Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Reader Emails,” WTA Taping Tomorrow, & My Favorite “Dr. Reality Steve” Question Ever Asked

Dr. Reality Steve

My favorite all-time “Dr. Reality Steve” question is saved for the last one. Awesome. I really hope I can help that girl out with her problems. I’m telling you, if I wasn’t a Communications major in college, I wanted to get into Psychology. This stuff fascinates me. I could take questions for days on this stuff. I thoroughly enjoy it. Even though I’m not a licensed therapist, I guarantee I could help people with their relationship problems. Why? Because most of these people don’t want to hear the truth which is why they have problems in the first place. I will set them straight.

Hi Dr Reality Steve,

I’m determined to get in your reader emails because I think you’re someone who will actually give me an honest answer as to how men think. I’ve noticed a trend with the past two guys I’ve dated and I want to make sure I’m not doing something wrong…

I’m 22 and in my final year at university. My first two 2 1/2 years at school I was in a serious relationship, so I’ve only been back on the dating scene for about a year and a half. Since then I haven’t dated a guy long enough to call him a full-fledged “boyfriend” but I’ve dated 2 guys for 2-3 months each. I’m a religious girl, and both guys knew that about me beforehand, so I know this wasn’t about sex. They were both fantastic guys, treated me with a lot of respect, introduced me to their friends, were very sweet/affectionate in public, and one of them took me on full-fledged “romantic candle-light” dates and even told his parents about me.

But here’s where I’m a little confused… In both cases:

1. The topic of “Is this a relationship?” got brought up within 1 month by them

2. They said they weren’t sure if they were ready for a full-fledged relationship because they take relationships very seriously, but that they wanted to see each other awhile longer to make sure

3. They hadn’t had a girlfriend or dated in 2-3 years and neither have since

4. We ended things because the guy was acting distant, I asked about it, and they’ve admitted they aren’t at a point in their lives where they can have a relationship.

A lot of deja-vu, that’s for sure 😛 I guess the reason I’m asking is I’ve been told “it’s not you, it’s me” is just a line and that if a guy really likes a girl, he’ll want to be in a relationship. That being said, these guys are 22, both of them are graduating, are from out of the country and have no idea who they are or where they’ll end up. Also, both have told friends that it is only an issue of timing.

I’m asking because I think it’s important to learn from failed relationship to avoid future break-ups, so I want to make sure it wasn’t actually something about me. I asked them both, and the response was always “Of course not!” and as far as I could tell, I never did anything that bothered them (I promise I wasn’t clingy). In fact, both guys told me they were shocked at how patient I was with them.

Anyway, what do you think? Can the “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse ever be valid?
Thanks so much! 🙂 I would really appreciate some advice!

Comment: Looks like you’re dating the wrong dudes. Out of the country? I mean, that’s kinda tough. I can’t imagine you’re gonna get any 22 year who doesn’t live in the same country as you to commit to anything serious. He’s still out sowing his wild oats, regardless of what he’s telling you.

Yes, I think in some small cases, “it’s not you, it’s me” is valid. But usually it’s just a line of BS and an easy way out of a relationship either you don’t want to be in, or is moving too fast for someone.

Find someone that lives in at least the same country as yourself, who isn’t so emotionally immature, and stick with that. These out-of-country relationships are setting yourself up for disaster.

Dear Dr. Reality Steve,

This question is about my friend. I know, I know, it’s always a “friend.” But it really is. Anyway, she is fantastic. She is unassuming, kind, honest, completely loyal, intelligent, and she is pretty. Not a model, but she’s easy on the eyes. And I can’t figure out why nobody ever asks her out. She is not the type to sit around and wait for a man, though she does want one. She has gotten a Master’s Degree and has a great job. My theory is that men think they have nothing to offer her if she’s already got two degrees and has a good job. Is that a valid theory or am I just making feel good excuses here? Why do men go for girls with so much less to offer, while my friend sits home alone? Thanks!

