Reality Steve

Bachelor Pad 3

The “Bachelor Pad” Recap Including My Thoughts on Emily & Jef and What’s the Kalon/Lindzi Status Now

-Chris and Sarah’s date began immediately after the challenge as they took a limo ride up the coast, and I believe ended up at the same winery and barn that Brad and Emily went on their first date too. I don’t feel like looking it up, but it sure looked the same. And we know this show loves repeating dates. Before they got to the barn, each one of them dressed in what they were wearing at the challenge, tear away their clothes to reveal they both had bathing suits on underneath. Ummmm, that wasn’t too suspicious was it? Do most women wear a bikini under their sexy dress? Do guys usually wear their board shorts underneath a long sleeve collared shirt, sweater, and nice pair of jeans? I guess on “Bachelor Pad” they do. Chris is ecstatic that he gets this date with Sarah. “This is our day. National Chris and Sarah Day.” Yes please, lets make this into a holiday. Whether we want to make it the day the date actually occurred, or the day it aired, August 27th, this should definitely be a day where all of America can go to their local CVS and can redeem a free bottle of Valtrex.

-By the way, Sarah Newlon no longer looks like Miley Cyrus anymore since Miley went Britney on her own hair and has officially started Phase 1 of her application process to be on a future season of “Celebrity Rehab.” Oh Miley, I had hope for you. Sarah has questions for Chris. “I know Chris is fresh off his breakup with Emily…is he ready for a relationship?” Don’t forget fresh off his breakup with Blakeley and Jamie too, so yeah, the answer to that question would be, “He moved on from Emily about four seconds after entering Bachelor Pad.” Is Sarah really trying to convince us she’s concerned about Chris’ emotional state 6 weeks after he was sent home on Emily’s season? Apparently Chris is still convinced he’s hurt from Emily too. “I’m still trying to figure out how long it takes a broken heart to heal…I don’t really think about Emily when I’m with Sarah, so that’s good.” Yeah, you probably shouldn’t considering she’s engaged to someone else. As for how long it takes for your little widdle broken heart to heal? About as quick as it took for Blakeley and Jamie to throw themselves at you. Safe to say, I think Chris is delusional. Especially when he gives her the line of “I can’t wait to have many more dates with you in the future.” And by “many more dates with you” he means “many more hookups with women all across America every time I go visit a new city.” Sarah must feel special.

-Back at the mansion, Rachel is a mess. She’s still crying over Michael. I even could’ve sworn she said, “Michael and I haven’t even broken up…” Oh boy. He played her well. Honey, you may not think you’ve broken up, but he certainly did. Hell, seems to me he didn’t even think you were together. Probably best that she just starts worrying about strategy and less about Michael. So Blakeley, Jaclyn, and Rachel begin forming their next move, which is to get rid of Kalon and Lindzi. They say it’s all about loyalty, they are “Bachelor 16 girls,” and they’re going to stick together. You know how I know this? Because they pinky sweared on it. And not only that, once their pinkies were interlocked, they kissed their fingers. I guess that means something totally serious. Like, “Hey, we know kissed our fingers while we pinky swore, so that means we can never break this promise for at least another 24 hours. Maybe 36. But after 48, that swear means sh**.”

-Ed & Jaclyn’s date was classic. Yet another case of some guy in the house hooking up with a girl, her getting emotionally involved, and the guy being like, “What? We can’t hook up, sleep in the same bed and have sex every night and it not mean something?” Ed tells Jaclyn about a chick back home that he pursued hard, they started dating, but before the show they broke up and agreed each was single, or what I like to call the “Michael Stagliano Rule of Dating Someone Before Going on a Reality Show.” Jaclyn had no idea about Ed’s chick back home. Uhhhhh, of course you didn’t. Would you have let him into your pants if you did? Jaclyn: “I don’t know if I would’ve acted that way, and done what we did, if I knew.” Well, that’s debatable, but still. There’s a reason he didn’t tell you about her – it would’ve killed his chance for nookie.

-This continues into their dinner conversation where Jaclyn confronts him on what he’s been doing in the house. “What we have done, and what you’ve said, are two different things.” Jaclyn thinks by being partners, hooking up, having sex, and sleeping in the same bed every night, that not only are they a “couple” on the show, that it would extend into real life. Which I can totally see why she’d think that. However, she didn’t take into account this is Ed Swiderski we’re talking about. I don’t know how far back Jaclyn’s “Bachelor/ette” knowledge goes, but she had to at least have had SOME sort of idea this guy was a player, right? Maybe a little? Regardless, Ed seems to be able to separate the sex part and the game part without any problem whatsoever. This annoys Jaclyn and it seems like this conversation is going nowhere fast. Ed then talks down to her by saying, “Is this like some sort of Facebook status? Why do we have to label it?” Translation: Dammit, I thought I’d never get caught having my cake and eating it too. Can’t we just knock it out on the show and we’ll figure other stuff out later? Then the best exchange of the night took place.

