Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 8 - Emily

The Bachelorette Recap Including The Latest Information Regarding the Ending & Jef is a Plagiarist

-The 3-on-1 is up next and I tell ya’, Chris is not a happy camper. Maybe it’s because they forgot his baby rattle and pacifier, but whatever the case, he’s livid that he’s 25 year old man Chris Bukowski and he has to share time with Sean and Doug. They are so beneath him on the “man chain.” He hasn’t been on a date since Charlotte and he doesn’t understand why. Oh oh oh! I know! I know! Because she doesn’t like you as much as the other three, that’s why. A horse drawn carriage comes to pick them up, and Sean and Doug, being the older, wiser, more mature individuals who don’t want to see Chris drop to his stomach and start pounding his fists and kicking his feet against the ground, agree to let him sit next to Emily on the carriage. It’s the least they can do for Crissy. He’s had a bad week. Emily tells them she’ll be taking them to a castle built in the 13th century. Ooooohhhhhhh, 13th century castle. I’m so….zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I guess I just don’t care about the history of Prague. Although Doug is fired up. He says his son would be in heaven. Hey, did anyone know that Doug had a son? He’s never mentioned him before. We’re getting late in the game, he might want to throw in there that he has a kid too. Oh he has? 472 times? My bad.

-So Emily pulls Doug aside first in the castle. I presume this is after the game of hide-and-go-seek happened that they showed us while the credits rolled. So not only was Doug still counting to three hundred (obviously told to by producers) while Sean and Christine were hunting for Emily, now he’s getting a chance to be with Emily 1-on-1 again, and to say he’s failing would be an insult to anyone that’s ever failed with a woman. So Doug is sitting next to Emily on a window sill and he’s got his arms crossed like she’s got Hep C. He even apologizes after his hand or leg grazes her leg because God forbid this man laid a hand on a woman that in two weeks could be his future wife. Doug is big f**king truckload of awkward, and he has absolutely no idea. Emily’s basically had enough, walks him outside in the rain and tells him, “Since the first day, I wanted something to happen…I understand being a slow mover, but no moving at all…” At this point is where Doug stops her mid-sentence and lays the most awkward, uncomfortable, and untimely kiss on her you’ve ever seen. Yeah, that’ll make her knees buckle you pud. Their chemistry looked about as natural as Tom and Katie’s.

-So Emily basically tells Doug, “Sorry dude. Kick rocks. You’re done. No kiss, no need to be here.” Doug is completely blown away. “Did I do something wrong?” Emily being as nice as possible. “No, no, no, you’ve been such a gentleman, almost to a fault. But you see, well, I’m kinda done with the whole good guy thing. Arie has already slammed me up against a wall in Croatia, Sean is a few hours away from doing the same here in Prague, Jef plays with dolls, and you, well, you couldn’t get nailed in a woodshop.” This sends Doug on his way in the rain, but at least he didn’t discard a poor, innocent umbrella like Travis did last week. Doug took his lumps like a man. Well, that was before he got in the car and balled like a sissy. “I finally went for that kiss…I was a day late and a dollar short…I think my girl radar is totally broken.” I wouldn’t say it’s broken because that would mean at one time it was actually working. I understand it’s difficult to meet women when every time you get angry you rip through your clothes, turn green, and start smashing all things around you. That’s gotta be tough on the ladies. Doug said he never got that signal from Emily where he felt he could just go right in and kiss her. Doug, she brought you to the final 6 and even made an exception for you and the paper shredder last week so you could stay. Do you want her to stand there with smoke flares to wave you over? I just hope you when you got home you told Austin to be prepared to his old man turn into a giant vagina on national television. He needed some fair warning.

-So now the date becomes a 2-on-1 with Sean and Crisily. Emily says there are two keys on the table, one of which opens up a door so that person gets a 1-on-1 chat. Sean gets the big key, Chrislyn gets the little one. Gee, I wonder which one will open the door? I’m sure Emily gave some sort of hand signal or telepathically told him to pick the right key so she wouldn’t have to deal with Christabel’s pissing and moaning right away. Even though Sean tongued her down less than 24 hours ago, he gets to again all while talking about how excited he is for her to meet his family. They didn’t really show much of this since they figured the more interesting stuff would be showing us ITM’s of Christiana pouting some more about Sean still being around and why he should be getting time with Emily. I think it’s safe to say at this point in time, there isn’t a single person watching this show who said to themselves, “You know, that Chris guy really seems to be level headed, easy going, decent human being. He’d be such a stabilizing figure in Emily and Ricki’s life.” I think it was more like, “What a creeper, stalker, psycho nut job he is.”

