Reality Steve

The Bachelor 16 - Ben

The Bachelor Ben Recap Including Where Was Lindzi This Weekend, Ben & Courtney’s Song For the Season & the ATFR Taping Date

-Ben begins his date with Courtney by telling her “I wanted you on this date cuz these are the things that I like to do.” Huh? Since when? You normally visit ancient Mayan ruin temples in your spare time on second dates? Wow. You are a bigger man than I. Usually date #2 consists of Dave and Buster’s for me so I can see their competitive side and if they start bitching and crying when I’m kicking their ass all over the game room floor. Can’t say I’ve ever climbed temple steps before. Guess there’s a first time for everything. Courtney reiterates that she really liked Ben in the beginning, but the sparks have kinda fizzled. Fizzled, huh? So you had the date on the first city you visited, Sonoma, and things were great. In San Francisco, you told the guy he better sh**can Shawntel, or else you were leaving. In Utah, you pulled him away from everyone else, caught a fish with him, and said you were winning 1,000 times when you got the rose. In Puerto Rico, you put on your birthday suit and played with his dingy in the water, and last week you seduced him again by going topless. Hmmmm, seems to me you’re just making sh** up now for the cameras to sell your story considering what you just said totally contradicts your actions from the last five episodes.

-As they reach this temple, the first thought across Courtney’s mind isn’t “Wow, what an amazing adventure” or “We are looking at a major part of history.” Nope. She asks, “Is this where human sacrifices take place?” Which was all foreshadowing of what was to come since later on at the temple, Courtney will be sucking the soul out of Ben. She starts in by telling him to his face, “If I didn’t get a 1-on-1, I was not gonna accept a rose from you.” You could literally see the giant knot in Ben’s throat upon hearing this. I’m surprised he didn’t jump down from the temple at that point, sprint through all the trees, grab a rose, run up the steps and present one to her. I mean, how pissed do you think Courtney was that here they were, having just climbed tons of steps, the sun is baking down on them and she has to actually fan HERSELF? Don’t guys in togas usually take care of that for her while she sits on her throne and gets fed grapes? The least Ben could do would be to fan her himself so she doesn’t have to do it. Ugh. Where are his manners? He is losing points with her and fast. He might want to think of something quick before she REALLY pretends she’s not interested.

-Well gee, that didn’t take long. Ben: “I respect it more that you’ve told me these things. I’m amazed that you’ve been able to hang on.” Hahahahahahaha. WHAT??!! After she’s done nothing but complain to him every time about not feeling wanted, him giving in immediately, he’s complimenting HER on how SHE’S handled this? Un-f***ing-BELIZE-able. You know what that is right there, people? That’s p***y control for ya’. P***y f***ing control:

Have fun trying to get that song out of your head now today. Never before in this show’s history has a woman’s clown pocket had so much control over the lead guy. Quite frankly, it’s almost embarrassing to watch. Her vajayjay is the Holy Grail, and he’s Indiana Jones. Not that it would ever happen in a million years because she’s too hated by the audience, but could you imagine the mind f***ing she could do to guys in a season if Courtney were ever the “Bachelorette?” Holy crap. 25 guys souls would leave this earth once she was done with them. It’d be like the final scene in “Raiders of the Lost Ark” where every guy eliminated would just have their body disintegrate.

-The sucking up to Courtney continues. “I want a woman with a little bit of an edge…I want a woman who’s a little bit, ummm, weird. And I like that about you…I want to meet your family. I do.” Translation: For sheer entertainment purposes, and because all of America wants to see as well, I’ve got to meet the bat sh** clan that raised you. This ass kissing is reaching epic proportions. You think it stops there? Not a chance. They continue climbing all the way to the top of the temple. I don’t know what was more impressive, actually making it to the top, or doing it with a carafe of wine that never spilled. Impressive. The things Ben will do for nookie. Once they reach the top, if any of you didn’t have a clue to any of the spoilers this season and we’re still confused on who he ends up with, he pretty much gave it away right then and there. Ben: “Sitting at the top of this temple, I’m thinking of my father. And how proud he would be of me. And then I saw myself with this woman, Courtney sitting next to me, and I’m thinking ‘I see my life with this woman.'” Ummm, do any of you honestly think that he’d bring up his father and Courtney in the same breath if he wasn’t absolutely head over heels for her? Me neither. Not that it wasn’t game, set, and match back on Nov. 16th when the proposal took place, but they’re not even trying to hide it at this point.

