Reality Steve

The Bachelor 16 - Ben

The Bachelor Ben Recap Including Where Was Lindzi This Weekend, Ben & Courtney’s Song For the Season & the ATFR Taping Date

-The group date starts with Ben waking Rachel, Kacie, and Nicki at 4am. This had to suck for all the parties involved. If I’m waking a female up at 4am it’s certainly not going to be by jumping on their beds to go swimming with sharks. That early of a wake up call can only be done one way: with a stiffy. And since Ben has woken these ladies up with their masks on and looking quite disheveled, they immediately run to the bathroom to freshen up. We get the lovely shots of Rachel shaving her armpits and Nicki shaving her nether regions. Wait, Nicki sleeps in her bikini? How much time has elapsed from the time he woke them up until they got to the bathroom? I love how they made it seem like this scene was rushed and the women had to get ready immediately. When he arrived, it was pitch black, yet when all three women walked out for their date, they were completely done up, and the sun was out. So yeah, they had plenty of time to get ready. And for Nicki to give herself a Brazilian.

-Once on the boat, Ben informs them that they will be swimming with sharks. Immediately Rachel is scared. “I have a fear of sharks.” Really? You don’t say? Wow Rachel, you’re a real wussy. Most people absolutely love sharks and have them as pets. They made it seem like Rachel was alone in this process. I’m guessing a majority of the people in this world don’t think sharks are the friendliest creatures in the world. I mean, they do like to eat peoples limbs for a living. However, if Rachel was stupid enough to think that the show was actually going to put them in the water with Jaws, then she’s about as sharp as a beach ball. In fact, an emailer came to the rescue last night and sent me this:

“Hi Steve,

I’m a marine biologist (but honestly many people would know this) – and I can assure you all those sharks they were diving with were nurse sharks. The are very gentle and although they have teeth, they are small and the worse they could really do is suck you to death (haha shark hickey). Anyway I thought that was funny that they hyped the danger of these harmless sharks.”

Thank you for that. Look, I don’t know the first thing about sharks. But I do know the first thing about television. I’m guessing you can’t just put four people in the water with no shark training whatsoever, without any gear on, and without any shark trainers right by their side, if man-eating sharks were swimming at their feet. C’mon. We ain’t dumb. Well, at least most of us aren’t. Rachel is still under the assumption that the “Bachelor” is going to be responsible for her death on national television.

-Kacie claims she’s not scared of sharks at all. She’s more scared of all the time that Rachel is monopolizing with Ben by freaking out over the “nurse” sharks. I love how my readers can fill me in so quickly on sh** I know nothing about. So yeah, Kacie is getting jealous. Rachel better be careful or else Kacie might pull out a glock and cap her ass. The shark swimming ended up being pretty uneventful. No one got eaten for lunch, no one died, and Kacie and Nicki basically did their own thing while Rachel pretended to be petrified and had Ben hold her hand the whole time. I guess she thought this was gonna work somehow and she’d get a hometown date for it. Nice try. I think the fact that she was SO chicken sh** about the sharks pretty much had already sealed her fate regarding the final four. The “overcome my fears” routine is getting old on this show. Yeah, maybe Rachel overcame her fears of swimming with nurse sharks that couldn’t so much as give her a hickey, but I’m guessing she still won’t ever go swimming in the ocean alone with ones that actually eat humans.

-After the shark swimming, it’s back to the hotel pool with the three women so Ben can give the rose to someone assuring them of a hometown date, and assuring the rest of us that he’s one step closer to dumping her. Maybe I missed it, but at any point were Lindzi, Emily, and Courtney watching these four interact? I mean, it was right in the backyard. How did we not get scenes of all three of them looking from the window at what was happening outside. Maybe we did but I wasn’t paying attention. At this point, we kinda knew what was coming, I was taking notes, flipping channels, giving Maddie a treat, and figuring out if tonight I make a reservation for two at a restaurant and sit there by myself just pretending that I got stood up, or sit at home, fire up the DVR, and let that be my Valentine’s Day gift to myself. Hmmmmm, tough decisions. I guess pretending I got stood up and eating at the Olive Garden by myself couldn’t hurt, right? Ok, maybe not Olive Garden. Macaroni Grill.

-He pulls Rachel aside first and she tells him that her parents haven’t met many guys that she dates, because that means it’s pretty serious. Inevitably, don’t we hear people saying that every single season? “Oh, the hometown dates mean a lot to me. I don’t introduce just anyone to my parents.” Well no sh**. I don’t think any of us do, unless you want to scare the other person off. How old are these girls again? If you haven’t introduced many guys to your parents, then apparently you haven’t been in many serious relationships and you’re the queen of one night stands. Congrats. I really don’t know what else these two talked about. I know what they didn’t talk about, and that’s her being in love with him. And considering what came out of the next two girls mouths is the reason we know why Rachel was sent home.

