Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 8 - Emily

The Bachelorette Recap Including Chris Harrison Already Lying & Did Emily Maynard Spend the Night with Three Different Guys on the Overnight Dates?

-Emily arrives at the mansion in Charlotte and sits down with Chris to discuss what’s ahead for her. I think if you spliced together all 24 seasons first conversations that the lead has with Chris, you’ll find one common denominator: they’re all exactly the same. I’m nervous, I don’t know what to expect, I’m open to the process, looking forward to this journey, blah blah blah. The only difference is this time, Chris sat across from Emily knowing he was going through a divorce with his wife, so maybe he had a stiffy going on. That’s four.

-Time for the guys to arrive. I’m not going to talk about every guys arrival. Just the ones that made an impression on me. However, do you realize how disappointed I was to see that the driveway the limos pulled up on was wet? Un-****ing-believable. Great. Another email box filled with “Even in Charlotte, the driveway is wet. Why is that?” Shoot me now.

Sean: First guy out, didn’t say anything stupid, didn’t bring any props, and acted like a completely normal person. Amazing! Being normal can actually work on this show. One thing I noticed about Sean? He was a lot less orange on that night than he is here:


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David: Glad you could dress for the occasion. No tie, untucked shirt, and white suit with a black shirt. “Stayin’ Alive” called and they want their wardrobe back. Are you Adrian Zmed now?

Doug: It’s official. Doug is the softie that is going to pimp out his 11 year old son every chance he can get this season as a way to move on Emily. A good effort, but failure nonetheless. And oh yeah, I don’t think he blinked all episode. Something creepy going on with those eyes.

Jackson: Cheeseball alert! “Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but how many moments take our breaths away. This is one of those moments.” You know what other moments take my breath away Jackson? When people email me pics like these of you and I begin to question how much oil you used to rub on yourself before posing. Really? Tighty whities? Not to mention, if there’s more of an effeminate pose out there than you fisting underneath your shirt, I’ve yet to find it.


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Joe: He was the dude who yelled “Emily! Whaddya’ say!” out of the limo, then was bouncing off walls when talking to her. I know I can’t clinically diagnose Joe because I’m not a doctor, but this guy screams of A.D.D. Seems to have the attention span of a fly.

Chris: Almost acted like he wanted to be thrown into the friend zone with that one hand shake, one arm hug. Did he really just greet her that way? He said he talked to his parents for advice before coming on the show. I surely hope they weren’t the ones who told him the proper way to greet a Southern Belle for the first time is to basically fist bump her and half-heartedly hug her like you just met up with your boys in Vegas.

Aaron: “I’m a biology teacher, but I’m here to have chemistry with you.” Aaron, you probably should’ve just turned around and gotten back in the limo after that line. I believe Richard Mathy was the last science teacher we had on this show, and we all know what happened to him. Beat it, nerd.

Jef: “Hey, McFly! Why don’t you make like a tree, and get outta here?” Seriously, I’ve seen Sk8erboy for probably 30 seconds now and already he’s on my nerves. You just know in middle school his binders and pee chee folders were all plastered with “Vans Off the Wall” stickers.

Stevie: I’m ashamed I share the same first name with this pud. A boombox? Really? Is this 1991? Surprised he wasn’t bumping any “Rump Shaker” with that thing. He tells her he’s a dancer, MC, and entertainer. Translation: I don’t have a job and when someone drops a quarter in my box on the streets, I get very excited.

Tony: He’s Prince Charming looking for his princess. So he brings a glass slipper and slips it on Emily. So is this guy another Tanner with a foot fetish, or, was this his subtle way of trying to look up Emily’s dress? Either way, points for creativity (would love to know which producer forced…errrr…told him to do that), but too bad its been shown 100 times already in the promos.

Randy: Comes dressed as a grandma as a play on last season when Britni had her grandma introduce her. Except Randy wasn’t nearly as funny, and the whole introduction completely failed. Not to mention Randy looks a grown version of Spanky from the “Little Rascals.”

