Dr. Reality Steve
My favorite all-time “Dr. Reality Steve” question is saved for the last one. Awesome. I really hope I can help that girl out with her problems. I’m telling you, if I wasn’t a Communications major in college, I wanted to get into Psychology. This stuff fascinates me. I could take questions for days on this stuff. I thoroughly enjoy it. Even though I’m not a licensed therapist, I guarantee I could help people with their relationship problems. Why? Because most of these people don’t want to hear the truth which is why they have problems in the first place. I will set them straight.
Hi Dr Reality Steve,
I’m determined to get in your reader emails because I think you’re someone who will actually give me an honest answer as to how men think. I’ve noticed a trend with the past two guys I’ve dated and I want to make sure I’m not doing something wrong…
I’m 22 and in my final year at university. My first two 2 1/2 years at school I was in a serious relationship, so I’ve only been back on the dating scene for about a year and a half. Since then I haven’t dated a guy long enough to call him a full-fledged “boyfriend” but I’ve dated 2 guys for 2-3 months each. I’m a religious girl, and both guys knew that about me beforehand, so I know this wasn’t about sex. They were both fantastic guys, treated me with a lot of respect, introduced me to their friends, were very sweet/affectionate in public, and one of them took me on full-fledged “romantic candle-light” dates and even told his parents about me.
But here’s where I’m a little confused… In both cases:
1. The topic of “Is this a relationship?” got brought up within 1 month by them
2. They said they weren’t sure if they were ready for a full-fledged relationship because they take relationships very seriously, but that they wanted to see each other awhile longer to make sure
3. They hadn’t had a girlfriend or dated in 2-3 years and neither have since
4. We ended things because the guy was acting distant, I asked about it, and they’ve admitted they aren’t at a point in their lives where they can have a relationship.
A lot of deja-vu, that’s for sure 😛 I guess the reason I’m asking is I’ve been told “it’s not you, it’s me” is just a line and that if a guy really likes a girl, he’ll want to be in a relationship. That being said, these guys are 22, both of them are graduating, are from out of the country and have no idea who they are or where they’ll end up. Also, both have told friends that it is only an issue of timing.
I’m asking because I think it’s important to learn from failed relationship to avoid future break-ups, so I want to make sure it wasn’t actually something about me. I asked them both, and the response was always “Of course not!” and as far as I could tell, I never did anything that bothered them (I promise I wasn’t clingy). In fact, both guys told me they were shocked at how patient I was with them.
Anyway, what do you think? Can the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse ever be valid?
Thanks so much! 🙂 I would really appreciate some advice!
Comment: Looks like you’re dating the wrong dudes. Out of the country? I mean, that’s kinda tough. I can’t imagine you’re gonna get any 22 year who doesn’t live in the same country as you to commit to anything serious. He’s still out sowing his wild oats, regardless of what he’s telling you.
Yes, I think in some small cases, “it’s not you, it’s me” is valid. But usually it’s just a line of BS and an easy way out of a relationship either you don’t want to be in, or is moving too fast for someone.
Find someone that lives in at least the same country as yourself, who isn’t so emotionally immature, and stick with that. These out-of-country relationships are setting yourself up for disaster.
Dear Dr. Reality Steve,
This question is about my friend. I know, I know, it’s always a “friend.” But it really is. Anyway, she is fantastic. She is unassuming, kind, honest, completely loyal, intelligent, and she is pretty. Not a model, but she’s easy on the eyes. And I can’t figure out why nobody ever asks her out. She is not the type to sit around and wait for a man, though she does want one. She has gotten a Master’s Degree and has a great job. My theory is that men think they have nothing to offer her if she’s already got two degrees and has a good job. Is that a valid theory or am I just making feel good excuses here? Why do men go for girls with so much less to offer, while my friend sits home alone? Thanks!
Comment: I’ve got an idea. Send me a picture of her, I’ll post it on the site, then all the former “Bachelorette” contestants who read me can see her and I guarantee if they like what they see, they’ll be a mad scramble to get in her pants.
