Reality Steve

The Bachelor 16 - Ben

The Bachelor Ben Recap Including Some Details from the Vegas Reunion and My First Live Video Blog This Thursday Night

-Cocktail party time and Hurricane Courtnemily is fast approaching. Only minutes before it touches down. Everyone, quickly, to the basement! Bring your wives and children and get in the bath tub now! P-Germy: “Courtney is like a statue made of marble. It’s really beautiful, but its cold, and its hard on the inside.” Well, we know Ben is too, so I’m guessing the Notorious Epidemiologist is walking on a tightrope bringing this up to Ben. She pulls him aside to let him know that Courtney is essentially the devil in a dress.

Emmy O:“There’s someone in particular that acts different around you than she does us.”
Ben: “Well, I don’t expect you to throw her under the bus, but, I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
Grandmaster E: “On this group date, we didn’t think this person wouldn’t particularly act all that well, and then she got the rose for the date.”

So yeah, that pretty much threw her under the bus. I know Ben may be a dope, but I’m guessing he can figure out who it is now. Ben: “You’re gonna go crazy if you read into this…it’s gonna lead to your own demise.” That basically went over as well as a crap sandwich. Made Ben defend Courtney, made Emily seem like a snitch, and Ben gave her the most uninterested, thanks-for-the-talk-pal kind of hug when she left. She might as well have have packed her bags and headed back to North Carolina after that talk because her fate was sealed that night.

-To make matters worse, either not knowing Casey S. was acting as a double agent, or purposely telling her I’m not sure, Emily goes back to Jamie and Casey and tells them that she ratted out Courtney to Ben. Casey S. is having none of it because she’s delusional and happens to see the good that is in Courtney. Casey: “She’s not a fake person.” Emily: “Courtney’s not a fake person? You’re the only one that thinks that.” So either 11 girls are right and 2 girls are wrong, or 2 girls are right and 11 are wrong. I’ll play the numbers game and join Team Emily. Can I buy a shirt? When Casey runs to Courtney to tell her what Emily said, the sh** hits the fan. So it’s not like Courtney was in an ITM and could’ve been giving answers to questions that had nothing to do with Emily. She is sitting in a 1-on-1 conversation with Casey responding to hearing that Emily talked bad about her to Ben. One thing I’ve noticed about Courtney is she constantly has a giant glass of red wine in her hand. I don’t know if her filthy mouth is fueled by alcohol or what, but lets just say she dropped more f-bombs than a Chris Rock concert. We get such gems as:

“I just wanna rip her head off and verbally assault her. Or just rip off her eyebrows.”
“Don’t f***in cross me.”
“She’s on my sh** list.”

So is Courtney a bitch or not? Is this all an act or not? Is she just there to win or is she really looking for love? Just like every contestant who’s ever been on this show, they have people that love them, and have people that hate them. Sure, Courtney has way more haters publicly than say someone like Kacie does at this point, but, you knew at some point someone from her past would come forward to defend her. Looks like WetPaint.com found someone who’s under her spell…errrrr…who thinks she’s an angel as well. It’s impossible to know what to believe is true and what isn’t about her. People who like her will defend her, those that don’t won’t. We are seeing bits and pieces of hours and hours of footage of her. Do I think she’s a saint? Absolutely not. And I don’t expect her to win me over at any point. Her ex probably still wants to get in her pants. Here’s what is true about her though: She’s engaged to Ben.

-Remember how I told you that I’ve gotten more “Courtney looks like…” emails than any other girl this season? Well, I made the list. Here it is. Some I can totally see, some I don’t see at all. But I’ve gathered as many emails as I could from people telling me who they Courtney reminds them of and here it is:

Male:

Orlando Bloom
Russell Brand
Bob Saget
Marilyn Manson
Brady Quinn

Female

Rachel Weisz
Mariel Hemingway
Natalie Portman
A young Janice Dickinson
Ursula from Little Mermaid
Winona Ryder
Andie McDowell
Julianna Margulies
A skinnier Elizabeth Kitt
Jennifer Connelly
Gia Allemand

Time to make a decision. And the obvious winner is:

-Nicki runs in and pulls Ben out of the hurricane to take him outside where it’s snowing. She wants to catch it with their tongues. Doesn’t work out so well. But you know what does? You guessed it: Ben’s tongue her mouth. He’s so tricky like that. It’s almost like his limited mental capacity only allows him to talk for a certain period of time before he must kiss someone to make them forget what a dolt he can be. And if Nicki was already gushing about how into him she was after all her shining on group dates, she’s probably over the moon now that she gets to kiss the guy while it’s snowing. It’s like you could’ve taken a picture of this scene, framed it, and given it to them at the “After the Final Rose” show if they were actually a couple. But they’re not. Ben and Courtney’s relationship will be remembered by them playing a game of hide the pickle in the waters of Puerto Rico next week. I wonder if what happens when they’re skinny dipping in the water next week will look anything like this. I bet it will:

I’m sorry. I’m just giddy with game show moments this week. I still think “in the ass” is #1, but the “snake charmer” is very close to overtaking “turkey” for 2nd place. Very close. Right now, I’ll take “turkey” boy as #2 only because I get a kick out of dumb, ignorant people. Ask me tomorrow, and maybe I’ll have changed my mind.

