-Usually I never cover what Chris talks about with the lead in the deliberation room because it’s usually a bunch of nothing. Most of the time I even fast forward through it. But since this was our first one of the season, I thought I’d give a listen. Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised with Emily. More than any previous Bachelorette, she seems to speak her mind a lot more. She didn’t give any cliché answers when she was asked about Jef. She flat out said essentially “That p***y has had two chances to tongue me down on a beach and hasn’t done it. I’m pissed.” She admits she gets all giddy around Arie and loves kissing him and called Ryan out for being manipulative. So congrats to Emily for actually being honest. Sure, she may have lied about the whole working out thing, and she certainly lied on Kimmel when she said her mom doesn’t even know the outcome to this season, but still, at least she’s calling guys out for their behavior. We really don’t get to see that all too often from the lead in this show because they want to say all the right things and be liked. When has a lead ever called one of their contestants “manipulative?”
-Rose ceremony time. Doug, Jef, and John are safe with roses. John by default. If you can’t get a rose going up against a guy dressed like Don Johnson who cries and sings Meatloaf, there’s probably not a chance in hell you’ll ever get laid the rest of your life. Emily: “Can’t believe how fast time has gone….never thought I’d have feelings like this early on…this is not something I take lightly…appreciate each of you opening up the way you have…take a guess at what Ricki scored on her math quiz today? She got 10 out of 10. I’m so proud of Ricki tick. The Bermuda housekeeping lady totally didn’t help her either.”
Sean: With him and Jef having 1-on-1 dates next week, I think that’s when the show is going to start taking shape. These first few weeks have been fluff.
Arie: If Arie had never met Cassie Lambert in his life, do you honestly think he’d ever have appeared on this show? Me neither.
Travis: Egg boy really didn’t have much to say this episode. And other than him chucking the egg, have we seen him spend any alone time with Emily?
Chris: “I’m a man! I’m 25! I went to UNLV!”
Ryan: His ssslllloooowwww Southern drawl when he talks almost makes it seem like he’s trying to hypnotize Emily into liking him. Which she most certainly doesn’t. But don’t tell him that. He totes thinks she does. Yes, I said totes. Punch me now.
Kalon: A quiet episode for our narcissistic pig. No worries. He’ll get his next when Emily f-bombs his skinny little ass for calling Ricki baggage.
“Emily, gentlemen, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. I will try not to laugh uncontrollably when Emily hands out this next rose.”
Alejandro: (Chris Harrison in the corner, “Bhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!”)
-Michael and Charlie both eliminated. Nobody is sad or cares. Michael tells us he’s never been in love before. Ah well, it’d make perfect sense then to think you’d come on a nationally televised show to try and fall in love for the first time. Who wouldn’t? At least we can say now after 8 seasons of the Bachelorette, we’ve finally had a contestant who was known much more for their headbands than for anything they said. Did he borrow those headbands from his esthetician or he kept them from the 1980’s? As for Charlie, I was scared that him conducting his final ITM out in the rain would short circuit him and he’d completely fall to the ground like he was shot. I guess the new T-850’s have been programmed to function in water better than their predecessors.
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