Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 9 - Desiree

The Bachelorette Desiree Recap Including Ratings News & More Bad 80’s (and 70’s) Movie Clips

-Bryden’s 1-on-1 date is up next and Des picks him up in her aqua Bentley that Brooks’ hair soiled all over already. I wonder how Bryden feels about being Brooks’ sloppy seconds in the same car? Or how Brooks feels about Bryden getting to ride in the same car and get more travel time with her in a car than he did? Hell, what does Brooks care? He’s competing against a man who cuts his own hair with a butterknife. And was seeing somebody just days before he left for the show. I’m guessing Brooks isn’t losing any sleep over Bryden. Bryden asks Des if she’s traveled a lot in the US. Awwwww Christ Bryden. Did you have to go there? Des: “Since we didn’t have a lot of money…” Wonderful. The Hartsock financial struggles brought up once again. Gee, never would’ve thought that. I guess Desiree is struggling so much with finances, the only food she and Bryden could afford to buy for their picnic was from the gas station. Awesome. Because as well all know, gas station food is where it’s at. How come they didn’t buy any of those hot dogs that are sweating on rollers under the heat lamp? Or those tasty taquitos that only look 714 years old? I think those are excellent picnic foods and those two missed out. Maybe next time.

-Desiree is really excited to take Bryden on this date because he’s never been to California. Translation: Maybe once we get this sheltered boy out of Missoula, Montana we can take him to Great Clips or something. Des: “California embodies everything I am.” Wait, huh? Everything you are, based on what you told us, is you came from nothing, you used to live in tents, your parents didn’t have a lot of money, and material things don’t mean anything to you because you didn’t have a lot of nice things growing up. Could that be any more opposite of what California (and specifically LA) embodies? Didn’t think so. Des is confusing me. My head is starting to hurt. And watching these two unsuccessfully try and fly a kite is funny. Somewhere in Austin and Charlotte, Brad Womack and little Ricki are watching these two fumble around with a kite and thinking, “We got these two.” If there’s ever been a more funny/awkward meeting between two people in “Bachelor/ette” history than Brad meeting little Ricki on Emily’s hometown date, I’ve yet to see it. That’ll never be topped.

-After their picnic, attempted kite flying, they start frolicking on the beach. I especially loved the heart made in the sand with “B & D” written into it. Considering it was probably washed away by the tide mere seconds after writing it shows you all you need to know about these two’s future. It’s not looking good whatsoever. Couldn’t they have made a sand castle or something? Or maybe bury Bryden neck deep into the sand and Desiree just leaves him there? I think that would’ve been more entertaining than a picnic with Lunchables and some beef jerky from 7-11. Whatever the case, afterwards they go running through Orange Grove chucking oranges at each other. This could’ve gotten violent. An orange chucked right at your grill from a meathead like Bryden could’ve caused some serious memory damage to Des. Like when she came to she could’ve said, “Exactly why am I on a date with this guy? He doesn’t even seem to like me.” Their tour takes them to the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa (If you wanna read what it was like for the hotel guests while this filming was going on, read on Johnny Jet’s blog from that day). Des: “This is the best road trip I think I’ve ever had.” Then she must not have had many road trips. Everything is “the best” on this show. Brooks’ date was “the best,” Bryden’s road trip was “the best,” next week dancing with Kasey on the side of the building will be “the best.” On and on and on and on it will go all season long. Everything can’t be the best. At some point you have to start ranking things better than others. I’m sure if Desiree is being honest with herself, now that she looks back on her date with Bryden, it probably ranks about 10th best this season. If not worse.

-Of course when she’s in-the-moment, she says silly things like “We’re like little kids when we’re together.” Although, I could probably agree with that somewhat considering Bryden’s haircut does resemble a third graders. Look, I get that it’s a military cut that’s grown out, but there’s a way he could not make the front of it look like a bowl was used to shape it. Or else every military person in the world would have hair that looks like that, and that’s obviously not the case. Use some gel, spray some Aqua Net on that thing. Something, anything but what you have going on now. It’s frightening the little ones. I guess Bryden feels close enough to Des at this point that he wants to share a tragic story from his past. He was in a bad car accident after college where he suffered cracked ribs, a collapsed lung, and he had staples in his head among other things. Since telling Des that just wasn’t enough, he conveniently had those pictures with him to gross her out even more and make her vomit in her mouth. Hmmmm, worse first date etiquette this episode: Crying to a girl you’ve known for about 6 hours, or, breaking out pictures from a car accident years ago that left your face mangled? I have no idea. You decide.

