Reality Steve

Bachelorette Desiree Spoilers

The Bachelorette Desiree’s Episode-by-Episode Spoilers

Episode 1 (airing May 27th): Los Angeles, CA (26 down to 19)

-The theme to this season is definitely “Cinderella” since Desiree came from nothing (something she constantly reminds us of), and getting an opportunity to do this is just like the Cinderella story. You know, except for the fact she’s not blonde, doesn’t have two bitchy step-sisters, and guys don’t turn into pumpkins this season. So yeah, exactly like the “Cinderella” story. Within the first minute, Desiree is already crying because of this opportunity she’s been given. I’m already nauseous. Remember, this is the same girl that was crying on stage within a minute of being announced as the next “Bachelorette” on the ATFR show. Oh boy.

-I said yesterday 9 guys had intro videos. Apparently I can’t count. It was 8: Will, Robert, Zak, Bryden, Nick R., Drew, Mike R., and Brandon. In Will’s is where he screams “I love this womaaaaaaaaaan!” that was shown in the promos. Of course that makes perfect sense he’s telling us he’s in love with a woman he’s never met before. Great start, Will.

Drew lets us know his parents are divorced, his dad is an alcoholic and his sister is mentally handicapped. Cue the sad music.

Zak basically lets everyone know what a free spirit he is by posing on his balcony nude in one scene, obviously blurred out. Which was then followed later by his shirtless entrance out of the limo and remaining shirtless all night. Polarizing character. There will be plenty of people who say “Oh he’s so funny. I love that he’s such a free spirit” and then you’ll get those who say he’s not taking this serious, he comes off as arrogant, and he’s not looking for love. I don’t think there will be a happy medium with this guy. I personally don’t have a problem with it, but I know he might rub Middle America the wrong way.

You know those people you see on the street corner spinning signs trying to get you into a cell phone store that tries to put you in a contract that handcuffs you for life? Well, Robert informs us that he and his buddies were the ones who came up with the sign spinning company, along with showing us his skills. And oh yeah, his dog has one eye.

Brandon likes to wakeboard and do flips and sh*t. His dad left their family when he was 5 and his mom struggled with an alcohol addiction. This plays itself out later in the episode.

-The limo exits were quite tame this season compared to year’s past. Still had your share of cheesy ones and whatever, but they’re kinda boring to be honest.

Drew and Brooks were shown first and second respectively out of the limo and were both nervous.

Brad takes a wishbone out of his pocket that he and Desiree pull on. Desiree gets the longer end so she wins whatever she wished for, which was probably someone coming up with something more creative than a wishbone.

Michael G. takes her over to the fountain to try and recover the coin she made a wish with during her first night with Sean, but since he can’t find it, he gives her a coin and they each throw it over their shoulders into the fountain making a wish.

Kasey tells her he works in social media, so he has to hash tag everything he says. He tells her he’s come up with, “Hash tag perfect bachelorette, hash tag marriage material, and hash tag let the journey begin.” Yes, he verbally says hash tag before pretty much every sentence to Desiree and in his ITM’s. That got annoying after about .004 seconds. Hash tag knock it off.

Jonathan gives her a card that says if she wishes to forgo the other 24 guys they can use the key he’s provided and go to the fantasy suite. She says she’s not that kind of girl. That doesn’t stop Jonathan. He’s not done with her by a long shot.

Dr. Larry does a dance move where he twirls her then dips her, but her dress slightly ripped on the dip. Giant fail.

Nick the magician gives her a paper rose, lights in on fire, and it turns into a real rose. I think that’s in the Magicians 101 handbook since I’ve seen it a thousand times.

Diogo wears the suit of armor like an idiot.

Zack K. wore a bow tie and Chuck Taylors with his suit.

Chris gets down on one knee and asks Desiree, “Will you mind…if I tie my shoe?” Still debating on whether that was completely cheesy or somewhat creative. Can it be both?

Brandon arrives on a motorcycle cuz I guess he’s Billy Bad Ass.

Micah knows Desiree designed her own dress for the meet and greet on Sean’s season, so he comes in his jacket that he designed himself that says “Hi Des” on the front, and “Designed by This Guy” on the back. Fail.

