Reality Steve

The Bachelor 16 - Ben

The Bachelor Ben Recap Including Some Details from the Vegas Reunion and My First Live Video Blog This Thursday Night

-The group date has Kacie, Blakeley, Casey, Courtney, Samantha, Jamie, Nicki, and Lindzi. DJ Em, Monica, and Xena Warrior Princess are without dates this week. Ben arrives on a horse that obviously hates Courtney as well, so he tried to buck Ben off. I’m guessing Lindzi was taking notes that Ben doesn’t have a clue how to straddle a mare. But we all know Lindzi does. “Save a horse, ride a cowboy…” Even though he practically just got thrown to his death from the horse, Ben tells the ladies, “I have a great day planned. It’s gonna be rad.” Wow. He DID use the word “rad.” And just think, he’s only got three more magic words to use before the end of the episode and then I can officially call him a nerd. We saw them all on horseback for maybe a total of 38 seconds. There wasn’t much to the horsebacking. This was no Iceland with Ali’s guys having a much harder time navigating through that frozen place with ones that didn’t want to move. All these horses were much more helpful, which is I guess why they didn’t spend much time showing them to us. If one of these would’ve taken off in a full sprint, or maybe would’ve hind kicked Courtney in the back of the head, it would’ve been a hell of a lot more interesting. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen.

-So since the horseback riding was a giant fail, they move on to the part of the date where the women can get catty, and that’s the fly fishing. Ben has waders, boots, and a rod for each girl. Courtney doesn’t seem to mind. “Catching fish is probably not much harder than catching a man…lets be honest, this date isn’t about catching trout, it’s about catching Ben.” And catching any open mouth or genital sores. Don’t forget those. So none of the girls look remotely attractive fishing in their gear. I’m guessing this is not what someone like Courtney thought she signed up for. Unless her waders were Louis Vuitton, I’m guessing Courtney would much rather be knee deep in front of Ben rather than in this stream trying to fly fish. Since Ben was probably told off camera Kacie has been pouting ever since the plane landed in Utah, he goes over and helps her out with her rod. Kacie is having trouble handling her rod, so Ben puts his hand on it over hers and controls the steering of it. Slick move. Used that one many a times myself, young man. Especially when they’re steering that thing completely out of control and can’t control their speed. Uhhhh, moving on…

-Courtney couldn’t have looked any more clueless on how to fly fish than Ben would look like being the keynote speaker at a MENSA convention. Yet, for some reason, Ben is blown away by how good she is. “She has natural ability. I swear she’s done this before.” Huh? Is Ben already that p-whipped that he’s convincing himself he’s seeing things that aren’t actually there? The next sequence of events blew my mind, and at the same time, put a smile on my face because, well, can they make this any easier for me?

Courtney: “I feel like this is a good length for me.”
(Courtney catches a fish, even though we never actually physically see her in the same shot with her rod and a fish at the end of it)
Ben: “You caught one! (Ben kisses it). Here, kiss the head.”

Really, Ben? This is too easy. For Christ sakes, why not just ask Courtney if she wants to play “Just the tip?” I’m astounded that everything that comes out of Courtney’s mouth is either laced with a sexual innuendo, a verbal jab at someone in the house, or, talking about how great she is. Like I said last week, I cannot WAIT until the “After the Final Rose” show when Ben has to defend her. Of course, knowing Ben, he’s probably watching this with a big grin on his face laughing at all this. He obviously doesn’t give a sh** what the majority of the audience thinks about Courtney or else he wouldn’t have picked her. I’m guessing she’s already told him what to expect and the explanation she’s given him, whatever that may be, is good enough for him.

-At the after party, Ben calls Casey S. over first. This is what we hear of their conversation:

Casey S.: “I’ve had two serious relationships. What about you?”
Ben: “I’ve had four.”

Aaaaannnnd, that was pretty much it. Why is that? Because we haven’t cared about Casey for three episodes, so why start now? Would’ve been nice if Casey would’ve filled him in on Michael Patak, the guy that plenty of people told me she was seeing before she left for the show and it was well known. Of course, I had her other friends who said they were “on a break.” Uh huh. How much you wanna bet Casey and Michael are back together either now or in the very near future? I’m sorry, but if someone goes on this show while “on a break,” then when they get back from filming they’re back together with that person, they were never broken up. Just means they tried their hand at fame, failed miserably, and went back to what’s comfortable. And considering Casey seems to be the only girl in the house who befriended Courtney, probably says a lot more about her character than others.