-Chris tells us before he goes to meet Emily he is gonna flat out ask her why he didn’t get a 1-on-1 date this week. Oooooohhhhh, big man on campus. Yeah, you do that. You go right in there, put her on the defensive, and question her ability to make the right choices. That’ll do wonders for your reputation you turd. Chrysanthe: “I’m a little upset with you. I thought I’d be getting a 1-on-1 date this week.” And Emily just nodded, smiled, apologized and gave probably the best/worst answer I’ve ever heard. “Well, a 2-on-1 is the second best thing to a 1-on-1.” You’re very correct Emily. It’s also the ONLY thing, but thanks for informing us of that. That’s like having a two person race, finishing second, and someone telling you, “Well, just think of it this way, you’re second best.” I’m sure if Crystal’s blood temperature hadn’t already reached maximum level, it just did. So Emily has to make a decision now who gets the group date rose, him or Sean. Tough call. Crispina got it last week during the Highland Games when he was a complete spaz. Did you honestly think he’d get it a second week in a row after his mini temper tantrums? Emily: “Sean, will accept this rose?” Chrystalin was fuming. I thought he was going to barf. But just to make sure he was ok, Emily dropped a, “Chris, I hope you don’t take this personally.” Who him? No, not at all. He’s just going with the flow. Cool cat. But you wouldn’t mind if he went on a 4-person killing spree around Prague, would you? Ok good. He’ll be right back.

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188 Comments

188 Comments

  1. cowboyjunkie78

    June 27, 2012 at 2:50 PM

    I find it incredibly funny that someone that doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re is trying to correct grammar!!!

  2. loveispossible

    June 27, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    F1 – If RS is correct and it is NOT Arie, then it has to be Jef by process of elimination. It CAN’T be Sean after seeing his room on the previews. Emily has been spot on with these guys so far and there is no way she is going to take on the liability of a child INSTEAD of a partner. People don’t change unless there is a life threatening situation so Sean will continue to be a slob. No way will Em want this in her life, no matter how HOT the guy is. They will be doing battle constantly over him picking up his stuff! If it were between Arie and Jef, I’d say Arie but RS says no. Hey – any possibility that someone comes back to charm her and becomes F1???

  3. lobsterandbeer

    June 27, 2012 at 3:53 PM

    @aatex I am pretty sure Stevie has one huge bicep from patting himself on the back too…and other stuff oops! Shit, my bad can you swear here?

  4. carmondy

    June 27, 2012 at 3:57 PM

    loveispossible I agree, in part, with what you said about Emily’s F2 not including Sean. I wonder what happened to the butterflies in Emily’s heart when she got a load of that fratboy style, wreck of a room Sean lives in at Mommy & Daddy’s house…

    But I am not at all sure that Steve is right about Arie – Steve initially got the F1 wrong for Brad Womack. And I love Jef, but his strong Mormon background might scare Emily away – unless she is open to becoming a Mormon…

    Which leaves one to wonder if the reports about Em & Chris Harrison could be true? I guess we’ll have to wait & see 🙂

  5. melissa

    June 27, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    I agree that Jef’s Mormonism is a drawback. And probably his hair, too! I don’t think the producers gave her a decent selection to start with. They seem to be picking Bachelors and Bachelorettes for the drama and the quirkiness instead of picking normal, serious people. Emily has too much money and fame now to pick just anybody. It will have to be someone very special to her.

  6. sandy

    June 27, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    I said I was going to say away but,…. 🙂

    Does anyone know if Emily is religious? Cause I was kind of thinking she may have picked Sean, but after reading his twitter…. He likes the simple things in life, and most of all Jesus. From the sounds of his comments on twitter he is very religious…

  7. nobody1

    June 27, 2012 at 5:42 PM

    @ Sandy: If Emily is very religious she probably isn’t very involved. She did get hersef knocked up as an unwed teenager afterall. Not exactly the best example to be passing on to your daughter.

