Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 7 - Ashley

The “Bachelorette” Recap – 7/25/11 With Your “Men Tell All” Spoilers Including “What Happened at the After Party?”

-Ashley introduces us to Fiji by telling us it’s the greatest place in the history of the world. Basically, no different than what any other “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” says on their final destination dates. And lets be honest, they’re not taking these people to anywhere crappy, so in essence, all of them are right. Bahamas, Fiji, South Africa, St. Lucia, New Zealand, Tahiti, etc. Like any of us would turn any of these locations down for a vacation. Ashley: “Fiji is the ultimate place to fall in love, hopefully get engaged, and find my true love here.” Oh yes it is. It’s also the place where you get dumped for a third time this season. Ouch. First Bentley, then Mickey, and now Constant Sleep. Must be tough getting the ax from a guy who was tossing your salad a week earlier, yet, is the least excitable human being on the planet. Then to offset his complete boredom, you had to deal with Mr. Happy Pants skipping through Fiji so excited to see the same girl who showed no interest in him for the first 8 weeks. Weird dynamic I tell ya’.

-Ashley runs through each guy’s journey up to this point, pretty much exactly like what she did last week, so they must’ve not had enough footage of her dry humping JP so they had to fill at the beginning of the show.

Ben: “He’s everything I’ve been looking for and there’s never a dull moment with him.” Well, except when he talks. And shows about as much excitability towards anything as someone in ICU would. I think it’s funny how at the end of the show when they’re down to two, it’s nothing but the producers telling Ashley, “Ok, tell us all the things you love about each guy and we’ll be sure to air those. Could you see yourself marrying him? Are you falling in love with him? Could you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him? Recording in three…two…one…action!”

Constantine: “He’s got a really good head on his shoulders and can handle situations in a mature way.” Yeah, like dumping you before getting sexy time in the room. That was real mature. You can say he did the gentlemanly thing, but hey, even horny Ashley was like, “Uhhhh…whaaaa? Didn’t he wanna see if I was good in bed at least? Damn him.”

JP: “He’s such a sincere guy, he’s a grown man, he’s been through a lot, everything he says to me he’s so sincere and you have to question anything…After that first date, I knew things would get pretty serious.” Pretty serious, like, you’re gonna ask him to go around next week? Pretty serious, like, you’re gonna take him to the Sadie Hawkins dance? Or pretty pretty serious, like, you’re gonna dance to song A-12 with him?

Damn. I’d say that’s pretty serious. I can’t believe Zack would do that to Kelly! You bastard! You deserve a Chantal O slap across the face. Don’t you ever do that to her again! And the blonde not giving you the ass either should’ve taught you a lesson.

-I especially like the scene with Ashley writing in her journal on the couch. Not many people know this, but Ashley left that page in her journal that she was writing in at her hotel that day. A housekeeper found it, and whaddya’ know, the Fijian housekeeper is a Reality Steve fan so she emailed it to me. Her handwriting was a little sloppy, but here’s what I could make out it said:

“If things continue the way they’re going right now, this could be a very happy ending for me.” I wanna know what else she was writing in that journal. Maybe things like, “I wonder how much longer it’s gonna take Ryan to knock at the door? The producers told me he’d be here 15 minutes ago but this is taking forever. Ugh. Can’t we just get this scene over with? Is it necessary we really needed him to come back only to get dumped again? How come there’s always an issue once it gets down to the final 3? Jeremy came back after DeAnna let him go, Frank left Ali, Brad let me go early, now Constantine is about to drop the ‘Peace the f**k out’ on me…man, every season it’s like the same thing, just with different people. Reality Steve tells us that every season, but no one seems to listen. Man, I wonder if he’s gonna be dead on about all the details on my season. I sure hope he is. XOXOXO”

Glad I could come through again this season, Ash. Don’t mention it.