Nick M. reads her a poem that certainly doesn’t have him taking away the title of “Best First Night Rhymer” from Emily O’Brien anytime soon.

And then Ben is shown arriving last bringing out his 4 year old son Brody. Pretty much the best entrance ever. When Brody is told he has to go back in the limo he says “I wish I could go to the party.”

-Nick the magician makes a big announcement once the party starts that he’s gonna perform a magic trick and that’s to make Desiree disappear for 5 minutes, so he gets her alone first and does nothing with it really.

-Brandon pulls her aside and gives her his mom’s 7 years sober ring and tells Desiree once he gets a hometown date, he wants Des to give it back to his mom. Ooooohhhh, so close. You only missed getting a hometown date by 5 episodes.

-The 6 guys who get first impression roses are Ben, Zak, Bryden, Drew, Nick M., and Michael G.

-Ben gets his first because Desiree loves the fact he’s an outdoorsman, likes to camp, etc and spoke very highly of Brody’s mom. Says they’re “two friends who have a kid together. We’re honestly best friends.” Awwwww. Sniff, sniff.

-Zak W. strips down to his underwear and jumps in the pool. Shortly afterwards is when Des gives him his rose.

-Bryden tells Des a story about how when he was over in Iraq, he befriended a kid from there. I guess this buttered her up since she gave him a rose.

-Can’t remember what Drew said or did to get a rose, but it wasn’t all that exciting. Drew kinda has a Jake Pavelka vibe to him, minus the phoniness. I think he’s sincere, but kinda quiet, reserved, and ummmm, a tad effeminate. We don’t see why Nick and Michael really got roses. They just did.

-Jonathan pulls Des outside for alone time and asks her again about going to the fantasy suite with him. He either has a slow, southern drawl or he was hammered. He seemed hammered. Des tells him again that she’s not gonna go to the fantasy suite with him. Later on that night, Jonathan grabs her hand and starts taking her through the mansion where she keeps asking, “Where are we going?” He won’t tell her, just says “come with me,” they finally get to the doorway of one of the rooms, and for a third time tells her he wants to go to the fantasy suite with her. She tells him he’s making her feel very uncomfortable and she’d like him to leave. Jonathan is sent home.

-The only other major thing to happen on the first night was outside of their limo exits, Brooks and Chris essentially get zero air time.

Rose Ceremony Eliminations: Diogo Custodio, Nick Roy, Mike R., Micah, Larry Burchett, and Jonathan Vollinger.

The 19 guys remaining after the first rose ceremony are:

James Case
Juan Pablo Galavis
Brad McKinzie
Zack Kalter
Kasey Stewart
Ben Scott
Zak Waddell
Brooks Forester
Brandon Andreen
Brian Jarosinski
Dan Cox
Chris Siegfried
Bryden Vukasin
Michael Garofola
Mikey Tenerelli
Robert Graham
Drew Kenney
Nick Mucci (thanks to this link, a blogger from Charlotte identified two more of the guys)
Will Reese (Oops. Had his last name wrong. Was emailed this morning by someone who corrected me. Sorry Fresh Prince).

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  1. elizabeth82

    May 16, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    Wow, good job Steve. Can’t wait for the season to start! 😉

  2. bigfatwoman

    May 16, 2013 at 11:51 AM

    Well done Steve. I personally don’t care about the minutiae of each episode, but I do care about the final two and the winner.

    Thanks for the info Steve. I guess I’ll watch another season of this stupid show.

    Also, please do an update on any news on Sean and Catherine. According to their tweets they are still very much together. After watching him on DWTS, I really started to dislike him. He and Catherine really seem to be enamored with D list celebrity life.

  3. everglades

    May 16, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    So she picks the guy that is never gonna marry her. Again. Gosh this is getting old. Excited to see if that handwriting analysis of Pixie’s is accurate (and what everyone seems to be saying about this guy). Good Luck with that engagement.

  4. kitkat29

    May 16, 2013 at 12:31 PM

    Why don’t you think you will ever have to buy them a gift? Have you heard things?

  5. elizabeth82

    May 16, 2013 at 12:52 PM

    ^He always says that, given the track record of these couples.