Brent: He brought a nametag so she’d remember him. Buddy, it would be physically impossible for Emily to forget a guy like you considering you’ve impregnated half the world and are walking around with 6 kids. Brent, a cruel joke was played on you to be cast on this show. You had 0.0000000000000% chance of ever lasting more than four seconds in Emily’s world. Hope that was worth it.

Travis: He’s going to carry an egg around which symbolizes 2 beautiful people, her and Ricki. And he’s gonna carry the egg around all season to show he’s going to guard and protect her heart…or something like that. I’m mixing up my seasons.

Michael: He wants Emily to remember him as “Music Mike from Austin” so he gives her a guitar pick. Mike, you’re the only guy on the show who would ever need a scrunchie, so I don’t think she’ll have a hard time remembering you.

Jean-Paul: He tells Emily immediately upon seeing her that he doesn’t know much about her. So, I did some research and found out that Jean-Paul is actually French for “not a f***ing chance.”

Ryan: He reads her a note that has the words “You are beautiful” written on one side and “I’m so nervous” on the other side. Clever. At least we know he can spell better than he can dance.

Kalon: Arrives via helicopter in all his glorious douchery. Maybe I should just call him “Erick Tulip” since he’s the male, and less interesting, version of Erica Rose.

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47 Comments

47 Comments

  1. brady6

    May 15, 2012 at 9:17 AM

    I just wanted to say how great it is to have Steve’s column (and the show) back! I don’t typically read the comments or post that often but seeing that Steve had his column up … right at my lunchtime…. just made me smile. I am a huge fan of Steve’s… So thanks for all you do.

  2. CaliGirl

    May 15, 2012 at 9:35 AM

    Yay for the return of twice a week columns!! 🙂

  3. rile9995

    May 15, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    Was it just me, or did this group of guys seem unimpressive? Every time a guy got out of the limo my daughter looked at me and said whoever cast these guys did a terrible job!!! Emily looked great. If we thought Ben had bad hair, there were at least 5 guys who made Ben’s hair look GREAT! Loved reading your blog – really still is one of the reasons I still watch this show. Was hoping the lawsuit would be dismissed and hope it will be soon. ABC needs to wake up and see that you actually help with their viewership.

  4. niana

    May 15, 2012 at 10:19 AM

    Come find out who the man Emily chose (confirmed) at bachandbachettefans.forumotion.com 🙂

  5. JovisMom

    May 15, 2012 at 10:29 AM

    ” Whatever the case, it’s time for Zack Morris to make his move so he meets her outside in the gazebo. Unfortunately, he already ditched his $29.99 skateboard into the bushes, although Emily claims she wanted to ride it. Uh huh, sure she did. I just hope Emily cards N’ Sync before they go out drinking. This guy can’t be of legal age, can he? I’d hate for Color Me Badd to get out on a 1-on-1 date and have the waiter tell him he’s unable to drink due to the fact he hasn’t attended his high school prom yet.”

    OMG!!! What Steve said about Jef was a riot!!! I will go as far to see that he is the least attractive guy to be on the show is Bachelor/ette history!!! What is with his hair?! She seems to like bigger guys, Jef looks like he couldn’t curl a bouquet of flowers!! What is she thinking!?

    @ rile9995 – I completely agree with you!!! Worst group of guys ever!! Ryan in my book is the only eye candy!

    Emily look so beautiful last night, but I do agree w\ Steve this “tough life” bit is getting tired…. Some single moms don’t have their baby’s father in their life and they are alive!!! Great column as always!! Tuesdays and Thursdays are going to be great again!! 🙂

  6. CaliGirl

    May 15, 2012 at 10:51 AM

    Yes Niana, everyone knows that Love_Me and San (whoever they really are) have been reporting for days now that Jef is the F1. But until RS confirms the F1 I’m not buying it. If they’re right then great, but no other media outlets have been reporting it yet. Judging from what we saw last night it sure looks like Jef could be her top pick, but who knows.

  7. sandy

    May 15, 2012 at 11:06 AM

    Yes I agree. Until RS confirms it then I am not buying it. Besides didn’t he just say that Emily got engaged on Thursday, that was the 10th, the articles that I read with the Love Me spoilers in it, were dated the 9th.