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30 Comments

30 Comments

  1. poddington

    July 26, 2011 at 10:02 AM

    I think its funny Asslee wore a bra to bed with JP. I mean this girl has been braless the whole season. Going to sleep and/or having sexy time are 2 reasons not to wear a bra….and now she decides to wear one?

  2. shari253

    July 26, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    Haha, great recap Steve! But I can’t believe you didn’t mention one of the funniest “edits” of the night. On one of the “Coming up next” clips when they showed Poor Ryan alone out on the rocks with the helicopter sounds dubbed in, they also dubbed in the sound of Constantine and Ashley laughing! Like they were looking down laughing at Ryan. We later learn that it was just their excited laughter at flying over the blue water. But that moment was priceless!

    OK, you call him Constant-sleep, but he is way more animated than Ben-asleep. Constantine got all excited when he saw the helicopter. He was jumping around, laughing, and exclaiming. When Ben-asleep saw the gorgeous yaght he simply muttered, “Nice boat.” At one time Ben-sleep actually said with no expression at all, “I’m beaming from ear to ear.” My husband and I turned to each other with confused looks and simultaneously said, “Whaaat?!” I think Ben-alseep is using the show to practice his poker face before heading to Vegas!

  3. morrigan0

    July 26, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    ABC is so sneaky with the Bentley fake out, also read elsewhere an interview with Chris from last week saying we’d have a new front runner this week. Thank you RS for explaining the black band on Ben’s overnight, it annoyed me for a while. If I wasn’t privy to this site and Ben/Britt info I might think the whole JP thing was a fake out similar to Chantal(cp?) last season, it just seems so obvious for them.

  4. CaliGirl

    July 26, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    I’m with you on the politics, Steve. I don’t pretend to understand everything and that is fine with me. I live in CA so didn’t have to worry about Obama cutting in while I was watching it. Love your recaps and I literally laughed out loud at work when you felt the need to clarify that you’d love to jump off a waterfall with a female, not Constantine. BTW did I read somewhere that you went to Los Al High? I live nearby and if I ever have kids that is where they’ll go.

  5. realitypeggy

    July 26, 2011 at 11:00 AM

    Thanks for the recap, Steve. I started a new drinking game last night where I throw back a shot every time Ashley sucks her lips up into her face, and I was too s#!tfaced to remember the last 45 minutes of the show. Didn’t you love how she described Fiji as perfect, beautiful, where the sun shines all the time, and then every shot after that it was raining? Ha!

  6. CC

    July 26, 2011 at 11:01 AM

    I can’t believe that Constant Sleep made it to the final 3. Then again, I don’t think he could either. They are SO grooming Ryan to be the next Bachelor. Does anyone else think he resembles Scott Speedman from the old TV show “Felicity”? The producers had better find some energetic gals to keep up with him.

  7. scrantonicity

    July 26, 2011 at 11:15 AM

    Steve, you’re so right…Obama cut in right when Constant Sleep was dumping her….I couldn’t have been madder!

    I’m surprised you didn’t mention those awful water shoes Constant Sleep had on before jumping from the waterfall!!….I thought at first maybe the rocks were especially rough but Ashley didn’t even have shoes on, so no clue what that was about. Not to mention, he was wearing old man navy blue shorts that looked like they had an elasticized waist…awful

  8. AATxCutee

    July 26, 2011 at 11:17 AM

    ZOMG, how does any one person say so much NOTHING in six pages, over and over again? Steve, your recaps this season are as snooze-worthy as Ashley has been being the Bachelorette.

    BRING BACK REID ROSENTHAL TO SAVE THIS FRANCHISE!!!

  9. ark13

    July 26, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    Ashley’s season is suprising to me. On Brad’s season, I thought she seemed somewhat immature and wishy-washy. Now she seems intelligent(except for Bentley) and really ready for a relationship.

    I like her with JP, he is the clearest front runner I can remember in all the seasons I’ve watched. Ben’s a nice guy, but it is clear they don’t have the right connection. I wonder how much she was faking her feelings for him on the overnight date?

