Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 8 - Emily

The Bachelorette Recap Including the “Burning Love” Videos & The Lawsuit is Over

-Chris forgot his bullhorn again this week and is screaming at the guys to join him in the courtyard. He has a BIG announcement to make. You know, like HUGE. You’ll never guess what it is. Yep, this week’s dates. And to think some of you thought he was going to tell them that show’s filming had been stopped so he and Emily could elope. Nope. That wasn’t it. He says there’s a 1-on-1 date, a group date, and the 2-on-1. Gasp! He hasn’t had to explain the 2-on-1 yet this season, so if any of these guys have never seen the show or couldn’t figure out 1st grade math, it means two of them get a date with Emily, one gets a rose and one doesn’t. Guys heads must be spinning over that announcement. Quick shot to Bermuda and there’s Emily walking the beaches with Ricki. She tells us that “I can’t wait to come back to Bermuda, maybe pregnant, pushing baby strollers.” Huh? Sure Bermuda sounds like a hell of a place to vacation, but do you really want to head back there when you’ve got a bun in the oven? Isn’t that a place to go to when you WANT to conceive a child, not necessarily when it looks like you’re carrying a watermelon under your sundress?

-The date card arrives and it’s for Doug. It says, “Let our senses lead the way.” Considering this date showed maybe four seconds of them in a perfume store, that was really a misleading date card. Probably should’ve read something more like, “Doug, if you’re able to control that wild ass temper of yours, join me for a romantic walk downtown and dinner. Please don’t strangle me. Emily.” Alejandro seems very upset that date card didn’t go to him. Alejandro, let me tell you something, if that date would’ve went to you, I think all of America would’ve been upset. Alejandro: “I’m one of the only guys who hasn’t had a 1-on-1.” Huh? There’s 13 guys in Bermuda right now. More guys there haven’t had 1-on-1’s than have. You, Jef, John, Sean, Travis, Kalon, Michael, and Charlie all haven’t had 1-on-1’s yet in case you weren’t paying attention. That’s 8 that haven’t, 5 that have. Maybe if you weren’t cast on the show as filler, you’d have had one by now. But since there was a better chance of Emily growing a third eyeball than you getting a 1-on-1, I’d pipe down if I were you. Then again, Doug is clueless about 1-on-1’s so maybe it should’ve gone to someone else. Doug: “So, if I don’t get a rose, I go home?” Wow. Doug’s definitely not playing with a full deck. Yes Doug, that’s correct. No rose, you’re gone. Unless you’re Kasey, and Ali just needed to some extra time to think about it. But then again, Doug wouldn’t know about that since he’d never seen the show before this season and didn’t have a clue who Emily was before signing on.

-Before Doug’s date, the rest of the guys decide to poke the bear since, well, apparently they know how much of an insecure, hot headed, whiny baby Doug can be. A lot of them start teasing him and making him nervous to the point where you could literally feel the heat coming out of your TV of Doug’s blood boiling. Hell, even Alejandro was getting under this guy’s skin. Seriously. Alejandro. The guy that Doug could probably clean in between his teeth with was upsetting him to the point of agitation. Then Arie piled on and it looked like Doug was going to rip through his shirt and turn green. Arie even called the guy the Hulk. Arie: “Doug angry. Doug smash. Doug sad.” Emily comes in at the perfect time (i.e. – on cue) and Doug pretends like he’s the happiest-go-lucky camper on the planet. If only she could’ve arrived a few minutes later, maybe she could’ve seen him put both his hands on the side of Alejandro’s head and squash his cranium like a coconut.

-Emily and Doug are walking in downtown Bermuda on their date and Emily says the obligatory, “I don’t think there’s anyone else I’d rather spend the day with…” Didn’t she say the exact same thing when scaling the building with Chris? Or dollying around Dollywood with Arie? Sh*t, she even actually said the same thing about Joe, and she sh*tcanned him by the end of the date. So lets just assume from now on when Emily says, “There’s no one else I’d rather spend the day with…” she doesn’t mean a word of it. Especially if the names Sean, Arie, or Jef don’t follow that sentence since those are really the only three guys she seems to like. I think we saw her kissing Ryan in a future promo, so, are those the only 4 guys she makes out with all season? Anyway, these two sit down at some steps, and Doug immediately starts in with, “Being a daddy…” Oh boy. Here we go again. Doug is a one trick pony. It’s either always about him being a dad or, well, nothing else. But since he brought it up, Emily thinks it’d be a great idea to write a postcard to his son Austin from Bermuda. Which is very difficult to do when the wind is blowing and your hair is flying all in your face, like Emily’s was. But she braved the elements and got through it, and was able to write a postcard to Austin that I’m sure Doug ripped up, stomped on, then threw in the fire once he got home. Or better yet, probably mailed it back to Emily’s with blood stains, skull and crossbones, and “Die Emily Die” written all over it. Maybe even squeezed in a “Laces Out” on there. Cuck-koo, cuck-koo.

