Hi Dr. Steve,
I’ve been trying to figure this one out for a couple days.. and since you’re a guy 🙂
I thought I’d throw it your way!
I’m in my late 20’s, and own a business. I do alot of expos in my business, and there’s another vendor that I’ve become acquainted with. I’ve seen him probably 5 times at other expos, and we’d chit chat, but for the last 2 expos (within 3 months) we’ve talked more.
We had an expo last week, and he was extremely friendly. Whenever he had a moment, he’d come to my booth and chat.. but he was really “touchy”.. like putting his hand on my shoulder multiple times.. he’s never done that before. I also have my friend with me at my booth, while he was chatty with her, he didn’t touch her. He also came by numerous time with his clients that came to the expo to refer my company to them (which was super nice!) I’m friends with him on facebook, and we’ve commented on each other statuses before, but he said that after the expo we could “chat, but not like facebook”…
When it was over, and time to leave.. my friend and I both went to say goodbye. He hugged my friend first, but when I said goodbye, he hugged me and kissed my cheek. I was kinda taken aback, because I don’t feel like I really know him that well.. but I was wondering if you had any thoughts of what that meant, or if it was just a friendly goodbye. (He’s met my friend the same number of times as me, so it wasn’t like he just met her that day either, and we’ve both chatted to him the same)
The same night after the show, he “facebooked” me to say it was nice to seem me that day, and then he asked if he could spotlight my business on his website, we chatted for about half an hour about business classes, how well the show did, etc.. He mentioned a business seminar that he wanted to go to that was in Florida, and told me that he’d give me info in case I wanted to go too (I didn’t ask for the info though)
Is this guy just being friendly? I find him attractive.. he’s probably in his middle 40’s, but I want to know how to address him at the next expo, which will be in a few weeks. We’ve in totally different fields of business, so he’s not my competitor at all.
Thanks Dr. Reality Steve!! Always love what you have to say 🙂
Comment: Seems like he’s interested and he’s throwing the line out there to see if you’ll bite. Maybe he’s nervous because it looks like there’s at least a 15 year age gap between the two of you and he doesn’t know how to proceed, or if you’d even be interested in him. If you like him, make it known, flirt with him, and see where he takes it. If you’re not interested and you think a guy who could practically be your father is someone you want nothing to do with, then make that known as well and just keep it to a business relationship. Since he only seems to see you at these expos and I have no idea about how close he is to where you live, I’m guessing he’s trying to see if there’s any interest first before he asks you out.
I’m in my 30s and I’ve been single and dating for a while (by choice – holding out for the right guy). Lots of first, second, and third dates. I’m an old-fashioned girl at heart, and while I don’t harbor any fantasies of a knight riding up on a white horse (I’m sure “The Bachelor” must have done that at least once!), I do like guys to be gentlemen. And I like to actually get to know someone before I jump into a relationship – or bed – with them. I’m not talking about waiting for months and months or years or anything, but just to take my time and wait until it feels right and I trust the guy.
My question for you is, what is the typical guy’s expectation regarding sex these days? A lot of guys I meet seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable to start sexting and wanting to send and receive naked pictures after the first or second date. There was a guy who expected to come over to my house and have sex on date #2 (in his mind, that was going to be the date, no conversation, drinks, or anything), and he was really bent out of shape when I declined, like I was turning down the experience of a lifetime or something. I wasn’t saying no forever, but no for right then, because even though I liked him on the first date, I barely knew him. I’ve just never been comfortable with moving that quickly, and when I tell guys that (usually in a light, nice, way, but still firm about the fact that, at least at that moment, it’s a “no”), they just move on, presumably to the next girl who is actually willing to send them naked pics and sleep with them as soon as possible.
So am I not moving along with the times – is this an expectation of the dating process these days? Has technology and access to the seemingly endless dating options made guys more impatient? Or am I just meeting the wrong guys? I’m not trying to change my values – I just want to know whether it’s them or me. Thank you in advance for your insights.
Comment: Technology has absolutely changed the way people date nowadays. Our friend Jen Marcus, who runs the site www.JensReality.com and is a contributor to RealitySteve.com, tweeted out this link the other day regarding a NY Times story entitled, The End of Courtship?. Very interesting and accurate piece I thought.