I think some men can be intimidated by a highly educated woman, sure. Hell, Ben dumped Emily for a model, didn’t he? I’m sure your friend will find somebody some day, but if you don’t know why men go after women with so much less to offer then, well, you don’t know men. It’s what they do. Most men aren’t the most picky people in the world. They will jump on whoever pays attention to them. Or grabs their wang in the waters of Puerto Rico. Your friend will be fine. Maybe she needs to get out more and stop burying her head in her books, if that’s what she does.
I am married and have a question for you, hopefully you can help me out with some advice or insight.
My husband really loves video games. He stays up very late at night playing them on the computer, but hardly ever stays up late hanging out with me. He use to often play them after work too, instead of being with the family. The other day, I noticed that he is taking his computer to work. (not a laptop!) Turns out he started a new routine where he will take it to work on Monday and then bring it home on Friday. When I asked him why he was doing that (seems odd) he says that it is so he won’t be tempted to play them when he gets home during the week. ( I guess in an effort to spend time with the family, or not stay up so late..? This is what I inferred)
I was curious about this because playing video games at work seems like a big risk! I asked him about that, and he said he asked his boss and he was ok with it..??
What do you think about him taking his computer to work?
Comment: Ummmm, does he work at an arcade or something? So he takes his computer to work so he can play video games there because God forbid if he left it at home, he’s tempted to neglect his wife and kids for hours of playing “Call of Duty?” I hate to say this, but you’ve got a big problem on your hand.
First, how old is your husband? This whole video game playing craze should be for single dudes out of college, not married men with children. The last video game/system I was addicted to was the original Nintendo and Super Mario Bros and Mike Tyson’s Punchout. That was in 6th grade. I’ve never been a gamer. Sure I’ll play the Wii now and then when I visit my sister, but I don’t own a system and I can’t remember the last time I voluntarily played a video game that wasn’t with my niece or nephew. I’ve never understood grown adults throwing on their Burger King headset and playing video games while talking to strangers they don’t know. Frankly, it’s frightening these people carry jobs and are allowed to reproduce. So yeah, basically I put them on the same level as people who spend hours upon hours commenting on message boards under fake screen names. Basically both need to find something better to do with their time.
Like how bad was it when he was playing at home? The fact he’s neglecting you and your kids should be the ultimate cry for he needs help. That’s not normal. I’d bring this up to him and tell him he needs to change his ways because that’s just wrong.
Dr. Reality Steve,
I love reading your blogs after each episode. They make the show so much better. Anyway, I have a question for you that I hope that you will answer. I have currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of a year and things are good, but getting a little boring. We are both college students and I love him and all, but he is my first serious boyfriend and I sometimes I question if I am missing out on other better guys/experiences. Also, I feel that I work harder than him in school and that he may not become the successful man I am hope to one day marry. I recently signed up for a Sugar daddy website and I have met a 40 year old man who is a successful businessman. He sent me a few pictures of him by email and seems legitimate. I know that going behind my boyfriend’s back like this is wrong, but should I meet this potential Sugar daddy? He claims that he is just looking for chemistry between a women who enjoys being treated well by a successful, attractive businessman, which is so tempting. I know that nothing will come from this sugar daddy relationship other than him buying me material items, fancy dinners, a bit of chemistry, & hopefully not, but probably, sex. Do I want put myself through that? Or should I just end this tempting & exciting idea of a short-lived Sugar Daddy relationship for good?
Comment: First off, be careful. 40 year old guys stalking college girls is just creepy. I’d do a little bit more background on this guy.
However, YOU were the one who signed up for a Sugar Daddy website, so obviously you don’t seem to be against it. I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but you are making a huge mistake. I know you’re young, and the thought of dating a guy who’s successful with money probably sounds like a fantasy world where he’ll end up paying your bills, taking you to places you’d never go with your current boyfriend, etc, but you are headed down the wrong path young lady. And yes, you bet your ass if a 40 year old guy with money is interested in a 20-something college chick, he’s fully expecting sex in return. Sorry honey, he’s not wasting his time of you if he’s not getting anything in return.
