Reality Steve

Bachelor Sean Spoilers

“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” Sean in Banff, & Finality to Jef and Emily (Thank God)

Dr. Reality Steve

Hey Doctor!

I’m the girl who sent in the question about the ex boyfriend who was really sweet and helpful over the summer with classes and was wondering if he had intentions. I have a follow-up question if that’s ok.

Oh, I’ll quickly address the hilarious email you got the following week from the reader who thinks my ex is gay. Made me laugh a lot and I really appreciated that someone found my situation interesting enough to write in. I really don’t think he’s gay, unless he’s reeeeeeeeally good at faking his interest in the physical aspect of our relationship. Interesting thought though.

When I returned to school, I ran into that ex a couple times. Once was at a club. I said hi and he immediately pulled me to the dance floor and tried to kiss me. I stopped him and told him that I didn’t want to go from a girl he claimed to be serious about to a drunken hook-up.

He then pulled me off the dance floor, asked if I wanted brutal honesty and then essentially spilled his heart out to me. He said he has realized he is sick of being alone, that he thinks about me all the time, that I’m exactly what he wants long-term and that he’s ready to see if we can last. I freaked out because I wasn’t expecting any of it, told him I didn’t think we’d work because we’re so different and he made me promise to at least think about it. I then went back to my friends but he kept texting me and asking to see me. He could easily have hooked up with other girls that night (his usual scene), but instead spent the entire time trying to win me over. I left feeling completely overwhelmed, responding to his texts in a way that probably sounded like I wanted him to go away. I just wanted to wrap my head around things when I was sober.

The next day he texted me apologizing for “acting a bit over the top” and claimed he remembered absolutely nothing he said to me. When I told him everything he said and my response, he said that he obviously can’t hide that he still has strong feelings for me, BUT he’s at the same point he was a year and a half ago – he’s got too much going on in his life right now for a serious relationship (why we broke up in the first place). Obviously I still have strong feelings for the guy but I am being 100% honest when I say it was a bit of a relief that he didn’t want us to get back together after all, because I really don’t think we would work. So don’t worry, I know to just leave him be.

That being said, I can’t help but wonder – Why would he say those things in the first place? Do guys “create” feelings they don’t have when they’re drunk? Or do you think he was just trying to save face when he sobered up and realized I shut him down all night? I’ve had plenty of guy friends try to sleep with me when drunk, but never reasoning through why we should be together and following me around like that. What do you think – are a drunken man’s words a sober man’s thoughts? I really want to stay friends with him to some extent and I want to know what I’m dealing with.

Comment: Your dude is a chick. He said all that in one night, then the next day went with the age old, tired, typical drunk girl response of “I don’t remember any of it?” Total BS. He tried that on you to see if you’d bite, you didn’t, so he retracted it the next day by saying he didn’t remember doing it. Don’t be fooled. Sorry, but one of the biggest pet peeves I have is people who use alcohol as an excuse for their behavior, things they said, etc. Such a cop out. And if you’re over the age of, oh I don’t know, 25, and you use that stuff, it drives me batty.

I’m older than you and the folks who write the doctor are younger so I get a little confused with some terminology. What exactly is meant by “hooking up”? I gather it’s not having full-on sex, but does it always imply sexual activity or is it just flirting?

Comment: Different people have different definitions. When I use it to describe certain couples from this franchise, I try and be as clear as I can. But certain people will always take it to mean sex, and others will take it to mean something less. All depends on the context in which it’s used I guess.

Hi Steve. I’m a long time reader ever since I started following your site for spoilers on Ashley H’s season.

I need some advice. I recently reconnected with the son of a former childhood neighbor on Facebook. The son is now the lead singer of a popular local band and someone that I have secretly harbored a crush on for quite some time. When we started talking, he admitted to having feelings for me and things were amazing until a mutual friend of ours texted me a photo of my friend with his arm around the waist of a very attractive blonde woman (Fan? Groupie?)at one of his concerts. This made me lose my cool thinking the woman was suddenly my competition and accuse him of cheating on me in just a week of dating each other. He then defriended me on Facebook which devastated me since I really wanted things to work out between us (I’m 30, he’s 22). I tried sending him a mea culpa via my sister’s Facebook to try and apologize but never heard back. Steve, I really like him and wanted him for almost 3 years. Is there any hope of him ever coming back??