There’s no “times” that you need to be moving along with. Whatever time you think is best is the time that works for you, and if the guy youre seeing doesn’t adhere to that, then I guess move on. Is dating/sex different now than it was 20 years ago? Absolutely. For some that’s good and some that’s bad. Everyone’s got their own preferences. But definitely dating in 2013 is different than it was in the 70’s and 80’s. Hell, you can probably even throw the 90’s in there too, up until about 1995 when email started taking off. So just go with it and see where it takes you, but remember there is some adjusting to do.
I’m just as guilty as the next person. I’ve asked women out over text. I guess the only difference between me and the example in that NY Times article, is that I always follow through with it. I don’t think it’s so much HOW you ask them out, but once you are out, how you interact. If the guy doesn’t seem interested, or always wants to meet up with a group, or can’t stay off his phone, I’m guessing that’s a turn off. I know it is for me.
Dr. Reality Steve,
About a year ago my dad got a managing position at his job. I go to college about 2 hours away so while I was home for summer I started visiting him at work a lot. I would say about 95% of the people who work under him are all guys and the ladies who work in the office are all old enough to be my grandmother. So after I started going to his work, a lot of the guys there started noticing and flirting with me. I’m not gonna lie, the attention was nice, but I was really in no way interested in them. Until I met this guy, I’ll call him A. We started flirting a lot. Everytime I would go I would talk to him. He was really cute and I liked him a good bit, but I knew that nothing would happen with him because he worked for my dad. After I had been visiting for around 3 months I really grew close with several people there. Most of them were my dads good friends from work. Well fast forward about a month and one of my dads very close friends got a job in another part of the state. At that point I was home from winter break so I was there when he told dad he had to leave. I didn’t know this guy all that well, we had just small talked before, and I thought he was pretty funny but that’s it.
Well that very same night he (ill call him B) texted me. The text said he had always thought I was hot but out of respect for my dad never told me. I was caught completely off guard. B had never flirted with me at all that I could remember (with A it was so obvious). I tried to kind of laugh it off like he was kidding (which I actually thought he was at first). Then he started telling me how hard I made it for him when I wore all those short skirts (I never wore anything I would consider inappropriate especially in front of my father). But I kept talking to him trying to change the subject. Well now it is 3 weeks later and we still text and talk a lot. And it’s pretty heavy conversations. My problem is I just found out A left the job for another job too. He added me on Facebook and we talk some too. I can’t decide what I need to do. Everywhere i turn there is a problem. A is a great guy, close to my age (he’s 24), funny, attractive, and I feel like we would have a lot of fun together. BUT the job he got is in Kansas (I’m in Tennessee) and he’s not planning on being back here until summer. He has also had somewhat of a troubled past (he went to rehab 4 years ago but as far as i know he is sober now). B is funny, sexy, and as much as I hate to admit it, I love talking to him. BUT he’s about to turn 30, he has a 5 yr old, and my dad would never approve of any sort of relationship with him. My dad would be furious if he knew B had contacted me. I also get the impression that B is a bit of a player. I like both of these guys. It’s like I know both of them aren’t really right but I can’t help myself from talking to both of them. I need help!
Comment: So you said A lives in another state and you think B is a player. So why even get involved with either of them? How about choose C, someone that you don’t have concerns about. Sure, maybe you haven’t met C yet, but I’m sure there are other options out there for you. Are these the only two guys that are possibilities to date right now?
I think you just need to expand your horizons and just date different people. Don’t be so zeroed in on two guys who you admit aren’t really right for you. Why waste your time?
I really want to know how to get rid of a guy that I don’t want, and I’ve tried everything. My friend gave this guy my number last year, around August, mostly as a joke. So dude starts texting/calling me. I talked to him a few times, he basically told me all the gory details of his life which were pretty awful to say the least, and I wasn’t interested in the least. So I told him flat out that I was not interested in dating him and then went on my way and stopped talking to him at all. He just keeps texting, calling, etc, and I ignore all of it. Fast forward to last week. He shows up at my house at 10 pm, flowers in hand, telling me he loves me. I was just like WTF? I told him again I have zero interest in him, using those exact words. I have been nothing but up front and direct with this guy and he still can’t get it that I don’t want him.
How do I get this loser off my back?
Comment: What was his response after he showed up with flowers and you told him you had zero interest in him? Wasn’t that kind of a clue? If he’s still bothering you after that, I’d change your number. Until you do, you can only expect he’ll keep calling and texting. And if you change your number and he goes out of his way to get your new one, then you can bring him up on stalking charges. That’s always fun.
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