-Before Ashley’s date with Ben, we see that Ryan is back and wants to see Ashley one more time. This whole sequence was a little bizarre. Outside of her voiceovers that said Ryan arrived before Ben’s date, and Ryan saying he waited for a couple days (easily could’ve been told to say those things), I was under the impression that Ryan didn’t arrive until after Constantine left. I think all that rhetoric was edited in because why would she tell JP about Ryan showing up but not Ben? Oh yeah, that’s right. She’s engaged to JP and was 95% sure it was gonna be JP from early on according to an interview she did last week. Whatever the case, it’s semantics at this point. Ryan was dumped after Constantine left, which is what I was told and was “technically” right. I don’t believe Ryan showed up before Ben’s date and waited for two days, but there’s no way to prove it so we’ll just move on. I think it was added for dramatic purposes.
-So when Ryan appears it seems to be a lot of groveling. He saw something between them and wanted to make doubly sure Ashley saw it too – which she clearly didn’t. Neither did most of the audience. However, that didn’t stop him from trying. Hard. Ryan: “Do you feel at all like I do?” Ummmm, in a word, “no.” But hey, wouldn’t hurt to make him allegedly sit around an extra two days for her to tell him that. Ryan feels they didn’t have a chance to see things through, so “I called Chris, and he said you were in Fiji…look, I don’t need a response right now, here’s my room number, just come in and tickle me when I’m sleeping and if you want to roll around for a bit.” Lets make one thing clear: Ryan did not go home, have sleepless nights thinking of Ashley, wake up one morning, call Chris, and ask to be on the show again. That’s not how it works. The producers are the ones behind all of this. Sure, Ryan had to agree to it, but who the hell would turn down a free trip to Fiji? There are only two possible scenarios as to how this happened:
-The producers led Ryan on and lied telling him Ashley really missed him and she wanted to see him again and that’s how they convinced him to do it (which they’ve done before)
-Ryan knew what the outcome was gonna be, but decided it’d make good television to go back, they convinced him to do it, told him he could come to Fiji on their dime, and it put him in good standing to possibly be the next “Bachelor.”
Either way, the way Ryan described is obviously not how it works. Guys who get eliminated don’t just call up Chris saying, “Hey, can I come back on the show? I wanna see if she really likes me.” Doesn’t work that way. It was all pre-planned. It’s just a matter of how they got Ryan to do it, and honestly, I’m not sure. My guess would be the first one, but I don’t know. However, it definitely is a good backstory heading into the “Bachelor” no doubt, and I said that back on June 1st when I posted the spoilers and found out about his return. I mean, why else would you have the guy return and get his heart broken again unless you wanted to set him up as the next “Bachelor?” We’ll see. Still over a month away before that announcement is made, so please please please please please enough with the “Who’s the next Bachelor” emails. It hasn’t been decided and won’t be for a while. That sh** doesn’t get announced until “Dancing with the Stars” stuff happens, and their premiere isn’t til September 19th. There’s plenty of time people. Nothings been decided no matter what you’ve heard. They are not announcing who the “Bachelor” is when final casting hasn’t even happened yet. And by the way, I’ve already got five names of women who are in final casting. Yes, already working on next season since this season is pretty much over and done with.
-Ashley started off her date with Ben immediately by lying. It’s the worst lie they tell on this show and the lead does it every season. Ashley: “I have a great date planned for us.” Uhhhh, no you didn’t plan a damn thing. The producers plan it, you guys just participate in it. Their date was on a big boat cruising the waters of Fiji. While in mid conversation, with the wind whipping their hair all around, Ashley’s flower in her hair flies off and apparently went overboard. Oops. I guess you can say that she was deflowered. Ba-dum-bump. That was too easy. C’mon, lets make this challenging at least people. The jokes just write themselves on this show, really. Ashley tells Ben she was most nervous all season when she was talking to his mom on his hometown date last week. Huh? That was her most nervous point of the season? I would’ve thought it would’ve been when the guys were about to roast her on the comedy club date. You know, the one where guys were attacking her chest size. Awful boys. Just awful. Or maybe when Bentley showed up at her place unannounced? I’m guessing she was a little nervous then. And a little moist. Uhhhhhhh….