  8. randais

    June 27, 2012 at 6:04 PM

    @Sandy, I can’t equate her potty mouth with being religious. I mean, that’s just my opinion, I consider myself “religious” and I don’t use that language…no really, ever. It’s just not in my vocabulary by choice. My opinion is, if you talk the talk you have to walk the walk or fo’get about it. And no one is perfect but well, once again, just my .02.

  9. randais

    June 27, 2012 at 6:05 PM

    BUT does she “consider” herself “religious”, that’s a whole other question.

  10. jessica1

    June 27, 2012 at 6:05 PM

    I for one would love LOVE if Emily ended up w/ Chris Harrison! Only because it would be so sordid and absurd and really, hasn’t he been making eyes at her every single time they talk? It would put me in a coma of laughter –– can you imagine the spin the show would have to do…..”she was looking for luv and found it sitting right across from her”. “I knew she was the one but I had to respect the process and let her journey complete the circle as she found her way to me…..”

    They would make them co-hosts!! Dear god the idea makes me have to pee it’s so ridiculous.

  11. sandy

    June 27, 2012 at 6:43 PM

    Not one of these F3 guys are right for Emily. It doesn’t matter what the ending will be, I can’t see her sticking any of them, nor them with her.

    Sean’s lifestyle/family/childrearing will have to include Jesus in his daily life The message is loud and clear on his twitter.

    Jef = Is totally wrong for her. Too young looking, too immature, awkward, bow legged, goofylike, BUT he might have some cash!!!

    Arie – Totally wrong as well. Just gets her hot and bothered, but no long term potential whatsoever.

    I am leaning more and more to the theory of Emily picks noone. nada!!

  12. alm4629

    June 27, 2012 at 7:14 PM

    More editing mishaps this season (i did not read all comments, so maybe this has been mentioned before)

    If you go back two episodes from last night, on the previews to the next episode, ABC gives you the final three. First, you see Jef and Emily cuddled together in the UT mountains overlooking St. George with a view of the St. George Temple in the background (being a mormon, this was an easy spot). So, you know Jef makes it to the hometown and final 3 with 6 guys (i think?) left.
    Then you have a series of shots of Emily and Sean jumping off the stern of a boat (which has yet to happen), and kissing in the tropical waters (still has yet to happen).
    You also see Arie at some point in the locking lips with Emily on a boat. you also see Jef in this series walking along a dock hand in hand with Emily with his fro flapping in the wind.
    Anyways, just went back and looked at these and realized what a wonderful editing job ABC has done this season.

    Ooo another editing blurb. After the Emily, Cassie, Arie supposed three way talk, they immediately shoot to Arie and Emily on the boat that night on their 1-on-1 talking about what went down and we see the back of Arie’s head as he is apologizing. Is it just me, or did his jaw not move as he was “talking” or if it did, it definitely did not match up to what was being said at that moment!

    I love how ABC has really come up with some interesting voice overs. It makes me want to go back over all seasons and figure out what a ridiculous editing crew they have!

  13. mauichick

    June 27, 2012 at 9:25 PM

    I only recently started reading this site regularly, so I guess I must have missed the glory days everyone talks about when Steve was funny (I think he’s funny now).

    I’m completely confused about a few things…people keep posting about Steve treating his readers horribly and scaring them off and how he is going to lose his business if he keeps it up. I truly don’t get it. Unless this is in reference to the lawsuit and him withholding the info that he attempted to pay someone, because I agree that was borderline sketchy at best, although I kind of get why he did it on the other hand.

    But it sounds like people think he mistreats his readers in the way he talks and writes. Why? Because he’s sarcastic and makes fun of silly e-mails he gets? This guy writes a very dry, sarcastic blog FOR A LIVING. How is him continuing to be sarcastic ruining his business? Sounds like continuing his business to me. Someone actually posted about “customer service” which was amusing…what is this, a Laundromat?

