Reality Steve

The Bachelor 16 - Ben

“The Bachelor” Recap Including Two More Last Names of Ben’s Girls

Yeah, I’d say that picture best describes last night’s episode, don’t you? I mean, when you’re talking about last night’s “Bachelor” with your friends today, you’re either A) talking about the Bachelor spoilers or B) talking about crazy Jenna and the tampon comment she made. Trust me, I could’ve put a much worse tampon picture on there. Consider that one G-rated. When you mix alcohol and a bucket full of crazy, you get women trying to shoot a network televised girl-on-girl porn, a tampon comment, and a lot of tears. I find it funny that the producers of this show and Chris Harrison have been tweeting for months about how this premiere was gonna be this crazy ass show, when in reality, it was no different than the previous 22 seasons we’ve seen. Same act, different characters. Not to mention practically every talked about moment from last night’s episode was already shown in promos for the last month. Not only are these producers the masters of manipulation, but they can overhype something like it’s nobody’s business. Really? That was some crazy ass first night? The only drama they showed was Jenna vs. Monica, and Monica being a switch hitter. I’ve seen plenty of other premieres that had more drama than last night’s.

Started out just like every premiere in the last 7 seasons, with recapping the lead from the previous time they were on the show. We got to see Ben again get down on one knee, ask Ashley to marry him and make him the happiest person in the world, only to have her reject him in front of all of America and send him into such an emotional tailspin that he turned to Britt to hang out with for a while, then texted with Shawntel, then ultimately led him to fun little date with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yeah, he must’ve really been devastated. Seems like he really was mourning the loss of a female body in his presence after he got back from Fiji. Of course, ABC doesn’t want to show anybody THAT side of Ben, no no no. That wouldn’t fit with their premise of “He’s looking to find a wife and fall in love forever.” We get to see him wandering the streets of San Francisco aimlessly, drive a tractor through his vineyards, become one with the earth’s soil, and play somber songs on the piano. Is this for real? How quickly we all forget about the real Ben Flajnik. You know, the “Storm Horse.” I mean, we all remember “Cream Dreams” don’t we?

Hey, maybe now we know why Emily rapped to him on the first night? She knew it was right up his alley since he likes dropping a bunch of “f” and “d” bombs talking about masturbating and having wet dreams in “Lonely Island Boys” wannabe videos. Your 2012 Bachelor everyone!

I’m not saying Ben is a bad guy at all. I’m just saying because he’s the “Bachelor”, don’t be misguided into thinking he’s like this uber classy guy with all these varying interests and he’s really on this show to find love. He’s a horny dude just like the rest of us, he was given the opportunity of a lifetime that not even the biggest idiot would pass up, and he’s taking advantage of it. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like every season, you get a mixed bag of reaction to the lead character. Half the people love him, half the people are like, “He’s so boring”, or “He’s ugly”, or “Why’d they pick him?” Ben’s been no different. Same reaction I’ve gotten for the last 22 seasons. Yet, you’re still watching and the show is on the air. The show is not about the lead, never has been about the lead, and never will be about the lead. It’s about the 25 bachelor/ettes they cast, the cattiness, the fighting, the dates, the travel, etc. And it certainly isn’t about producing a marriage since we know all about their success rate, or lack thereof.

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  1. mpas

    January 3, 2012 at 10:49 AM

    I would’ve said KFC for the Kentucky question.

  2. traversingthetwincities

    January 3, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    Loved the recap, but I have to disagree on the 5 hottest… swap out Emily for Rachel, IMO. I’m not feeling the Emily love like RS is after last night… but a big fan of Rachel, Nikki, Lindzi, and Kacie.

  3. jknudtson

    January 3, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    I laughed my way through this entire column. Nice work!

  4. prettyinpink1

    January 3, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    Well that was a hot mess of a show! Quick question, which girl was it that walked by Ben (during the walk out of the limo) & was subsequently sent packing? Was that the Snowball girl?

  5. realitysteveisatool

    January 3, 2012 at 11:58 AM

    Wow, I have lost so much respect for you RS. Did you even pay attention while watching last night? I personally thought Lyndsie J was a sweetheart and absolutely adorable. I was stunned that Jenna, Blakely, Monica got roses and Lyndsie didn’t. No offense to any of the other girls as I don’t know them, but Lyndsie J was the only one that had any kind of class. Such a charming, witty, class act. But then I guess you Steve, wouldn’t know about class as you don’t have an ounce of it. You say she was ADHD, hyper, bouncing off ‘walls’ etc. REALLY? Watch it again, moron. She has a sense of humor and is fun. Something that apparently a lot of people can’t take.

  6. katieottawa

    January 3, 2012 at 12:03 PM

    I have been a faithful reader of your site for years but I have never commented on your columns until now. Hands down the most hilarious column up to now. I was looking forward to your recap and boy oh boy did you ever deliver!!! I had trouble getting through all of it as you had me in tears laughing so hard. You definitely had a lot to work with with this nutfest of an episode but it was worth the wait. Your recap totally made my day!! Keep up the amazing work!

