-Cocktail party begins and Lindsay redeems herself from last week’s drunken stupor. She even admits the champagne was flowing last week and that might’ve impacted how she behaved. You think? I thought most girls hang all over guys the first chance they can get and beg for kisses from them. Hmmm, guess not. But thanks for the heads up, Lindz. Sean is sure to tell Lindsay that not having a date this week “doesn’t mean anything.” Translation: It just means that I needed a week off from your drinking and wanted you to check into AA for a couple days just to make sure you’re on the straight and narrow for the rest of this adventure. Lindsay assures him that she’s not a lush, she’s never had any blackout nights not remembering who she ended up in bed with, and that she’s a good girl who will be more than happy to accept the next “Bachelorette” gig once Sean dumps her at the end for God knows what reason. Or something like that. She does tell him she’s an army brat and that her dad is a General who appeared a couple months ago on “X Factor” in Vino Alan’s video package since he grew up 5 minutes from the base where the Yenter’s live. Man, General Mark Yenter has had quite the last couple months. “X Factor,” then in a few weeks we’ll see him on Lindsay’s hometown, what’s next? Is he gonna audition on Idol tomorrow night?
-They then show brief conversations with Sean talking to Catherine and AshLee. Nothing too memorable only that it came right after he said in an ITM that there were some girls that the more he got to know them, the more he started liking them. Lindsay, Catherine, then AshLee. I’m sure that wasn’t foreshadowing whatsoever. That was about as subtle as Jimmy Kimmel predicting Sean’s final four and winner after one episode when it’s been out since November 26th. The focus of the cocktail party now turns to everyone’s hatred towards Amanda. Not exactly sure what pills Amanda forgot to take that night, but she couldn’t have look more disheveled and disinterested if she tried. It’s a rose ceremony woman, it’d be nice if you could possibly take a brush to your hair. Is that asking too much? It’s like she rubbed a balloon on her pants leg, then held the balloon up by her hair to get ready. Now, do I think for a second when the girls asked her a direct question she really turned and looked the other way without saying a word? Not at all. That part was obviously editing where they were piecing together every possible sour puss face Amanda made that night and spliced it all together in one clip. But still, looking like your dog died at a rose ceremony is probably not the look you’re going for. Smile. People are watching.
-Robyn wants to talk to Sean about diversity. Oh, this is gonna be good. Mind you, this show hadn’t cast a woman of minority in the previous FOUR “Bachelor” seasons combined, yet this season they cast four black women alone. Sure, they’ll say it was all Sean’s decision and it’s because Sean has such a wide ranging women that he dates, but we know the real reason. Three words: Racial. Discrimination. Lawsuit. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Basically Robyn asked Sean if he’s into black girls. Sean’s response: “I’m so glad you asked that question. You know, people look at me and probably immediately think he goes for white girls who are blonde…I’ve dated everybody. Hispanic, Persian…my last girlfriend was black. I don’t have a criteria.” I love that answer. Is “my last girlfriend was black” the new “I’m not racist, I have black friends?” Classic line by Sean and it seemed to set Robyn at ease that she has a chance at lasting longer on this show than any black character in a horror movie does. She’s pumped. And yes for the record, Sean’s last girlfriend WAS black. You can google her. Ryan Ray, former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.
-Selma wants to teach Sean something in Arabic because, ummmm, she speaks it. Sean: “Oh, I know Farsi.” Selma just about freaked out over this until Sean told her he was kidding. So she goes on to say something in Persian which Sean repeated. It meant “You are very beautiful.” Funny, because when I broke out my Persian-English dictionary, I could’ve sworn it translated to “You may not be Mike Napoli, and your athletic career may have only led to a 4 game career at Kansas St., but you are an athlete, and that’s #1 on my checklist, so you’re ok in my book just as long as you can handle super duper high maintenance chicks.” I guess my translation book is way off. I’ll get a new one.
-Rose ceremony time. Sarah, Kacie, and Desiree all with roses. Sean, the floor is yours. “Ladies thank you for your patience and understanding…emotional roller coaster…confident my wife will be waiting for me at the end…I know it’s only 2 episodes in and I haven’t spent much time with anyone in my final 4 outside of Desiree, but dammit, I just know I’m gonna have a wife at the end of this thing.”
AshLee: Her capital “L” is on the verge of annoying me. I’m sure I’ll reach my tipping point next week on their 1-on-1 date.
Lindsay: She could throw up on Sean’s suit and I’d probably still like her.
Robyn: A black woman has made it to episode 3. Expect an ABC press release any minute now telling us how diverse their show is.
Jackie: Oh yeah, it was her birthday the day Desiree got her 1-on-1 date and Sean didn’t seem to give a sh**. Desiree takes precedence Jackie, sorry.
Lesley M.: I’m guessing next week’s kiss won’t be nearly as uncomfortable, forced, and awkward as this weeks was.
Selma: Just waiting til the WetPaint exclusive breaks about how her and Arie went on a date. The guy can’t make it more obvious on Twitter he wants in her pants if he tried.
Catherine: Cute girl. Like her a lot. Just don’t see it and probably never will. Oh well. Not my choice to make.
Kristy: She’s a Ford model. And now you’ll see her on the cover of three Harlequin novels that’ll only be seen by menopausal women. Congrats.
Leslie H.: We’ve basically seen nothing from her.
Tierra: The Little Ball of Hate certainly has some goodness coming next week. Has she come out from hiding under her bed yet?
Taryn: Sean said on Kimmel he mixed her up with Diana. Not sure how. He must not have seen her giant stomach tat.
Daniella: Quietly, this seasons resident lush. She’s been bombed in 2 straight episodes but hasn’t made a spectacle of it.
“Ladies, Sean, this is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. Did you all see me hosting Miss America Saturday night? Huh? Did ya’, did ya? If you didn’t, I made sure to tweet enough about it so you didn’t forget. And considering this was my first time hosting as a single man, don’t think for a second I wasn’t laying it on thick to any one of those contestants who gave me the time of day.”
Amanda: Daniella described her as a “tornado of negativity waiting to happen.” What would happen if the Tornado of Negativity ever joined forces with the Little Ball of Hate? Would the world end as we know it?
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