-Nicki tells Ben her dad wouldn’t doubt for a second that Ben’s deserving of his daughter’s love. I have no idea what brings her to this conclusion other than her being delusional. Lets see, she got divorced within the last year, she had a fairly serious relationship within a month before leaving for the show, and now all the sudden she’s in love again. Got it. Makes sense. She tells Ben that she’s said numerous times in her ITM’s since she arrived in Belize that she’s falling in love, and normally that would make her scared, but she was totally fine with it and that she’s ok with falling in love. Well, that is until Switzerland when she says she’s done a 180 and can’t see herself being a wife and a mom right now. Woops. Oh how quickly feelings can change. Poor girl. Hope she had fun at Blackfriar on Saturday night and found herself a new man. Would’ve been interesting to run into her and see if she was dancing on any tables.

-When Ben talks to Kacie, she wastes no time whatsoever.

Ben: “Why do you feel ready to bring me home?”
Kacie: “Because I’m falling in love with you.”

Which was then followed by a bunch of no tongue kisses in the jacuzzi. Never a good sign. Although Kacie is completely oblivious to those signs. “I know he can’t say ‘I’m falling in love with you too,’ but his kisses showed me more than I needed.” Well, the reason he couldn’t say he wasn’t falling in love with you Kacie was because he wasn’t. But hey, if you want to think in your own warped reality that he really is, but just can’t say it because that would give things away, you go right ahead sweetie. Have at it. Lets not fool ourselves. Kacie isn’t in love with Ben. She’s young, she’s happy, she has a guy there that she really, really likes but this chick didn’t fall in love with him. She fell in love with the process, as so many of them do.

-Kacie ends up getting the rose and of course we get an ITM of Courtney saying that she doesn’t see Kacie as a threat. “She’s not competition to me. She’s just a little girl in a little boy’s body.” Nice. Can’t imagine why Courtney wasn’t well liked in the house. Granted, Kacie and the others didn’t hear that comment until last night, but we’ve also now heard two women come forward (one on the show last night, the other in an exit interview) say that Courtney slept a lot on the show. So naturally, when talking to Rachel, Kacie, and Nicki, Ben gets warned yet again about Courtney. Nicki: “We want you to be cautious about Courtney.” Kacie: “Tread lightly.” Hey, now she’s stealing the line that Ben dumped on Emily. That couldn’t possibly have been a coincidence. Awesome. So even Emily thought that line was so petty and ridiculous, she told the other girls what Ben told her and they used it back on him. Oooooohhhhhhh buuuuuuuuurn!

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  1. meandpj

    February 15, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    You are awesome!! My thoughts exactly on the tanktop! I was crying i was laughing so hard at his tank top with a pocket..he is such a tool!

  2. mossygogo

    February 15, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    not sure if anyone has seen this, but courtney seems shockingly NORMAL!

    i did LOL at her comment about hoping “there are some nice girls” on the show…

  3. nana2jace

    February 15, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    The only way I will ever watch this show again is if after the final ceremony show, Ben looks at Courtney and says after watching her, he wants to break up. I understand reality tv, don’t take it real serious and just tune in for the train-wreck of it. But this season, for some reason, it bugs me. Maybe because Courtney is such an obvious plant or it means there are really so-dumb men out there such as Ben. I’ll miss the show – always enjoyed the ridiculous falling in love after 2 dates and what the girls would do but this season, we have been duped.

  4. esayer

    February 15, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    First off, I think Courtney is hilarious. Everything that comes out of her mouth is hysterical and true. Everyone ripping on her are taking the show and her way too seriously. I think Courtney and Ben actually have feelings for each other, and I hope they did find love. We will see. Looking forward to ATFR. Second, my roommate is Ben’s masseuse in Marin. She said all the girls she works with love him, and whenever he comes in they all go gaga over him. She said it’s been that way since before the bachelorette. She said he’s cuter in person too. 🙂

  5. FanofSteve

    February 15, 2012 at 9:36 PM

    I finally figured out why Ben insists on keeping his hair long … next time the wind blows, or the camera catches him at a certain angle, take a look at his ears: seriously, he’s more jug-headed than Prince Charles and actually closely approximates Alfred E. Newman of Mad Magazine.
    My vote for who Courtney resembles in the lip department is Susan Dey in her role as Laurie [if I remember correctly] in the sitcom “The Partridge Family.”
    Courtney = psycho; Ben = babble. Together, they are “psychobabble.”
    P.S. Can’t ANYONE teach Ben how to kiss quietly, without all those squeaky-sucking sounds?! Ewwwwww!

  6. karynr

    February 16, 2012 at 7:14 AM

    Has anyone thought about what it would be like if Courtney, once she dumps doofus, ends up on BP3? How crazy would that be??!! Though, part of me thinks if Ben is having second thoughts, watching her behavior on the show these past weeks would help him save face ( just a little) if he ends up being the Dumper.

  7. russellsfan

    February 16, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    Did I hear correctly Ben saying to Emily “I know smart girls don’t like being called smart.” Yikes.
    I vote for Courtney and Bentley.

  8. ang23

    February 21, 2012 at 6:33 AM

    Ben is in need of a fashion coach. He looks awful in tank tops. He also needs a better hairstyle. He looks like a sloppy nerd with his sweaty and greasy hair parted in the middle.

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