Comment: I’ve got an idea. Send me a picture of her, I’ll post it on the site, then all the former “Bachelorette” contestants who read me can see her and I guarantee if they like what they see, they’ll be a mad scramble to get in her pants.

I think some men can be intimidated by a highly educated woman, sure. Hell, Ben dumped Emily for a model, didn’t he? I’m sure your friend will find somebody some day, but if you don’t know why men go after women with so much less to offer then, well, you don’t know men. It’s what they do. Most men aren’t the most picky people in the world. They will jump on whoever pays attention to them. Or grabs their wang in the waters of Puerto Rico. Your friend will be fine. Maybe she needs to get out more and stop burying her head in her books, if that’s what she does.

I am married and have a question for you, hopefully you can help me out with some advice or insight.

My husband really loves video games. He stays up very late at night playing them on the computer, but hardly ever stays up late hanging out with me. He use to often play them after work too, instead of being with the family. The other day, I noticed that he is taking his computer to work. (not a laptop!) Turns out he started a new routine where he will take it to work on Monday and then bring it home on Friday. When I asked him why he was doing that (seems odd) he says that it is so he won’t be tempted to play them when he gets home during the week. ( I guess in an effort to spend time with the family, or not stay up so late..? This is what I inferred)

I was curious about this because playing video games at work seems like a big risk! I asked him about that, and he said he asked his boss and he was ok with it..??

What do you think about him taking his computer to work?

Comment: Ummmm, does he work at an arcade or something? So he takes his computer to work so he can play video games there because God forbid if he left it at home, he’s tempted to neglect his wife and kids for hours of playing “Call of Duty?” I hate to say this, but you’ve got a big problem on your hand.

First, how old is your husband? This whole video game playing craze should be for single dudes out of college, not married men with children. The last video game/system I was addicted to was the original Nintendo and Super Mario Bros and Mike Tyson’s Punchout. That was in 6th grade. I’ve never been a gamer. Sure I’ll play the Wii now and then when I visit my sister, but I don’t own a system and I can’t remember the last time I voluntarily played a video game that wasn’t with my niece or nephew. I’ve never understood grown adults throwing on their Burger King headset and playing video games while talking to strangers they don’t know. Frankly, it’s frightening these people carry jobs and are allowed to reproduce. So yeah, basically I put them on the same level as people who spend hours upon hours commenting on message boards under fake screen names. Basically both need to find something better to do with their time.

Like how bad was it when he was playing at home? The fact he’s neglecting you and your kids should be the ultimate cry for he needs help. That’s not normal. I’d bring this up to him and tell him he needs to change his ways because that’s just wrong.

Dr. Reality Steve,

I love reading your blogs after each episode. They make the show so much better. Anyway, I have a question for you that I hope that you will answer. I have currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of a year and things are good, but getting a little boring. We are both college students and I love him and all, but he is my first serious boyfriend and I sometimes I question if I am missing out on other better guys/experiences. Also, I feel that I work harder than him in school and that he may not become the successful man I am hope to one day marry. I recently signed up for a Sugar daddy website and I have met a 40 year old man who is a successful businessman. He sent me a few pictures of him by email and seems legitimate. I know that going behind my boyfriend’s back like this is wrong, but should I meet this potential Sugar daddy? He claims that he is just looking for chemistry between a women who enjoys being treated well by a successful, attractive businessman, which is so tempting. I know that nothing will come from this sugar daddy relationship other than him buying me material items, fancy dinners, a bit of chemistry, & hopefully not, but probably, sex. Do I want put myself through that? Or should I just end this tempting & exciting idea of a short-lived Sugar Daddy relationship for good?

Comment: First off, be careful. 40 year old guys stalking college girls is just creepy. I’d do a little bit more background on this guy.

However, YOU were the one who signed up for a Sugar Daddy website, so obviously you don’t seem to be against it. I know you’re not going to want to hear this, but you are making a huge mistake. I know you’re young, and the thought of dating a guy who’s successful with money probably sounds like a fantasy world where he’ll end up paying your bills, taking you to places you’d never go with your current boyfriend, etc, but you are headed down the wrong path young lady. And yes, you bet your ass if a 40 year old guy with money is interested in a 20-something college chick, he’s fully expecting sex in return. Sorry honey, he’s not wasting his time of you if he’s not getting anything in return.