Comment: Probably not. Why’d you freak out on a guy you were dating for a week? And I’m sorry, but this is a relationship you probably shouldn’t be in any way. If a FB picture of him with his arm around the waist of a girl after a show caused you to freak out like that, pretty much tells me there’s no way you’d be able to handle dating a guy in a band. I’m sure you’re aware of the life of musicians. Go ask Jason Aldean’s wife what she thinks of groupies. Or any other musician for that matter. Probably best you stay away because you’re not gonna be able to handle his lifestyle.

Is this guy one of the skater guys from Emblem3?

Hi Steve,

So this is my first time ever writing to you – but I definitely need a guy’s perspective on this one! Hopefully this isn’t too many more details than you want…

So I have this friends with benefits. We’ve never discussed what it is officially, it’s pretty obvious that’s what it is. It’s a pretty new thing, and we have fun hanging out. Well the other night we went back to his place, and pretty shortly after getting into business, my friend went soft so we had to stop. To be honest, this hasn’t ever happened to me with another guy (and no I didn’t tell him that!). It was obvious he felt bad about it – his exact words were “I feel like an asshole” (which I also felt like was an odd response). I asked if I did anything wrong and also told him that maybe it was because of the condom or that he worked all day (he landscapes, plus we had some beer in us), but as I could imagine, nothing I could say to him could really sugarcoat it or make him feel better.

My question isn’t what went wrong (I know there’s a myriad of reasons) – but more so what is the best way to handle this? I suppose part of the issue is that since we aren’t serious, we can’t read each other well yet. When it comes to our benefits thing we don’t really discuss it (he’s awkward), so I figure this would be a bad way to initiate talking about it, as I’m guessing he might be embarrassed or feel awkward (I mean isn’t that every guy’s worse nightmare?). I suppose if it’s awkward from now we can just end it – but I’d really like us to stay friends, as I do feel our friendship has grown a bit during this (but I don’t see it as a relationship). I know the cliche about risking losing a friendship when you start hooking up with a friend, but our friendship didn’t get strong until after we start hooking up (or maybe he was just trying to get ass the whole time). I’m wondering if there’s a possible way to just be friends again. To be honest too, I’ve been thinking of ending the benefits part anyway, but I feel the timing would be too much a of coincidence and probably not good for his ego, especially if I’d like to salvage a friendship still.

I’d love to hear a guy’s perspective on how they’d feel (I’m sure you’ll be basing this from a “friend” of yours…). How does a guy feel afterwards towards somebody that saw him lose his mojo? Can we get past it?

Comment: Uhhhhhhh, I’m kinda confused on how you want me to answer this. If you guys really aren’t that close, just laugh it off and don’t bring it up. If it keeps happening again and again, then he should probably see a doctor. Or pop the little blue pill. But you said you don’t even know if you want to continue the benefits anymore, so, I don’t know what exactly the answer is you’re looking for. If you end the benefits, you’ll never have to worry about it again. If not, just don’t bring it up unless it becomes an issue every time.

Back with “Reality Roundup” tomorrow. Send all regular and “Dr. Reality Steve” emails to: To follow me on Twitter, it’s: Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.

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  1. bigfatwoman

    October 20, 2012 at 8:03 PM

    I came across the Holly Durst/Blake Jullian wedding video and it is really beautiful….

  2. woogs

    October 20, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    really nice. you cracked me up btw when you suggested you could ramp it up…..

  3. karynr

    October 21, 2012 at 8:55 AM

    Thanks everyone.

    Heiofan did a good thing by reminding everyone. Thanks Heliofan!

    I sure hope there’s some good entertainment during Sean’s season, because that’s about the only thing I’m looking forward to. I’m finally at a point where I could care less about any romance. Just bring on the the fun and games. My how things have changed over the seasons! Ben and Emily’s season and BP3 have helped knock any romantic nonsense out of my head!

  4. karynr

    October 21, 2012 at 8:57 AM

    seasons….I sure wish you could delete or edit posts!

  5. cindy01

    October 21, 2012 at 2:40 PM

    Something is SERIOUSLY WRONG with Jef ya’ll. Everyone go look on his twitter acct. and see the pic he just posted….wow what a way to get back at Emily.
    Am I wrong or not?? But it seems he’s jabbing at Emily.

  6. cindy01

    October 21, 2012 at 4:07 PM

    Actually I absolutely love Jef’s pic he tweeted. I hope Emily sees it…lol

  7. Athena

    October 21, 2012 at 6:00 PM

    For those of us non-tweeters – can someone please describe the photo?

