Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 8 - Emily

The Bachelorette Recap: Wait, There is No Love Clock?

-Next up is the Muppets date. A few of you have already emailed me saying that the spoilers I gave for the Muppet date said Charlie gave Emily a lap dance but it didn’t happen last night. Yes it did. But for whatever reason, they didn’t show it. Miss Piggy asked Charlie to give Emily a sexy dance and he gave her a lap dance, but they didn’t want to show it last night for whatever reason. Don’t know what to tell ya.’ Other than the Emily/Kermit/Ricki scene being shown out of order of when it was filmed, everything else matched up. One thing I didn’t know was that Tony does an impression of Kermit that is probably making Jim Henson roll over in his grave. Tony, I suggest you keep it to things you know most about. Like plywood. And being short. Leave the impressions to the professionals. I wonder if Tony ever tries to impersonate Kermit around his kid. That could get awfully awkward. It’s almost like it would morph into a Yoda impression at some point.

-So as we know, it was broken up into three acts. 5 guys perform a dance routine (Kalon, Alejandro, Stevie, Chris, and Nate), 2 guys do a comedy act (Kyle and John), and 3 guys get to be on “Miss Piggy Live” (Charlie, Jef, and Aaron). And it was pretty much what you’d expect. The dancing would never be mistaken for something you’d see in a Fred Astaire movie that’s for sure. Kyle and John were about as funny as watching paint dry. Granted, we only got to see one joke, but lets just say William Holman’s set puts these two guys to shame, and he made Ashley bawl her eyes out, so yeah, they pretty much sucked. Charlie was having none of the comedy routine. I guess he was supposed to be part of it but he went into Emily’s dressing room before hand to tell her that not only does he have a titanium face that sets off metal detectors every time he walks through an airport (and has also earned him the nickname the “Terminator” from me), but that he has a speech problem and he’d rather not perform a comedy routine in front of people. Admirable thing to do. But you know what’s funny? Kasey Kahl admits to overcoming a stuttering problem, and people still kill the guy for the way he talks. Charlie admits a speech problem, and I guarantee people are feeling a lot more sorry for him right now. I commend the guy for admitting it, I’m just saying there’s quite the double standard that happens with this show and it all comes down to how the show wants to edit you.

-You know the oddest part about this whole Muppets date? I felt that we were watching an actual Muppets episode, and the “Bachelorette” just happened to be dropping in for the day. Jesus, how many ITM’s did Kermit and Miss Piggy get? Let me tell you something (and I’m talking to you Michael, Nate, Alejandro, and whoever else barely got camera time on this date), if Kermit and Miss Piggy are getting more ITM time than you are, it’s probably a good sign you had no chance on this show. It would’ve made sense if the Muppets were promoting a movie coming out soon, or were in the news for something, but to see them do so many sets with just Miss Piggy, Kermit, and Emily it was like the Muppet franchise bought time on this show for whatever reason. Bizarre. Kermit zipping up Emily’s dress while Piggy was walking by and gets jealous? Who put that in the script and why? Trust me, I remember that Saturday March 17th when this date was happening I was tweeting about how excited I was that the Muppets were part of this date. Then I watched last night and was like, “Ok, this is overkill. And if you’re over 6 and think this is funny, there’s probably something wrong with you.” I love me some Muppets, don’t get me wrong. Just not mixed in with the “Bachelorette.” Didn’t work on any level.

-When the guys were dancing with Emily and Miss Piggy in the opening skit, Stevie couldn’t be more excited. “I can’t believe I’m dancing with the Muppets.” Really? I figured you and the rest of your Fraggle Rock crew had hung out with them before but I guess not. Stevie kinda looks like the Missing Link and Sloth from the “Goonies” had a love child. The constant sh** eating grin on his face is sorta creeping me out. Not to mention watching him in action from his hometown video that was never shown last week:

I don’t know about you, but the only word that comes to mind after watching that is “cheesy.” He was cast on this show to be this season’s good for the first few episodes and nothing more. I think the odds of Emily ending up with a guy who DJ’s Bat Mitvah’s were about as likely as her ending up with a guy with hair almost as long as hers, or a dude with two earrings who’s a mushroom farmer, or a guy who shows up in a helicopter calling himself a luxury brand consultant. You get my point.

