-Next up is Kalki Beach with Jef. They board a boat and head to Klein Knip Beach. On the boat ride over, Jef told her that his parents heard about how well their hometown date went, and how all the family loved her, and now they’re interested in meeting her. A lot has been made of Jef’s parents, and why they weren’t at the hometowns, and why during the hometowns, ABC used a terrible voice over of Jef saying they were in South Carolina doing “charity work” that obviously he never said in the moment, etc. Look, I have no idea what role Jef’s parents play in all this. They weren’t at the hometown date because they are Mormon mission leaders in South Carolina. You can google Monte and Lisa Holm if you’re interested in finding out what they do and what they look like. I don’t know why the show has gone out of their way to not make it known that’s why they couldn’t be at the hometown date, nor why Jef couldn’t say it on TV. Maybe there are strict rules against it, maybe he’s embarrassed, or maybe his parents just don’t want to be a part of this silliness. Hell if I know. I’m guessing since the two of them are engaged as we speak, they’ve met her by now.
-They get off the boat and paddleboard to the beach. Upon arriving at the beach, they jump off rocks into the water, thus making John Wolfner and Nate Bakke feel less special since now she did it with someone else. In the water, we see Jef standing up while Emily’s legs are wrapped around him as they make out. Had no idea the water would be so shallow where they were. I mean, Jef stands a solid 4’10”, so was that water like 2 feet deep? Weird. So I guess the biggest thing to address from Jef’s hometown date last week was the letter he wrote Emily that apparently had everyone in tears. Once again, the show was a week ago, I was busy in California all last week, so I did my best to transcribe the whole letter for everyone to read. It was very heartfelt and a really cool letter if you ask me.
Emily….I, like, totally like you. You are, like, the one person I can see myself spending, like, the rest of my life with. You’re, like, so cool and so down-to-earth, you make me laugh, you make me smile, and you know, like, we just get each other. I want to, like, wake up to you every morning, and like, make you breakfast, and like, give you the peace sign as I head out the door to work every morning. I wanna, like, make Ricki peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and like, take her to school. But I don’t want to just, like, take her to school and stuff. I want to sit next to her in class and, like, play with her at recess and stuff. Her and I can be, like, best friends forever since we’re so close in age and looks. She’s, like, someone I can finally relate to and won’t, like, make fun of me for my skinny jeans. I will even, like, let her beat me at Chutes and Ladders and Candyland because, like, I want her to feel special. Well that and the fact that I’m still learning how to play both of them. Emily, you’re, like, the one for me and I can’t wait to be that guy you wake up to every morning and, like, take a shower with. No, literally I need your help in the shower since I’m still learning. Love always, Jef. Peace (stupid two finger sign).
Or something like that. Migh’tve been off on a few words here or there.
Here’s what I thought of Jef’s letter last week. It was great. Very sincere, honest, and definitely said all the right things. The problem is, that thing literally sounded like something you’d say in your wedding vows. So the fact that he did it on national television for a girl he’s known for 5 weeks and had two dates with just made it all the more ridiculous. I’m sure he meant it, but c’mon, that was much too much and too early. I get that he’s trying to win her over, and that things are sped up on this show, but it is possible to say nice things and compliment Emily without saying what he did. Nobody would look at him any less if he didn’t say that. I just feel when someone comes with something like that on a show like this, with a person they still barely know, it’s impossible to take seriously. Seems way too forced. It really was an unbelievably well written letter. I just thought it sounded like something you’d say at the altar for your vows, not 5 weeks into a ridiculous dating show with a chick who’s been making out with your friends.
-At dinner, Jef has some questions for Emily. Jef: “Only thing I don’t know about Emily is what it’s like to be around Ricki.” Oh sure you do. All your friends are her age, I’m sure it’ll be an easy transition to having a relationship with Ricki. He’s worrying too much. I think all the time he spends at the jungle gym and on the swings will totally make him and Ricki connect on a level better than the other two guys. These two can spend a whole day together running around, singing Big Time Rush songs, eating Nutella sandwiches and it’ll be like they’ve known each other forever. Trust me, Jef’s relationship with Ricki is the last thing I’m worried about with him. Jef asks Emily, “Where we gonna live?” Emily says she’d be perfectly fine with packing up Ricki and moving her to Salt Lake if that’s what Jef wanted to do. Ok, now here’s where there are two sides to the story. Honestly, none of us have any idea if this is true, or even possible. Half the stories you read say that the Hendricks family has control of Emily and her finances and don’t want their granddaughter moving far away from them and there’s no way in hell Emily could move to somewhere like Salt Lake, even if she wanted to. Then the other half of the stories say that Emily can move if she wants, she’s not restricted by the Hendricks family, and she’s always wanted to get out of North Carolina. Bottom line is, none of us know what’s true and what isn’t. If she moves to Salt Lake, then we know those first stories are bogus. If she doesn’t, the rumors will always remain. We’ll see.
-Jef the Interrogator then asks, “You’ve obviously dated a lot of great guys. Why don’t you think it’s worked out with any of them?” Man, I’m surprised he wasn’t shining a bright light in Emily’s face making her sweat with these questions. Hmmmm, why hasn’t it worked out with any past guys? Maybe because they’re all D-list celebs. That’d be my guess. I mean, did anyone really expect things to work out with Emily and Jeremy Shockey? Like that guy was interested in being a step father to Ricki? Uhhhhh, probably not. I don’t really remember Emily’s answer other than being very generic. She likes guys, guys like her, it just didn’t work out. Safe and doesn’t get into anything specific. Jef then asks Emily if she thinks he’s a good fit for Ricki and he’d make a good father. Emily loved this question and gave him the thumbs up. Jef: “It made me happy when Emily says she can picture me there when she’s making lunch for Ricki.” Well, duh. That’s because she’d be making your lunch as well. Lunchables, Capri Sun, a banana, and a fruit roll up all neatly placed into your Avengers lunch box, then put into your Incredible Hulk backpack. Oh wait, that’s Nicholas’ school stuff. Well, whatever. Same difference.