    There is no such thing as customer service on a blog! The people why make him money by coming back again and again clearly find something they enjoy reading, whether in the blogs themselves or in the comments below. And a click is a click is a click, if it’s someone returning because they hate Steve or something he wrote and want to vent about it, it shows up as traffic to his blog which earns him advertising. Additionally, controversy is gold to bloggers, so if people hate him, that only makes him richer. (I don’t know if he makes a lot of money or not, but you get my point.) No one wants to check a site 10 times a day where everyone is polite and kisses ass. They want to read snark. We can all go to our real CUSTOMER SERVICE jobs if we want to smile and act pretty. No fun in that. No money in it, either, for Reality Steve. Not his game.

    And for anyone who says he doesn’t have spoilers anymore, HOW? He spoiled the final four, didn’t he? I understand we all want to know what happened at the end, I’m itching to find out. But he HAS given spoilers. Just not all the ones we want.

    No, I am not his mom, sister, or cousin. I live in Hawaii and have never once been anywhere near Reality Steve. I would totally buy him a beer if he came to Maui though.

  14. nora j

    June 27, 2012 at 10:24 PM

    I still think she picks Arie!!! I’d be shocked if she doesn’t. RS hasn’t gotten confirmation Jef is F1 because he isn’t!!!!

  15. whoah1000

    June 27, 2012 at 10:29 PM

    Ya’ll seriously come on! That whole Sean living with his parents thing and the messy room is a complete set up! After reading RS for a while you should know the show is fake!!!
    Sean lives in an apartment in Dallas! Not sure why he went along with that portrayal on the show, but maybe they made him do it…..

  16. JovisMom

    June 28, 2012 at 5:12 AM

    I just read this on Kidd Live (the radio show in Dallas that RS is on at times)…

    Posted Thu, June 28, 2012 | By Hizzle
    Emily Maynard gives her final rose to… Chris Harrison?
    Emily Maynard may not have found happiness with any of her eligible suitors on The Bachelorette because she had her eyes on someone else the whole time… Her heart has always belonged to Chris Harrison.

    The insiders have all been whispering about how close they have been for awhile and now sources are saying that they are madly in love… and it’s been going on for awhile.

    The love fest began when Em was on The Bachelor the first time. She not only won over Brad Womack’s heart but caught the attention of Chris Harrison too. Chris told everyone that Emily was the most beautiful woman that he ever laid his eyes on.

    Past winner Vienna Girardi confirmed their relationship to Star Magazine, saying, “From the beginning, I always said there was no way Emily was really going to end up with one of the guys because she really wanted to be with Chris, and it was obvious he wanted to be with her too. I guarantee Emily and Chris will end up together in the end. If she gets engaged to another man, the show will probably spin it as a love triangle.”

    If she picks no one and starts a relationship w\ Chris Harrison that would be perfect! He has more money then God and that is what she really wants!

  17. Sunnyside422

    June 28, 2012 at 5:25 AM

    Yes…probably a set up about Seans messy room. Come on…he is 28, not buying that. I am sure producers convinced him it would be funny. He seems nice…in a bland, robotic way. Maybe he is someone who Emily can relate to, though I have seen more of a spark to her this time around…especially when she is laughing and interacting with darling Jef. Yes, I think Jef is awesome in every way. I’d date him and…well not gonna get more specific than that! He is a love.

    As for the poster with the comments on Steve and his blog. Agree to all of it. I happen to enjoy Steve and will continue to do so. Yes, he did get very angry and not funny during the law suit period. He probably was extremely stressed and I don’t blame him. He returned to full glory in the Ryan elimination episode which was epic Steve! I even commented that he was baaak!

    It is his blog to do as he wants and I respect his choice to do so. I began reading Steve a few seasons before the Jason & Melissa debacle and and have continued to do so. He is the best. Loads of bloggers out there that are really good too, but his spoilers of each and every week’s events/dates, etc. are what I come back for. Not many have the inside info he seems to get.

  18. bug13

    June 28, 2012 at 5:36 AM

  19. nobody1

    June 28, 2012 at 5:59 AM

    @bug13: You’re going to believe a gossip site over a gossip mag? Your instinct should be telling you not to believe either one. See those red flags? Pay attention to them.

    My gut tells me Emily only did the show for cash and fame. The girl comes across to me as a major gold digger, and none of the men on the show, including Chris Harrison, has a bank account large enough to satisify her.