Jaclyn: “I don’t want to look like a whore.”
Ed: “And I don’t want to look like an asshole.”

Done and done.

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34 Comments

34 Comments

  1. mel1

    August 28, 2012 at 11:51 AM

    Funny recap, although I do have to say its pretty ironic that you misspelled “serendipity” after mocking the contestants’ grammar and talking about how easy that word was. (“but they were certainly much harder than ‘serenedipity'”).

  2. khaki

    August 28, 2012 at 12:18 PM

    @mel1 He spelled it right multiple times before, so it’s probably just a typo, but ironic indeed.

    I only read the recaps because the show is too terrible. I wish he would have recapped what their incorrect spellings were. Some of those words seem impossible to get wrong. That said, it is a lot easier to write a word than spell it off the top of your head under pressure.

  3. twb109

    August 28, 2012 at 12:19 PM

    Anyone know why K/L broke up or who broke up with whom?

  4. nsawyer

    August 28, 2012 at 12:25 PM

    @twb109, um, because he’s Kalon?? Welcome to Dumpsville again, Lindzi! 😉

  5. maxi

    August 28, 2012 at 12:26 PM

    Pretty sure Steve is wrong about the Kalon/Lindzi breakup. His twitter is @kalonMcM and they are clearly together. He posted a pic of her just a few hours ago…

  6. maxi

    August 28, 2012 at 12:41 PM

    As for the column, Steve, I think going on and on about how you know everything about every Bach related situation, but won’t share because you protect your sources, is bs. When has that ever been an issue?? I think it is perfectly fine to admit when you just DON’T KNOW about something or are wrong (Emily and Jef, the next Bach, etc. Steve even tweeted last week that emily’s secret guy was coming out with an us weekly interview), but it looks so foolish to rant about how you’re just not sharing. This is a spoiler site! I appreciated hearing the bachelor pad finale spoilers and am not doubting you get some great info, just stating no need to exaggerate or lie to look good.

  7. punka

    August 28, 2012 at 1:07 PM

    Actually Steve, I’d say that the best thing you could add to your site is a blindgossip page form former contestants. Write them in traditional format, then let us try to guess the who based upon the crumbs you drop us. You may never have to revealt he blind, or can wait to do it until the evidence gets revealed in interviews or on the show. And of course, spill on the hook-ups at all the Bach renunions. Do it in blind style, and no sources get outed.

    Just a thought and it would be fun.

    Somehting you really ought to consider.

  8. FanofSteve

    August 28, 2012 at 2:01 PM

    Thanks so much for the hilarious re-cap, Steve.
    I missed the show as I was too busy nursing a massive migraine to subject myself to the torture of having to view the episode. Besides, your re-caps are 100 times more entertaining than the show itself.
    I think it’s freaking awesome that a BP contestant finally has the smarts to choose “KEEP” and walk away with the full $250K. Fleiss must’ve been flummoxed!
    I wasn’t going to bother watching the finale because the show has been so lame, but now that I know what’s going to happen (attention BP Franchise: Reality Steve is your friend!), ain’t no way in the world I’m gonna miss it.
    The bonus is that the winner is the sole contestant who didn’t behave like a horny and/or emotionally wrecked douchebag.
    By the way, Steve … sure hope you’re getting some kind of compensation from Stacy Carey of examiner.com who, under the guise of “judging” your spoilers, uses YOU as her source to spell them all out!

  9. khaki

    August 28, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    @maxi, if he outs sources that he has used before, he won’t be able to use them again. That said, I wish he’d quit alluding to it. It’s like dangling a carrot.

    @punka, that is a great idea.

  10. maxi

    August 28, 2012 at 2:12 PM

    @khaki very true, that is absolutely understandable. All I mean is I’m a little confused why he suddenly acts like he can’t share the info they tell him, hasn’t he always done that?