  6. JBTX

    May 16, 2013 at 1:24 PM

    Wow since you have clearly seen an advanced copy of the show, I wonder if Fleiss is going to try to come after you and the people who are providing it to you??? I’m sure there’s only a select few that have access to copies of the show right now.. be careful…

  7. zcmi

    May 16, 2013 at 1:46 PM

    This was a great recap. As a Utah girl, I’m amazed by how many bachelor/ette contestants have Utah connections. Now we add Brooks to the mix. Does he know Jef or Michelle Money? Likely, as we joke this is Small Lake City, after all. Even Diana last season was rumored to be Jef’s hair stylist. I’m looking forward to Brooks’ hometown date. I saw it play out on RS Twitter that day but no location details were disclosed.

    Like the viewing parties in Los Angeles during last season, where Chris and Sean surprised fans, Utah has a big fan base, too, with so many local connections. Maybe ABC will come visit this season!

  8. rob22

    May 16, 2013 at 3:04 PM

    Props RS!! I’ve been poking you a bit to get these spoilers out, and now you have. A little too much radio silence for my tastes, but bottom line…. You have delivered again. Some day when the statute of limitations is up, a column on how you pull this off every season would be awesome!

  9. kitkat29

    May 16, 2013 at 6:49 PM

    It’s funny. I just read something where she’s acting like she heartbroken. Either, she completely faking it or there’s already trouble in bachelorette paradise. I have a strange feeling that this guy isn’t ready for marriage. But who knows.

  10. Athena

    May 17, 2013 at 4:38 AM

    @kitkat29 – perhaps, but remember Steve said that she’s been coached to build up drama in those interviews, so I would tend to doubt any real problems so far, or at least not ones for public consumption.

  11. randais

    May 17, 2013 at 4:59 AM

    Congrats Candice!

    Well played Cochran and well deserved.

    I don’t remember who asked, Kasey maybe?, what I thought of “The Following” finale…well I liked it, personally. I also liked the Revenge finale and am looking forward to next season.

    SYTYCD has started, this show is so much better than DWT(wannabes and has beens)S, and The Voice is still going strong, still some good tv to watch.

  12. addicted2rs

    May 17, 2013 at 6:15 AM

    Question for my Revenge peeps:

    Does anyone recall the reason why Nolan wrote Carion? Seems odd it could be turned into something that would shut down the grid and all internet and phone from whatever purpose Nolan intended it for.

    I hope Daniel killed Aiden, but that seems like a stretch considering the marshal arts training Aiden has had.

    It would make for a pretty interesting love triangle if Aiden did survive now that Jack knows faux Emily is Amanda. She will have to juggle Daniel, Aiden and Jack.

  13. Sunnyside422

    May 17, 2013 at 7:37 AM

    I’ll take Emily/Amanda’s triangle any day!! All 3 guys are eye candy.

    Congrads to Candice. Kree was my pick all along, but not unhappy for Candice to be Idol queen. She is such a pretty lady inside as well as outside. Both were lovely in every way and I hope to purchase Kree’s album some day. Loved when she sang with Keith and Randy backing her also. Awesome. And Aretha…well what can be said about her that hasn’t been said in the past. Sadly the youngsters today who are totally into rap (which will fade quietly some day), haven’t had the pleasure of listening and observing someone like Aretha Franklin over the years. Very special lady.

  14. randais

    May 17, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    Revenge – YES, I can’t wait to see how the Amanda (AKA Em’s)/Jack relationship works out. I also like Aiden though, I truly believed he had her best interest at heart. I LOVED that she told him who she really is.

    I was heartbroken that Declan died especially now that he’s going to be a dad. Poor baby Grayson, doesn’t stand a chance.

    I’m not sure why Nolan created carrion, was he forced to?
    OH and how about Padma? Is she alive?

  15. karynr

    May 17, 2013 at 8:30 AM

    randais, this show is wonderful! The choreography and dancing can move me to tears. I’m in awe, at times, because the dedication and talent is so darn impressive. These kids put their heart and soul into their dancing and it is a beautiful thing to watch. I also am in awe of some of the choreography, and the interpretations of the storylines behind each dance.

  16. randais

    May 17, 2013 at 8:51 AM

    karyn – YES I LOVE it! My daughter danced most of her life and so we were totally immersed in dance for years, so I truly appreciate this show and we LOVE watching it together, when she’s home. When she isn’t, I enjoy it immensely, it’s a great show (minus Cat’s annoying accent and Mary’s incessant screaming :D).