    RS has a lot at stake with his spoilers, his name is attached to each and every one. An invisible nameless poster has nothing to lose.

  8. dlorenz

    May 15, 2012 at 11:08 AM

    I also agree with previous posts… an un-impressive bunch of guys. I saw more sparks between Emily and Chris Harrison! Did you see his face light up when he talked to her? Hmmmm….

  9. liz123

    May 15, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    Funniest column Steve’s posted in awhile. Loved this: “Uhhhhhhhh Jef, you do know this is Emily Maynard who’s the bachelorette, right? Not to mention, she has a vagina”!! I can laugh at my sex- most of us *are* into material things!

    I disagree about Jef, though. I think he’s H*O*T!!! Emily’s exactly right- he does seem to have that “cool vibe” about him. The hair is a little out there for my taste, but Emily can control his hair once she hooks him. 😉

  10. bigfatwoman

    May 15, 2012 at 11:24 AM

    I thought Emily looked great last night and found her to be more likable than she was as a contestant on Brad’s season…..so we shall see if that feeling continues.

    When did her boobs get so big?…and when did her top lip get so full?

    The absolute worst guy of the bunch was Stevie. What adult man calls himself Stevie? That whole Kool & The Gang dance that he did on the way in was ridiculous…plus he’s just smarmy.

    Almost as smarmy as Kalon.

    Although Jef is nothing to look at and kind of odd looking….I’m guessing he’s going to turn out to be a really great guy. You have to give Emily credit if that’s who she chooses or at least keeps around for awhile — who would’ve thunk it?

  11. CaliGirl

    May 15, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    If it in fact ends up being Jef, here is what I think may have happened; perhaps Emily was so sure of her choice that she knew a few days ahead of time, similiar to Ali. Maybe the entire prodiction staff knew and it someone got leaked out, I don’t know. But that’s the only thing I could think of which would let it get leaked who the F1 is before there was even a FRC. Then again not sure why RS’s sources wouldn’t be in on this and already have given him head’s up.

    I’m sure we’ll all know soon enough!

  12. Missy1982

    May 15, 2012 at 11:58 AM

    Jef = the new Jesse Csincsak

    Maybe not much to look at, but overflowing with an awesome personality and is sooooooo cool that the hot Southern lead ends up picking him! You know, because she wants America to believe she’s not superficial. Plus he really wanted/needed a venue to promote his snowboarding company/water bottle charity, but only until he quits that gig to start blogging about future seasons/living off his 15 minutes of fame. BLAH. Another douche joins the creepy Bachelor family.

  13. c104

    May 15, 2012 at 11:59 AM

    Quoting Hamlet? Hahahaha! That was rich, Steve. You really should have waited to use the column heading, “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark” for your promised (zzzzzzzz, we already know the details) “Arie Ludendyk Jr. This is Your Life” column. Now, that would’ve been clever.

    The MILF and boner jokes? More your speed . . .

  14. sandy

    May 15, 2012 at 12:00 PM

    Yup, we shall see won’t we. I thought Jef was cute and would be the life of the party. But right for Emily…… CEO or not, she seems like she needs a mature man not a boy on a skateboard.

    I am waiting for RS to confirm any spoilers.

  15. candy6

    May 15, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    I thought that Chris didn’t lie, the taping and prep happened in Charlotte for quite a while before the actual filming began. Isn’t that what Chris Harrison is actually talking about??
    Also regarding your asking/begging for money for the lawsuit….is that exactly where the money goes? Other sites out there also sleuth, spoil, etc but if memory serves, they aren’t asking/begging for money.

  16. JovisMom

    May 15, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    Can someone please explain the appeal of Jef to me? The skateboard? Really? The hair? He reminds me of the kind of guys in HS that used to skip classes, play hackey sack in the hallways, and when they did show up for class annoying everyone! I don’t get so much as a ‘cool’ vibe, more so a buzzing mosquito that I would want to swat… He doesn’t look like he would know how to please a woman! Poor Em!

