For all your episode-by-episode spoilers of Ashleys season, either click on the “Bachelorette Ashley Spoilers” link at the top of the page, or click here. Do not read if you don’t want to know who Ashley is with. You’ve been warned.
Want to start off by giving a congratulations to Chris Lambton and Peyton Wright on their engagement this past weekend. Two people I consider friends and two of the nicer and most real people you will meet from this franchise. Trust me, this franchise can produce the most phony, hypocritical, elitist, superficial, and egotistical people you will ever meet, but these two are nothing of the such. Very happy for them and I wish them all the best in the future.
Wanted to briefly mention that there’s also some people who seem to think Bentleys return next week is more than it really is based on the previews. As stated in the “Ashley Bachelorette Spoilers”, Bentley comes back to the show, they talk in the hotel, Ashley gets her closure, and he leaves. He does not see the other guys, does not go on any dates, and isn’t part of the rose ceremony. Just like last weeks preview made you think Bentley was coming back in Chiang Mai, this weeks preview makes it out to be bigger than it will be. At no point do you ever see Bentley in the same screen as any of the other guys, talking to any of the other guys, or on a date anywhere. They talk, she gets her closure, and he leaves. That’s it. Everyone is so sick of her talking about Bentley, then after next week airs, I’m pretty sure the reaction will be, “That’s it? That was so stupid.” Even on Ashleys blog today on People.com, here’s something she says about next week:
“I was almost beyond the intensity of feelings I had for Bentley with other guys and in fairness to them, needed to be sure that the “dot-dot-dot” Bentley gave me became a period.”
Be prepared to be letdown, people. It’s gonna be short and sweet. The fact that Ashley used that line in her blog, I guarantee that Bentley at some point next week will utter the words, “the dot, dot, dot is now a period”, or something to that effect. This show is much too predictable. Then finally we’ve seen the last time of him this season. Well, at least until the “Men Tell All” I’m sure.
So “Bachelor Pad” news for you. Filming wraps up later this week and I’m hoping to have the spoilers sometime next week. We’ll see. I’m hearing A LOT of interesting things already, but as you know, I like to present everything in one nice bow for everyone so it’s all there for you to read. Drama, hooking up, conflict, a repeat challenge, and it looks like it’s gonna be the same format of people “coupling” up to get to the end. Who are those “couples”? You’ll have to wait just a bit longer. However, I can give you this bit of information. Two people that were already eliminated just spent this past weekend together in Napa, and apparently its already getting hot and heavy between these two. I mean sh**, it must be if they couldn’t even wait until the show was done taping to see each other again. Ames and Jackie were eliminated already from the show, but that didn’t stop them from staying at the Carneros Inn in Napa Valley this past weekend. I’m guessing if you’re taking a chick you just met to Napa for the weekend, it’s not for dinner and conversation. Well, that could be included too but lets be honest about what this weekend excursion was about. Especially considering we know how much of a conversationalist Ames ISN’T. So congrats to our two new love birds formed from “Bachelor Pad”, and we can officially cross Ames off our possible next “Bachelor” list, like some of you seemed to assume after last weeks episode. Ain’t happening.
And I love how EW.com reveals today who “Mystery Man #1” is on Bachelor Pad by telling everyone William is on the show. So it looks like they will be revealing each one as they get eliminated from the Ashleys season. Next week will be the big reveal of “Mystery Man #2”, which is after Blake gets sent home. Then “Mystery Man #3” will be in three weeks after Ames goes home. I know they are following orders by ABC and not allowed to release who the other three guys are until they are gone from the show, but it’s just silly how they’re doing it. There’s no “mystery” whatsoever. The show is two days away from wrapping filming and it’s been out there for the last week. Ames, William, and Blake are on the show. Quit acting like this is some sort of exclusive. Yet another media outlet that can’t give the proper credit. Oh well. I’m used to it.
And finally, here’s something funny. I’ll fill everyone in on what I’ve had to listen to since the full season spoilers were released on June 1st. So obviously I’ve told all of you that Ashley is engaged to JP. Since releasing that, I’ve had people tell me she’s engaged to Ben, she’s with Constantine, that Ames is the winner, and have even had someone email me swearing she’s engaged to Ryan. Ha ha. Now that’s funny. All very comical. I stand by what I said on June 1st on who Ashley is engaged to and it’s not changing. She is with JP. Sure, I changed my tune the last two seasons, but it’s just not happening this season. Sorry fans who like any of those other guys, but Ashley is happy and engaged to JP. On to last night…
-The guys start out by boarding a plane headed to Chiang Mai. And boy is Ames excited. “No city in Thailand I’d rather go on a date in.” He must’ve studied up on the culture, the history, the population, and written essays in college on “Chiang Mai – Thailand’s Lost City”. Lets just say that Ames couldn’t possibly be any happier about touring Chiang Mai. He’s so giddy right now that Jackie is probably sitting at home kicking her TV set. Lets see Ames, would you rather go to Chaing Mai, or the Carneros Inn in Napa Valley? You might want to retract your statement from last night before you get a swift kick to the nuts from the ol’ ball and chain. And it’s gonna hurt worse than a right hook from Ryan, trust me. As for Ashley, she’s fired up now on this new beginning she’s starting to feel. “Things are starting to change. Chiang Mai is the perfect place to fall in love. Bentley, Bentley, Bentley, Bentley, Bentley.” There she goes again. Oh that silly Ashley. Trying to convince us all she’s moved on, yet, B-Will is still on her brain 24/7. Lets all get down on our knees and thank God after next week we’re done with this nonsense.
