Dr. Reality Steve
I’m very excited about the return of Dr. Reality Steve. Always had a lot of fun with these and didn’t realize I haven’t done this 2007 when I went back and looked at the archives. Geesh. I will try and do more moving forward, but that all depends on how many emails you send in for my brilliant expertise on love, dating, sex, relationships, etc. Oh, trust me. I know all. Have a look for yourself…
I feel obligated to open this email by saying I’m a frequent reader and that your comments on the shows enhance my tv watching experience.
I am not , however, a Bachelor-watching veteran.. I rolled my eyes at my mom when I saw her watching the show in its very first few seasons. Then during Brad’s most recent season, my roommate got me hooked. I googled “Are Emily and Brad still together” at the season’s conclusion and learned of your blog. Now I’m double hooked and I have to devote at least an hour and 25 minutes of my week (thank you, Hulu) plus the time I spend reading your material to following someone else’s pseudo relationship(s).
I’m enslaved. I can’t stop myself. It’s like when someone brings donuts to the office.
Now that I have that out of the way, I’d like to participate in this Dear Dr. Reality Steve thing you’d like to revive even though I’ve never heard of it or read it before.
I have been dating a wonderful man for about a year and a half. He is 28. I am 24. We’re both pretty settled in our jobs. He has a great career and makes a significant salary. We both made it clear to each other from the beginning of the relationship that we were playing for keeps and in August we agreed that one year would be a good time frame for tying the knot. His middle brother (my boyfriend is the oldest of 3 guys) got married in October. Since then, I’ve been secretly and not-so secretly planning our August wedding. I have corresponded with my mother and picked a good day for them to travel in. I’ve sought advice from married girlfriends. I attended a bridal show with a close friend yesterday. Through gentle prodding, I found out what his preferences are for the big day (he’s pretty picky) and we even checked out a reception venue together!
Now you’re wondering what could possibly be wrong with this picture. The true problem lies the fact that I can’t/won’t put any money down or make an executive decision until I have a ring! Believe me, I love this man. But he’s taking his sweet time and it’s getting on my nerves.
I’m not after any advice that has to do with buying cows and getting milk for free. I am looking for some insight on what is possibly going through this man’s head. While I’m trying to make sure we DO get the venue we want, he’s twittling his thumbs and working on his car.
If he knew that he wanted to get married to me that long ago and we set a somewhat tentative date 5 months ago, don’t you think he would have made a savings plan for my ring, checked out a bunch of stores and figured out what to get me and when he’s proposing???
Comment: “If you like it then you shoulda’ put ring on it…Uh oh oh…” Wait, huh? You guys are doing wedding stuff, have a tentative August date yet, but he hasn’t given you an engagement ring yet or asked you to marry him? Maybe he blew all his money on bad weekend filled with coke and strippers? What does he say when you ever so politely ask him, “Soooo, uhhhh, you gonna put a ring on this? Get to steppin’ if you don’t.”
Although I do find it kind of odd you guys are both doing all this pre-wedding stuff when he hasn’t even asked you to marry him yet (or maybe he did but you didn’t specify), nor has he bought you a ring, this is sounding a little materialistic to me. I mean, it’s bad enough that you women get TWO rings when a marriage takes place, which is ridiculous when you really think about it. “Hey honey, here’s something I saved up two paychecks for. You just wear this for “x” amount of months to show off and compete with your friends and let them know that you’re engaged, then when the big day happens, you’ll get another one.” Not saying I never plan on buying an engagement ring someday, I’m just saying it’s kinda ridiculous when you think about it. If we’re talking about “love,” and “til death do us part,” and “you’re my soulmate” stuff, shouldn’t the most important part be the actual wedding and not what’s on your finger?
I don’t know this guy’s reasons for why he hasn’t bought it, but at least it sounds like he’s interested in marrying you with the way he’s helping planning dates and venues. Maybe he’s waiting for the perfect time, maybe he’s low on cash, maybe he’s got a mistress he needs to get rid of first, who knows? Could be a number of things. I just wouldn’t let it get to you as much as it has so far. But if he hasn’t actually proposed yet, and you guys have just talked about it, and you’re looking at an August, he should probably get on the ball with that. I think the ring shouldn’t be as big a concern right now.
I just started reading your blog about 3 months ago. I appreciate your honesty and I love your sarcasm. If people have a problem with it, they just shouldn’t read your blog….simple.
My question is in regards to you Dr. Reality Steve bit. I’m going to make this as short as I can, my boyfriend of 2 years moved to Ohio to complete medical school seeing as its WAY cheaper there, versus California ( current residence ). He has 1-2 years left. He wants me to move out there and I have never lived outside of Ca. Plus all of my family lives here in Ca. My question is, should I try it out, or should I just stay put and wait it out?