-With Casey being useless and battling Elyse for the least interesting girl left on the show, Ben moves on to Nicki who really looked drunk during most of her ITM’s last night. She must’ve been if she’s blurting out things like, “It’s terrifying how much I’m feeling for Ben right now.” What? You know how ridiculous I think it is when a girl says that after ONE 1-on-1 date, well, Nicki hasn’t even had THAT yet. And she’s that caught up in the moment? Yeah, she’s wasted all right. Ben: “I feel like you thrive in the group setting.” Hahahahahahahahahaha. What the hell does that mean? Don’t think we’ve ever heard that one before. You thrive in the group setting? Is that a nice way of saying, “Yeah, I’m digging the other girls a bit more right about now, but you keep on pluggin’ along and someday, maybe even you can get a 1-on-1 date.” I think “I feel like you thrive in the group setting” is equivalent to “she has a great personality.” Basically she’s done nothing at this point to distinguish herself, so he has to compliment her on what great “group setting” skills she has. One question Ben: If she’s been so great at these group dates like you say she has, why haven’t you given her the rose on any of them? Oh, that’s right. Because Courtney has your balls in her Chanel handbag. My bad.

-Samantha interrupts Nicki and Ben making out because, well, it was her time too. She immediately starts bitching about having been on three group dates. Because even though she’s been on three group dates, just like Nicki, she is convinced Ben’s the one. “I have such crazy feelings for this guy, I feel like I should already have a ring on my finger.” Hmmm, since she never uttered the word “Ben” during that ITM, I wonder if she was even talking about him. She asks Ben what being on three group dates means. In so many words, Ben says, “Scram bitch. See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya'” and brooms her. As I told you months ago, Samantha fell for one of the producers on the show and asked to leave. Despite what was shown last night, and how Ben let her go was not how it went down. Just think about it, if Ben really already saw that his relationship with Samantha wasn’t going any further, wouldn’t she be the first girl he pulls aside at the group date after party and say, “Hey, we need to talk?” Why wait til she came over him, then in the middle of the conversation, all the sudden pull the, “I just don’t see this going anywhere.” Definitely one of the more awkward exits we’ve ever had, and pretty much confirmed to me what I told you months ago what happened behind the scenes. Samantha never hooked up with the producer, nothing physical happened whatsoever, but she absolutely left for reasons other than what was shown last night. I’m sure Ben was tipped off at some point in Utah, “Hey, Samantha’s ready to go, why don’t you let her go on the group date,” and Ben obliged. My sources have been right about everything else up to this point this season, I have no reason to believe they weren’t dead on about this.

-Now it’s time for Ben to ease Kacie’s mind before her tear ducts dry up from whining and crying so much. And guess what she tells him? This week has been hard. Yeah, no sh**. We noticed. And so will next week when Ben and Courtney’s private parts are touching each other while skinny dipping in Puerto Rico. To quote Courtney: “How’d that taste?” Ben brings Kacie to his room where he wants to assure her that things between them are great. Take a wild guess as to how you think he assured her. Had a dozen roses waiting for her? Nope. Had a very open and candid conversation about his innermost feelings? Not quite. Broke out the piano again to play David Gray’s “This Year’s Love”? Aaaaaannnnd no. In a very surprising move, he made out with her. I know, I know. Hold back your level of amazement. I was blown away too. He has such a way to a woman’s heart. Ben: “My relationship with Kacie B is growing most.” Thank you for clarifying which Kacie you were talking about, I mean, with all the camera time the other mute Casey has had, I’m sure all of America wasn’t screaming at their TV’s “Wait, which Kacie/Casey? Whew! Glad he let us know. I was getting confused.”

-Of course, no group date would be complete without Courtney’s antics, and after every girl had essentially already gotten alone time with him (even though we only saw 10 seconds of Caseys, Nicki, Samantha, and Kacie), Ben asks Courtney to go to the upstairs fireplace. And let the manipulation begin. Courtney played the woe-is-me card about as well as you could.

Courtney: “I’ve lost sight of everything.”
Ben: “Of us?”
Courtney: “Yeah.”

This sends Ben into panic mode. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, really? Ummmmm…errrrrr…are you…Uhhhhh….dammit….errrrrr…are you ok…wow…uhhhhh…what do I do…ummmmm….errrr….can you hang on real quick?” Ben sprints to grab the rose so Courtney isn’t upset anymore, breaking Usain Bolt’s 100m world record in the process. Watching that whole scene was comical. The brief second that Ben sees Courtney could possibly be slipping away and is upset, he makes it all better by giving her the rose. And that pretty much sums up who wears the pants in that relationship – however long it may last. I guess the best part about Ben and Courtney being the final couple is when these two do finally break up, exactly ZERO people will be surprised. This won’t be like an Emily & Brad situation where the crazies were all sad and heartbroken and naively were thinking they’d make it. No one will bat an eye.

