-Cocktail party time and some guys need attention that haven’t gotten any. Namely JP who didn’t get to go on any dates this week. That’s ok JP. Ashley has no problem with you pulling her aside first so she can ram her tongue down your throat. JP tries to play it a little coy by (oh god, not this again) telling her he’ll flip a coin, and heads he gets a kiss, tails he doesn’t. I’ve never hated the “lets flip a coin to make a decision game” more than I do after last night. It solidified the fact I will never decide anything that way ever again. So thanks “Bachelorette”. I don’t even think they actually determined what side the coin landed on. Judging by JP’s reaction, it landed on tails, but Ashley didn’t give a sh** and made out with him anyway. Ashley: “I’m not the type of girl to lean in for a kiss, but I wanted to kiss JP tonight.” I wouldn’t call that “leaning in for a kiss”. If Ashley had her way, she would’ve straddled him and made him slap her ass. Ok, I made the last part up, but she was quite aggressive with him. Maybe it’s because he’s a clone of her ex-boyfriend.
-Hey everybody! Out in the front room! William Caliendo has a George Bush impression he wants everyone to hear! And it’s just as awful as his Sean Connery! Yeah, William looks like he’ll be an opening act or mid carder the rest of his life. Can’t see this guy bringing down the house with any hour and a half set anytime soon. But William makes it known to the guys that even though he has a rose, he still wants to talk to Ashley. Now it’s Nicks turn to impress Ashley, and he brings her in the other room to line dance. I thought it went well for the time being, but I would’ve much rather seen him give Ashley a plank workout. Maybe have her work those obliques and core while she was dancing. Not like she needs all that much help with her midsection, but, it would’ve been nice to see. And just as Nick was about to go in for the kill, in walks William interrupting his alone time, even though he has a rose. So, for the 22nd consecutive season, someone with a rose asks for private time at the cocktail party, interrupting someone else, and making all the others question what they’re doing. Sorry. Nothing new here. We see it every season, and get the same reaction every season.
-William can’t stop gushing about his date to Ashley and wants to just kiss her again because his jokes are failing miserably out in the front room. “Nothing will be more romantic than the date we had.” Ashley even agrees with this sentiment. Is this really something she needs to be repeating? I mean, her guy is sitting at home right now listening to this BS where Ashley has now said twice that she’ll never have a more romantic first date than the one she had with William. Like he cares. That guy has probably already spent some “quality” time at the safe house with Ashley knocking the bottom out of it for a whole weekend. I’m guessing her date with William in Vegas is the last thing on his mind.
-It’s now Jeff’s time to pull Ashley aside and show her who he really is. The mask is gonna come off. I was on the edge of my seat in anticipation with this one. It was like the end of “Scooby Doo” when I would wait for them to pull the mask off of whoever that weeks criminal was and have them all say in unison, “It’s Mr. Spears, the hotel manager!” I think in all the episodes of “Scooby Doo” I ever used to watch, I can honestly say I could never guess who the person was behind it in any episode. I was clueless every time and would literally still be questioning how it was them 10 minutes after the show ended. I was a dumb kid. So, Jeff is all set to take the mask off when, of course, in steps Matt at the PERFECT time. Yeah, that wasn’t planned at all. No, Jeff couldn’t just say, “Can you wait five minutes?” He just went along with it, let Matt cut in, and went about his merry way, hopped aboard Tonto, and rode off into the sunset.
-Ben C. sits Ashley down for nothing other than to foreshadow next weeks date. He tells her he was so jealous of the guys who got to go on the group date because he loves to dance. If you don’t believe him, just watch this clip from a wedding he attended back in the day. He’s the second guy dancing in the video. Tell me Bens signature move isn’t the ol’ “throw the dice”. Yep. It is:
Hence the reason Ben gets the Flash Mob date next week. They couldn’t have set this up any easier if they tried. So how it works is, after talking with Ben, Ashley doesn’t go back to producers and say, “Hey, can I have Ben go on the Flash Mob date. He really likes to dance and I think he’d fit in perfect for that one.” No, Ben was already selected well before Ashley has any say in who gets to go on that date. They plan it and arrange it and pre-select who goes on what dates, not her.
-And finally we have Bentley who decides he wants to continue to play the game and make Ashley think he actually likes her. Says he’s gonna turn on the charm and make sure he kisses her. So he picks her up, puts her on his lap, and says “You kinda tired of talking” and starts making out with her. Ashley seems giddy through all this. Of course, cut to an ITM of Bentley saying “Wow. That was kinda boring. Started out good, but it sucked towards the end.” At this point, it’s all becoming more and more ridiculous. The more they keep showing Bentley insulting Ashley behind her back, the more stupid the show makes themselves look. It’s utterly ridiculous at this point, and the way Chris and the previews are hyping next weeks show, is making them hit an all time low. But hey, what do they care? You’ll all be talking about him the next day which means they’ve gotten exactly what they wanted.