Basically, you’re a gold digger if you agree to this affair with him. Hey, I know there are plenty of women out there that can handle that label, are proud of it, and don’t mind it at all. But you’re still young, and you’ve got a life ahead of you. Don’t ruin it by becoming one of them. You will hate yourself for it later. Your self-esteem will be shot to hell, you will never be in a real relationship, and you will become completely superficial. If that’s what you want, then have at it. I’m telling you you’re making a mistake.

What you need to do is break up with your boyfriend, or admit you joined that site. There’s no reason to be with your boyfriend still if you’ve already admitted you’re bored, AND, you signed up for a Sugar Daddy site. Get out of your relationship, and figure out what you want in a guy. I can’t tell you what to do and what not to do, but

And last but certainly not least, my favorite “Dr. Reality Steve” email ever. I don’t even care if this thing is legit or not, it’s still hilarious. I just can’t imagine someone would take time out of their day to make this up, so, I’m guessing it is true. Plus, it sounds like something someone in that age range would do…

And last but certainly not least…

This is a question for Dr. Reality Steve:

I’m a Junior in High School, and I was in a serious relationship starting from Freshman year up until last week. He was my first real boyfriend (not counting the middle school dating that lasts two weeks where you are too afraid to even talk to the person). I shared a lot with him, if you know what I mean. He was my best friend, but we also had an amazing romance. We always had that giddy feeling. At first we had a thing before it became official. Then one day (when we were still in a thing), he invited me on a dinner cruise with his family. He told me that I had to wear and blue dress, curl my hair, and look pretty. It was sunset, and he told me to close my eyes, he took my hand, and asked me “do you trust me?” He told me to step up on a railing, and he put my arms out, he told me to open my eyes and I was flying, just like the flying scene from Titanic. It was so romantic. It’s my favorite movie so it meant so much to me. Then, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I thought I was going to marry this guy. We were so close and were planning to go to the same college. Last week, he sent me a text saying “Jack and Rose did not last forever, therefore, I have no desire to be with you anymore. Bye” I was left confused, hurt, and angry. What does that even mean? I think it means he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but it was just so weird the way he did it. I need to get back at the bastard. Please help! I thought that i’d come to you because you seem witty enough to help me.

Comment: The minute I saw the first sentence, “I’m a junior in high school,” I knew this was gonna be good.

So let me get this straight, a guy you presumably gave up your virginity to, a guy that’s been your boyfriend for the last two years, and a guy that has a very bizarre fascination with re-creating scenes from the “Titanic” during your two year courtship, dumped you over a text message referencing Jack and Rose? Wow. This is awesome, funny, bizarre, and sad all at the same time. Did he also draw pictures of you naked wearing only a necklace too?

Does this putz know that Jack and Rose didn’t last forever because dude died of hypothermia trying to save her life? What a Class A douchenozzle your ex-boyfriend is. Sorry. He does realize that the Jack and Rose love story from the “Titanic” was completely made up for cinematic purposes, right? You officially have the weirdest high school boyfriend I’ve ever heard of. Seriously? This guy took you on a cruise, told you to dress up, then basically re-created the scene on the ship even stealing the lines directly from the movie? Courtney plagarizing “Sex in the City” thinks your guy is unoriginal.

And just to be clear honey, you were never going to marry this guy. I know you thought you were, but you weren’t. You’re probably 17 years old. I’m sure all of us that were in love with our high school sweetheart thought we were gonna marry them someday and, not saying that it doesn’t happen, but it’s very rare. And considering he ended a 2-year relationship over a text referencing a made up couple from the movies, I think goes to show that this guy probably isn’t the marrying type. You HAVE to keep me updated on what your status is with him now. Have you spoke to him since he sent the text? What’s his reasoning? Surely it couldn’t be that Jack/Rose bullsh**. You know what’s even better? Send me a photo copy of the break up text. I have to see this. In fact, it will become my screen saver on my phone if you do.

