Reality Steve

The Bachelor 16 - Ben

The Bachelor Ben Recap Including Where Was Lindzi This Weekend, Ben & Courtney’s Song For the Season & the ATFR Taping Date

-Up next is Emily’s 1-on-1 date with Ben. Or at least I thought it was Emily’s 1-on-1. Kinda hard to tell when THREE different times during her date, they cut away to Courtney back at the hotel whining about Emily getting a date while her sorry ass might not get a solo one this week. I don’t think we’ve ever seen a 1-on-1 date, especially this late in the season, interrupted that many times to get the reaction of someone else back at the hotel. If that wasn’t foreshadowing of what was to come for the unspoiled, then I’m not sure what was. Then again, I really wasn’t too interested in watching this date for reasons that I’ve probably made clear in every column this season. When Emily left, one of the girls said to her, “Have an un-BELIZE-able day.” Ok, enough with the Belize nonsense. Not only because it’s not funny, but you’re really isolating Courtney. Having her incorporate “Belize” into a sentence might give her an aneurysm. Well, unless that sentence is “I Belize I’m carrying Ben’s baby after Puerto Rico.” Ben and Emily rides bikes through town, which we knew back in October when the site posted these pictures.

-However, what the pics from that site didn’t show us was Ben and Emily getting in a little basketball game. I mean, did you see that? Emily didn’t shoot like a girl. She didn’t go flat foot, push shot, with one leg kicking back up behind her that 99% of women who don’t play basketball shoot like. Trust me, I was watching intensively considering my basketball background. Emily actually took a little jump shot and didn’t look like a spaz doing it. Good lord. This just isn’t fair. What’s the next thing you’re gonna tell me, her three favorite shows are “24,” “Friday Night Lights,” and “Lost?” Watching her take that jump shot pretty much sealed the deal. Why? Well because in case you didn’t know this, there are only three guarantees in life. Death, taxes, and MY jump shot. Check this:


Who’s the baller in the nut hugger shorts nailing that jumper back in 1993? That would be yours truly. And oh yeah, for those who might not be able to make out who #34 is that I’m busting in the eye right there, that’d be Miles Simon, two-time Orange County Player of the Year, National Champion and Most Outstanding Player at the Final Four for the University of Arizona in 1997. Where you at, Miles? Bam! In your eye. Look at the form. Did it go in? Of course it did. Did we win? Uhhhh, no. I believe that Mater Dei team won state that year. And pretty much every other year. But as long as I can bring back pictures from 19 years ago and glam on to my shining moment making Miles Simon look silly for everyone to see, I’m happy. And oh yeah, if Emily wants to even attempt a game of H-O-R-S-E with me, bring it. I’m down.

-After their game of basketball where Emily was legitimately trying to play and Ben was trying to cop a feel since I’m sure he has the basketball skills of a 6th grader, these two try and go get some lobsters for dinner. What?! There’s no lobsters left for them? How convenient though that a boat is ready to take them out to sea where they can catch their own lobsters. It’s like this is all planned out in advance and not spontaneous whatsoever. Oh wait. It isn’t. From the editing, it looks like each of them caught lobsters. I guess. I’m thinking more that Emily caught hers because she’s got skillz whereas they had to wait around for one to jump into his hand. Lets just say he’s no Ozzy Lusth underwater. At dinner, Ben asks, “Do you feel confident enough bringing me home to your family?” I think after a five-minute answer, in a roundabout way, Emily said, “I think they will absolutely love you.” Really? You are going to prevent worldwide diseases from spreading some day while this guy is off jerking around with D-list celebrities making “Cream Dream 2: The Release…Onto Courtney.” Not being biased here but, yeah, good thing these two didn’t last. Ok, I’m being biased.

-Ben toasts to Emily saying that her parents would love him and she’s giving him an open invitation to come to Charlotte with, “To a beautiful woman, I’m happy to be here, and wonderful moments together.” The guy basically just dissed her invitation. Ummmm, he certainly didn’t diss Lindzi when she mentioned meeting her parents or even Courtney later. Hell, he flat out told Courtney to her face he wanted to meet her parents. Good cover on Emily, Ben. Don’t think I didn’t notice that. Even last season we saw Brad break the rules and give Emily a rose on her 1-on-1 before hometowns when he wasn’t supposed to. Even the non-spoiled should’ve seen Emily’s departure coming from a mile away. Of course, even though Ben’s mind was pretty much already made up, that didn’t stop him from getting on last tongue down session in with her. I began breaking out in hives during this.

