-Man, with the spoilers out now, recapping this train wreck really isn’t all that exciting is it? The show started off with Rachel crying about Michael leaving. Rachel is really distraught. Like, really distraught. “I was falling in love with Michael. Haven’t felt this way about a guy in a long time.” Awwwww man. Sucks. Especially considering he didn’t feel nearly the same was as you and was pretty much counting the days until he was off the show so he could start back up with Emily from Chicago. But hey, perk up Rach. Just think, you’re two weeks away from being in the finals and having Nick take $125k out from right under your nose! I think Rachel should maybe go into some counseling after this is all said and done. Lets just say “Bachelor Pad” probably didn’t have the most positive effect on her life. Probably better ways to spend your summer than having a guy pretend he likes you on TV then lose $125k. OUCH. Sorry Rachel. I feel bad. How about I buy you a drink when I’m in NY next month? I mean, I would lend you $125k but, uhhhh, you know, there was this whole lawsuit thing that kinda got in the way. The least I can do is buy you an overpriced drink at some seedy NY bar, right? You’re a good girl. You’ll find some dude in NY. Preferably one taller and less animated than Michael.
-After they go inside from the dramatic rose ceremony, Chris Harrison comes in to greet them with some unbelievable news. “This competition is going to take a dramatic turn.” He announces that the ten people remaining will not be competing as individuals anymore, but as couples. WOW!!!!! You mean like exactly how they’ve done it the first two seasons when it got down to a selected few? Man, where do they come up with this creativity???!!!! And since 8 of the 10 players are already coupled up, and everyone knew Rachel had no choice but join up with Nick, uhhhhh, what was the big deal about this announcement? Oh yeah, that’s right. Nothing. Chris Harrison just needed something to do to earn his paycheck other than read a bunch of Spelling Bee words off a clipboard.
-They go outside and see that their challenge begins with a yellow school bus taking them to their destination. Blakeley is freaked out. “When you see a school bus, you think it’s taking us to school. Not my strong suit.” You don’t say? I could’ve sworn she graduated the University of Hooters cum laude. Yes, that was supposed to have two meanings to it. I’m creative like that. Her boyfriend/now fiancé is even more freaked out by a Spelling Bee challenge. “I don’t even know if I can spell the word ‘spelling.'” Tony, whatever you do for the rest of your life, I request two things: Never wear a fuchsia shirt on national television ever again, and, for the love of God, don’t ever admit you can’t spell the word “spelling.” Kinda makes you seem, well, dumb. The judges of this competition were apparently the top 3 spellers in the entire state of California, even though we didn’t know their ages, names, or what competitions they ever won to earn that distinction. I guess we’ll have to take the show’s word for it, which as we know, is ALWAYS gospel.
-The competition’s first round was a joke. The words were “Love,” “Rose,” “Kiss,” “Sexy,” and “Heart.” Utterly stupid and complete waste of time. Not funny, not original, and Nicholas could’ve spelled those words. I think. The next round started, and once the couples misspelled three words, which each person alternating letters, then they were eliminated. They were dropping like flies early, although the show skipped through a lot of the missed words, probably for fear of embarrassment. Not that these people haven’t embarrassed themselves enough already as it is, but probably a good thing they didn’t show every misspelled word that eliminated these couples. Some they did show? Blakeley and Tony misspelling “Engagement Ring” (how fitting), Jewelry getting misspelled, and same with Rose Ceremony. I got dumber watching this segment. So going into the finals, Chris and Sarah had one strike against them, and Ed and Jaclyn had none. Oooooh, this is gonna be a nail biter I tell ya’. What we’re shown was this:
Ed & Jaclyn – Aphrodisiac (Strike 1)
Chris & Sarah – Philanderer (correct)
Ed & Jaclyn – Boutonniere (Strike 2)
Chris & Sarah – Titillating (Strike 2) Heh heh heh..Hey Butthead, they said “tit”…heh he heh heh heh
Ed & Jaclyn – Flabbergasted (Strike 3)
Chris & Sarah – Entrepreneur (Strike 3)
So now we’re in sudden death. The next team to answer correctly while the other team misses wins. Ready? Your IQ is about to drop even further.
Ed & Jaclyn – Soiree (Strike)
Chris & Sarah – Lascivious (Strike)
Ed & Jaclyn – Cockamamie (Strike) Heh heh heh..Hey Butthead, they said “cock”…heh he heh heh heh
Chris & Sarah – Serendipity (Correct)
Chris & Sarah win by spelling “Serendipity,” which I believe was the title of a book I read in 3rd grade. Are you serious? Not that I thought soiree, lascivious, and cockamamie were hard, but they were certainly much harder than “serendipity.” Oh well, probably just another way for them to manipulate the game to make sure the obvious couple heading home if they didn’t win, DID end up winning. Pretty transparent if you ask me. Why did Chris seem like he was constipated every time he was stumped on how to spell a word up on stage? My gosh, I thought that guy was going to have an aneurysm trying to spell 5th grade words.