Basically, you’re a gold digger if you agree to this affair with him. Hey, I know there are plenty of women out there that can handle that label, are proud of it, and don’t mind it at all. But you’re still young, and you’ve got a life ahead of you. Don’t ruin it by becoming one of them. You will hate yourself for it later. Your self-esteem will be shot to hell, you will never be in a real relationship, and you will become completely superficial. If that’s what you want, then have at it. I’m telling you you’re making a mistake.
What you need to do is break up with your boyfriend, or admit you joined that site. There’s no reason to be with your boyfriend still if you’ve already admitted you’re bored, AND, you signed up for a Sugar Daddy site. Get out of your relationship, and figure out what you want in a guy. I can’t tell you what to do and what not to do, but
And last but certainly not least, my favorite “Dr. Reality Steve” email ever. I don’t even care if this thing is legit or not, it’s still hilarious. I just can’t imagine someone would take time out of their day to make this up, so, I’m guessing it is true. Plus, it sounds like something someone in that age range would do…
And last but certainly not least…
This is a question for Dr. Reality Steve:
I’m a Junior in High School, and I was in a serious relationship starting from Freshman year up until last week. He was my first real boyfriend (not counting the middle school dating that lasts two weeks where you are too afraid to even talk to the person). I shared a lot with him, if you know what I mean. He was my best friend, but we also had an amazing romance. We always had that giddy feeling. At first we had a thing before it became official. Then one day (when we were still in a thing), he invited me on a dinner cruise with his family. He told me that I had to wear and blue dress, curl my hair, and look pretty. It was sunset, and he told me to close my eyes, he took my hand, and asked me “do you trust me?” He told me to step up on a railing, and he put my arms out, he told me to open my eyes and I was flying, just like the flying scene from Titanic. It was so romantic. It’s my favorite movie so it meant so much to me. Then, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I thought I was going to marry this guy. We were so close and were planning to go to the same college. Last week, he sent me a text saying “Jack and Rose did not last forever, therefore, I have no desire to be with you anymore. Bye” I was left confused, hurt, and angry. What does that even mean? I think it means he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but it was just so weird the way he did it. I need to get back at the bastard. Please help! I thought that i’d come to you because you seem witty enough to help me.
Comment: The minute I saw the first sentence, “I’m a junior in high school,” I knew this was gonna be good.
So let me get this straight, a guy you presumably gave up your virginity to, a guy that’s been your boyfriend for the last two years, and a guy that has a very bizarre fascination with re-creating scenes from the “Titanic” during your two year courtship, dumped you over a text message referencing Jack and Rose? Wow. This is awesome, funny, bizarre, and sad all at the same time. Did he also draw pictures of you naked wearing only a necklace too?
Does this putz know that Jack and Rose didn’t last forever because dude died of hypothermia trying to save her life? What a Class A douchenozzle your ex-boyfriend is. Sorry. He does realize that the Jack and Rose love story from the “Titanic” was completely made up for cinematic purposes, right? You officially have the weirdest high school boyfriend I’ve ever heard of. Seriously? This guy took you on a cruise, told you to dress up, then basically re-created the scene on the ship even stealing the lines directly from the movie? Courtney plagarizing “Sex in the City” thinks your guy is unoriginal.
And just to be clear honey, you were never going to marry this guy. I know you thought you were, but you weren’t. You’re probably 17 years old. I’m sure all of us that were in love with our high school sweetheart thought we were gonna marry them someday and, not saying that it doesn’t happen, but it’s very rare. And considering he ended a 2-year relationship over a text referencing a made up couple from the movies, I think goes to show that this guy probably isn’t the marrying type. You HAVE to keep me updated on what your status is with him now. Have you spoke to him since he sent the text? What’s his reasoning? Surely it couldn’t be that Jack/Rose bullsh**. You know what’s even better? Send me a photo copy of the break up text. I have to see this. In fact, it will become my screen saver on my phone if you do.
Thank you for the most thoroughly entertaining high school break up I’ve ever heard of. This made my week.
Back with the live video blog tonight at 9PM EST/6PM PST. Send your emails to: email@example.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.