-For “Miss Piggy Live,” all they showed Charlie doing was answering a question about Emily. Booooooooooooooo. Lets see the lap dance, dammit. What’s so wrong with that? I wanna see the Terminator in action straddling Emily in a chair. Jef’s proposal was dumb, and Aaron’s poem was about as unoriginal as you could imagine. I thoroughly enjoyed Chris Harrison playing the role of Waldorf. Looks like he’s found a new calling for sure. Anyone notice that Statler and Chris Harrison’s noses look exactly alike? Hey, I’m not one to talk about noses since mine isn’t the smallest thing in the world, but Chris has a very distinctive shape to his nose and sitting next to Statler, you could pretty much see what I’m talking about. Having him sit in the bleachers next to Statler cracking “jokes,” seeing Fozzy on stage, all the Kermit and Miss Piggy stuff, this was definitely one of the more bizarre dates they’ve ever had. And not for the better. However, the fact that Gonzo got screwed out of this date, along with Dr. Teeth, Janice, Animal, and that blue guy who plays the sax, I bet has them all pissed off. I wonder if Piggy, Kermit, and Fozzy’s appearance on the show last night caused any in-fighting amongst the rest of them. I could totally see Animal freaking out over not getting to share the stage with Alejandro. Do the Muppets have Twitter accounts? I’d like to see their thoughts on this.

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  1. liz123

    May 24, 2012 at 7:21 AM

    Steve’s “semen in the shower” comments didn’t offend my sensibilities… the comments were just unnecessary. I mean, really, don’t you have to be like a 14 year old boy to think that’s funny? It’s just not. It’s like thinking fart jokes are funny. HaHaHa, I farted. It’s very Beavis-&-Butthead-esque. Really? That’s all you’ve got?!

    The truth is, though, 99% of us come here for spoilers, so I think most of us could give a sh*t less if his recaps are funny or not– as long as the spoilers are there. Sadly, they’re just not. And I have a feeling they’re not gonna be. If he doesn’t even have spoilers for the first few episodes yet, it’s not looking good.

  2. cubsfan2785

    May 24, 2012 at 7:42 AM

    Does anyone have any recommendations on other sites to see spoilers? Maybe not episode by episode spoilers, but at least who is F1? I haven’t found anywhere that Jef is F1. All I can find is the final 2. 🙁
    I like the inside information that Steve gives (like the fake Love Clock) which is why I read this blog. If he keeps adding those in the episode recaps, I will keep reading.
    As for the guys, the first episode I thought Kalon was the king of douches. After Monday’s episode, I liked him a lot more. I’m from Texas, and I got an email a few years back that was written exactly like the one RS posted. So I am pretty sure it was the same email. He was a douche then, and I hope he has changed. He is acting like it.

  3. CaliGirl

    May 24, 2012 at 8:25 AM

    cubsfan- Here you go..

    You’ll have to create a username and password. Most of the spoilers are under the “Bachelorette 8 Sleuthing – Filming Updates – Spoilers” forum. I usually scroll to the last page and just read the recent stuff. It really doesn’t take long to find the spoilers. Apparently Love_Me is the one that said Jef is the F1 and she (he?) is also the one who first reported that Brad chose Emily instead of Chantal and that Ali chose Roberto and not no one.

  4. aatxcutie

    May 24, 2012 at 8:33 AM

    Good one @bark, except I think Steve has been able to discredit himself all by himself. We’re just along for the ride now, and patiently waiting for the ep-by-eps.

  5. Dianne

    May 24, 2012 at 10:33 AM

    @liz123 – I couldn’t agree with you more about Steve’s immature humour (if that’s what you want to call it). Truthfully, I think Steve has the spoilers, every one of them including F1, but is totally getting off on making us wait it out. Again, his immature humour is showing, and it’s not very attractive.

  6. cubsfan2785

    May 24, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    @caligirl- Thanks so much! I know where I will be spending most of my time at work now.

  7. karynr

    June 4, 2012 at 3:34 PM

    There are some really good blogs that are not only funny, but the bloggers are decent individuals who treat their readers with appreciation. There are some really good ones written by ex-contestants such as Ashley Spivey (she is absolutely adorable), Stag, Trista and quite a few more. They are so much better than the drivel RS has come up with lately. They may not be first with the spoilers, but lately, many of the sites have the same info within minutes.

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