  8. kbntn

    October 21, 2012 at 6:23 PM

    ^^ I don’t get it.

  9. cindy01

    October 21, 2012 at 7:19 PM

    Jef’s tweet is a pic of an e-card with a man & a woman on it and it says…”Your obsession with cats is out of control and I can’t handle it anymore!” “So, you’re kicking meeeowt??”

    Believe me…this was meant to jab at Emily because she loves cats so much. Lol

  10. maxi

    October 21, 2012 at 8:00 PM

    Yeah, that’s def at emily. I think cats are the least of their problems and it is a pretty passive aggressive post. I would have more respect had he given a real statement to People and not that phoney baloney one. I’m just am so over these two.

  11. randais

    October 22, 2012 at 4:31 AM

    @wise – couldn’t have said it better myself.

    uh oh the crazies are loose again…..bringing back memories, say it aint so.

    On to something of substance, who watched Revenge? 😀

  12. kbntn

    October 22, 2012 at 5:38 AM

    @randais…. I did! 😀

  13. shouldbeworking

    October 22, 2012 at 6:29 AM

    Tony and Blakely are toast…not surprising at all.
    He must be devastated.

  14. woogs

    October 22, 2012 at 7:04 AM

    Did they ever go away?

  15. iheartvino

    October 22, 2012 at 8:30 AM

    I’m probably in the minority here, but I thought Jef’s tweet about the cats was funny. Then again, I’m not a fan of cats.

    @Randais, Revenge was great last night! (When is it not?!) I got goosebumps when Emily saw (***Spoiler for those who aren’t caught up yet…) her mom sitting by Amanda’s bed. Next week’s episode looks really good too.

    Does anyone else watch Scandal? That’s another good one on ABC.

  16. randais

    October 22, 2012 at 9:49 AM

    @ iheart & kbn, WHAT a show right? Anyone get a good look at what faux Amanda handed faux Emily when she was being loaded in the ambulance? What do you think about Nolan and Padma? Nolan’s got ZERO game, ie: his epic fail on the first attempt at a kiss ending in his prompt collision with the floor. Anyone else have a suspicion that Padma is in cahoots with someone or has an agenda?
    And what’s with that guy who Devlin robbed that clearly wants to “steal” the bar? Mommy dearest (Kara?) aka faux Emily’s mom, is good, way to take out the faux Emily’s new “hero” .

    Ok anyone else think Daniel is playing right into Ashleys hands or are you all buying what she’s selling?

    I’m with you, iheart, about the goosebumps for faux Amanda. While I realize “mommy” hasn’t been in her daughters life for years, she has had access to the rags and newpapers, i would think. How in the world could she confuse faux Amanda with her real daughter?

    And falling into the “Just my opinion” category:
    Whats more appropriate than a ridiculously pregnant lady with her black bra hanging out (ok, not a classy look, pregnant or not) and her overly long thick chain stuck in her cleavage? Quote of the episode, “regrets suck”.

  17. iheartvino

    October 22, 2012 at 10:37 AM

    @Randais, Amanda handed Emily the earpiece she had been using to listen to Emily’s instructions on what to say to Victoria.

    I think Padma definitely has an agenda of her own. Just when Nolan really starts to trust her and get closer to her, I bet she’ll use him for whatever it is she came for. Her scenes with Nolan were actually one of my favorites of the episiode, and that part when he made the boxes cave and fell to the ground was awkwardly cute in my opinion.

    I had a feeling that guy and kid were scheming together to somehow screw over Jack and Declan. I was thinking maybe that guy will have something to do with the sinking of the Amanda, but I read somewhere on another site (probably Wetpaint) that Aiden has a part in the boat sinking. So much still left to come this season!

  18. karri

    October 22, 2012 at 10:40 AM

    As far as the Jef tweet… I think it was a joke for Emily and not necessarily a jab at her. They were together this weekend (there are pictures on us weekly), which is when he posted it.. My thinking is the two of them are going to stay friendly.. They are comfortable around each other and have fun, which is why he won.. and they really didn’t start dating until the show was done airing and they were allowed out in the open, which was like 2 months ago… in that two months they realized they weren’t going to get married, so they broke up. It wasnt a long enough period to be super serious, so I can see them staying friends. In every interview they did, they never really said this person is the “love of my life” they were constantly saying “he/she is my best friend”. Just a thought.