-Hey look! Probably another made up prop set up by the ABC producers for Emily’s date. There’s an arch that looks like a half moon and Emily tells Doug that’s called “Moon Gate.” It’s supposedly where married couples, engaged couples, two people dating, or even guys take their mistresses to where you’re supposed to make a wish about love and happiness before walking underneath it. And the Moon Gate was so sacred to Emily she shared out loud what her wish was. “To not be single forever.” Uhhh, Emily, you’re supposed to keep wishes to yourself. When you were a kid, did you yell out your wish before blowing out the candles too? Anyway, Love Clock, meet the Moon Gate. Moon Gate, meet the Love Clock. Now, I know for a fact the Love Clock was made up just for the show purposes. Haven’t received any emails yet about the Moon Gate, nor do I care to look it up. I’ll just assume it’s fake like pretty much most of this show is. It’s much more fun if the Moon Gate doesn’t even exist and Doug made a wish that’ll never come through. Just don’t tell him. He might break you over his knee. After walking through the Moon Gate, these two head to dinner and Doug tells Emily he’s most happy that they were able to send that postcard to Austin. Emily still thinks Doug is too perfect, and once again, compares him to Brad. If you’re compared to Brad, that’s never a good thing in Emily’s world. It’d probably be more of a compliment to Doug at this point if she compared him to Jeremy Shockey.

-Emily is starting to grill Doug because she’s getting tired of his “Everything I say is what you want to hear” routine. She asks him to tell her what bad things his ex would say about him? Doug: “That I spend too much time with my son.” Uhhhh, wrong answer. Again. So after thinking about it more, he’s got it. “I didn’t wash her car enough.” Yeah, probably not. Doug, it’s ok to admit you have faults. We all have them. And the fact that you left out “a temper on par with the big bad wolf” was probably the downfall to you and Emily’s relationship. She doesn’t want to keep hearing how much you love your son, or what charity you started, or that you’re a mature 33 year old ready for a relationship. Maybe Doug just should’ve brought a copy of the police report back in 2000 when he shot off firearms in the backyard of his girlfriend at the time. Hell, that probably would’ve impressed Emily. At least it would’ve shown the guy had a bit of an edge to him as opposed to the vanilla side he keeps trying to shove in everyone’s faces when we know it’s not accurate.

Emily: “I don’t want the perfect answer. I want the honest answer.”
Doug: “Well, what about you? What are your faults?”
Emily: “Oh gosh, I’m sensitive, I’m stubborn, I don’t work out…”

Uhhhhh, Emily can stop right there. She works out. Unless that trainer she had leading up to the show that numerous people saw her with was just there feeding her Ding Dongs and Twinkies, it’s safe to say Emily works out. Is she in the gym 8 hours a day shooting needles in her ass like Doug? Probably not. But to say she doesn’t go to the gym is a lie. She had a trainer before the show.

-Doug’s response: “I’m just a guy. I’m not a genius, I’m not a dummy. I’m not wealthy, but I’m not poor.” Well, we certainly are aware you aren’t a genius. No need to point that out for us. I mean, you were the one who about 10 minutes ago was unsure what the rules were for 1-on-1 dates. Are you a dummy? That’s debatable. You did agree to go on this show not having a clue who Emily was. And since you’ve gotten back home, you’ve already told people (including people at Michael Stagliano’s concert this past Friday night) who have since relayed it to me that you weren’t into Emily. Ha ha. I love when they all say that after they get back. “Yeah, I totally wasn’t into them. I’m glad I’m back.” Uh huh. And if she would’ve kept you around, I’m sure you would’ve been singing a different tune. Doug then lets out the line of the night. After receiving the rose from Emily, he still feels it wasn’t the right time to kiss her. His grandpa always told him that to wait until the girl gives him signs. Doug: “If Emily wants a kiss from Doug, she’ll let Doug know she wants a kiss.” And if Doug Clerget ever refers to himself in the third person again, then Doug Clerget can officially be king of the douches this season. And that’s saying a lot considering the crop we’ve been dealt.

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70 Comments

70 Comments

  1. cinderelle

    June 6, 2012 at 1:34 AM

    I am watching so called reality show like zoo, and enjoy it more with knowing the probable ending. Kind of reminds me of childhood. I was reading Agatha Christie´s Ten little niggers in my treehouse and couldn´t help but look at the last few pages because first a) I was dying to know b) I could analyze the drama and observe the most important character during reading.