    You have to remember… she (and her daughter) is being supported by a multi-million dollar racing corporation. There’s no way in hell she is going to settle for anything less.

    So why do the show? You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out, and it isn’t because she wants a daddy for her out-of-wedlock child. The girl has the cash; now she craves fame and attention.

  20. bigfatwoman

    June 28, 2012 at 7:25 AM

    Seriously….what are any of you smoking that you actually believe there is any truth to the Emily – Chris Harrison thing?

    At 26 (?), Emily is not going to hook up with a newly divorced or not even divorced almost 41 year-old guy with two kids. She wants lots of kids and she’ll do it with someone closer to her age.

    I believe that we’re all reading too much into this. There was no secret taping, no live finale — she probably picks no one. I’m sure she likes the final 3 for various reasons, but none of them are the total package.

    That’s my two cents.

  21. nobody1

    June 28, 2012 at 7:43 AM

    @BFW: she probably doesn’t pick anyone because whe never intended to pick anyone in the first place. Besides, like I said, no one on or associated with the show has a fat enough wallet to give her the ‘lifestyles of the rich and famous’ existence she wants.

    On another note, I don’t understand what the big fuss over Emily is all about in the first place. She’s a nice looking woman, but honestly, I’ve seen far better here in Texas. I’ve also seen far better who were participants of the show. Michelle Money, Rozlyn Papa, and Gia Allemand are the first 3 that come to mind.

  22. lobsterandbeer

    June 28, 2012 at 7:44 AM

    I think Emily does pick someone but just to “date”. After the promos from Monday night when she said she wouldn’t be able to hurt someone, I think she “pulls an Ali” by letting F2 go graciously without a final ceremony.

  23. Dianne

    June 28, 2012 at 7:48 AM

    My 2 cents; I don’t think she gives the final rose to anyone, BUT, does say she would like to continue “dating” Jef, but at this point, I really don’t care who she chooses. She’s way too barbie-doll for my liking.

  24. Athena

    June 28, 2012 at 7:58 AM

    @mauichick: Well said.

  25. aatex

    June 28, 2012 at 8:05 AM

    I don’t think Emily picks anyone either – not sure anyone in the universe is good enough for her. She couldn’t make things work with Dale Earnhardt, Jr., most popular and richest driver in Nascar. I can’t understand her issues with men… she’s got it all, money, good looks (better without all the makeup) but her personality is just a bit awkward. Sometimes I feel like I’m listening to tapes playing over and over… not to mention, most guys don’t want to be mothered/smothered 24/7. Just my two pennies…

  26. liz123

    June 28, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    Hey @bigfatwoman, your comment about playing hide the finger with Stevie-boy made me throw up in my mouth a little. 😉 Thanks for helping me keep on my diet today b/c I’ve totally lost my appetite now. Maybe you haven’t lost your mojo. I’ll stay tuned to decide for sure.

    Btw, @dreamchi, we’re ready for your weekly round-up. You’ve flipped & BFW has flopped. You should start there. You’re welcome. 🙂

  27. lobsterandbeer

    June 28, 2012 at 8:14 AM

    ^^ what Liz said 🙂

  28. graciousjunk

    June 28, 2012 at 8:32 AM

    It’s strange — after reading all the criticism of Emily (she wears too much makeup-true; she is a gold digger-not sure that’s fair), etc. — that my most marked negative observation of her is rarely mentioned. She just seems a little dim-witted and really not very savvy. I’ve never heard someone say so quizzically, “I know, right?” SO often, and at times where it’s not even sensical. (Lately she’s just shortened it to “right?”) Her voice has become akin to nails on chalkboard of late; she just comes across as, well, unintelligent. Seriously unintelligent. But I’m thinking it’s just me, because no one else has noticed!

  29. iheartvino

    June 28, 2012 at 8:43 AM

    @Liz, well put! My diet thanks you as well, BFW. The mental image of Steve and anyone… ((shudders))

    @graciousjunk, Agreed! Emily has managed to turn the word “right” into a 2-3 syllable word with the way she says it. Honestly, the only week her voice didn’t annoy me was when she was sick and it sounded lower and kind of raspy. She does come across as unintelligent. At the beginning of the season I really did try hard to like her and to give her season a fair chance. I get that she’s the star and it IS all about her, but she’s taken on a bit too much of a princess role in my opinion.