  19. randais

    October 22, 2012 at 11:30 AM

    @iheart – That makes sense. Excellent observation! BUT isn’t it strange how that was that coherent to remember to do that after a fall like that? Nolan’s fall was funny, I’ll give you that. I guess we’re going to have to watch everything else unfold to see where they are taking us. I can’t wait ;).

  20. cindy01

    October 22, 2012 at 11:49 AM

    @karri…I don’t mean to sound rude but where in the world have you been…under a rock?! Do you not read Steve’s blogs or do you just come in here to leave comments only? There is NO possible way that Jef and Emily are still friends after what all went on between them. Go read some of Steve’s blogs AND some of the stories that are out there like US Weekly..that will tell you WHY their still not friends…and yes that was a jab at Emily…I mean c’mon!

  21. rollingeyes

    October 22, 2012 at 12:43 PM

    @cindy01 – not trying to get into a pissing contest with you, but you may want to go back and check out the most recent US Weekly stuff online yourself before you write such a condescending and scathing comment to karri. The most recent US Weekly stuff shows pictures of Jef and Emily from this past weekend, loking kinda friendly at a mall. I’m by no means a JEM fanatic, I really don’t care about these people, BUT you wrote a pretty rude comment, not having all the info yourself. To quote you “There is NO possible way that Jef and Emily are still friends…..” but the pictures from this weekend tell a different story. Try not to be so rude next time. I think Karri is a little more right than you are.

  22. rollingeyes

    October 22, 2012 at 12:50 PM

    crap. Come get me spelling-nazis. I know my post was full of errors, but there is no way to edit it, and I’m pretty sure you get the idea anyway. This thing needs a spell-check function. 🙂

  23. cindy01

    October 22, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    @karri and rollingeyes…I do apologize for sounding so condescending and rude in that comment. I’ve been travelling quite a bit for work and today is my first day off in wks so I’m still adjusting to a normal schedule….but really there’s no excuse. I will definitely research the US Weekly and try to find what you’re talking about.

  24. kasey31

    October 22, 2012 at 4:05 PM

    counting down the minutes til i watch revenge!!! missed it last nite, but i heard it was a fantastic episode..

    @cindy01- that was nice to see u apologize and admit u were a little extreme with your comment to karri.. a lot of posters take pride in being condescending and dont care if they sound bitchy… it’s nice to see someone take ownership and act like an adult when theyre called out like that..

    i havent seen the article either, but im about to go look for it now..

  25. kasey31

    October 22, 2012 at 4:06 PM

    oh.. and am i the only one that is surprised by blakely and tony?? i actually thought these two were going to last… silly me!

  26. wisewords

    October 22, 2012 at 4:56 PM

    @randais and @iheartvino–where are ya’all discussing revenge these days? Looks like the discussion at bachandbachetteforums stopped cold (what is going on there?) I need to discuss and get my “revenge” fix!!
    @randais–the thing with the bra hanging out was totally “erin brockovich” (erin in the movie).

  27. randais

    October 22, 2012 at 5:14 PM

    @wise, here. We’ve brought it over to this post, read back a few comments. You may be onto something with that Erin Brockovich reference… I still think it’s pretty tacky. Wait, you read that so you’ve probably already read the posts we brought over….so far ;). “Bachandbachette forums”? Where is that and was Revenge being discussed there too?

    Anyone else take notice that RS started out this post with “Change of plans. I’m actually going to do “Reality Roundup” tomorrow instead …” on the 16th but then didn’t? I don’t care, just noticed it myself, guess that tells you how much I miss it…..NOT.

  28. jillbeau

    October 22, 2012 at 5:18 PM

    Here’s the link to the article for those who are interested in reading it. It just has 2 photos of them together post break-up.

  29. woogs

    October 22, 2012 at 5:29 PM

    I love these comments. What a great group.

  30. kasey31

    October 22, 2012 at 7:01 PM

    @iheart and randais- that was one of my favorite episodes so far this series… wow, unbelievable writing and acting.. this was definitely a tear jerker for me…

  31. randais

    October 22, 2012 at 7:17 PM

    Revenge is SO well written, no wonder we are all obsessed. I love all the twists and turns this show takes. Keeps you guessing and us talking.