-So as all the women are sitting around in the living room, and in what seemed like the most staged conversation ever, with Emily and Courtney exchanging dirty looks from across the room at each other, Kacie B. breaks out into some deep thought out loud and asks, “How many of you have learned more about yourself in these 2 weeks than in the previous 2 years?” Huh? Where on God’s green earth did that question randomly come from? Who asks questions like that in a room filled with liquored up women ready to tear each other’s hair out? Way to bring the room down, Kacie. Geez. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING the producers tell you to do. Courtney says she hasn’t. Pretty much everyone else says they have. This sets Hurricane Courtnemily in motion again. Courtney hints to Emily that she knows she talked about her to Ben, and Emily plays the “What are you talking about card?” Kinda got caught with her pants down there which, the more I think about it, I would’ve liked to have seen. Anyway, Courtney storms off with a “Good luck Emily. I got a rose you don’t. Winning” blast that makes everyone hate her even more. It’s bad enough that Courtney bad mouths everyone in the house, seems to be a lush, and clearly is there for the competitive aspect of it, but giving outdated Charlie Sheen quotes pretty much takes the cake. “Winning” was funny for maybe 24 hours before everyone overplayed it. Jumping on that phrase a year after it became popular is just stupid. But hey, Emily warned us. Courtney doesn’t know which way is up. And probably takes a turkey to the beach.

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64 Comments

64 Comments

  1. bachelorette

    January 25, 2012 at 6:19 PM

    a skinny elizabeth kitt? elizabeth looks anorexic. i don’t think courtney is any skinnier than her.

  2. hordac

    January 25, 2012 at 6:29 PM

    I am disappointed in Emily. Do these girls actually watch the show prior to applying to be on it? The girl who rats out the bitch in the house always ends up being thrown out on her ass by the Batch. God knows that a man’s penis can’t be told the object of its desire is a manipulative shrew. Hey, it might even up the attractiveness factor. Lets face it, Ben is not in this to get married, and I think its the only way for someone like him to date a model for any length of time. I hope there is a similar post breakup interview between them like there was with Jake and Vienna! I also agree that Emily should have owned up to ratting out Courtney. As for the double agent who went and tattled? Bet the producers made her do this to stir it up.

  3. poddington

    January 25, 2012 at 7:45 PM

    good words, Hordac. So true. Keep in mind, if Emily met the “man’s Penis” right AFTER Courtney dumped it (and likely left it weeping with infection), she would be his wife for being so wise and nurturing. These girls are still young, they will learn.

  4. cidm

    January 26, 2012 at 7:41 AM

    why why why why WHY is Courtney’s forehead so oily and shiny in EVERY single ITM that she does ???? And where is the lower portion of her face and what’s up with her lips??
    By the way – great call on the comparison to Russell Brand, definitely is her doppelganger!
    Lindzi reminds me of a slightly disheveled Tenley – anyone else see it ???

  5. gege

    January 26, 2012 at 8:45 AM

    Ben could look like the tennis player Nadal if he’d uncover his face 🙂 Of course that wouldn’t make him any smarter but he’d be nicer to look at 🙂

  6. converse

    January 26, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    Rachel – “You know, it’s something that I’ve struggled with in the past”
    Ben – “What is?”
    Rachel – “Communication”
    Ben – “Ahh….perhaps including the subject in your sentence might help. Particularly if you are trying to communicate that communication is a problem.”

  7. locondcoco

    January 26, 2012 at 9:09 AM

    Not that I’m defending Courtney, she annoys me too (i mean, what grown up woman says, “I can reach higher than any of you…”??), but what she actually said was: “I’ve always had boy FRIENDS”, as in her friends are guys, not boyfriends. Cuz she followed it up with that is why she is having a hard time co-existing with 11 other women under one roof.

  8. miss4real

    January 26, 2012 at 9:44 AM

    Yes Courtney does look like AJ Soprano. Most excellent comparison

  9. hordac

    January 26, 2012 at 2:30 PM

    Yes, I noticed the Lindzi – Tenley resemblance too – love the Courtney – AJ Soprano comparison! That is SOOOO right on! I want Steve to put those two side by side as well. To me this is the most accurate resemblance yet.

  10. aziatn

    January 26, 2012 at 3:04 PM

    On the last episode, at the rose ceremony, they bleeped out Emily as she was calling Courtney a name. Emily called Courtney AUTISTIC. TWICE. This is the real reason for the feud. If people knew this, they would know why Courtney was so mad and offended at Emily. Rewind it. You can tell. ABC didn’t want the heat from Emily’s inappropriate comment so they bleeped it like it was any other word. Kacie B, Monica and all the other girls laughed when Emily said that. They are not “sweet” girls. These girls are vicious. Courtney’s response to Emily was totally appropriate. Courtney has not stooped to bad mouthing the other girls the way they’ve come after her. Shame on you Steve for falling victim to the editing.

  11. sherivannote

    January 26, 2012 at 3:36 PM

    What is your talent? Absolutely NOTHING, you find some dishonest ass that betrays ABC while filming and then you pass it on acting like hero, (in fact low life) and ruin the the bachelor season, yet again for many people. I won’t worry about hurting your feelings, since it’s obvious someone with out any intergrity couldn’t care less about anyone, including your own ugly sorry self……..

  12. karynr

    January 27, 2012 at 6:03 AM

    sherivannote…you made the choice to read RS and than blame him for the spoilers? Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I’d run to the closest therapist and get help for your anger issues. People read RS by choice. Or, was someone forcing you to read? Wow.

    Keep up the enjoyable commentaries RS! You make this so much more fun.

  13. BLT

    January 27, 2012 at 3:41 PM

    Anyone notice Courtney double-fisting at the end! Whiskey in one hand and a rocker glass with god knows what in the other? Booze hound extreme.

  14. luna

    January 28, 2012 at 4:18 PM

    What on earth was with the comment about Courtney being in Puerto Rico 2 months prior, whilst everybody was toasting at the end? So “classy”, throwing it out there. Dumby.

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