Just a quick note, I can’t stand Courtney, but if you look closely at her eyes and eyebrow region it resembles a lot of Jackie Kennedy.
Anyway, take care.
Comment: Well, having grown up in Southern California, obviously I’m going to be a little biased and say you’d be nuts to live in Ohio over SoCal, but, does he want you to move there just for th 1-2 years while he finishes school, or that’s where he wants to settle down?
Now, I will say that obviously living in CA isn’t cheap. It’s one of the reasons I made the move to Texas, so I understand his decision to move. If he just wants you to move there while he finishes up school, and you think this guy is the one, then yeah, you bite the bullet and do it. But if he wants that to be the place where you settle down, well, then you have a big decision to make. And considering it sounds like you don’t want to leave, I’m thinking you’ve already made that decision in your head. Hey, I’ve never been to Ohio and I’m sure it’s nice and all, but if CA is all you’ve ever known, I can understand your reluctance. Wasn’t easy for me to move here having been in SoCal pretty much my whole life. I never thought I’d leave. But the finances, cost of living, and job market just wasn’t working for me in what I wanted to do. And moving here ended up being one of the better decisions I ever made. Figure out if it’s a short term or long term thing, and also figure out if this is the guy you want to have sex with for the rest of your life. Then make your decision.
I swear, I’ve gotten more “Courtney looks like ‘this person’…” emails this season more than any other girl. I’ve probably gotten 10 different women people say she looks like. Wish I would’ve kept all those emails. I forgot most of them.
(I know it’s technically “Dr. Reality Steve,” but in my mind “Dr. Love” sounds better even if there already is a Dr. Love somewhere else, which I’m pretty sure there is and that’s why my mind is thinking of that.)
“Why Doesn’t My Man Friend Love Me Back?”
How do I get my man friend to want to date me? We’re good friends and have been for over 5 years, and we’ve never dated, not even close. And even though now we live several hours away from each other, we still talk on the phone multiple times a month and get together if we happen to be in the other person’s zip code. He knows how I feel (well, he knows how I told him I USED to feel), but the feelings aren’t reciprocated. WHY??? If this doesn’t end the way I want it to my only other alternative is to go on The Bachelor.
PS: Other questions: “How do I get a guy at a bar to buy me a drink?” “Do guys dig girls who wear glasses?” and “Is it weird if the girl is taller than the guy?”
Comment: Ahhhh, the “How do I get past the friend zone” dilemma. We’ve all been there, sweetie. Too many variables about this I’m unaware of like when you told him you were interested and his feelings were reciprocated, what’d he actually say? Have you ever slept with him? If not, why? Is he gay? Is he seeing someone else? If you’ve never even been close to dating, yet he knows you’re interested, that’s not a good sign. Any guy would take advantage of that, at least for one hookup, right? And you’ve never done that? Hmmmmm, this doesn’t sound good. However, the “Bachelor” should be your LAST option. What makes this dillweed so special? There’s no other guys out there that you want to date? No other guys you’re interested in? Just this 5 year friend who’s never touched you who lives hours away from you? I think it’s time you start looking elsewhere.
As far as your other questions:
“How do I get a guy at a bar to buy me a drink?” Ummmmm, look at him. That should do the trick.
“Do guys dig girls who wear glasses?” Sure. Unless you’ve got on a pair of Harry Caray’s. Not too sexy. But I find glasses to be attractive. I wear them myself, but pretty much just at night.
“Is it weird if the girl is taller than the guy?” To me, yes. I always seem to find that funny. But if the couple in question doesn’t, then I guess what I think doesn’t matter. But when I see a taller chick out with some midget, I tend to always make a comment or ten to my friends.
Hi, Dr. Realtiy Steve!
I really need your advice regarding a problem I have with this guy I like. Ok…so, he was a contestant on a reality show a few months ago and, after watching his ridiculously edited interactions with another girl, I was able to determine that he is probably the only man that I will ever be able to love. Dare I say it…I think that we would have the most adorable, cheek-pinching-est babies in all the land.
After he was rejected by said woman, I was able to get ahold of his number and texted him a few times. We talked and texted back and forth (maybe there were some naked pictures exchanged here and there), and I am definitely sure that he is possibly “the one”. Even though we never went out, I’m also sure, based on the emoticons that he used in many of his texts, that he feels the same way about me.