  17. mommyof2

    May 18, 2013 at 9:45 PM

    Thanks for the spoilers, Steve! I love watching this show when I know who are the final 4 and on down to the winner.
    * Revenge- LOVED the finale! Love that she finally td Jack that she’s really Amanda. I hope Aiden stays with us and remains a good guy. I actually think she has more chemistry with him than with Jack. I could care less about Daniel, but heard that they are dating in real life.

    * GREAT NEWS!!! One of my favorite shows is returning for a final condensed season run: 24!!!! Yes, Jack Bauer is back!!!! I’m sure it’ll be awesome! Instead of 24 one-hour episodes, it’ll be 12 one-hour episodes that are each composed of a 2-hour timeframe, allowing them to skip minutes here and there. Can’t wait!

  18. realitybuzzed

    May 20, 2013 at 8:11 AM

    I can’t believe the episode-by-episode spoilers are already up! Nicely done! Also, I have been reading “Reality Bites Back,” thanks for the recommendation, Steve! It has been quite the eye-opening read.

  19. randais

    May 21, 2013 at 3:31 PM


    I still maintain that Zendaya should sweep this. There’s no discounting Kellie’s talent but Zendaya has been consistently stellar, classy and excellent. She deserves the ball.


    Holly won me over with “How Great Thou Art”…she killed it.

  20. lmleger1

    May 22, 2013 at 3:31 PM

    How do you figure that Desiree & Zak went to the premire to watch the movie “The Lone Ranger”, when the premire is not until June????

  21. randais

    May 22, 2013 at 6:33 PM

    Drat…..should have been Zendaya. Just goes to show you, it’s not about the “whole” season, if you can pull a rabbit outta yo behind at the end, you’ll win.

  22. Athena

    May 23, 2013 at 8:18 AM

    I think what it ultimately came down to in my mind when trying to sort out who should “win” when they were all so incredibly talented, is that Kellie is an “adult”, whereas neither Zendaya or Alexandra are completely grown up yet. There’s just something intangible about maturity that youth can’t completely express, no matter how talented. And, believe me when I say that I loved watching Zendya and was amazed by how talented she is.

  23. Sunnyside422

    May 24, 2013 at 7:25 AM

    Loved the fact that Kellie had no dance experience and took so well to the whole experience. Zendaya was cute/sweet but a professional dancer so I generally discount anyone who has this type of experience and go for the celeb who is a newbie to dance. Both were awesome and really like Val.

  24. ccrider

    May 24, 2013 at 9:03 AM

    Sunny….that is EXACTLY why I was glad Kellie won! There’s no doubt that Zendaya is a great dancer but that’s the point….she’s a dancer! Kellie wasn’t a dancer coming onto the show but proved she was worthy of winning it!

  25. bunbun

    May 24, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Sunny and ccrider I agree with both of you. I thought she deserved to win and I voted for her every week.

  26. reallife

    May 24, 2013 at 3:00 PM

    REVENGE: I think Nolan created Carrion just because he could. Aren’t genuises like that ?? Always pushing their limits. And I love Nolan. I want him to have a love story next season. They better not leave him in prison !!

    IDOL: Good riddance Randy Dawg !! And congrats to Candice – the obvious right person won !!!

    DWTS: CONGRATS KELLIE !!! May this bump your career even higher and now you know you can dance !!!!

    BACHELETTE: Sounds pretty boring already doesn’t it??

  27. reallife

    May 24, 2013 at 3:07 PM

    Hey Steve, Jimmy Kimmel must be reading your blog. I just saw a video when Des is on his show, and he predicts Brooks as the winner !!

  28. rob22

    May 27, 2013 at 8:29 AM

    I thought the idea of a blog was to put out lots of interesting content to drive viewership. That viewership is paid for by advertisers through clicks or views. I’m not sure what model RS is using these days, but it’s not that one.

  29. strick432

    May 27, 2013 at 6:08 PM

    Sorry – but most of these guys on Des’ season are straight FUGLY!!!!! Only about 5 are even remotely cute.

  30. mitroffjr

    May 27, 2013 at 8:58 PM

    Thanks for your work. It’s so much fun watching a train wreck when you have the ability to analyze the trains before they crash.