-The date card comes and yet another creative producer-written date card is upon us. “Ben F. Lets fall in love in Chiang Mai. Ashley.” That’s so plain and unoriginal it’s sickening. Can we seriously get the “Survivor” writers over to this show to give us some tricked out poems on the date cards? These are much too boring for my taste. Doesn’t matter to Ben since there’s only one thing on his mind. “There’s a 100% chance Ashley will get kissed today.” Ooooohhhhhh, big man on campus. You’re gonna kiss Ashley? Really? Man, you’d only be like the 8th guy to do so this season. That’s huge. Definitely make you a front runner if you did that. Get on it, Storm Horse! You the man! So these two take a mini taxi into town and go food shopping at the outdoor markets. How, ummmmm, exciting? Does Ashley have a thing for buying her groceries outdoors? Didn’t she do this on her hometown date in Madawaska with Brad? How’d that turn out for ya? However, Ashley is loving this once again. “I like being able to see Ben being goofy and fun.” Huh? That was goofy and fun? Has Ben changed the tone in his voice at all in five episodes? Does anything excite the guy? Does he ever get aroused? Does he have a pulse? These are questions I need answers to, and judging by this date, the answer is “no” to all three.
-Ben then tells us how ridiculous and contrived this show is by one sentence. “How beautiful is Ashley? I’m beginning to see her as a potential wife/fiancé of mine?” One date. This is the first date the guy has ever been on with her by himself and he’s uttering that nonsense. If you don’t think a producer is behind a camera saying, “So, could you see yourself being with Ashley long term?” then you don’t know this show well enough. Even in that bubble, it’s such a ridiculous statement to make when you haven’t had a full date with her yet. Yes, he said “potential” but that’s because he knew it’d sound good if he said it. Made him a candidate. What’s the guy supposed to say when asked that question? “Nah, not really. I’m just not seeing it with her. I barely know anything about her and it’s just moving really slow right now.” Just trying to educate, people. Just trying to educate.
-These two arrive at some ancient temple then tease each other like 5th graders over who wants to kiss who. They both want to kiss each other yet don’t because they’re in front of temple and apparently that’s rude or against the rules. F*** that. Guess I won’t be visiting any temples in my lifetime. Really? What’s gonna happen if you kiss in front of a temple? Some BS curse of 700 years of bad luck or some lame superstition that makes no sense? Please. If I were Ben, I would’ve been a man and been like, “I’m sorry, but we’re never coming back here again, this would be incredibly romantic if we kissed now, and damn this temple if its gonna prevent me from sticking my tongue down your throat. The hell with the consequences.” But of course, that didn’t happen. What did was we saw the temples magic powers somehow were able to give Ben a vagina, he respected the rules, and they gave each other a virtual kiss in their heads. Yes, you read that correctly. A virtual kiss. I virtually choked on my own vomit.
-Ashley asks Ben what his day to day life is like. He says September through October he’s making wines. He made it seem like those months were separated by six months. Ummmm, they are consecutive months last time I checked. Soooooo, you work two months a year? Nice gig. He says he’s in a better place now than a year ago, because one year, Ben wasn’t “emotionally available.” Translation: I was playing the field, having fun, scoring numerous chicks, and not interested in being tied down to one girl. I hear ya’ Ben. Could see right through that statement. But since I’m on this show right now and cameras are in my face, I’ll start using phrases chicks will melt for like “emotionally unavailable”. That’ll definitely score me some points. Now, the guys father did pass away four years ago, so there’s no need to harp on that at all. That can’t be easy for anyone. His dad’s passing “made me the man I am today.” More bonus points for that line as well. Ashley is probably virtually wetting herself listening to this.
-Here’s where Ben comes in for the kill. She asks him what he likes to do in a relationship and basically everything out of his mouth made Ashley want to ride him like a dirty Madawaskan should. “Just like to have dinners, do some cooking, throw wine parties, you know, make her my priority. Definitely want to spoil someone else.” Why not just throw in “I will lay down my jacket for you so you can walk over a puddle”, “you will get nightly massages”, and “I love helping old ladies take groceries to their cars”. Ben is Mr. Pay It Forward apparently. Too bad I don’t buy any of it. Speaking of paying it forward, I would like to pat myself on the back for something this past weekend. I had seen on my newsfeed on Facebook last week, and I can’t remember who it was that posted this so I apologize, but they said that while in line at a drive thru, they paid for the persons food who was behind them without knowing who they were. I thought that was pretty cool, so I did it as well this weekend. And it looked like about a family of four in the car, so, I felt even better. Anyone ever have a chance to do that, I suggest you do.