    I thought Constant Sleep was kind of interesting this episode. At least he was very honest (before the fantasy suite).

    Ryan is a little annoying, but he seems sincere and might make a good bachelor?? I’d be interested to see the women they choose for him, they’d have to be smart, environmental.

  10. mommyof2

    July 26, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    I actually thought Ben looked pretty sexy on their overnight date. I thought he kind of looked like one of the disney heroes (the prince on the ship in The Little Mermaid) in his thin, flowy shirt. I did notice the black mic pack through it, though. He also had a hair cut, which looked a lot better. I thought he looked the best of the season on this date.

    I don’t think Constantine is very good-looking though (I know he and Ben look somewhat alike b/c of the hair, but Ben is better-looking). But, I do really respect the fact that he was honest w/ Ashley in telling her he wasn’t interested and then leaving before the fantasy suite. That was classy. I do feel bad for Ashley that so many guys left her this season b/c they weren’t interested in her, but that’s better than them leading her on.

    I agree that Ryan was brought back by the producers in order to try to gain sympathy from viewers so that people would want him to be the next bachelor. But, I think they failed miserably in gaining sympathy for him. To me, he just looked desperate and creepy; my husband called him a stalker when they showed that shot of him looking up in the sky as if he’s looking at the helicopter date. Weird.

  11. sksksk

    July 26, 2011 at 11:54 AM

    The best part of the night was at the end when they showed the “out-take” of Ashley and Ben in the salon on the boat laughing about his and her toes! Why can’t they edit in more “real time/talk” episodes like that, instead of the crap we have to see every Monday??? Personally – I wish she had chosen Ben over JP. I tend to agree with her sister….JP is just a little too serious and controlling for my head-strong, independent, Texas blood!

  12. derval

    July 26, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    Yes–they are DEF grooming Ryan as the next “Bachelor.”

  13. Sunnyside422

    July 26, 2011 at 12:14 PM

    Please no to Ryan as Bachelor despite his audition in Fiji! I’d feel like throwing something at the TV watching him sob and cry his way through a season with a bunch of woman who would realize early on he is a total dork! Not sexy or attractive at all. He is a drama Queen…not thinkin he is gay, but he sure prances around enough. His high energy would be wearing in no time!

    About Constantine…when daddy told him not to rush and time was needed to know someone, I went uhh ohh, he’s gonna back out (course I also knew since Steve mentioned his leaving in an unusual way). Personally I think he wanted a free trip to Fiji so thus stayed as long as he could. She could have picked others along the way but kept him…why I’ll never know. Totally turned off by the hank of hair…both he and Ben…not attractive at all! Just a mess.

    Laughed out loud at JP and Ben being fitted for condoms! Ahhh Steve you bring joy to the sad world at reality TV! Poor Ben is low key, he is asleep most of the time. Can he truly be on some medication? Let’s hope he has a more animated personality with Britt than he displays. His sister and mom were cold beyond words so not gonna embrace any woman he brings home. He is their little boy and they won’t let him go.

    Okay…what can I say about sexy, totally put together JP! Like him and have from the beginning. He is one fine man and God help him he seems like he is totally enthralled by Ashley. Can’t help feeling he could do a lot better, but who knows. They could be the couple who live happily forever so what do I know! I found it odd they just stood in the water (her mike pac clearly visable on her back) and why the hell didn’t he take his shirt off! Loved looking at Roberto’s fine bod!

    Then they get to the FS and though she was braless numnerous times, chooses to wear bra and panties under a see through whatever she had on! Even snank Vienna put on the sexiest nightie on record before she bonked Fakey Jakey. Her fake boobs were in full display and he knew what he was getting that night.

    JP definitely gets an A+ in the kissing department, hands down! How could she not pick the hottie? She may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but she is not totally stupid.