  11. caitlyn

    August 28, 2012 at 2:14 PM

    Glad you’re not a gossip site Steve. It’s much better to be a site full of unsubstantiated innuendos and bullshit than facts. Plus your batting average stinks. Let’s see. oh yes, Ben and Courtney will never make it, and they are more in love and together than ever. And this gem, JP and Ashley, will get married. Hope you didn’t buy a gift yet cause it’s now 16 months since the proposal and still not even a wedding date?? I would not be surprised if Jef and Emily beat both of those couples to the altar. If I’m right, you can just buy me a gift, that seems fair enough or just eat another plate of crow. lmao

  12. nat0ep

    August 28, 2012 at 3:56 PM

    You know what I heard?! No wait I can’t tell you what I heard. But I can tell you I heard what I heard. And considering what I heard… I have an opinion!… yah we all do.
    Anyhow, I completely agree with the statement that sharing opinions is one thing, at least when stated as such, gossiping is altogether something else. So cheers for not going in that direction!

  13. lucky

    August 28, 2012 at 4:01 PM

    Great column. Thanks for bringing me back to reality (realizing that Jemily will never get married). Funny that Blakely already moved but Jef hasn’t.

    Just because Jef’s parents may be wealthy, doesn’t mean he has a trust fund and/or access to one. Plenty of small business owners, celebrities (Anderson Cooper comes to mind), athletes have rich parents. Doesn’t mean the kids have it. Anderson Cooper told Oprah years ago that he needed a job because his mother was not willing to support her adult children. I know wealthy non-celebrity parents who do this.

  14. ironside

    August 28, 2012 at 4:02 PM

    Tony and Blakely? Wow. At least he can ski the slopes of the twin sisters with her in Oregon. I like skiing the slopes too. What red blooded American male doesn’t? Good job Tony.

    I think it’s also safe to assume that Nick has made his final TV appearance on a Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise show. He won’t be asked back to defend his title next season because no one would ever be able to trust him. Besides, he is so non-descript that he does nothing for ratings. If he shows up for a Bachelor/ette reunion, and any of the “pinky swear” trio are there, he will most likely be blackballed. Not that any of that matters. He’s $250K richer and there’s plenty of babes who will dig him for that. If I were him I would look up Donna Zitelli in NYC and see if I could ski her slopes too.

  15. twb109

    August 28, 2012 at 4:43 PM

    Michael touches upon kalon and lindzi’s relationship but not a single mention of the 2 hours that we had to see rachel crying over him….
    http://www.parade.com/celebrity/news/2012/08/28-michael-stagliano-bachelor-pad-blog-its-cutthroat-html

  16. kasey31

    August 28, 2012 at 11:49 PM

    @maxi- i couldnt agree more with everything you said..

  17. Dianne

    August 29, 2012 at 7:23 AM

    People, of course Steve is dangling a carrot. If you were at all familiar with his ways, you’d know that he does this to get you all to come back and keep checking for updates. Tsk, tsk on those of you that don’t know him any better.

  18. Dianne

    August 29, 2012 at 11:13 AM

    @liz123..priceless!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

  19. dtm1

    August 29, 2012 at 1:56 PM

    @mel1, I thought that RealitySteve misspelled it, too, at first. But then I noticed it was in quotes. I think he purposely misspelled it the same way the couple did.

  20. iheartvino

    August 29, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    Where in the column is “Serendipity” spelled wrong? I went back and skimmed it and the three times I saw that word, it was spelled properly. Maybe RS went back and corrected it.

  21. chakakohen

    August 29, 2012 at 4:37 PM

    So Rachel called you and bitched about Michael, huh?

    “After what happened to me recently with Erica, it’d be very hypocritical for me to call Erica out for being a sh**ty friend, and then do the exact same thing myself by betraying the trust of people who tell me stuff and run to my blog to spill information. Just not gonna do it.
    Read more at http://realitysteve.com/2012/08/28/the-bachelor-pad-spoilers-jef-emily-kalon-lindz/5/#hPcPqPT3vxqXPaVZ.99

  22. kasey31

    August 29, 2012 at 7:06 PM

    @chakakohen- did u just link the page we’re obviously already on? ; )

  23. kjam

    August 31, 2012 at 2:52 PM

    Reality Steve is right about Jemily. I don’t know who Steve’s contacts are, but I know this couple. They are on the skids, totally. On their recent trip to Ghana with People Water, they were miserable. Emily was extremely high-maintenance (big surprise) and Jef couldn’t keep her happy. Jef…I’m a fan of. (He’s WAY over his head and totally bought into the Emily delusion. All that sparkles is not gold.) Emily…not so much. He’s trapped in this reality game and he’s giving it a go, for “honorable” reasons. I wish he’d cut his losses and move on, despite the cost. The faking it is hurting his integrity. I don’t know how long they can hobble around and keep up appearances. But Emily is quite okay with throwing in Ricki (or anything else) to benefit herself. Personally, I can’t see this woman without throwing up a little. FWI, Em, you could smile, wave, say “hi”, hold Jef’s hand, when you’re on stage with him promoting People Water. Might make it look a bit more real…but glad you finally decided that you could make it, lol. All your deluded fans were so…deluded?