Thank you for the most thoroughly entertaining high school break up I’ve ever heard of. This made my week.

Back with the live video blog tonight at 9PM EST/6PM PST. Send your emails to: To follow me on Twitter, it’s: Or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

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  1. nitegal

    February 23, 2012 at 9:58 AM

    I have only read the first page, thus far, but wanted to let you know that Shawntel Newton is supposed to be on the WTA as well. She was on her local news promoting her book that she wrote about her business and she couldn’t give to much info out about what happened when she returned since she would be on the WTA episode. She did say that most of the girls were indeed nasty to her.

  2. tennesseegirl

    February 23, 2012 at 10:45 AM

    They can’t have a friend of the lead report back to him what’s going on in the house because there would be no drama left! He or she would likely trust that friend and get rid of the the crazy (but entertaining) people early on.

  3. bigfatwoman

    February 23, 2012 at 11:06 AM

    To the person who wrote in telling Steve of her stupid friends who bet money with her on the outcome of Bachelor episodes…..and she continuously wins because they don’t have the sense to find Steve’s spoilers.

    On behalf of those friends that you’re stealing from and making into fools week after week….here is a message to you on their behalf.

    F**k off you dishonest dolt.

  4. liz123

    February 23, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    FYI, the mason jar wine glasses are all the rage right now (no idea why) & are not all that rare. I live in Nashville, so they’re not rare at all here actually. But I have friends from all over the country who have them, so I don’t know where you’ve been hiding if you haven’t seen them. Nothing new (or Southern) in seeing Lindzi’s parents with them. Also, Lindzi’s family lives in Florida. Doesn’t everybody know that the only thing Southern about Florida is it’s geography? 😀

  5. marymac

    February 23, 2012 at 11:36 AM

    I like those mason jar glasses. Seeing those made me want to get some.

    Steve, when I click on your email me link it forces me into Outlook. Outlook sucks and I do not want to configure an account for it. Can you please put up an image of your email address?

  6. morrigan0

    February 23, 2012 at 12:20 PM

    @marymac email is just roll your cursor over the link instead of clicking it and it shows up on bottom left of window.

    DrRS fav email seems like a fake. Titanic was in theatres when I was in HS over 20 years ago and I seriously doubt it’s a trend for current kids EVEN considering the anniversary hype.

  7. DawsMA

    February 23, 2012 at 12:57 PM

    Morrigan0 I agree with you, and also call fake on the girl saying she makes money off her friends for betting on the rejects. No way would her friends continue forking over money when even most viewers who don’t want to know the spoilers know that they at least exist. Duh.

  8. dketch

    February 23, 2012 at 1:02 PM

    Sorry @morrigan0… Titanic came out in 1997 which means it’s only been 15 years, not “over 20”, but you’re right about HS kids now probably not knowing much or caring about it.

  9. BrookeForester

    February 23, 2012 at 1:55 PM

    If the letter was really from a girl who is in high school, it proves a point. You get really rude about questions being asked that you’ve answered several times before. First off, I am assuming that one of your goals by having this blog is that you would like to continually increase your number of readers. Second, if someone in high school is writing you, you can assume they were around five years old when the Bachelor first began, so I highly doubt they would have come on here until now, and therefore, would have no idea that you had previously answered any of these questions. There is no way, if I was a new reader here, I would have the time or the desire to go read pages, and pages, and pages of previous seasons’ recaps, and then remember all the questions and answers. Please be just a little bit humble and be thankful that you have new readers who are taking the time to read your blogs and ask you questions. When I read a question that has been asked and answered here several times, I remember that that is the price you pay for having an entertaining blog that new people are constantly checking out.

  10. locondcoco

    February 23, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    RS obviously failed “how to tell time” in grade school. His goal is to post by noon, CST. If he lived in a state in EST, well, then he would likely want to post by noon EST, meaning it would be an hour earlier in EVERY OTHER TIME ZONE west of it.