  17. maxi

    May 15, 2012 at 12:08 PM

    After watching, I thought most the men were duds. Who casted this? Sigh.

    But, I did end up finding Arie so attractive. He is my pick, for sure.

  18. lucky

    May 15, 2012 at 12:13 PM

    Great column Steve!

  19. CaliGirl

    May 15, 2012 at 12:25 PM

    @Candy- Uhh… perhaps the reason those other sites aren’t asking for money is because they’re not the ones being sued by a powerful corporation such as ABC! Reality Steve is the only one that is having to deal with a ridiculous and unfair lawsuit.

  20. hotchacha

    May 15, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    First, Jef is a hipster. A foine one at that. Everyone has different tastes but I could spend days looking at him. He seems like a gentleman, and would never say things like “Not to mention, she has a vagina,” and compare a man to a tampon. You’re the juvenile one. Please. You know with the edit Jef got that he’s gotta be the final one and you don’t get it. I’ve been reading you for years and knew you were sophomoric, but this misogyny is pissing me off.

  21. sandy

    May 15, 2012 at 1:05 PM

    Well Caligirl, that scenario might be right, but there is no guarantee the bachelor will accept your proposal. (You never know).

    Or it just could be a guess? Allegedly, Sean and Jef are supposedly the last two… 50% chance of getting it right.

    RS will have the answer shortly.

  22. ccway

    May 15, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    I agree with the post about Chris H and Emily. I thought I was imagining things when I saw the way they looked at each other. I’m SO glad someone else noticed that too. Hmmm 🙂

  23. timmy

    May 15, 2012 at 3:48 PM

    Hey Niana,

    Time to STFU already. Steve’s site isn’t a free advertising space for your lame-ass message boards. None of you seem to grasp that or the fact that nobody on here is interested in whatever you and your counterparts are saying over there. No one gives a shit. BYE now.

  24. cindersmom

    May 15, 2012 at 4:16 PM

    Maybe it’s just me, but I found Emily’s whiny voice so annoying last night I went looking for relief in fingernails on a chalkboard. Not sure how far into this season I’m going to make it listening to her. And her dress last night – couldn’t have been more transparent. Nice dress, mom. The guys this season don’t seem to be all that hot, either.

    I’m going to miss Dancing with the Stars.

  25. Curmudgeon

    May 15, 2012 at 6:09 PM

    Did I see on the screen that Brent, the one with six kids, is 41? If so, that must make him by far the oldest actual contestant on this show (the granny introducing granddaughter to Ben from last season doesn’t count). I don’t think they have ever had anyone older than 36.

  26. heather_joy

    May 15, 2012 at 6:33 PM

    The first episode producer driven first impressions were beyond corny. Seriously, can someone travel internationally with an ostrich egg?? Tony the lumber dude *cough* Ted Mosby shows up with the cheap Payless pump on a faux-satin pillow. . . pliable contestants for future Bachelor pad seasons from the get-go. Haven’t see this many pop culture holla backs in one batch of contestants before. You’ve got Marty Mcfly Jef with one f, James Van Der Beek, Tony How I Met Your Mother, Cruel Intentions Kalon, Claymation Bobble Head Tobey Maguire, Lifetime television for women single dad Doug, Entourage Alejandro Pablo Escobar, and cheesy Stevie with his boom box. Holla!

  27. julianpie

    May 15, 2012 at 11:12 PM

    Jef’s personality and background is attractive. He’s a CEO of a company that participates in humanitarian causes. Yeah his hair could use a little work. Just hoping that this season will produce a happy ending. Bachelorette seasons have more success than bachelor seasons.

  28. candy6

    May 15, 2012 at 11:36 PM

    Cali – It just rubs me wrong to be pestered to donate money for his cause when it wasn’t my mouth that got him in trouble. In other words, wasn’t RS the one that crossed the line by trying to bribe past contestants to supply him with info. At least that is what part of the lawsuit is about. So why should I or others have to pay for his negligence. Makes no sense.