My problem is that he decided to go back on this same reality show, except that this time, he is the lead and is dating 25 other women. Needless to say, I was kind of shocked and really disappointed that he did this. Based on our intimate talks and blossoming relationship, I felt sure that it was safe for me to set a reservation for our wedding and started researching midwives in the greater Sonoma area. My question to you is…if producers will let me, should I try to got onto this show and continue my relationship with this man? If I do, and he rejects me, should I leave or should I stand around awkwardly for another 5 minutes, just in case he changes his mind? I know that we are two hearts with but one beat, and I know he feels this way, too. Please let me know if this sounds like a good plan.
P.S. I have a book coming out that I’d really like to have plugged, in case that has any bearing on your answer.
Alright, Steve; now to the real email. This week in your Dr. Reality Steve column, could you PLEASE stress to all the women reading that it doesn’t matter what some dude emailed you, or texted you, or said to you over the phone. If he didn’t ask you out….NO…more than that….if he didn’t ask you out AND signed up to be on a reality show where he dates 25 other women, then he IS NOT interested in you. For the majority of women, the guy they’re into most likely won’t be the next Bachelor…but this rule holds true for any woman out there who is into any dude. If he is actually interested, HE WILL ASK YOU OUT! It doesn’t matter if he texted you back that you have a “nice rack” when you sent him that picture mail of yourself in the mirror. If he hasn’t asked you out, he’s not interested and you can stop thinking about, daydreaming about, and stalking him. Please, Steve…do a service to the women who read your column and stress the importance of women not making a fool of themselves with men. I work with college students and I see this ALL the time. In my experience, women don’t take advice from other women (as you mentioned “women hate women”), but they may listen to a guy.
As a side note, I get that Shawntel had other motivation, such as her book (and ABC producers following her Twitter account and knowing that this would be GREAT “water cooler” fodder), so I’m assuming she didn’t honestly believe that anything would come of this. She’s been on the show; she knows it’s a bunch of BS. But seeing the scenario just reminded me of so many women that I’ve known and their delusional ideas as to how a relationship will play out with someone that they’ve never even been on a date with.
Awesone column; awesome dog! Yes, you did much better in the seated interview.
Comment: I liked the first email the best. Very creative.
And an excellent point about Shawntel. Yes, if Ben REALLY wanted her and was interested in seeing where it would go, he probably wouldn’t have agreed to be the “Bachelor.” Kinda like Chantal turning it down to date a guy in Seattle that she’s now engaged/married to. Still haven’t gotten a clarification on that yet. For Shawntel to just assume because Ben and her had some flirty texts and phone conversations with each other that he’d actually drop the others on the show and take her to the end was just naïve. It’s just very hard to take anything about Shawntel’s appearance seriously when it’s obvious she was there to stir up drama, the producers brought up the idea, she was paid, and she has a book coming out.
Hey Dr. Steve,
Gotta say…I LOVE YOUR BLOG. I kill myself laughing. My whole family and fiance make fun of me but they secretly love the jokes of yours I share with them.
OMG the lip gloss thing you wrote about was killing me…I was thinking the same thing…WTF. Also, Ben seems quite proud that people think he looks like Josh Groban (as per her tweets)…ummm JG isn’t the hottest guy in the world but Ben is not even remotely as attractive.
ANYWAYS. I disgress. My question for you is about my sister. She’s 27 years old, beautiful, smart, great job, great condo…..yet she dates complete dbags and wonders why it never works out. I’m quite a bit younger and getting married this year to an awesome guy. I feel guilty but I would never date a jobless, asshole like she dates. How can I point this out to her without sounding rude? I don’t want to alienate her but man…she’s all about the ‘chemistry’. She’s willing to compromise basic human kindness for ‘chemistry’. (Aka date wanna-be rockstars who wear girls’ skinny jeans and have long hair a la Storm Horse.) I obviously have chemistry with my man but I am a firm believer that chemistry can grow…she should be looking for other things (can we say respectfulness & kindness??) just as hard as she seeks that elusive ‘chemistry’ crap. HELPPPPPPPPPPP.
Comment: Wow, a girl who loves dating guys who treat her like sh**. No way! I’ve never heard of such a thing. Her first problem is dating guys with skinny jeans. Sorry, that’s a no-no and she gets what she deserves when she does that. The problem with girls like your sister who seem to always date the bad boys is that’s all they know. It’s what they’re used to. So it’s not so easy to break them out of that routine of being with guys who are like that because they probably wouldn’t know what to do with guys that treat them well. Hopefully your sister is just going through that phase in her life. I get it. A lot of women do. Then they realize when they actually meet a guy who treats them well how stupid that phase was. Maybe your sister will. Or then again, maybe she won’t and you’ll be destined to end up with a brother-in-law the whole family thinks is a real life version of the Storm Horse. Good luck with that.