-My favorite conversation of the night:

Ben: “Have you refound the spark today?”
Courtney: “I HAVE refound the spark.”
Ben: “Good. I’m glad.”

Translation: Whew! I avoided a major screw up there. Thank god I reinforced to her 1,000 times today that she’s the final one. I mean, I told her without actually telling her. I REEEEAAAALLLLLLY hope she’ll still touch my wee-wee later on. That means the world to me.

-At dinner, the conversation continues. Courtney tells him, “I had a great day. I needed it.” Which was her gentle way of saying, “If you like then shoulda’ put a ring on it.” Then they toasted to God knows what, but I noticed that they jinxed their toast since neither of them were looking into each others eyes when the toast happened. C’mon, we all know that don’t we? If you toast with your woman and you both aren’t looking at each other, the toast means sh**. I mean, I’m sure Ben was 100% locked in to Courtney’s eyes. But she definitely wasn’t looking at him. Probably was trying to count in her head how many different ways there are to emasculate a man on national television. She’s already accomplished about five or six. Maybe she’s gunning for double digits. They begin talking about hometown dates and Courtney reveals something quite shocking. “No man has ever asked my father for my hand in marriage.” And by “shocking” I mean “not at all.” Like we ever expected to hear a bunch of guys have asked Courtney’s dad for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Especially since some of those men were probably her dad’s age.

-Courtney says she looks up to her parents relationship and it’s one that she wants to emulate. We know nothing about her parents at this point. Well, other than her dad looks like Joe Biden and her mom likes to run her mouth to the tabloids that Ben is ugly and Courtney can do, and has done, so much better in the past. And oh yeah, can’t forget the National Enquirer doozy that reported last week Courtney’s mother once called the cops – on herself! Man, I can’t WAIT until next week. Ben then tells her that when they were sitting at the top of the temple, he was having visions of his past, present, and future and that “it was a great moment of clarity for me.” A moment of clarity? To choose the woman whose kitty you saw in Puerto Rico? Apparently it doesn’t take much for you to reach a sense of clarity. Or climax, for that matter. Of course when Courtney hears this, she knows he’s like putty in her hands. “Pack your bags girls. You can all go home. Pew! Pew! Pew! (As she makes the gun gestures with her fingers. Did she go to Texas Tech or something?) Kill shot!…But I don’t want to get too cocky.” That might be the understatement of the season. Honey, cocky is something you started all the way back on the first episode. It’s also what you grabbed in the oceans of Puerto Rico.

-These two now start discussing the other women.

Ben: “I wanna know about your journey?”
Courtney: “The other girls don’t try and get to know me. They haven’t asked anything about my life…These aren’t people I’d be friends with in real life…I have good friends…I have a lot of guy friends.”

Well, if that wasn’t a giant red flag, I don’t know what is. It’s fine if a woman has a lot of guy friends. Just means she has plenty of guys that want to sleep with her. However, to balance that out, you need to get along with women and have female friends you can count on. Sounds like Courtney is lacking a bit in that area, no? I mean, we’re well aware that every woman on this show pretty much hated her. And maybe she didn’t like them either, but it works both ways. It’s one thing to not get along with one or two women in the house. Maybe your personalities don’t mesh or whatever. But every single girl complaining about you speaks volumes. And I’m sure when this is all said and done, Courtney will say that they didn’t get to know her, and no one asked her questions, blah blah blah, but there had to be a reason for that, and something tells me it had more to do with her ever-so-warm personality than it did with them just choosing not to befriend her.

-Now Ben is faking concern that Courtney can’t get along with others.