  7. lindseysue

    January 3, 2012 at 1:24 PM

    OMG! Usually I don’t really laugh, I just more so read the spoilers, but today you had me cracking up! Nice recap, loved it!

  8. qsoundrich

    January 3, 2012 at 2:22 PM

    Funny stuff, Steve. I don’t care much for the show but your recaps are a good way to kill an hour. Am I the only one who is annoyed by these girls’ names? Lindzee and Lindsie and Lyndzyee. The way they edited the girl who cried all night was cruel and funny. If you wear your heart on your sleeve, you don’t want any part of “The Bachelor.” I didn’t see any of the season this guy was on the Bachelorette, but he’s about as interesting as an economics lecture. And WTF with the hair? I was rocking the same thing in the ’90s, but umm… grunge ended.

    By the way the guys always pick in order of looks. That’s nothing new this season. Keep up the good work!

  9. rollingeyes

    January 3, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    Seeing as how I am happily involved in my own great relationship, I have no plan to watch this train wreck of a show. I have better things to do now. That said, I plan to keep up with the show via Reality Steve, and IF I decide to watch any of it, the ONLY reason will be because of RS. Keep doing what you’re doing Steve!

  10. hordac

    January 3, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    I was really confused about what was getting up Jenna’s ass. Monica was refreshingly honest when she said she had no feelings for Ben, and somehow this was some insult to Jenna? All I could think of was how they stirred up this drama over nothing from what I could see. The only explanation is the producers told Jenna that Monica was trash talking her behind her back. Monica only said she didn`t like her after they tried to have that stupid truce talk.. I would have reacted the same way as Monica, like WTF weirdo? And yes, they were both two sheets to the wind. Jenna so much so that she was making no sense and talking in circles, just like RS pointed out.

  11. onegeek

    January 3, 2012 at 4:24 PM

    Jenna…she’s a blogger too? Who reads her blog?
    Courtney…gag. She will be in bachelor pad..hooking up with Dave Good, she seems more his type.

  12. wisewords

    January 3, 2012 at 6:59 PM

    Loved Monica telling Ben she missed her dog, and telling the other girls she had no feelings for Ben. Good for her! And if she’s bi–so what? No mention of Blakely being a switch hitter. It takes 2 to tango!
    @realitysteveisatool, I agree about Lyndsie J! She was, in all honesty, an anomaly–much too real and genuine for this show. Would love to have a friend like her!
    Courtney looks like she has a five o’clock shadow over her lip. Sorry but I don’t see what is so attractive about that girl. I thought Miss Nebraska Nurse Amber T was beautiful.

  13. julia0331

    January 3, 2012 at 7:44 PM

    I normally like coming on here and reading your post but tonight I’m pissed. “Kentucky is known for: Beautiful women and fast horses. Really? I thought it was incest and Moonshine. And poor hygiene. Man, I was mistaken. My bad.” Who the !%&# do you think you are to make a statement like that. I’m from Kentucky and your comment is offensive to me and my State. You are RUDE and IGNORANT!!!!!!

  14. DawsMA

    January 3, 2012 at 8:37 PM

    Unfortunately the phase of obnoxious spellings has only just begun. We see them leaking onto shows like the Bachelor as the younger twenty-somethings come on. I don’t understand the trend of adding a random “y” or “z” to a regular name. It’s not Lindsay anymore, it’s Lynzy. Not Addison, it’s Addysyn. Brittany is Brytnee. Looks trashy to me, can’t help it!

    Good call on Courtney’s upper lip shadow…she is a beautiful girl but it’s a shame about her mouth work.

    All I can say about Jenna is how cliche her blog must be if it really includes phrases like “soul mate” and “true love.” I know that was for the camera shot but she strikes me as someone who would write one-dimensional material just like that anyway.

  15. kajumajo4

    January 3, 2012 at 9:56 PM

    Hey Steve – I’m NOT from Kentucky but I agree with julia0331…offensive comment. Yes, I get it, “it was a joke”, “you’re sarcastic and sophomoric”, blah blah blah, but that was mean. I’m just saying…

  16. kmorris246

    January 4, 2012 at 6:38 AM

    he he he………. Frank the Tank……… Right there with ya Steve-o! I’m sorry, but not many dudes are attracted to that craziness. Yeah, nice and all, but a little off her rocker. Loving the epidemiologist and the divorced chic!

  17. Dianne

    January 4, 2012 at 7:14 AM

    @ realitysteveisatool

    Lyndsie – is that you??

  18. brady6

    January 4, 2012 at 9:19 AM

    Ok after watching I think Courtney mouth looks so F’ed up because she had injections or something. Her attitude is nasty – but I assume they wanted her to be the “villan” this year. And the girl from KY who is offended? I agree with Steve on this one….. (regarding the state) but its a JOKE…. really, you took the time to create an account and respond because it offended you? Steve doesn’t read the comments…time for a hobby girl!

  19. locondcoco

    January 4, 2012 at 10:43 AM

    julia0331 = jenna.