  11. jenhering

    February 23, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    I don’t think most people don’t ask you (Steve) all these questions about The Bachelor because we are dying to know the answer — I think it is because you are a cool and charasmatic guy who is thoroughly entertaining! I find your posts and blogs well written and entertaining. For me, watching this show is a couple of hours of falling back into the couch, kids alseep and just not having to think of anything and just plain giggle at the show; and then on Thursday hear what you have to say on the web cast! I think it is awesome you have such success and make a living doing this!

  12. stina2bina

    February 23, 2012 at 11:04 PM

    LOL at the last Dr. Reality Steve question… I hate to say it but when I was 17, my “camp boyfriend” (yes, I had one of those), recreated that Titanic scene with me too :p

  13. Dianne

    February 24, 2012 at 6:30 AM

    I really detest all the people that come onto Steve’s blog just to bash him. Look, if you don’t like what Steve puts down, then please, do us a favour and a) don’t read his posts, and b) keep your rude comments to yourself.

  14. locondcoco

    February 24, 2012 at 7:51 AM

    Dianne, I’m going to assume i’m included in the people you detest. But i’m totally one who believes that “if you can dish it, then you should be able to take it”. He responds to the email i’m referencing by giving the emailer a lesson in time zones. but he’s totally missing the point of the email and what the person was saying. he constantly says how stupid people can be, and how stupid the questions he gets are sometimes. well, sometimes, he is no different. Besides, RS has said on many occasions that he does not read these comments (which i still have a hard time believing).

  15. locondcoco

    February 24, 2012 at 7:57 AM

    oh, but dont get me wrong, for the most part i’m a huge fan and appreciate all the info he provides. i just wish he could do it without the arrogant attitude, espeically towards his readers.

  16. Dianne

    February 24, 2012 at 8:00 AM

    locondcoco, Steve is Steve, and he’s not going to change. Get used to it. If he wants to be snarky in his e-mail replies, then that’s his prerogative. This is HIS blog, not yours, mine, or anyone elses. If people want to ask dumb questions (in Steve’s mind), then they can expect the type of answers they receive from him.

  17. liz123

    February 24, 2012 at 10:57 AM

    You are absolutely right, Dianne, one may do whatever they wish on their own blog. But when you strive for readers & then achieve that goal, you have to expect some of those readers to have opinions. When you respond to readers that you’ve gone to great efforts to obtain in snarky ways & explain why they aren’t very smart (times zone email) & your explanation is wrong & misses their entire point then you have to expect a little snark in return. KWIM? It’s the same as if I made a comment pointing out that you spelled a word wrong only to spell a word wrong myself. I can be a little snarky myself & I know that if I’m going to be that way I better check & double check myself & have a pretty thick skin. I’m guessing that RS also feels that way. The snarky of the world know how to take it & RS is definitely one of the great snarks of the world.

  18. Grace80

    February 24, 2012 at 4:30 PM

    I can’t address the validity of the e-mail, but I do teach/coach high school girls and believe me, these girls know and watch the Titanic. It’s not like girls stop watching romantic movies if the movie isn’t a new release.

  19. sunny1

    February 24, 2012 at 9:49 PM

    I generally don’t read the reader emails but since you stated your ‘favorite’ reader email of all time was in this blog, I thought I would check it out.

    I was appalled that you responded that way to a junior in high school. Seriously Steve? This girl is heartbroken, probably for the first time and she just wants to understand what happened and especially why someone would break up with her over a text.
    I think your response made her feel even WORSE than she was. I hope she never emails you again. Seriously dude?! You think it is ‘funny, bizarre’ ?! You made her feel like a weirdo for having a boyfriend who reenacted a scene from Titanic with her which at that age could be romantic in the right setting. So now, the poor dear, who was just hurt and confused, now feels like a weirdo and an idiot, thanks to you. Oh yeah, all high school kids, write to Steve for your romantic dilemmas.

    Steve, I rarely write here, but if you are writing to an adult that is a different thing. Children, yes, high school kids are still children, are a whole different ballgame. Their hearts are easily shattered and hurt and fragile. You have to remind yourself of that before you respond to them the way you do to adults.

