-Cocktail party time and Ashley Downer has reared her ugly head. “Yesterdays 2-on-1 date made me insecure.” No, really? I couldn’t tell. Actually, I don’t think it was that date that made you insecure. I think it was the day you signed on the dotted line to become the “Bachelorette” is when your insecurities started kicking in. So when Ashleys insecurities are flaring, who do you think is the first guy to step in and calm her down? Ryan, of course. He pulls her aside and, well, gives us Ryan. “First night…rocketship…I’m totally into you…we haven’t even had a 1-on-1…looking forward to what’s ahead…” Ashley: “We haven’t had a 1-on-1, but our relationship is where it should be.” As I said in the beginning of the season when I released the spoilers, it is really bizarre that Ryan gets the first impression rose, yet doesn’t get a 1-on-1 date until episode seven. What’s the point of that? I guess that’s the reason we see Ryan return in Fiji after getting dumped in Taiwan. He feels he got slighted or something and makes his plea for her to give him another chance. Too bad it doesn’t work. Ryan returns in Fiji and leaves in Fiji. Sure makes for a hell of a setup for him to possibly be the next “Bachelor” though.
-Next up is Constant Sleep. He really likes Ashley cuz “you just seem real.” Ashley: “I am real. I’m the biggest dork and goofy girl. I’m just normal.” Weeeeelllll, minus all the glaring insecurities that have completely torpedoed the first six episodes of this season. If you call that normal, so be it. You certainly haven’t looked normal for the first six episodes wailing on and on and on about a guy that left you after two weeks. As I said, I’ll never understand the women that pine after guy who clearly doesn’t want them. Oh sure, I know it happens all the time, but that doesn’t mean I have to understand it. Not to mention Bentley is a divorced Mormon with a 2 year old that lives half way across the US from where she is and Ashley, well, lets just say she’s not even in the same ballpark of religious beliefs as he is, so I don’t see how it could’ve worked anyway. Usually the “Men Tell All” episodes are quite boring and nothing ever gets answered, but as long as Bentley shows up, this will definitely be one of the more interesting ones considering we have no idea what’s gonna come out of this guys mouth. He hasn’t said a word yet (because he can’t), and basically he’s the one guy everyone wants to hear from at this point. We’ve heard Ashleys thoughts non stop about the guy, but as much as all of you out there hate Bentley, you are waiting with baited breath to finally hear what he has to say for himself. I know I am.
-Constant Sleep basically shows us why he’s not chosen in the end as they let us see him talking to the guys saying, “I need to know where I stand with her before hometowns. Family is a big deal to me. I can’t say for certain that I’m ready to marry this girl.” Yep. Well, at least he got a nice trip to Fiji out of all this. Can’t complain about that. And who knows? Maybe he got to lay pipe before getting kicked to the curb. Happens a lot on this show. Then of course we had get our obligatory alone time with Ashley and JP since, well you know, they’re engaged. Ashley: “Do you think you can see us in the future?” JP: “Right now, it doesn’t feel like there’s anybody else. I can feel it.” Oh and don’t you just wish she could feel it to. How badly do you think he just wants her to touch it? Just once. Please. Pretty please. Just the tip. Ha ha.
-Ashley has her deliberation with Chris which was all about Bentley of course. She needs closure and Chris tells her “I’m gonna do everything I can to make something happen for you.” Translation: I didn’t do sh**. Our producers knew this was going to be a storyline from the moment he left and that’s why they basically begged the guy to come back on the show since it made for better TV. And taking no for an answer wasn’t an option, so that’s why we’ll see him show up back in Hong Kong next week for the most uneventful return ever. I’m telling you people, I can already hear your response after next week. “That was it? He came back for that?” It’s coming. Expect the worst so you won’t be disappointed. I guarantee it’s gonna be pretty uneventful.
-Rose ceremony time. Ben and Blake already with roses. Ashley, the floor is yours. “Learned how important honesty is…my promise is I will be honest with you…and I hope you do the same with me…even though none of you guys have a clue what I’m saying in my ITM’s about wanting to see Bentley again, so I guess that honesty comment I just made makes absolutely no sense…”
Constant Sleep: One of the strangest people to ever make the overnight dates. Not because he’s strange. But just because I see absolutely nothing between these two.
Lucas: Is still sporting wood over his simulated golfing lesson. Hey Lucas, you might wanna work on keeping your left arm straight on your backswing. That wasn’t the greatest example you gave her. Your head moved, your body swayed, wrists cocked much too early, and your left arm was bent. But hey, what do I know as an 18 handicap?
JP: In honor of Ames, he decided to wear pink to the rose ceremony. He left the drool cup at the hotel at least.
Ames: Which way did he go? Which way did he go? Dammit, for the life of me I can’t remember which cartoon character used to say that all the time? Was it from Bugs Bunny when he was racing the tortoise?
Mickey: An ass kicking at the hands of JP, and now one week away from being gone. Is it just me, or does Mickey give off the vibe he doesn’t give two sh**s about this show or Ashley?
“Ashley, gentleman, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. I’ll be on my phone feverishly trying to get Bentley to meet us in Hong Kong and pretend like it was all my doing when in actuality, I didn’t do sh**.
Ryan: Mr. Happy Pants isn’t even fazed by receiving the last rose. For all he cares, in his mind, it was the first rose. The eternal optimist lives to see another day.
-So Nick is sent packing and Ashley doesn’t even have the courtesy to walk him to his car, just like she didn’t for West last week. Man, Bentley has turned her into a cold hearted wench. Lets hope when he makes his “dot, dot, dot” a period next week, that’ll all change. Soooooo corny. Sorry to see Nick go. We hardly knew ya, big guy. Here’s what I know about Nick: He’s in phenomenal shape, can do push ups with Ashley on his back, and could basically throw her over his shoulder or into his pocket when he’s done with her. Something tells me Nick could’ve split Ashley in half. Maybe it’s better these two didn’t end up together.