  20. JovisMom

    January 4, 2012 at 1:37 PM

    I don’t like Courtney at all, she seems like an evil tramp. @ the person who was a model and sort of knows here I can’t believe she went to someone else’s wedding in white!!! Just goes to show you what kind of person she is. The KY comment was hilarious!!! LOL I would have guessed KFC and that’s about it. Is it just me or did anyone else notice how the music chages when the “final four” exicted the limo? It was a sweeter more romantic tone to it. Jenna if f-ing crazy!! Somewhere Candace Bushnell and SJP are banging their heads against a wall. To be from NYC she is very thin skinned to let Monica get to her. I love reading this!! It gives me something to look forward to!!! I saw Kacie or Lindzizzziies (however you spell it – the one w\ the horse) for the next Bachelorette!

  21. CaliGirl

    January 4, 2012 at 2:28 PM

    Tuesday and Friday columns are back again, yay! All is right in the world again. LOL. I agree that people are taking the KY jokes a little too personally. I grew up in TX and live in CA now- people always tease me and ask me if I had cows in my backyard or if any of my relatives are missing teeth. It doesn’t offend me; I can take a joke.

    If someone is easily offended, this probably isn’t the best website to visit frequently. I enjoy Steve’s columns and thing they’re hilarious. He almost always calls it like it is, and I appreciate that. I’ve stopped reading Chris Harrison’s recaps because they’re just so phony and you can see right through them.

  22. karynr

    January 4, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    CallGirl…I’m with you. People need a sense of humor to read RS. If you don’t have one, or are so easily offended, this is probably not the site for you.

    Keep up the good work, Steve!

  23. CaliGirl

    January 4, 2012 at 4:31 PM

    *think, not thing. My bad.

  24. mh1123

    January 4, 2012 at 5:17 PM

    I wish I had time to read the whole column. This show and the column gives me some entertainment on week nights so thank u 🙂

    I don’t know … but the shape of Courtney’s head and her lips freak me out … just sayin’

  25. Ellieanne

    January 4, 2012 at 8:09 PM

    So is Courtney going to be the Vienna of this season?

  26. fantasysweet

    January 4, 2012 at 10:31 PM

    Ben is cute and all but he is just like any other dude you would find on He is a tad bit douchey, but I am certainly willing to give him a chance.

  27. fantasysweet

    January 4, 2012 at 10:33 PM

    Im not sure I trust Courtneys motives. She is clearly an aspiring model and has been for years. She allegedly dumped her longtime boyfriend to do the show.

  28. karynr

    January 6, 2012 at 7:26 AM

    Jenna’s just like a lot of us, a little sensitive, and when plied with way too much alcohol, overemotional. I could see that happening to many females I know, including myself. When you have a very stressful situation full of unknowns, a master bully and a bunch of catty women, then combine that with the editing ABC choses to do, this is what happens. Jenna is most likely a really nice, sensitive, warm individual. Plus, the Producers were most likely feeding her anxiety, continuing to ply her with alcohol and probably said a few things to stir the pot., I don’t trust Fleiss and his gang at all. They can take anyone, edit them any way they’d like, and voila, everyone now has an incorrect perception of someone,

    It’s very sinilar to Melissa, who got the same bad rap. Then, to top it off, sleazy Blake on BP2 had to play mind games with her. Again, add in the edits, alcohol and catty people, and that’s what happens.

    Great example…Michelle Money. I strongly disliked her on The Bachelor, but when I watched her on BP2, I realized what a bad edit she got the first time around.

    Hey everyone….don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in someone elses shoes.

    Melissa and Jenna…you are good people. Ignore the haters and realize you were set-up for the situations you went through.

    Fleiss is an eveil SOB. He could care less what he does to a person.

    I wanted to reach through the screen and slap Monica silly. She is a very mean person and it came through loud and clear. I can’t wait for her to leave the show. She reminds me of the girls in high school who would make life hell for others. And her smirk was even worse than Blake’s, which is saying a lot.

    Hey…maybe when Holly wakes up and realizes she’s with a sleazy snake, Monica and Blake can hook up!

  29. karynr

    January 6, 2012 at 7:28 AM

    chose…not choses! evil…not eveil

  30. missannmcd

    January 9, 2012 at 8:12 PM

    I have to say… this is definately the most beautiful group of hoes I’ve ever seen on this show.

  31. belladonnakay

    January 9, 2012 at 10:05 PM

    Just saw Ben on Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy picked four women as the final four. I agree with his choices of the horseback rider and administrative assistant lol see .. I don’t even know their names .. just what they do. But the model made Ben head over heels and the admin assistant is actually prettier .. so I decided that Ben must be someone easily influenced by the glamour and attention of arm candy and the ‘model’ profession like he’s a rock star.

  32. esellingsen

    January 10, 2012 at 12:40 AM

    I am trying to figure out why you said Lindsey Cox was from Clovis, CA when it states on the show she is from Bellevue, WA?

  33. fantasysweet

    January 13, 2012 at 9:01 PM

    jenna Burke is QUITE a situation!!! Have you read her blofg the overanalyst? Its a bit off. Im bummed she was booted because she was going to something to behold.

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