-The group date is up next as 13 girls are set to go on a Harlequin romance novels photo shoot. Tierra is fired up, Katie hopes other personalities don’t overshadow her, and Kristy is giddy because she’s very very very subtle about the fact that she’s a model and this is right up her alley. It was hard to pick up on her clues, but by golly I did. I remember when I was a kid, like a really really small kid, that the cover of romance novels was like my first introduction to porn. Seeing Fabio decked on the cover of some book with a half naked woman draped over a horse, c’mon. For little 10 year old Steve that’s when I realized funny things were happening in my shorts. It’s 2013 and while this date was going on I was thinking, “Do they really still have romance novels out there? Women still buy this crap?” Then I realized, “Of course they do. And it’s exactly why it’s being used on this show as one of the dates. Women who read romance novels like the ones portrayed by the photos this episode are enamored with fantasy, so this is right up their alley.” How silly of me. Just out curiosity, women do know those books are fiction, right? They understand there is zero sense of reality to any of the stories being told, correct? Oh, they don’t? Sad.
-Daniella sure seems to excited about this: “Harlequin books are the most famous romantic books ever,” a line that’ll never be uttered by any man ever. Kristy is running around like a kid in a candy store telling anyone who’ll listen she’s a model and this is right up her alley. Katie: “Homegirl is a little too excited about this.” You think? For Christ sakes, her hair just had a blow out and she uses dead caterpillars as eyebrows, of course she’s fired up about this. If Kristy were any more excited, I’d think she’s trying to sell me a weight loss shake or tell me how her company is the greatest multi-level marketing company in the world. If you can get through all the people posting what a great job she did on the show last night, you can scroll down and see the tenacity in which she promotes her job on her Facebook page. Hey, props to her for pushing her own company, but a bit excessive, no? And by the way, Kristy looks much better with straight hair. She needs to ease up on the look where, you know, her hair is is going in 700 different directions and looks like she’s in a wind tunnel at all times.
-The girls are dressed into 4 groups: Reverse cowgirl sluts, slutty vampires, sexy sluts, and historical sluts. Or something like that. And guess what? Tierra is already getting under peoples skin. Robyn doesn’t like her at all and doesn’t seem to care that Tierra is getting her make up done right next to her when she says “Tacky ho’s are a dime a dozen.” How Tierra didn’t hear this is beyond me. Could’ve been she was focused on her makeup getting done, could’ve been she was concentrating on how she was approach Sean during her shoot, or it just could’ve been simply that Tierra is living in her own little Tierra world, and Tierra gonna do what Tierra gonna do. Tierra: “I’m here for Sean, and I want Sean to see what Tierra really wants.” If you definitely want to ensure all of America begins to despise you on this show, no surer way to do that than to refer to yourself in the third person. That’ll do the trick. Good job, Tierra. You’ve isolated just about everyone in the house, and all the viewing audience, in 1 ½ episodes. She’s this seasons Debbie Downer.
-While Lesley M. gets a kiss in and rips off Sean’s shirt in their country photo shoot, Tierra looks on with laser beams shooting out of her eye sockets. She’s not happy in the least bit. It’s like someone took away her food plate or something. And when Kristy goes on and on and on and on and on about how this is her thing and this is what she does, Tierra has a meltdown on the inside, but tells all of us, “I’m not gonna let it get to me.” You sure about that sweetcakes? Because by the looks of things, you can fry an egg in between those milk udders protruding out of your chest. She’s not very good at hiding her emotions, and the fact that Sean noticed it later on pretty much proves that. Just think viewers, we only have to put up with her for 5 more episodes. That’s all. And I’m sure every single one of them won’t focus on the fact that 1) She’s not here to make friends 2) None of the other girls like her and 3) She has a hard time dealing with the guy she’s dating is also dating other women. Fun times.
-Lesley M. pulls Sean aside for some alone time. And by “alone time” I mean “incredibly awkward” time. But lets first start out with the “Q&A” she presented him with:
Lesley M.: “You have any tough questions for me?”
Sean: “Tell me the real reason you’re here.”
Lesley M.: “To be honest, I never thought I’d say this, but, for love. I’m hopeful.”