Ben: “I just want to make sure you have the ability to connect with others.”
Courtney: “Do you know what my job is like? I’m the talent and I have to make everyone happy, and I’m really well rounded and I can adapt to anything. I’m not impressed by these women, or girls. I can’t even call them women.”

Yes, I know what your job is like, Courtney. You models have it real tough. You arrive on set, have people pamper and cater to your every need for 10 hours, you make silly pouty faces into the camera, you cash your check and go home, all while eating tree leaves and berries as your meals. What a tough life they lead, huh? When will people ever understand the pressures of the modeling world? Give them a break why don’t you? I’m sure you’re a real peach to be around after an all-day photo shoot.

It was at this moment that Ben Flajnik unquestionably uttered what was easily the line of the season considering what we know:

Ben: “One of my fears is being with a woman who I like that, ultimately, people don’t.”

Well Ben, meet your fears. Fears, meet Ben. You two enjoy yourselves while the rest of America listens in on your whole conversation. This should be fascinating to see the ATFR show. He’s going to have to sell to America why they should feel bad for Courtney and she was misunderstood on the show and he got down on one knee and proposed to someone that 99% of the viewers of this show can’t stand. Have fun with that. I certainly wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.

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58 Comments

58 Comments

  1. meandpj

    February 15, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    You are awesome!! My thoughts exactly on the tanktop! I was crying i was laughing so hard at his tank top with a pocket..he is such a tool!

  2. mossygogo

    February 15, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    not sure if anyone has seen this, but courtney seems shockingly NORMAL!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z3hgV4QGn8&feature=related

    i did LOL at her comment about hoping “there are some nice girls” on the show…

  3. nana2jace

    February 15, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    The only way I will ever watch this show again is if after the final ceremony show, Ben looks at Courtney and says after watching her, he wants to break up. I understand reality tv, don’t take it real serious and just tune in for the train-wreck of it. But this season, for some reason, it bugs me. Maybe because Courtney is such an obvious plant or it means there are really so-dumb men out there such as Ben. I’ll miss the show – always enjoyed the ridiculous falling in love after 2 dates and what the girls would do but this season, we have been duped.

  4. esayer

    February 15, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    First off, I think Courtney is hilarious. Everything that comes out of her mouth is hysterical and true. Everyone ripping on her are taking the show and her way too seriously. I think Courtney and Ben actually have feelings for each other, and I hope they did find love. We will see. Looking forward to ATFR. Second, my roommate is Ben’s masseuse in Marin. She said all the girls she works with love him, and whenever he comes in they all go gaga over him. She said it’s been that way since before the bachelorette. She said he’s cuter in person too. 🙂

  5. FanofSteve

    February 15, 2012 at 9:36 PM

    I finally figured out why Ben insists on keeping his hair long … next time the wind blows, or the camera catches him at a certain angle, take a look at his ears: seriously, he’s more jug-headed than Prince Charles and actually closely approximates Alfred E. Newman of Mad Magazine.
    My vote for who Courtney resembles in the lip department is Susan Dey in her role as Laurie [if I remember correctly] in the sitcom “The Partridge Family.”
    Courtney = psycho; Ben = babble. Together, they are “psychobabble.”
    P.S. Can’t ANYONE teach Ben how to kiss quietly, without all those squeaky-sucking sounds?! Ewwwwww!

  6. karynr

    February 16, 2012 at 7:14 AM

    Has anyone thought about what it would be like if Courtney, once she dumps doofus, ends up on BP3? How crazy would that be??!! Though, part of me thinks if Ben is having second thoughts, watching her behavior on the show these past weeks would help him save face ( just a little) if he ends up being the Dumper.

  7. russellsfan

    February 16, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    Did I hear correctly Ben saying to Emily “I know smart girls don’t like being called smart.” Yikes.
    I vote for Courtney and Bentley.

  8. ang23

    February 21, 2012 at 6:33 AM

    Ben is in need of a fashion coach. He looks awful in tank tops. He also needs a better hairstyle. He looks like a sloppy nerd with his sweaty and greasy hair parted in the middle.

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