-And of course they cut away to Courtney back at the hotel bitching about she’s losing it for Ben. Oh look! A date card! I wonder if it’ll be a 1-on-1 for Courtney! Well lookie there, it is. “Courtney. Lets take the next steps in our relationship. Ben.” Ummmm, if you’ve already had sex, exactly what would the next steps be? The justice of the peace showing up? Courtney is flaunting that she got the last 1-on-1 date and little southern belle Kacie is turning into a drunken sailor. Kacie: “That f***ing bitch. It took every freaking fiber of my being to not spring across the room and punch her in the face…it’s not because I’m jealous of her…it’s because $#%^!@ piece of a person.” Ummmm, well, it IS because you are jealous of her Kacie, you can at least admit that. You know what’s funny? By no means am I gonna sit and defend anything Courtney has said or done this season, but can you imagine if that last line came out of Courtney’s mouth how much more hatred would spill her way? But since sweet, little ol’ Kacie B. said it, no one is probably batting an eye today talking about it at the water cooler with their friends. Just saying. Courtney would’ve been crucified if that came flying out of her mouth. An f-bomb and a physical threat. Kind of along the lines of how Michelle Money said her thing last season. Michelle says it during Brad’s season, and women are calling her nasty, and a bitch, so on and so forth. Kacie says on camera she wants to punch Courtney in the face and no one will say a word about it today. Hmmmmmmm. And if you don’t think Kacie has a little rough streak in her, check this out:

Kacie B Supporting The 2nd Amendment
Courtesy of: Lucky Gunner

Kacie B: She's beautiful, she's brilliant, and she's here for Ben!
Courtesy of: Lucky Gunner

Kacie B. putting a few rounds down-range with the Sphinx 3000 Compact
Courtesy of: Lucky Gunner

Kacie B shooting the Sphinx 3000 Competition pistol
Courtesy of: Lucky Gunner

Kacie B Supporting The 2nd Amendment
Courtesy of: Lucky Gunner

Thanks to, back in May we can see this chick was firing off guns at the range lookin’ all bad ass. Just to think a few months later she wanted to haul across the room and punch Courtney in the face. I wonder if “punch her in the face” was a euphemism for “blow her brains out at the shooting range.”

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  1. meandpj

    February 15, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    You are awesome!! My thoughts exactly on the tanktop! I was crying i was laughing so hard at his tank top with a pocket..he is such a tool!

  2. mossygogo

    February 15, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    not sure if anyone has seen this, but courtney seems shockingly NORMAL!

    i did LOL at her comment about hoping “there are some nice girls” on the show…

  3. nana2jace

    February 15, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    The only way I will ever watch this show again is if after the final ceremony show, Ben looks at Courtney and says after watching her, he wants to break up. I understand reality tv, don’t take it real serious and just tune in for the train-wreck of it. But this season, for some reason, it bugs me. Maybe because Courtney is such an obvious plant or it means there are really so-dumb men out there such as Ben. I’ll miss the show – always enjoyed the ridiculous falling in love after 2 dates and what the girls would do but this season, we have been duped.

  4. esayer

    February 15, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    First off, I think Courtney is hilarious. Everything that comes out of her mouth is hysterical and true. Everyone ripping on her are taking the show and her way too seriously. I think Courtney and Ben actually have feelings for each other, and I hope they did find love. We will see. Looking forward to ATFR. Second, my roommate is Ben’s masseuse in Marin. She said all the girls she works with love him, and whenever he comes in they all go gaga over him. She said it’s been that way since before the bachelorette. She said he’s cuter in person too. 🙂

  5. FanofSteve

    February 15, 2012 at 9:36 PM

    I finally figured out why Ben insists on keeping his hair long … next time the wind blows, or the camera catches him at a certain angle, take a look at his ears: seriously, he’s more jug-headed than Prince Charles and actually closely approximates Alfred E. Newman of Mad Magazine.
    My vote for who Courtney resembles in the lip department is Susan Dey in her role as Laurie [if I remember correctly] in the sitcom “The Partridge Family.”
    Courtney = psycho; Ben = babble. Together, they are “psychobabble.”
    P.S. Can’t ANYONE teach Ben how to kiss quietly, without all those squeaky-sucking sounds?! Ewwwwww!

  6. karynr

    February 16, 2012 at 7:14 AM

    Has anyone thought about what it would be like if Courtney, once she dumps doofus, ends up on BP3? How crazy would that be??!! Though, part of me thinks if Ben is having second thoughts, watching her behavior on the show these past weeks would help him save face ( just a little) if he ends up being the Dumper.

  7. russellsfan

    February 16, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    Did I hear correctly Ben saying to Emily “I know smart girls don’t like being called smart.” Yikes.
    I vote for Courtney and Bentley.

  8. ang23

    February 21, 2012 at 6:33 AM

    Ben is in need of a fashion coach. He looks awful in tank tops. He also needs a better hairstyle. He looks like a sloppy nerd with his sweaty and greasy hair parted in the middle.

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