    As far as RS saying Chris is lying – IMO that is wrong too. The crew probably were in Charlotte for close to a month in the preparation before the filming, during the filming and the clean up phase after, so in other words, Chris Harrison didn’t lie at all.

  29. azchic24

    May 16, 2012 at 12:16 AM

    Having met Arie a little over a year ago-I doubt Emily would be a match with his lifestyle..he might be 30 but he def. is not ready to settle down.

  30. mwhit

    May 16, 2012 at 6:31 AM

    As an alternative to donating – to help out Steve with the lawsuit expenses, everyone should just click on all of ABC’s Bachelorette ads that pop up on his site. That way Steve makes some Google AdSense profits at ABC’s expense, plus ABC then technically ends up contributing towards the defense in their own case. I wonder if ABC pays-per-click or per impression? 🙂

  31. cangel44

    May 16, 2012 at 8:33 AM

    so at hometowns did Arie’s family pretend they didnt know Arie? Im sure Cassie goes with them to HTD’s. Im 100% positive at a HTD someone leaked it to Emily that he dated Arie…If he was smaart he would of told her himself. Maybe Jef told her. We may never know. But he is cute!! Like Tristas season and Deanna’s they both picked the one who was like that.

  32. kmorris246

    May 16, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    Love having back ridiculously sarcastic, and overwhelmingly egocentric, Reality Steve. And I mean that in the most endearing way 😉 Found your column hilarious as always, although you are waaaaay off base about Jef. Many women find that kind of look attractive. Definitely my fav for sure!

  33. cece931

    May 16, 2012 at 11:23 AM

    Hi, first time poster here. And, please excuse me if I make alot of spelling mistakes as english is not my first language.

    @Candy6…ABC is alleging that Steve bribed former constants for info, it doesn’t mean he actually did it, he has denied it in his vblogs (not that I would expect him to admit it).

    I love coming to this site and reading the spoilers and everything else. Though I wouldn’t call myself a RS “lover” as I find that he is sometimes rude in his responses to readers and also sort of full of himself but I’m not a “hater” either.

    I am praying that this season becomes interesting, not a snooze fest like the first night. And I agree with everyone that they really missed the mark when casting this season! OUCH! Other than Doug, Arie, Sean and Chris (I think Chris is his name) everyone else is just blah!

  34. jessym

    May 16, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    Hey Steve,
    Glad you’re back with Bachelorette blogs and spoilers. Love that you didn’t lay down and die with the lawsuit. You probably don’t care about reader opinions but you are a good looking guy and your photo up top with the Reality Steve logo isn’t your best. You’ve got much better pictures of you out there. (hope it’s not a favorite of yours)

  35. candy6

    May 16, 2012 at 2:10 PM

    cece931 RE:
    @Candy6…ABC is alleging that Steve bribed former constants for info, it doesn’t mean he actually did it, he has denied it in his vblogs (not that I would expect him to admit it).

    Actually in his vblogs, RS has denied paying anyone. He has made no allegations to trying to bribe them by offering money.
    The long and short of it though – I just don’t like how he feels everyone should help contribute to pay his lawyer fees when he is the one that messed up?? That really is hard to swallow.

  36. mja

    May 16, 2012 at 2:26 PM

    I liked Sean the best, just based on that one episode… however, it’s Emily who makes the decision and at this point I have no idea who she will choose.

    It’s funny how when one knows who the final 3 will be, it’s easy to see even from the first episode that Emily seemed to have a connection with all three — at least, I could see her responding to all three (Sean, Jef, and Arie) when she first met them. I was surprised when she joked with Jef about wanting to take a ride on his skateboard. This didn’t seem like a comment she would make, based on just the superficial impression I’ve gotten from her time on Brad’s season and this new season.

  37. riddlek2

    May 16, 2012 at 2:34 PM

    I was SO excited to finally start this “anticipated” season – but i was left shocked and complete dumbfounded after the cast of “boys” was introduced. I guess this is what happens when they promote WHO the bachelorette will be prior to casting?! There isn’t a Brad, Jake, Ryan, Ben or JP in the bunch! This looks like a frat house reunion! There is not a single Man’s Man in the cast. This looks like a bunch of boys competing for the grand prize! I really had my hopes up considering this is a single MOM on the line, not some collage drop-out skank looking for a good time! I really dont see how any of there boys can give Emily what she needs in a man. This is just sad.

