so I’m sure she likes music. Go buy her Kidz Bop. You can’t go wrong there. My niece can’t go anywhere without her Kidz Bop music. You will be golden in her eyes. Sorry, but kites ain’t gonna fly with a 5 year old after about three minutes. They have the attention span of a flea. Kidz Bop will keep her occupied for HOURS. Trust me on this one. Plus, you can even use it for yourself when she’s sleeping to listen to “Firework”. I’m sorry, but I still am getting a kick out of that video I posted yesterday. When that video was sent to me yesterday morning, it had 270 views. Now it’s over 16,000. They can thank me later. I want to point out the impressive and responsible driving done by brother Chad. How he was able to manage to sing and drive a car all while not letting his tall can of Miller Lite spill is impressive. Here it is again:
-Time for dinner with these two and where editing was at its worst. How many times during this dinner conversation did the wine levels in their glasses change? Like ten? I couldn’t keep up with the conversation and what was being said when since I was so fixated on one scene where their glasses would be full, and in the next shot, they’d be half empty, then in the next shot, they’d be full again. If you want us to believe these two had a free flowing conversation and you weren’t splicing up every sentence to get to us hear what you wanted to hear, you might wanna do a better job of editing people. Emily says in her ITM “I think Brad still gets nervous around me. I get that. I’m hard to read.” Then she tells the camera she’s falling in love with Brad but doesn’t know if she’ll have the balls to tell him that at dinner. Ahhhh, that’s what the wine is for sweetie. Liquid courage. You can say anything once you’ve got a few of those in you. And then later on, you can just take it back saying that it was the alcohol talking. You know, not like that’s ever been said to me once or a hundred times before. You want to get on my bad side? Do or say something while you’re drunk, then blame it on the alcohol later. That’ll get you a one way ticket out of my bed, I can guarantee you that.
-So the date card comes. Chris just scratched out Chantal’s name and replaced it with “Emily” since it says the same exact thing. Once again, the editing last week led everyone to think that Emily turned it down because she’s a prim and proper mommy that wants to set a good example for her daughter, when in reality, Emily is just as horny as any other female out there. She’s just more discreet about it. Of course she took the overnight card. Like that wasn’t going to happen. “I’m a mom. I want to set a good example for her. With that said, I want more than anything to spend more time with you.” Translation: I’m sorry, but this wine is making me quite tipsy and a little giddy right now. Hell, Ricki isn’t watching this crap anyway, so it’s not like she’ll know. Lets do this! The question gets asked to me every season of “Do they have sex in the fantasy suite?” Let me answer it this way. He’s a male. She’s a female. They’ve lasted roughly six weeks thus far basically dry humping one another with cameras constantly around them and mike packs strapped to their body. This is really the only time during the show where you’re left alone with nobody around, no cameras, and no microphones. So with that knowledge, you take a guess as to what happens in the fantasy suite, and you probably won’t be far off. However, something tells me he didn’t with Ashley for the sole reason that their date couldn’t have gone any worse. If she did, it would’ve been as a last ditch effort to try and win him over, but they really looked like they were having a crappy time.
-Good thing that I found out last week it was Emily he was engaged to and not Chantal because if I didn’t, and then I watched this overnight date, even I would’ve started to question the information I had. Especially after this exchange:
Emily: “I want you to know I’m absolutely, completely falling in love with you.”
Brad: “Ok. I didn’t expect that at all. I really didn’t expect that. Ummm…I…whoa…Emily please listen to me very carefully when I say this. I’m falling in love with you too. I am. And I want you to know that. But I’m not gonna sit here and listen to you tell me that and me not saying anything back.”
Somewhere in Seattle last night, Chantal probably threw her remote through the TV. Ummm, Chantal’s told him numerous times she not only was falling in love with him, but she IS in love with him. And we most certainly never heard him saying anything like that back to her. I don’t even remember what he ever said back to Chantal to be honest. But the minute he responded like that back to Emily is when it became pretty apparent what the outcome of the show is. Seriously, I am glad I was able to give you that spoiler yesterday about Brad and Emily being engaged because I never would’ve believed it was Chantal either after last night’s episode.