  31. thedoctor

    May 27, 2013 at 11:00 PM

    I guess I don’t pay too much attention to the first episodes ( or really any episode), but some of the rejected guys did not even get the limo exit interview. Is that normal?

  32. randais

    May 28, 2013 at 4:46 AM


    Boooo for this show ending. What a great show and the ending was great. I’ll miss this one, so sad to see it go. Derek being a dad, didn’t see that one coming, well until last week, that is. Much like Nashville, this show was filled with talent! Speaking of Nashville, whoa. Deacon finding out he’s the bio dad for Rayna’s oldest and then crashing and burning after so many years sober. Gunner coming clean about the lyrics he’d been claiming not originally being his (I never really saw the big issue with this one since they were his brothers and his bro died, I think since he inherited his brothers things, they WERE his actually). Scarlett still frustrates me, she comes off as such a wuss in my opinion. Juliette, well she doesn’t impress me either minus the fact that she really can sing.

    New shows, who’s looking forward some new series/shows?

  33. gibber1

    May 28, 2013 at 6:19 AM

    How do the producers decide who gets an intro at the beginning of the season? What’s the purpose of only showing a select number of them? Are those intros to guys who end up going home?

  34. Sunnyside422

    May 28, 2013 at 6:33 AM

    Oh my goodness…what a sorry bunch of guys for poor Des. She deserves better. But then most “better” have full time paying jobs which wouldn’t allow them to waste 10 weeks or more of their lives on such nonsense.

    And she picked Brooks! Eck and double Eck! When he speaks, I cringe. I guess I am totally shallow, but I would say less than 5 are attractive. I focused on Chris (from what we saw). He looked too normal.

  35. kjopo84

    May 28, 2013 at 6:40 AM

    I agree that Drew Is a bit effeminate, but he’s cute. Not surprised she picks Brooks, with those gorgeous dimples. Excited to watch this season!

  36. kjopo84

    May 28, 2013 at 7:00 AM

    @SunnySide- although I find Brooks to be attractive and you clearly do not, I agree that most of the guys are NOT that cute. The Zach who wore a shirt has no neck and it drives me crazy. Kasey has a weird face, and the guy who was basically saying Des is his future wife (Brandon maybe?) had goofy spiked hair and no lips. The final four in my opinion are probably the most attractive guys in the bunch, so I guess looks DO matter in some instances.

  37. kasey31

    May 28, 2013 at 7:28 AM

    what the heck? des got stuck with the strangest group of guys i think ive ever seen on 1 season.. it almost seems like a joke! i keep comparing them to the men on emily’s season, and what a difference.. her best guys are equivalent to the other bachelorettes’ worst guys, and i don’t mean just in the looks department.. they’re all just.. weird?

  38. karynr

    May 28, 2013 at 7:42 AM

    kasey, I agree completely. What a strange group of men, and not just the looks! It will be interesting to see what happens once they start showing deeper conversations, if Des has what it takes to do the digging. I wasn’t that impressed with her last night, and I liked her on Sean’s season. I can’t put my finger on it, but maybe it’s just nerves.

    Brooks….really???? IMO he looks kind of sleazy! From the little I’ve read and seen, I can see why RS isn’t concerned about buying a wedding gift. Oh well…best of luck to them and let the trainwreck begin!

  39. iheartvino

    May 28, 2013 at 8:36 AM

    Karyn- yes!! I wasn’t impressed with Brooks at all last night. I’m hoping he’ll become a little more likeable as the season progresses. My friend and I were watching together and we kept saying that he looked like he needed a shower. Maybe it was his greasy hair that looked gross? I don’t know.

    I actually felt the opposite about Des last night- I wasn’t shy about expressing my dislike for her in Sean’s season and leading up to her season, but during last night’s episode she annoyed me far less (in the second half of the episode anyway!) and seemed a lot more genuine than she had in the past. She seemed more relaxed when she was having one-on-one conversations with the guys. But if she keeps saying fairytale, Cinderella, can’t believe I’m here, etc.. alll season, it’s going to be long one.