  32. karri

    October 22, 2012 at 8:29 PM

    @rollingeyes – Thanks for sticking up for me 🙂

    @cindy01 – Thanks for apologizing. I actually always read RS’s blog and never read/leave comments, but when I saw the pictures of them together from yesterday, I thought I’d share the news and give my perspective.

    I’m close to Emily’s age.. and there have been a few guys that I’ve dated for a couple months, broke up, and now some of those guys are my really close friends.. I go on vacations with them and they are friends with my current boyfriend. So it really wouldn’t surprise me that much if they ended up being the same way.

  33. elizabeth82

    October 22, 2012 at 11:56 PM

    @randais: I also noticed he didn’t post “Reality Roundup.” But I also don’t care ’cause I don’t watch the other shows he does (DWTS, the singing competitions, “Survivor,” etc.).

    Re. the pics of Jef and Emily together in Charlotte from yesterday, maybe it has to do with helping him move out of there since he did move across the country to be with her–she kinda owes him that much. But who knows with those two and the allegations about them that make them both seem messed up.

  34. heliofan

    October 23, 2012 at 2:49 AM

    I was interested in seeing what Steve had to say about The Amazing Race in the reality round-up but that’s the only one I really follow. That’s a great show!

  35. randais

    October 23, 2012 at 4:11 AM

    @ Elizabeth – I actually do watch those shows, well many of them anyway, but I never read the “round up” just as I never read the reader e-mails to RS. To me, it makes absolutely NO SENSE to ask RS relationship questions, I just can’t take them seriously. But I guess we shouldn’t be too surprised that RS bagged on yet another, promise of future “news”.

  36. cindy01

    October 23, 2012 at 5:25 AM

    @karri…You’re welcome sweetie. Honestly I haven’t been myself lately and it’s not like me to be that way. Hopefully after a few days of a normal schedule I’ll be my old self again.
    Watching The Bachelor/ Bachelorette is a guilty pleasure for me and just started watching them a couple of seasons ago and now I’m addicted. I really don’t get that invested in the final couple’s relationship because most of the time they don’t stay together, but it’s fun to watch just the same.

  37. karynr

    October 23, 2012 at 7:36 AM

    Kasey, silly me too! I don’t know why, but thought Tony and Blakely just might be exactly what the other needed. But what do I know?!

    Heliofan, I’ve been an Amazing Race addict for years! What a great show. I love seeing all the cultures and watching the racers deal with so much! It’s very well done, which is why it always wins an Emmy for Best Reality Show.

  38. iheartvino

    October 23, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    @wisewords, yeah, I noticed a while back that there really wasn’t much action over on the Revenge section of Bach and Bachelorette Fan Forum so I’ve just been making my comments about Revenge over here.

    @karyn and kasey, I too was a little surprised about Blakeley and Tony. Call me crazy, but I thought he had love in his eyes on the Bach Pad finale when he proposed to her. She was looking around watching everyone else but him, but he didn’t take his eyes off her and any time the camera was on him, he was looking at her with what I perceived to be a loving gaze. Oh well, it’s definitely not the first whirlwind romance from this show that hasn’t lasted very long and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

  39. strick432

    October 23, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    Wonderin’ what has happened to RS? He didn’t post “Reality Roundup” last week and hasn’t posted anything yet today….???

  40. JovisMom

    October 23, 2012 at 1:26 PM

    Sean was in a car accident yesterday according to Wet Paint!!!! Everyone is ok though!!

  41. iheartvino

    October 23, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    @Strick432, RS has been pretty active on Twitter. He stated a while back that in between seasons, he wouldn’t post columns as often as normal, and that some weeks there may not even be a need for one. No clue why he didn’t do Reality Roundup though.

    @Jovi, I saw that too! I’m glad Sean’s okay, but knowing how the media outlets (Wetpaint included) exaggerate every little thing, I’ll be surprised if it wasn’t just a minor fender bender and not a big deal at all. 🙂

  42. cangel44

    October 23, 2012 at 8:04 PM

    What happened to reality roundup? Tomorrow is long gone

  43. normainmiami1952

    October 25, 2012 at 10:55 AM

    What’s up with Emily sexting and all those cats? She deserves that Tweet from Jef after putting him through loops! and Jef needs to take things like a man. I mean blackmailing Emily? c’mon! I did love these two but now I ‘m just done with Bachelor/Bachelorette.
    And who is Tierra? I dont see her in Sean’s bios.

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