-These two are having fun on the boat. I mean, I think they’re having fun. Most girls don’t straddle guys in their bikini’s and rub suntan lotion all over him unless they’re having fun, right? Call me crazy. Ashley: “He looks great, I’m feeling great, it’s like we’re on a honeymoon.” Ooooohhhhh good one. Throw in the word “honeymoon” when talking about Ben and get the audience all excited that maybe that’s a sign of foreshadowing between her and Ben’s future. Or not. That’s an easy one to get her to say. Producer: “Ok Ashley, tell us how much this date feels like it could be on your honeymoon.” Remember, when Ashley actually says that to the camera, her ITM wasn’t filmed on the boat. That’s why it’s called an ITM – In the Moment. They’re done after the fact, but you’re supposed to talk in the tense like it’s happening “in the moment.” Hey, I just told everyone for the 100th time what an ITM stands for and what it means. And you know what? I’ll still get it asked to me 100 more times probably when next season rolls around.
-These two end up going snorkeling in the clear blue waters, which seems like something all couples on this show have done whenever they’ve been somewhere tropical and the water is really blue. So yeah, it was cool, but nothing we haven’t seen before. Lets skip to dinner. In all his ITM’s leading up to dinner, we hear Ben telling us how much more he’s opening up and debating whether or not to tell Ashley he has a huge Wimbledon final against Novak Djokovic that’s gonna cause him to leave the show early. I mean, he’s debating whether or not to tell her he’s in love with her now. He’s waiting for the right time. He arrives to dinner in his see through Jesus cloak and jeans. Ummmm, that looked like something a male figure skater would wear. Jonny Weir would rock that thing like it’s nobody’s business. I guess he must’ve lent it to Ben for the night. It was super, ummmm, not masculine. You could even see his black mic pack belt through it it was so so light and airy. Of course, Ashley loved it. “You’re such a stud tonight.” In that get up? Geez. Doesn’t take much to impress her I guess.
-Either Ashley just said “F-it” going into her dinner date with Ben, or the humidity was bad in Fiji and she didn’t want running in her face, or but she didn’t even bother with any makeup that night. Another line fed to her by producers. “I can see myself with this guy forever.” Of course, she never said that to his face. Ben on the other hand started to open up – sort of. “I feel committed to you at this point…We’re at that point if I wanna spend the rest of my life with you…I’m fully committed…I’m available today…my feelings are growing…I’m on my way to the whole ‘I love you’ thing…” Hahahahahahahahaha. “I’m on my way?” Was that just a chicken sh** way to tell her you love her without actually telling her? Great. You’re on your way. Are you traveling by car? By plane? Or riding on the back of a turtle? Well, judging by the previews next week where we actually see him tell her that, I guess he sped up the process since he knew if he didn’t say it, he was basically gonna get dumped. Lets face it, if you’re in the final two and don’t tell the lead you’re in love with them, why on earth would they pick you? So even though they say it doesn’t necessarily mean they mean it. And we know that now Ben, well, you get the point. That was three months ago. I’m guessing he realizes now he wasn’t in love.
-Ooohhhhh Ashley has a card for Ben. I wonder what it says. First she tells us, “I’m hoping tonight Ben will show me how he feels.” Oh boy. I bet you do. Will it consist of Ben popping his cork for you? Ben reads the card:
“Ashley and Ben, welcome to the islands of Fiji. I hope you’re enjoying your stay here. How can you not? It’s paid for and you’re on TV. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, which I’m guessing you will since you’re both horndogs at this point, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. I promise, I won’t be watching on any secret cameras we have placed in the plants in your room. Yours truly, Chris Harrison. Voyeur.”
Ben takes Ashley up on the offer and they head to the room. I want to point out one MAJOR factor regarding this whole date. These two kissed countless times the whole date, yet for some reason, NEVER use their tongue. EVER. We saw JP practically lay her down on the bed in missionary position and hump her like a dog in heat, not to mention them sword fighting with their tongues, yet she never does that with Ben. Look, it’s not like I need to convince you people anymore, but it’s quite obvious who she picks without even knowing the spoilers for the last two months. You read what she’s said since the show, you take into account Ben meeting up with Britt on more than a few occasions, the fact that JP hasn’t been seen in public with ANYONE from a previous season, you know, stuff like that. Not to mention the other stuff I’ve known that maybe I’ll share next week. We’ll see.