Well then you came to the wrong show babycakes. It’s usually not a good idea to lie to a guy to his face on the first date. You aren’t here for love, Lesley. Nobody is. If you people would just admit it up front, then maybe you wouldn’t take so much grief on the back end. But since we know you don’t win, and within a few months, I’m sure we’ll see you at an event posing with a Ryan Bowers or whatever other guy tries to sneak into the “Women Tell All” after party to start trying to lay pipe to you ladies. Just admit you’re there for the vacation, the exposure, and you can’t wait to see what other guys from the franchise start hitting on you, if they haven’t already. That’s why people do this show and anyone who tells you differently is lying. Now get back to your awkward kissing with Sean. How bizarre was that? Was Sean just nervous or was he not into her, because in my eyes, Lesley couldn’t have been more inviting as to what she wanted when she was sitting right next to him? She gave him like a 1,000 hints and he didn’t seem to catch on. She all but told him that her tongue and his tongue needed to sleep together, and Sean seemed clueless. Oh well. Maybe next time. Like in 10 minutes.
-Kacie’s turn to talk to Sean. Sean sits her down and tells her “I’m shocked that you’re here. When we’d hung out together I thought, ‘She sees me as a friend.'” Sean then says it’s a transition for him now to look at her differently and “to explore whatever this is.” Translation: You’re still a friend. That was clear as day that although Sean was trying to say the right thing, it was still obvious he wasn’t making any “transition” from thinking about her a friend to something more. He was still stuck in friend mode and didn’t know the best way to really say it. Because if he were into her, he would’ve said at some point, “I was hoping it was you that came out of the limo,” and not “I was shocked to see you.” And lets be real here, the producers basically wanted a past contestant to come on Sean’s season, and Kacie was the one they decided on. Don’t believe the nonsense about her calling and asking them first. They approached her and she said yes. As mentioned before, Kacie was seeing Ty Brown from Ali’s season before she left. Not sure where that relationship stands now, but, just further proof that Kacie wasn’t the one who asked to be on the show. If anyone was asking to be on Sean’s season, it was Jenna Burke. She wanted on. Badly. But that was never going to happen.
-We get a quick shot of Sean spending some time with other girls. Catherine tells Sean she’s a vegan “but loves the beef.” Basically the same exact thing she said in her hometown video that was never shown on the episode last week, but was put up on their site and that I linked to in last Tuesday’s column. Catherine likes talking about Sean’s beefiness quite a bit. And boy, they sure are doing an outstanding job of giving Catherine as little of screen time as possible to make you think that the spoiler is wrong. We’re two episodes in and this is the only time we’ve been shown these two talking to each other. Hey, whatever works for them. Keep it coming. You can only hide the girl so much. As for Selma, she tells Sean that she loves the way he says “my wife. Keep saying that.” Does she say that to all the athletes she dates, or just Sean and Mike Napoli? I’m sure once this doesn’t work out with Sean she will have no trouble finding a guy outside the Rangers locker room. Or at the AAC after a Mavericks game. Oh wait, she lives in San Diego? San…Dee…Ay…Go…Super Chargers! Don’t bother with the Padres. They suck.
-Sean’s sit down with Tierra is something we’ve seen every season for the previous 24 seasons. The person who tells the lead they’ve never pursued someone who’s dated multiple people at the same time. Yes, we know. If you had such a problem with it, why’d you bother coming on the show in the first place? Tierra, the Little Ball of Hate, doesn’t seem to grasp the concept that Sean isn’t only there for her. I know after watching her hometown video and because she wanted the “Bachelor” to be Sean and orgasmically screamed when she found out it was him doesn’t mean that he was equally excited that she was on the show. It’s awesome watching Sean do all his interviews with the media having to basically defend his liking of Tierra in the beginning of the show. I mean, how many times has he been telling media outlets, “Yeah, there were some girls that once I got know them more, I saw a different side.” Translation: Giving Tierra that first impression rose couldn’t have been a bigger mistake, because by the time we get to St. Croix, I wish I could’ve drop kicked her off a pier.