  38. JovisMom

    May 16, 2012 at 4:13 PM

    @ riddlek2 – 1000000% agreed!!
    The guys on this show look sooo immature or just plain gym rats!!! There is some eye candy like Sean and something about Ryan, but that’s it!!!! I don’t find Jef or Arie the least bit appealing!! I can’t believe Jef is 27!!! Maybe they should of brought Bentley back…

  39. jeanieh

    May 16, 2012 at 4:17 PM

    I also loved the lie Chris Harrison told about how Ricky Hendricks died on the track. Um, no he died in a plane crash on the way to a race.

  40. averyj

    May 16, 2012 at 8:43 PM

    Love your site, Steve. Thank you for making the bachelor and bachelorette shows palatable.

    While Emily is beautiful, her little-girl voice is grating, and so far, I don’t see her as being any different than the run-of-the-mill bachelor contestants. The boys were just that… Jef is unique, but the rest were blah, and several outright distasteful.

    JMHO so far.

  41. FanofSteve

    May 17, 2012 at 12:27 AM

    I am so glad to see Steve back with the episode-by-episode commentary!
    And ABC should be glad, too. Were it not for this site, I would have stopped watching the show years ago.
    I, like others, find Emily’s little-girl voice extremely annoying. And I gave up counting the number of “ums” she said during the first episode after about Um-39.
    Unlike others, I didn’t find her dress attractive at all; it was totally out of character with her self-presentation as a “wholesome” person who is looking for someone who can be a life partner vs a bed partner (and she seemed to be very uncomfortable in the dress).
    I didn’t find any of the men particularly impressive either, but that may change as the show goes on & we get to know them better.
    One thing for sure, though: anyone who showed up with a gimmick (a glass slipper, an egg, a letter from their child, a hokey quote, a nametage, bobbleheads or a helicopter) should have been turfed after the first cocktail party.

  42. chiee

    May 17, 2012 at 1:43 AM

    omg Jef is oh so hot! I see why he is in the top 3!

  43. Suzie

    May 17, 2012 at 7:19 AM

    Okay…Emily is GEORGEOUS, as every single guy said to her. But, sorry…she is as dumb as a doornail. She should know that they don’t speak Spanish in Brazil! I am embarrased by the ignorance so many Americans have of the rest of the world. She is uneducated, and unathletic. What does she do all day? She would bore most of my friends TO DEATH. If you want a trophy wife, great. But don’t expect to have any more intelligent conversations until your kids are in college.

  44. molliesage

    May 17, 2012 at 7:37 AM

    I am so smitten by Jef! Given his Chia-pet haircut, goofy skateboard and the fact he only goes with one “F” in his first name, Jef is the designated rebel.

  45. JovisMom

    May 17, 2012 at 7:47 AM

    @ Suzie – I caught that too… She did Speak in Spanish (not Portuguese) to the guy from Brazil – LOL!! Glad someone else noticed!!
    Hopefully the production staff, makeup crew, etc will shave Jef’s head while he sleeps…That may make him a bit better to me…

  46. stumpy

    May 20, 2012 at 1:23 PM

    I wanted to note how much your descriptions of the guys had me laughing. I needed that. I like Jef (one f). He was one the few that impressed me at the beginning when they interviewed just the guys. He has a playful side, yet can be serious. Others that impressed me were Doug, Arie, Nate, Sean and Ryan. Three out of 4 that I thought were dumb acting are gone. Guess they were obvious. The egg is still there. Props to whoever edits showing us real reasons why some of these guys are gone.

  47. kamkam

    June 27, 2012 at 11:24 AM

    What about the rumors of a love affair between Emily and Chris Harrison, who just separated from his wife of 18 years of marriage? Any truth to the rumblings?

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