    As we all know, the final three are Arie, Sean and Jef. Jef looks like cute innocent kid, seems truly genuine, whatever that means with person who agrees to find love in front of TV. But Emily looks like his older mature sister and I can´t see them together for more than a lovely playful weekend. She said she wants someone else to be in charge, to be the boss, well, Emmie, Jef is great guy but definitely not a leader.

    Sean would be the safe, rational and pleasant choice, he seems like family type, gentleman and good-dad and husband material. Charming, loyal and maybe little bit boring.

    But here comes Arie and as we all know, some like it hot. And this guy, despite questionable motives and wild past, has the looks, the disarming charm and the wit. Apparently good kisser, which helps too. Loads of passion, tons of romance but I cannot see him settling down. But his editing so far is picture perfect, so maybe he is the final choice, after all, women tend to pick the same types of men. Or racerboys.

    I´m also pleasantly suprised by Emily´s behavior so far, especially being quite honest. From Brad season, I remember her like a plain sweetie lacking any personality with tragic past and fake boobs, but now she is very interesting lead.

    I would also love to get some new info about Bachelor Pad Cast. Summer is coming and some guilty pleasure will be needed.-)

  2. healersdaughter

    June 6, 2012 at 1:40 AM

    Unfortunately, I grew up around guys like Ryan, who mix their definition of masculinity with Christianity and sexism, and are far more interested in themselves than the people around them.

    More importantly: her body language shows that she feels threatened by him and insecure, not valued. Does he not see how weird that is?

    Despite Steve’s beliefs about him, Arie seems much more genuine about him. And dude, lay off the man. Sure, he knew his past would be dug up if he went on the show, but crowing about a man’s personal conquests after a breakup is NOT classy. Stop digging for dirt where there isn’t any, and find out if there are any REAL stories (i.e. guys being dishonest NOW about what they are CURRENTLY doing, or did while on the show).

  3. healersdaughter

    June 6, 2012 at 1:41 AM

    * sorry, added a random “about him” after “genuine.” Unneeded.

  4. mich802

    June 6, 2012 at 5:26 AM

    I just want to know who she ends up with. Happy it won’t be Chris or Ryan.

  5. readformindlessentertainmentandnothingelse

    June 6, 2012 at 6:29 AM

    @aatxcutie, thanks for that info! Wonder if said contestant was Holly, you know there was that Twitter thing a while back where someone asked why RS didn’t like her and she said because she wouldn’t give him info,…wonder if she’s the one that let the cat out of the bag about his methods.

  6. Dianne

    June 6, 2012 at 7:35 AM

    @readfor – that wouldn’t surprise me one bit. I can just see Holly linking up with Jesse C (who Steve also detests), and blowing the whistle on him to ABC.

  7. liz123

    June 6, 2012 at 7:45 AM

    @scavanau, who cares about the spoilers? I’d say the large majority of people who read this blog read it for the spoilers & only the spoilers. A lot of you continue to ask why the “whiners” keep coming back if we don’t love RS’s recaps- well, the spoilers are your answer. It doesn’t seem like it’s that difficult a concept to me. Please, post in this comment section if you don’t care one bit about getting spoilers. I’d love to see how many of you there are. I’m willing to bet there aren’t too many.

    @Maxi, you’re totally entitled to your opinion on Doug & I respect that. I was just stating my own. I know that he is a favorite of a lot of people, so you’re not alone in your thinking. I just don’t personally see it… But then again if we all had the same taste in men there’d be a lot of single people in the world! 😀

  8. cammie99

    June 6, 2012 at 8:33 AM

    readformindless… said:

    @aatxcutie, thanks for that info! Wonder if said contestant was Holly, you know there was that Twitter thing a while back where someone asked why RS didn’t like her and she said because she wouldn’t give him info,…wonder if she’s the one that let the cat out of the bag about his methods.

    I concur! Great observation!

  9. Cndgirl

    June 6, 2012 at 9:07 AM

    Umm @cinderelle I’m pretty sure that’s not the name of Agatha Christies book, and I sincerely hope some weird spellcheck accidentally put that in and you didn’t mean to write that….!!!!!!

  10. addicted2rs

    June 6, 2012 at 9:08 AM

    Question, what is Bachelor Augusta?

    Observation: Brad said he nearly went broke buying Emily expensive gifts – jewelry, shoes etc… so she wants a man who can afford to buy her gifts and treat her like a princess. Who wouldn’t want that? ABC cast her a bunch of guys that do not fit that bill, but Arie does.

