-Before we get to JP’s date, Ashley needs to give Ryan her answer which should’ve have come as no surprise to anyone. She knocks on his door and he greets her in his canary yellow Tommy Bahama shirt. Or whatever brand of polo that was. That shirt pretty much summed up Ryan for ya’. She tells him that saying goodbye to him was the hardest goodbye she had, although, I kinda doubt that. I’m guessing when you went sprinting back into your bedroom, did a face plant on to the King size and balled your eyes out for what seemed like eternity once Bentley left was probably a tougher goodbye for you, but hey, what do I know? And it’s not like you talked about him for three consecutive weeks after that either. Ryan’s goodbye the first time was after a talk about water heaters. I’m guessing you were over him leaving in four seconds. Still, she tells him, “You are the guy I knew you were, you’re willing to risk putting yourself out there, but, it was the right decision for me. There just was no passion there.” Ryan is sad, having getting dumped a second time, but hugs her and tells her “I’m so happy for you.” Just keep thinking to yourself Ry, “it’s not me, it’s her.” And if they offer you the next “Bachelor” gig, just take it and run with it. Ashley will be a distant memory when you have 25 chicks wanting to be the moon to your sun, or whatever.
-Now it’s time for JP’s date as Ashley runs and jumps into his arms. He also says it’s been a long time since he’s seen her. Are these guys forgetting that there was that little rose ceremony in LA before they headed to Fiji where they got to see her as well? I mean, yeah, hometown weeks are long because you’re holed up in a hotel with no one to hang out with but your handler until it’s time for your date, then it’s back to LA and your hotel to wait until everyone else is done, but it’s not like they didn’t get to see her, albeit briefly, after their date. Or maybe they’re just talking about it’s been a long time since they actually got to have some alone time with her and I just read waaaaaaay too much into that. Probably the latter. Oh well. These two ended up taking a seaplane over the Fiji islands, which is essentially what she did with Constantine, except a different form of transportation. However, the same exact effect. They got to see all of Fiji and its clear blue waters from in the sky, yet somehow, this one was even more amazing than before. Uhhhh, ok.
-The seaplane takes these two to their own private island, Namenalala Island. Hey, didn’t Brad and Emily get their own private island date as well? Just checking. My gosh, it’s like they’re not even trying to hide it anymore. Hey, I’m well aware it’s JP in the end moreso because of what I know that’s happened AFTER the show has aired. What they air on the show is of no consequence in determining who you think won, because they’ll show you what they want to show you. All the signs after the show has aired is how you know who she’s with, and there are plenty of examples I have regarding JP, and one the one major one why it’s NOT Ben. But even if you’re strictly going off what they show on TV, it’s quite obvious who the guy she picked was. Watch, listen, learn. There are plenty of clues. These two don’t really do much on a deserted island but put their feet in the ocean and talk about their relationship. JP is his usual confident self saying he feels good about them, he just wants this thing to end and for it to be him in the end. Which is nice and all, and I’m sure he said other things, but I couldn’t take my eyes off Ashley’s boob tan. Due to the different bikini tops she’s been wearing out in the sun, it’s almost like her chest has three different shades of color. Very distracting. Where were we? Oh yeah, JP knows he’s gonna win. Yeah, we know too. This whole day time date was just them hugging and kissing in the water, and JP telling her he wants it to be over. Not too riveting. Well, outside of the boob tan.
-Lets just skip ahead to dinner time. And this was the reason I think that Ryan never showed up at Ashley’s door until after Ben and Constantine’s date were completely done. Why would Ashley tell JP about Ryan showing up but not mention it to Ben? Well, other than the fact that she wants to share everything with JP since that’s her guy and this is the second time she’s told him something first before everyone else, the first being about Bentley’s return in Hong Kong. Ashley tells JP that on her dinner date with Constantine, “we just decided there’s nothing between us.” We? Uhhhh, last time I checked, he walked out on you. And you had ITM’s stating you weren’t too happy he didn’t at least give it a chance. Sooooo, no need to sugar coat it honey bear. You didn’t mutually decide to part ways. He specifically said, “This means the end of the road for me.” That’s pretty one sided if you ask me. Whatever. He’s yesterday’s news now collecting phone numbers at Girogio’s every Monday night at their watch parties like it’s going out of style. Or, he’s already dating some blonde chick with an English accent. Depends which story you want to believe. I’m led to believe Constantine is already dating somebody back home, so I’ll go with that one.
-Time for the date card. It reads:
“Ashley and JP, welcome to the islands of Fiji. I hope you’re enjoying your stay here. You better since it’s costing us a fortune. Should you choose to forgo…aww screw it. Here’s the key and head up to the room and make babies already would ya’? The walls are sound proof so go at it as loud as you’d like. Make her scream JP. Yours truly, Chris Harrison. P.S. – Not getting any from my wife tonight so I’m counting on you.”
-JP has something very prophetic to say to Ashley: “I wanna be the last guy standing not because I wanna beat him. I want you.” Awwwwwwww. Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? Guys are competitive by nature. And of course JP wants to “win”. What guy wouldn’t? Hell, if you are to believe the garbage that the tabloids are printing, that’s the sole reason JP did the show in the first place. He just wanted to win and be on TV and wants to be famous. Wow. Really reaching for a story there. What incredible insight. Can’t you say that about ANYONE who’s ever been on this show? They all want some sort of fame to a certain extent, and if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Now, for the most telling statement of the night. “This is what the past few months have led up to.” Translation: I want sex and I will have it if it’s the last thing I do here on this island. Pick me, don’t pick me, I don’t care. I need my needs met and now the cameras are gone and our mic’s are off. Lets get down to business. But first, Ashley excuses herself momentarily. “I’m gonna go change.” Of course, this was the clip they showed in the previews last week to make you think something went horribly wrong on their date, which I told you, was complete B.S. Ashley comes back wearing a guy long sleeve shirt with just her bra and underwear on underneath. Gulp. JP takes that as invite to mount her, which he does. Rolls on top of her on the bed, they actually make out using tongue, and I believe he rubbed himself raw against her until the cameras left. Steamy stuff. Made Jillian and Jason’s hot tub scene look G-rated.