  14. jojo

    July 26, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    Ok, it’s been bugging me all season who Assleeeeee reminds me of, and it’s Mara Wilson, the girl who played the title role in the movie “Matilda”…check it out:
    http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1613860352/nm0933798

  15. nofanofdan

    July 26, 2011 at 12:48 PM

    Couldn’t wait to read your column today – espcially her date with Constantine. The first thing he actually said to Ashley was, “Ben got a haircut, now I need one.”

    Also, regarding Ryan. There was something odd in the editing with him. I thought (would need to check the tapes, and not sure I really care at this point) Ryan was wearing the yellow shirt on the beach during Ashley’s date with Constantine. He says he’s been waiting 2 days for her to respond. Then we see her go to his room, and he’s wearing the yellow shirt. So I would guess she saw him the morning of her date with Constantine.

  16. morrigan0

    July 26, 2011 at 2:23 PM

    Couldn’t Ryan have shaved? C’mon you’re supposedly making a last ditch attempt and show up looking like that? Some guys it works for but not Ryan.

    I second the No vote for Ryan as bachelor and I think Reid would be an interesting option, however he seems to be dating a ex missUSA for about a year and a half now so not likely. I don’t dislike Ryan I just don’t think he’d make good tv, give me someone either hotter or more temperamental and it should be ok.

  17. erica

    July 26, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    Love your site Steve! Just wondering if anyone saw “Bachelorette Beatdown” last night? Nick was on their and basically confirmed JP has a bad temper, but said nothing but good things about all the other guys. Oh and Natalie wasn’t shy about hitting on him & posted a cute pic of them on Twitter. Sad I know all this, thanks insomnia!

    Britt was on there but seemed pretty much poker faced (except for some smiles) whenever they mentioned Ben. Seems like all the past contestant were in agreement that Ryan should not be the next Bachelor.

    So over this season, bring on “Bachelor Pad” and keep up the great work Steve!

  18. erica

    July 26, 2011 at 3:37 PM

    oops! their = there! No more glass of wine after work on a Tuesday! 🙂

  19. rs607

    July 26, 2011 at 5:04 PM

    PLEASE post the info. you know about JP & Ashley that point to him being the F1 after the show. That’s the stuff that makes us love your site! I was just telling someone the other day that your spoilers are actually what the Bach series fun to watch still – otherwise I would have stopped a long time ago. I was sick of being totally disappointed or angry at the end of every season b/c of their mindF that they do on the viewers and just had to quit, but since your spoilers, I get to enjoy the show. I could not have handled the stress of not knowing if JP makes it to the end or not this season w/o your help and would have had to stop watching. Thanks for making this show so much more fun to watch.

    You give this show a lot of free publicity and make a lot more people enjoy it than not, they should be paying you. Thanks for the spoilers and behind the scenes info. of JP and Ashley. They are my favorite couple so far and may have the best chance for a happy marriage of any couple ever. Plus JP is literally the hottest man ever to be on this show – not just looks, but pure sincerity, kindness, sexiness – he should make a vid on how to properly kiss a woman. It will make him a gazillionaire.

  20. texasgal174

    July 26, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    I could actually see Ashley and JP in an interview with Chris Harrison arguing like Jake and Vienna(Sausage) did after they broke up. All though I picture the Agrument with Ashley and JP a lot worse.

    He is too jealous and some what controlling. I too watched the Bachelorette Beatdown and heard where they mentioned that JP was controlling and jealous….could lead to more drama which ABC loves ….so sad to mess with peoples lives like that …

    Keep up the good work RS I love reading everything you write!!

  21. morrigan0

    July 26, 2011 at 9:20 PM

    I can see them arguing but I think it’d be more civil, Jake came off as having serious issues. JP may seem passionate but I don’t think he’s nuts.

    I was annoyed by president interruption ONLY because they chime in to say write your rep but don’t bother to actually explain what the difference between proposed options are. I actually fast forwarded through to watch episode then rewind-ed and it was just a pointless waste of tv time. I get that they need to pay bills but I can’t do a damn thing about it but write someone to complain one way or another and as no info was given why bother?