  30. SherryfromD

    June 28, 2012 at 8:46 AM

    @karynr Thanks for the link to the other Bachelor blogs!

  31. aatex

    June 28, 2012 at 9:56 AM

    So she’s got two words down pat then. Right and Like.

  32. fluorophore

    June 28, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    What’s wrong with electric shavers? Sometimes
    I think Steve is a victim of his own insulated thinking. Many of his comments sound like everything he learned was Bourne out of the 80s. And being nearly 40 with no woman makes me think these are the comments of a sexually repressed individual. The blog is usually about 25% funny, but most of the commentary is painfully obvious and could be written by anyone with access to a keyboard and a DVR. Steve’s niche is getting spoiler info. Beyond that, I think we are reaching with the wrong props.

  33. mel6576

    June 28, 2012 at 10:34 AM

    Jef’s hair reminded me of Beavis and Butthead this week. Anyone else agree? It’s funny…after reading Steve’s recap after recap, it just further reminds me of how fake this show is. I mean come on, do you expect to fall in love after only a few one on one dates??? Not everyone is so lucky to have more than one on one, so can’t imagine the bachelor/bachelorette falling in love with someone they have only had private time with 1-2 x. Oh well. Keep up the good work, Steve. You make this show worth watching….I mean I don’t watch the whole show, it makes me puke, but I sure do read your whole columns. 🙂

  34. zookeeper58

    June 28, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    Part of the problem with this franchise is that the producers don’t consider the concept of something new. They recycle old contestants to the point we know for sure the next Bachelor is not going to be someone we haven’t painfully watched before. This has even gone down to the dialogue where every single person has uttered at least 10 times those famous words “i could really see myself with that girl”.. or guy… Have they never considered not cloning every season? Think of how great it would be if we didn’t hear them saying “I could really see myself with that girl”.. words that Ben must have said at least 1000 times during his atrociously painful season. That season was so bad I had decided to never watch The Bachelor again. I tuned into The Bachelorette this year only because my girlfriend comes for dinner and loves to watch it. Truly I could be happier watching Antiques Roadshow at this point (another show I find painfully boring).
    As far as the final 3 are concerned, the general consensus is that Jef is a dork, Arie a player and what I wasn’t sure about was why Sean was referred to as a meathead? Ok he doesn’t have the witty and biting repartee of Ryan, but in case you haven’t noticed, he doesn’t kill and tell, and he is the only one who does not chime in to bash his fellow contestants. Whether or not he is Emily’s choice, I give kudos to Sean for being an upstanding guy.

  35. sandy

    June 28, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    Is it just me or as the show progresses more and more people are jumping off of the Emily ship? Honestly, she should have applied for the “SugarDaddy Bachelor Show”, she comes off as a kept woman, a selfish woman, this show is turning into an all about Emily and Ricki Show.. blah, blah, blah. ME, ME, ME.

    And what happened to her face? She better take her plastic surgeon OFF of speeddial. Somebody feed her a piece of bread already.

  36. carmondy

    June 28, 2012 at 3:19 PM

    You know, I found myself wondering if RS has ever discussed with his attorneys whether it might not be too wise for him to allow unmonitored comments. What if someone posted information that was slanderous towards one of the contestants? Does anyone know if RS could be libel for that or would it be the poster’s sole responsibility?

  37. carmondy

    June 28, 2012 at 3:26 PM

    I hope Emily has done her due diligence on these guys – Arie is not the only one who has a few spots on his record & if RS did a little digging he would know that. I guess he prefers to wait for the info to come to him.

  38. JustJenna

    June 29, 2012 at 9:01 AM

    @nobody1 Even Christian girls make mistakes and get pregnant. People are only human. IMO, the fact that she decided not to abort says more about her religious beliefs than her “unwed pregnancy” does.
    And please refrain from making some all knowing, skeptical comment about how she did it to gain access to the Hendricks fortune. The Maynard’s are plenty wealthy on their own. Only Emily knows how pure her motives were, and the kind Christian thing to do is not judge and give the benefit of the doubt.

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