  11. liz123

    June 6, 2012 at 9:35 AM

    HaHaHa, @Cndgirl, I noticed that too, but cinderelle’s post was so weird with random words stuck in, words missing, & partial sentences that I’m praying she’s either on a smartphone & doesn’t proofread or she’s on drugs. Are there any other explanations for a post so weird?! But then again what phone changes “indians” (which is what she must have meant) to THAT word?!?! Scary post, honestly.

  12. qqqq

    June 6, 2012 at 10:02 AM

    Scary? That is in fact the original title of the book, which even 10 seconds of research would show you if you didn’t know, before insulting someone and saying they are on drugs!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_Then_There_Were_None

  13. JovisMom

    June 6, 2012 at 10:10 AM

    @ qqqq – Ha! Learn something new everyday! Thanks for the link. I thought cinderelle grammer was a little off and she might have been from a different country.
    🙂

  14. liz123

    June 6, 2012 at 10:54 AM

    @qqqq, I did not know that as the title was changed in the US to include the word “indians” and remove that vilest of vile words. Honestly, I’m glad I didn’t know that. Even if I did, I don’t think I would’ve posted that word here regardless. You think I offended someone by saying they seem to be on drugs, but what about the people that are offended by the posting of the ‘n’ word?! Whether you’re on drugs or not is your choice. Whether you are an African American or not isn’t your choice. So what if it’s the title of a book?! I could think of a lot of literary titles with words in them that I sure as hell wouldn’t post here- especially when it has absolutely nothing to do with anything being discussed. I think you’re probably a racist if you’re offended by drugs, but not by the ‘n’ word.

  15. JovisMom

    June 6, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    @ liz – Gotta disagree w\ you on that, people in different countries use words that we don’t. The word “bloody” as in “what a bloody mess you made” in England (from what I heard) is as bad as the F—ing word here. Maybe the “N” word is not taboo where she lives as it is here and she does not know any better. When I read it I thought it might of been a typo as well until qqqq cleared it up, but I wasn’t about to bash someone for getting a typo. It’s clear that English (or American style English) is not her first language. I give her credit for trying.

  16. elizabeth82

    June 6, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    Yeah, I think that commenter is foreign. Re. And Then There Were None, it’s an excellent mystery and one of the top-selling books of all time! I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it (it was also made into a play and two movie versions). Just unfortunate about its original title . . . which then morphed into “Ten Little Indians,” “Ten Little Soldiers,” and finally And Then There Were None.

    Ryan was ridiculous in this episode. He barely made any sense. Bewildering that she did not get rid of him. He’s borderline-insulted her multiple times, and it’s like she’s torn between finding it funny, finding it flirtatious, and being insulted. He and Kalon should’ve been sent packing already.

    Kinda funny how disgusted she looked when Doug didn’t kiss her after she gave him the rose on the 1-on-1. Yet she’s willing to give Jef a pass on not kissing her yet (clue that she likes him more). I’m looking forward to next ep so we can see Jef’s 1-on-1 finally and also Kalon get booted (finally)!

  17. liz123

    June 6, 2012 at 11:37 AM

    @JovisMom, I mean I guess I can see what you’re saying about English (or American English) not being someone’s first language, but I don’t know of a country in which that word is used where it is acceptable. I know in Great Britain that word is just as offensive as in the US. The same is true of Canadians & Australians (even if only because of its American English definition). In fact, in qqqq’s own link they mention that the title of the book was changed to “And Then There Were None” in Great Britain. I don’t think your analogy regarding the use of the word “bloody” is comparable because that word that does not disparage an entire race of human beings.

  18. kasey31

    June 6, 2012 at 9:13 PM

    can i just say one thing? i absolutely love the fact that the comments posted more recently seem to be so much more considerate and polite… not only in regards to rs, but just to each other in general. it’s a really nice change of pace and good to see that everyone seems to be more open to “agreeing to disagree” on certain topics.. it truly makes coming to this site much more enjoyable.. after all, we all have one thing in common.. we love watching this show 🙂

    the best part of the column for me were the burning love videos! i have never seen them before.. i thought i would literally die laughing!!!!!

  19. Cndgirl

    June 9, 2012 at 8:02 PM

    OMG I just watched the burning love videos – and they are so hilarious – completely agree @kasey31 – and I think they have them every Monday – in all honesty, I think I will end up looking forward to those webisodes more so than the Bachelorette! Too funny…

  20. lasuziq

    June 13, 2012 at 4:28 PM

    I’ve always been so excited to get home in anticipation of Bachelor/bachelorette. This season with Emily is so boring.

    Emily is pretty but how far does that go? I’d much prefer a cute/pretty Bachelorette with a sense of humor and fun personlity.

    On the plus side I can make phone calls, balance my checkbook, play with the dogs, go outside and not miss a thing. Snore.

    Hopefully the next Bachelorette will have more to offer..

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