  22. mammamia

    July 26, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    ABC is pissed
    They have some nerve

    Guess it’s better to
    be pissed off than
    pissed on

    Seems Ben had
    enough and found his
    Mamma Mia

    ATFR they asked him if
    he was dating and his
    silence spoke volumes

    Guess we’re stuck with
    annoying Ryan for the
    next Bachelor

    Who would have
    thunk it?

    By the way Steve
    you missed BB
    and Miss Britt
    It was priceless

  23. jodie2

    July 26, 2011 at 11:29 PM

    Just had a friend of mine run into west, constantine, and ben f. At urban outfitters all WITH girls….so whoever doesn’t believe you yet on this outcome can jump off a cliff! Good job stevie 🙂

  24. finerthings

    July 27, 2011 at 5:37 AM

    “he should make a vid on how to properly kiss a woman. It will make him a gazillionaire.” lol, that was hilarious. and SO true.

  25. canada girl

    July 27, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    I think that she told Ryan goodbye etc after her date with Ben BUT before her date with Constantine eventhough she claims that Ryan and Constantine happened the same day.
    I had to laugh when she told JP that her and Constantine had decided together there was nothing between them, I guess she thought it would send JP into another jealous rage if she said shew as upset that he left…..but then she came clean to Chris that she had feelings for him and was willing to take it as far as she could with him. Then to the guys at the rose ceremony she said it would have always been the two of them….I wonder what the producers would have done if Ben said no to the rose….it would be a first to have just 1 guy meet the family but I doubt they would let that happen. Looking forward to next week and who her sister means when she tells Ash she is too much for him, not sure what she means by that but my how upset Ash is I say that her sister dose not like JP

  26. hordac

    July 27, 2011 at 8:20 AM

    This whole Ryan thing turning up was SO CONTRIVED. Comparing his reactions between the first time he was kicked off and this time, you could see that he really was surprised last time, and this time he was so totatlly not surprised. So, I think Option B, that Ryan was told to show up to create some drama, and set up for Bachelor. I don’t think they lied and said Ashley was into him, or maybe they did, and he didn’t believe it. I mean c’mon could he be that dense?? I really did give a good laugh when they showed up looking up at the plane, helicopter or whatever it was. Whoever thinks up this cheese should get an award! Yes, agree so obvious JP is F1, they kiss for real and that has been a huge clue this season.

  27. sweetness34

    July 27, 2011 at 9:29 AM

    JP and Ashley have great chemistry. It’s interesting to hear all the commentary that he’s jealous, controlling, and has a temper. I hope not for Ashley’s sake. During their conversations, he has moments where he takes on an annoyed tone that he quickly quells because he knows he’s on TV, but at some point, you have to wonder how that will go down in private. Hopefully, the rumors are greatly exaggerated. As cynical as I am about this show, I am surprised to find that Ashley and JP are the first couple that I actually am rooting for and want to see succeed. I may be in the minority, but Ashley has turned out to be my favorite Bachelorette. I didn’t like the selection when she was announced, but she grew on me this season.

  28. Lightbulb

    July 27, 2011 at 5:34 PM

    Nadal references are awesome. 🙂

  29. Angela

    July 28, 2011 at 8:03 PM

    “Turning Constantine’s photo face down was too politically correct. She should’ve broken it over her knee and then chucked it like a Frisbee.” hahahaha best line of the column. 🙂

  30. lexasmygirl

    July 28, 2011 at 10:14 PM

    I’m not sure why you’re so upset and critical of Ben and Britt, Steve. That’s like the pot calling the kettle black. I mean you spoil, the magazines basically tell us everything, TV Buddy list spoils everything, Chris Harrison hints at certain things, yet Ben is wrong for seeing someone. Maybe he didn’t think people would be gossiping or spoiling or telling all.

    More power to Ben. The only disappointment is that I agree with who ever said now we’re stuck with Ryan as the next Bachelor. Geesh.

    Okay if it can’t be Ben, then make it Constantine.

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