Dr. Reality Steve
Only four emails this week. There might have been more, that I could’ve skipped or accidentally deleted because I thought I had seen more. But with the amount of emails I get, especially if I’m not at my computer and I’m checking them on my phone, sometimes I forget to send them to the Dr. Reality Steve folder right away, or, I forget to respond to them and hit delete. So keep em’ coming and just assume they’ll be answered at some point.
What would be your ideal valentines day gift? Me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 16 so this will be our 6th valentines together and i am just completely out of ideas. It really doesn’t help that his birthday, our anniversary, Christmas, and valentines day are all within four months of each other and i used up all the ideas i had. He keeps telling me that since i got him a big present for christmas that he doesn’t need anything for valentines day, but this year was really rough for us (not relationship wise,id say were closer than ever, but it was just a horrible year) and while we’ve both been really sad the last few months he’s pretty much had to take care of me and himself. I just want to get him something that says thank you for being so amazing, and i’m hoping you could give me some tips. i know yall probably are nothing alike so theres a chance nothing you say could work, but if you could just tell me some things that most guys would like (besides sex) i would really appreciate it. We do live in Texas so he likes to hunt if that helps at all. Also i’m in college so i cant spend a ton of money. Hopefully you can help me out because i’m stuck but if not thanks anyways!
Comment: Uhhhhh, woops. Guess I should’ve answered this before Tuesday. See what I mean? If I see an email that has a subject line of “Dr. Reality Steve,” sometimes I don’t even read it and immediately put it into that folder of emails and don’t officially read it until I start the column on Wednesday nights. Looks like that’s what happened here.
Anyway to be honest, guys don’t really care that much about receiving on Valentine’s Day. Well, receiving anything tangible. The other receiving? Well, that’s always a nice thought. But as you say, you didn’t have a lot of money, your anniversary and Christmas was in the last four months and it’s been a rough year. Anything thoughtful at that point would help. You don’t need to buy him anything on Valentine’s Day to make him happy. I’m sure you being his girlfriend for the last six years already did that. I just hope you just acknowledged that you appreciate what he’s done and that should be enough. Whether it was a card, a note, a voicemail anything where you appreciate what he’s done, I’m guessing he was happy.
And if you threw in a handy, well, that probably sealed the deal.
Hi Dr Steve,
Love your blog! Thanks for the laughs on Tuesdays and Thursdays!
I have a question for you that I hope you will answer. When in a relationship is it appropriate to bring up the subject of marriage? My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 8 months now, we never fight, spend every weekend together, we are older I’m 32 he’s 42, both agree on the important things like kids, politics, religion etc. We have kind of joked about it in the past, saying things like “when we get married we are getting a pool”, “when we have a kid your dealing with the dating issues” etc. On NYE I got a little silly on champagne and said I was going to marry him someday to which he said “well we wouldn’t be here now if that wasn’t a possibility”. Recently he stated he may be getting a new job and move out of state, I said that I would have no problem moving with him should that come up to which he was happy about but we have not talked about that since and it may no longer even be an issue. He wants to have kid(s) as do I and since we are at the ages we are I personally don’t want to have a kid when I’m pushing 40. Is it too soon to bring this up in a serious tone and if not how do I get this conversation started without freaking him out?
Thanks in advance for the advice!
Comment: That’s a tough one because every couple is different. It sounds like you guys aren’t against it, both want kids, and it’s been brought up before, so I don’t think you have much to worry about. And the fact that he responded with “well we wouldn’t be here now if that wasn’t a possibility” when you had your tipsy moment on NYE is a positive sign. I would just say ride it out, if it gets brought up again just go with it, but try and steer it into a more serious tone, instead of a playful one. If you guys both want to get married, it’s gonna get brought up at some point. But based on what you said, I don’t think you have much to worry about. Just be glad he didn’t go running for the hills when you got intoxicated on NYE and brought it up. Sounds like he’s gonna put a ring on it at some point.
This email was in response to last week’s question from the woman who slept with an ex 8 years ago on a one night fling, but is been married now with a child, but the child could be from that fling and she didn’t know if she should test to find out for sure, or just leave the past in the past..
In your Dr. Steve column this week, you asked about DNA testing. The easiest thing to do is compare blood types. I’m assuming she knows her own blood type, her son’s and her husbands. For example, if her blood type is A and her husbands is O, then their biological child has to be either A or O. If her kid is Type B or AB then it’s not his.
Otherwise, she needs a DNA test. All she has to do is get a kit and get swabs of the inside of her kids’ mouth and her husbands and send them to a lab or hospital. Not that invasive. The cost should be around $200.
I’m a lawyer and have seen this come up in divorces, adoptions, and other cases.
Enjoy your blog and keep up the great columns!
Comment: Looks like comparing blood types is the way to go. I’m guessing your husband might get a little suspicious of you asking him, “Hey honey, you mind if I swab your mouth for a second before I head to the lab? Thanks. You’re a peach.” Yeah, that might make it a little suspicious.
Hi Dr. Steve,
I know you hear this a lot, but I love your column. It definitely makes The Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons bearable to watch. One of my best friends lives in Seattle (I’m from Indiana) and we always chat on Monday nights about the episode and joke about what we think you will say about it. lol
Anyway, I need your perspective. Here’s a little background: I’ve been on and off with this man, we will call him Billy, for 4 years, with one of the break-ups lasting 8 months. In that time period, I met someone else who was in the Army, we will call him Bob. He left for AIT shortly after we started dating so the majority of our relationship was over the phone. We only had seen each other 4 times the duration of our 6 month relationship. But after a month he was telling me he knew I was the one for him and he was going to propose when he got home and blah blah blah. I’ve heard this is common with men in the military, but I thought I loved him and I let myself believe it would happen. So he comes home from AIT, and the next day we go to a concert with all his friends, get drunk, get in a fight and he breaks up with me. THE NEXT DAY. We talked a few times after the break up and he basically told me he wasn’t willing to change for anyone and just wasn’t at a place in his life for a serious relationship, contradicting EVERYTHING he had said while he was away for the Army. So, time goes on, Billy and I started talking again, resolved some of the difference we had previously had and are now dating again.
This morning, I wake up to a text message from Bob, saying that he is concerned for me, that all his friends have been blowing his phone up about my new boyfriend. What the hell am I thinking, he looks like a 12 year old with down syndrome….blah blah blah. I had many clever comebacks for this but decided to take the high road and basically tell him it was none of his business. He still continues texting me about it for an hour telling me I’m not ugly, I can do way better, what am I thinking…blah blah blah. So, I guess my question to you is, what the hell is his problem!? And what is the best way to handle it??
Comment: Sounds like military boy is jealous you moved on. Does he or his friends know who “Billy” is? Do they have some background info on him that you don’t know about, or, are they just acting like douches because they know “Bob” wants you back so they’re trying to plant the seed in your head to dump this guy? Some like petty jealousy. If you like the dude you’re with, tell Bob to put a sock in it and stay out of it unless he knows something of proof that you could be in danger with this guy. But if he’s just saying your dude is ugly, you can do better, etc then he’s just being jealous. Drop him an Adele line and say, “You could have had it aaaaaaalllllllllllll, rolling in the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppp.” His loss, not yours.