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  1. bachelorette

    January 25, 2012 at 6:19 PM

    a skinny elizabeth kitt? elizabeth looks anorexic. i don’t think courtney is any skinnier than her.

  2. hordac

    January 25, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    I am disappointed in Emily. Do these girls actually watch the show prior to applying to be on it? The girl who rats out the bitch in the house always ends up being thrown out on her ass by the Batch. God knows that a man’s penis can’t be told the object of its desire is a manipulative shrew. Hey, it might even up the attractiveness factor. Lets face it, Ben is not in this to get married, and I think its the only way for someone like him to date a model for any length of time. I hope there is a similar post breakup interview between them like there was with Jake and Vienna! I also agree that Emily should have owned up to ratting out Courtney. As for the double agent who went and tattled? Bet the producers made her do this to stir it up.

  3. poddington

    January 25, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    good words, Hordac. So true. Keep in mind, if Emily met the “man’s Penis” right AFTER Courtney dumped it (and likely left it weeping with infection), she would be his wife for being so wise and nurturing. These girls are still young, they will learn.

  4. cidm

    January 26, 2012 at 7:41 AM

    why why why why WHY is Courtney’s forehead so oily and shiny in EVERY single ITM that she does ???? And where is the lower portion of her face and what’s up with her lips??
    By the way – great call on the comparison to Russell Brand, definitely is her doppelganger!
    Lindzi reminds me of a slightly disheveled Tenley – anyone else see it ???

  5. gege

    January 26, 2012 at 8:45 AM

    Ben could look like the tennis player Nadal if he’d uncover his face 🙂 Of course that wouldn’t make him any smarter but he’d be nicer to look at 🙂

  6. converse

    January 26, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    Rachel – “You know, it’s something that I’ve struggled with in the past”
    Ben – “What is?”
    Rachel – “Communication”
    Ben – “Ahh….perhaps including the subject in your sentence might help. Particularly if you are trying to communicate that communication is a problem.”

  7. locondcoco

    January 26, 2012 at 9:09 AM

    Not that I’m defending Courtney, she annoys me too (i mean, what grown up woman says, “I can reach higher than any of you…”??), but what she actually said was: “I’ve always had boy FRIENDS”, as in her friends are guys, not boyfriends. Cuz she followed it up with that is why she is having a hard time co-existing with 11 other women under one roof.

  8. miss4real

    January 26, 2012 at 9:44 AM

    Yes Courtney does look like AJ Soprano. Most excellent comparison

  9. hordac

    January 26, 2012 at 2:30 PM

    Yes, I noticed the Lindzi – Tenley resemblance too – love the Courtney – AJ Soprano comparison! That is SOOOO right on! I want Steve to put those two side by side as well. To me this is the most accurate resemblance yet.

  10. aziatn

    January 26, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    On the last episode, at the rose ceremony, they bleeped out Emily as she was calling Courtney a name. Emily called Courtney AUTISTIC. TWICE. This is the real reason for the feud. If people knew this, they would know why Courtney was so mad and offended at Emily. Rewind it. You can tell. ABC didn’t want the heat from Emily’s inappropriate comment so they bleeped it like it was any other word. Kacie B, Monica and all the other girls laughed when Emily said that. They are not “sweet” girls. These girls are vicious. Courtney’s response to Emily was totally appropriate. Courtney has not stooped to bad mouthing the other girls the way they’ve come after her. Shame on you Steve for falling victim to the editing.

  11. sherivannote

    January 26, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    What is your talent? Absolutely NOTHING, you find some dishonest ass that betrays ABC while filming and then you pass it on acting like hero, (in fact low life) and ruin the the bachelor season, yet again for many people. I won’t worry about hurting your feelings, since it’s obvious someone with out any intergrity couldn’t care less about anyone, including your own ugly sorry self……..

  12. karynr

    January 27, 2012 at 6:03 AM

    sherivannote…you made the choice to read RS and than blame him for the spoilers? Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I’d run to the closest therapist and get help for your anger issues. People read RS by choice. Or, was someone forcing you to read? Wow.

    Keep up the enjoyable commentaries RS! You make this so much more fun.

  13. BLT

    January 27, 2012 at 3:41 PM

    Anyone notice Courtney double-fisting at the end! Whiskey in one hand and a rocker glass with god knows what in the other? Booze hound extreme.

  14. luna

    January 28, 2012 at 4:18 PM

    What on earth was with the comment about Courtney being in Puerto Rico 2 months prior, whilst everybody was toasting at the end? So “classy”, throwing it out there. Dumby.

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