    I don’t recall a season where so many guys looked WAY different on camera than they did in their promo pics. In Emily’s season, the only guy I thought looked different was Arie, and to me he looked way better on camera than in his pics. But with Des’s guys, 5 or 6 of the guys were almost unrecognizable to me. Some of them looked way better in their pics than they did on the episode, in my opinion.

  40. iheartvino

    May 28, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    Randais, you’re not alone in your feelings towards Scarlett. She’s definitely my least favorite character on the show. Do you think she said yes to Gunnar’s proposal?

    Re: other shows, I watched the first episode of Motive over the weekend. It wasn’t bad.

  41. karidenise

    May 28, 2013 at 2:14 PM

    Yeah. Can you please make this shorter. I don’t want to read a full paragraph of witty sarcasm simply over Desiree’s predictable revisit with Chris over her last season, etc., etc. All of your commentary is good but it’s not practical. I don’t know that I, and probably many other readers, will continue reading such long articles. We LOVE you, please don’t change.

  42. jacey

    May 29, 2013 at 8:34 AM

    Caught part deux of TBrette HD/OD, so skipped the limo exits. Whoever said it looks like we’re being punked is right, but not just regarding the men this season — who, btw give off the creepiest of vibes, but the entire shebang seems contrived more so than usual. I know most will probably disagree with me, but as bachelorettes go, Des lacks polish and looks “propped up.” As Hollywood women go, she’s not that pretty. Add in the constant references to “she’s po’, she’s po’, she’s po’, and you’re not going yield much beyond weirdos and opportunist. And NOBODY there for the right reasons. Playing up the ‘Cinderella; angle was a mistake. Feels like the show is apologizing for who she is. The emphasis should have been on her triumphs despite some odds. And that mute-invoking, timid sounding way of speaking she’s developed needs to go the way of nearly all her ‘men.’

    It’s really sad… Was there anyone there who actually cared about connecting with that girl? From the look and sound of things, you could take her out of the equation and just have those vapid morons vie for roses. Most wouldn’t even notice her absence.

    That was painful to watch, and more than a little boring.

    Thank you, RS for the summation of the entire season. Save me a lot of time. 🙂

  43. katefredericks

    June 4, 2013 at 7:56 AM

    I really thought Des was going to be a good season! I thought I was the only one who thought this group of guys were THE WORST! Note to Chris Harrison: What the heck? Are you trying to trash this franchise? Whether RS gave it up or not, had I watched this sad season to the end, I would have been thinking about dropping your shows due to time wasted. Time to fire everybody and get new eyes on who is bachelor/Bachelorette, and the people you choose to put before them. As I sense the boredom in RS, the rest of us aren’t dumb.

    As the previous poster said so well, TY, RS, for saving me a lot of time!

  44. comicnerd

    June 13, 2013 at 11:48 PM

    Just to let you know, that it was actually Juan Pablo who got the VIP “Lone Ranger” with Desiree. I remembered because he had “wooed” her with his Spanish during the show down.

  45. bhriannarose

    June 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM

    Guess you owe AshLee and JR that wedding gift then, seeing as how they just got married last year…

  46. kimhouse

    July 8, 2013 at 6:21 PM

    I’m watching right now and Zak and Drew are about to go on a 2 on 1 date. I’m confused because there’s only 1 rose so I dont know how both can make it to final 4. Should be interesting!

  47. kimhouse

    July 8, 2013 at 6:39 PM

    Nevermind. I didn’t realize the one that didn’t get the rose didn’t have to leave immediately. No more confusion going on here!

  48. aaron1

    July 31, 2013 at 9:31 AM

    She is engaged to Brooks! Des’s brother is saying that Brooks does not win and he is technically correct. Brooks does not “win”. Nobody does. The show is over and then Brooks comes back at After the Final Rose. They either get back together at that point and eventually get engaged or they get engaged during After the Final Rose.

  49. ali5683

    August 6, 2013 at 6:46 AM

    Looks like you were wrong!

  50. Kali

    August 6, 2013 at 8:24 AM

    bhriannarose on June 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM said: Guess you owe AshLee and JR that wedding gift then, seeing as how they just got married last year…

    To brriannarose: I think you’re confused. AshLee was on Sean’s season, and she’s not married to anyone. If you’re taking about JP and Ashley from Ashley’s season, they are two entirely different people. I have no idea who JR is (in relation to this show).

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