    You are being vulnerable on this site too with complete strangers, everyone knows you are single and you wish you weren’t ( I understand the loneliness, I am 38 and single too), but how would you feel if someone responded with those comments when you were being vulnerable with them? I am actually pretty pissed off – I hope you read this and realize that you need to be kinder and gentler with children. Sensitivity would not be a bad thing to invite when writing to young adults.

  20. ishouldbeembarrassed

    February 25, 2012 at 7:35 AM

    Steve, I have always enjoyed your sense of humor, but my respect for you grew a notch when you wrote about the skinny dipping episode, and how Ben didn’t seem to remember he was dating other women and that was a disrespectful act towards them. Thank you, thank you.

    Courtney has been nothing but disrespectful of Ben, of the other women, of the process and of the seriousness of marriage. I know, I know, this is just TV, but when she can’t even look Ben in the eye, when she has to hedge her remarks about her feelings towards him, she’s not only a bad actress, she’s a bad liar, and it’s unbelievable that she can be taken seriously. Yeah, I want a lifetime partner who tries to find every reason to take her clothes off on national television. My children will have such a great role model!!

    And I like Ben. I’m sorry he’s getting so much grief, but the West Coast is different from the rest of the country and he’s not a mophead where he’s from. Why is everyone on about Ben’s hair, when the women can’t stop pulling their hair out of their eyes? ugh. Growing grapes and making wine is a really complicated endeavor that requires real dedication, planning ahead, understanding lots of science, dealing with the public, and is well respected in his part of the country. He’s in one of the most competitive businesses in the state. He’s got it together, he knows what he loves and he’s good at it. How many men do we know who fit that description?

    All I can say, Ben, is prenup, prenup, prenup.

    And, Steve, I wasn’t even going to bother with this season, but reading your columns make it a lot more interesting!

  21. angelamh66

    February 25, 2012 at 11:48 AM

    @ishouldbeembarrassed … all of that may be true of a real winemaker but trust me, Benny Boy is not involved in this business like that. He is nothing more than a shareholder. It is not his know-how that drives that business.

  22. annabelle555

    February 26, 2012 at 10:58 AM

    We’ve got the “Cajun Wine Glasses” here in Louisiana also. It’s the latest trend for some unknown reason. Red solo cups work just as well!
    Also, I thought I read on the site earlier this week that Courtney will be at the WTA, but I’m not seeing it now. Anyone know anything about that situation?

  23. mommyof2

    February 26, 2012 at 12:27 PM

    @ annabelle555 I think what you saw is the link to WetPaint that Steve posted on his RealitySteve Fan FB page. I guess he didn’t post it on his website since it’s not here. I’m glad Courtney’s suppose to be at the WTA taping. Now it should be somewhat interesting…

  24. rbmom123

    February 26, 2012 at 3:35 PM

    Why do you answer some of the questions so seriously? Can you not tell that people are trying to be funny?!

  25. nikkineel

    February 27, 2012 at 4:39 PM

    Is it just me or is this the lamest season of the Bachelor ever? The producers really need to go back to the drawing room.

  26. nikkineel

    February 27, 2012 at 4:46 PM

    I cannot say enough about how LACKLUSTER these ladies have been!!! I mean Kacie B and the eating disorder…really? this is not an after school special.

  27. nikkineel

    February 27, 2012 at 4:56 PM

    I feel like the producers are determined to sabotage their show because they are taking out the stuff we love. The people are the key to the show and these characters have not been well cast.

  28. nikkineel

    February 27, 2012 at 4:58 PM

    Ben is dull and he is awkward and immature. He is trying way too hard and its obvious he will choose the victoria secret model because hes never been cool enough to get a model.

  29. ishouldbeembarrassed

    February 29, 2012 at 6:28 PM

    Sorry, Steve, not trying to promote his book. I was just trying to find info that said what he really did do in his business, since others are trashing him at regular intervals 🙂 I definitely would be torn if I had you and Ben at my last rose ceremony *hugs*

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