-So I wanted to point something out from Kacie’s conversation with Katie where Katie says she’s feeling “excessively uncomfortable here.” She says the situation totally isn’t for her and she seems to think the other girls are nice to your face, then not behind your back. Yeah, welcome to the “Bachelor” Katie. So nice of you to join the rest of us 17 seasons in. Anyway, during this conversation between the two, they cut away to an ITM (In The Moment) of Kacie basically saying that this process isn’t for everybody, and that if she’s not here for him, it’s less people that she has to concern herself with. Here is a picture of her ITM saying that from last night:
As we can obviously see by what she wore at the cocktail party that night (leather jacket, red top, hair not in a pony tail), completely different outfit, hairstyle, etc. “Well, what’s the big deal Steve? They show plenty of ITM’s of girls that weren’t from the same day they filmed them.” Yes, they do. A lot. But usually those ITM’s are either from the night of, from the day before, or maybe the day after. Or even sometimes they’ll pull an ITM from WEEKS before or WEEKS earlier. Which is stretching it a bit, but still, at least it’s from roughly the same time frame. However, the ITM you saw last night of Kacie giving her opinion of what Katie told her at the bar was from A YEAR AGO when she was on Ben’s season. Here’s some footage from episode 4 of last season at the cocktail party/rose ceremony: (there is no sound to this video since it wasn’t needed):
That was in Park City, Utah. Same exact hair, outfit, earrings, as you see in the ITM they showed last night. She gave that ITM in October of 2011 during Ben’s season, not in September of 2012 when this date took place. Now like I said, it’s very common for this show to splice together ITM’s and/or voiceovers from the same season to make it sound like someone is saying something they never actually said. It happens all the time, and not even just with this show, but reality TV in general. We’ve all come to accept that while watching these shows. However, it’s a whole other thing to use footage from something Kacie said on a completely different season to make it seem like she was talking about Katie. That’s about a low as you can get. You really couldn’t get any footage whatsoever from Kacie that night talking about what Katie told her that you had to go back into your archives and pull footage from something she said a whole calendar year before referencing something completely different? There’s fake, then there’s fake, then there’s what ABC pulled last night. What a crock of sh**. And you wonder why people make fun of your show? Embarrassing.
The worst part is, I didn’t even see the point of doing it. Why? It’s not like the footage they pulled out from a year ago was really all that damaging, was it? If you had something from last season of Kacie swearing up and down, or cursing someone in an ITM that you thought you could play off for this season, sure it’d still be ridiculously low of them and insulting to their viewers, but maybe it would’ve at least packed some punch behind it. This whole thing was pointless. I’d love for someone in the media to actually call them out on this, but I highly doubt anyone will. Pretty inexcusable if you ask me. We expect the show to be tricky with editing and make you believe things were said and done that didn’t actually happen the way the show is portraying it. We get it. But to do something like this is completely lazy and just reeks of desperation. But hey, would you expect anything different from this show? Didn’t think so. So just thought I’d point this out to everyone since I’m sure 99% didn’t catch that. Ahhhh, the lying continues. I could seriously fill a 5 page column every Tuesday just pointing out blatant misrepresentations of ITM’s and voice overs, it’s that bad. There are TONS every episode so they can tell the story they want you to see, and not what really happened.
-The best part of the night was when Sean finally pulls Katie aside. Katie is upfront and tells him that she’s feeling uncomfortable and that this isn’t the right setting for her. Katie: “I feel like I need to go home.” Without batting an eye, Sean doesn’t try to talk her out of it for one second. Sean: “Ok, well let me walk you out then.” Awesome. Maybe it was the fact she went shoeless out of the limo and contracted some foot fungus from the wet driveway, maybe it was the fact that she’s a tree hugging yoga instructor, or maybe it’s just the fact that Sean hated the show “Felicity,” but whatever the case, Sean couldn’t have been more excited that Katie eliminated herself. If he could’ve sprinted her out to her car, he would’ve. It’s always much better when they eliminate themselves since then you don’t feel like such a horse’s ass having to explain yourself when they don’t get a rose at the end of the night. “You wanna leave? Sweet!…I mean…Man, that sucks. Let me walk you out all while pumping my fist in excitement behind your back.”
-Sean gives Kacie the rose on the group date and you’ll never guess in a million years who isn’t happy about this. You got it, Tierra McCleavage. “I wanted to punch her…I care for him and I’m here for the right reasons…I don’t get it.” Oh Tierra. Now, as much as I’m scratching my head as well about Kacie getting that group date rose over Lesley, I think Tierra needs to slow her roll a bit. It would’ve made more sense of Kacie getting the rose if she lasted longer on this season. But to give her the rose because you thought you had a “breakthrough” in their relationship and were seeing her differently, only to eliminate her next week because he sees her only as a friend? Makes no sense. Then again, nothing on this show does, so it’s par for the course. Well, one thing makes sense this season. Tierra is bat sh** crazy and we will see glimpses of it every episode until she leaves. How fun do you think the “Women Tell All” show is gonna be for her? You know, 20 women ganging up on you telling you how much they dislike you? I’m sure she’ll handle that splendidly.