  24. stumpy

    September 1, 2012 at 7:20 AM

    Yes Jacqueline, Ed is a player. Everyone knew that since Jillians season. Yes, I watch this stupid show. It’s the only funny thing on Monday night. I must say, the best season, if there has to be one, of this show, was Natalie Getz and David Goode. They knew they were about hook ups, and money, and friendship and not much more. They played the game, had fun doing it and no one walked away with hurt feelings. No whores, no delusions of life loves, just chance and game play. That is what this show is about. I love what Nick did. That was smart thinking on his part. Glad he wins. Go Nick. Good Game.

  25. aimeestinson

    September 1, 2012 at 5:24 PM

    Kalon and Lindzi are together.
    Steve in not always right, lol He is just a person.

  26. banana12

    September 2, 2012 at 12:04 PM

    Hey Steve,

    I love your Dog, she is so cute! Anyway how can you say that Emily and Jef are not getting married? He is moving across the Country to live close to her now and she is planning a wedding- What’s up, you don’t think that this will happen? Just Curious about your comments earlier when you said ” They would never get married” I am not so sure about that one.

    Anna

  27. banana12

    September 2, 2012 at 12:05 PM

    Will you eat “Crow” if they get married?

    Anna

  28. mamalissa

    September 3, 2012 at 10:30 PM

    Could not care less about “Jemily.” He’s a nice guy and he looks 12. Duh – she totally picked him for his trust fund. I’m FAR more upset about Tony and Blakely. The minute they got together, I was afraid he was going to bring her to Portland. Damn it, Tony.

  29. haileytucki

    September 4, 2012 at 12:55 AM

    Jeff…emily…kalon..lyndsay…michael…and on, and on…have to admit though that reading the posts are comical. while everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion, i cannot help but to be shocked at the amount of people that actually care who is texting, sexting, tweeting, cheating, broken up, or heartbroken. It is interesting to read other perspectives, though, and the cell phone privacy debate caught my eye. Im no
    I can say is that if you are in a committed relationship then theres just

  30. haileytucki

    September 4, 2012 at 1:15 AM

    Jeff…emily…kalon..lyndsay…michael…and on, and on…have to admit though that reading the posts are comical. while everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion, i cannot help but to be shocked at the amount of people that actually care who is texting, sexting, tweeting, cheating, broken up, or heartbroken. It is interesting to read other perspectives, though, and the cell phone privacy debate caught my eye. Im no expert, but if you are honest with yourself and you are with the right person then theres no looking over your shoulder. I guess there are just some people who like the drama and the e hidden secrets are exactly why these sites exist. Personally speaking, ye ars ago, I was one myself. I can honestly say though, theres nothing I would not say or do that I would do if my husband was standing behind me at all times

  31. haileytucki

    September 4, 2012 at 1:24 AM

    Jeff…emily…kalon..lyndsay…michael…and on, and on…have to admit though that reading the posts are comical. while everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion, i cannot help but to be shocked at the amount of people that actually care who is texting, sexting, tweeting, cheating, broken up, or heartbroken. It is interesting to read other perspectives, though, and the conflict over the cell phone privacy caught my eye. The bottom line is…if u r in a commited should not matter when ur partner grab ur phone

  32. haileytucki

    September 4, 2012 at 1:40 AM

    Jeff…emily…kalon..lyndsay…michael…and on, and on…have to admit though that reading the posts are comical. while everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion, i cannot help but to be shocked at the amount of people that actually care who is texting, sexting, tweeting, cheating, broken up, or heartbroken. It is interesting to read other perspectives, though, and the conflict over the cell phone privacy caught my eye. The bottom is if ur in a committed relationship, it should not matter when they grab ur phone, what they look at, what texts they read, etc. if they r snooping, obviosly theres a problem to begin with. If u have to hide ur cell from the person u r with, whats the point of being with that person? But then again..if everyone lived by those standards, then places like this would cease to exist.

  33. johannablue

    September 5, 2012 at 3:02 PM

    @haileytucki on – hmmmm????
    “Jeff…emily…kalon..lyndsay…michael…and on, and on…have to admit though that reading the posts are comical. while everyone is absolutely entitled to their own opinion, i cannot help but to be shocked at the amount of people that actually care who is texting, sexting, tweeting, cheating, broken up, or heartbroken. It is interesting to read other perspectives, though, and the conflict over the cell phone privacy caught my eye. The bottom line is…”

    Just a tad repetitive….

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