-Since we’re on the last date of episode 2 and we still haven’t had a hot tub scene yet, they figured they throw one in there. How come Bryden had no problem kissing his woman and having her post it on Instagram before he left for the show, yet here he is with an attractive girl in a bikini, sitting in a hot tub at a resort essentially closed off for them, and he has zero game. Des is practically begging you to take her to Pound Town, and his scared ass won’t even look at her as he keeps repeating the same line over and over. I guess he was having second thoughts of Becky back at home watching this. Good one Bryden. Deleting your Instagram account doesn’t change anything. We all saw the photos before they were deleted. Have fun trying to explain this one away. Des, I’m sorry they cast this dude. And the other dude next week with a girlfriend. And the dude that used to date your roommate. And a couple other dudes this season that really weren’t into you despite what they say in their ITM’s. But hey, you got paid, you got a two month vacation, and now you can expand your brand. That’s what it’s all about anyway, right?

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  1. vessel

    June 4, 2013 at 12:07 PM

    Ali Fedotowsky is still blogging the show.

  2. addicted2rs

    June 4, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    Fleiss and company are casting men that aren’t desirable. No one wants to end up with a d-bag, so why would women want to watch a show where the majority of the guys are women’s worst fear of ending up with?

  3. bigfatwoman

    June 4, 2013 at 2:11 PM

    My thoughts on last night:

    Des is a nice, sweet, simple girl without a ton of personality.

    Brooks. See above only substitute boy for girl.

    James is kinda handsome in a thick neck football player kinda way.

    The Ben thing is overdone and dumb dumb dumb

    RS, I hate when you insert videos into your blog for filler or comic relief. One is enough.

    Otherwise, let the boring season continue!

  4. rob22

    June 4, 2013 at 2:45 PM

    Mikey = Ronnie from Jersey Shore

  5. rob22

    June 4, 2013 at 2:48 PM

    Am I wrong, or did Desiree keep saying “Soldier” boy instead of Soulja Boy? After the diverse Bachelor Sean season, this has to be the whitest cast in history. Even the black dude couldn’t dance & was almost whiter than the white guys. The raps were just embarassing…. ya know, some white people can dance and rap….. just not any of the people on this show.

  6. iheartvino

    June 4, 2013 at 3:23 PM

    Hasn’t the Bachelorette always competed with The Voice on Mondays? I didn’t think that was anything new this year.

  7. iheartvino

    June 4, 2013 at 3:24 PM

    I mean for as long as The Voice has been around, anyway.

  8. bzliteyear

    June 4, 2013 at 6:06 PM

    i don’t get it!
    desiree goes from clean cut sean to a feminine loser with bad haircut, oily hair that hasn’t been washed in a week, and looks like he showers once per week(if that)?

  9. kjopo84

    June 4, 2013 at 8:38 PM

    I don’t think Brooks’ hair is greasy, I think he just uses product in it. It’s no worse than Drew and James’ wet helmet look. I think Brooks is cute, I wouldn’t mind a haircut, some of his google pics where his hair is a bit shorter definitely ups his hotness factor, but those DIMPLES. Dimples and twinkly eyes are my kryptonite. I think most of the guys seem nice but just sort of dull.

    Zak W. may have given a cheesy gift, but he definitely stepped up his game a bit and showed more of himself. I can’t wait to see Chris more, because I loved his shoe-tying bit when he met Des. Also looking forward to more of Drew, even though he looks like a little boy version of Jake Pavelka; hes still cute and giddy.

    I don’t think Ben is horrible for interrupting Des’ time with Michael, but he does come across as a bit douchey to me. Just kind of arrogant and annoying.
    Other thoughts: I know Brian will be the one with the gf showing up, but is anything revealed about Brydens situation during the course of the show I wonder? We may have to wait til MTL or ATFR.

    I see Brandon and hear the psycho theme in my head. He’s the neediest guy ever.

    Finally, I wonder if we will ever hear Brad or No-Neck Zach speak.

  10. kasey31

    June 4, 2013 at 11:48 PM

    Iheart- Yes, for as long as I can remember it has! Last year I believe the premiere of the Voice aired right after Superbowl, and the Bachelorette aired in the beginning of March..

  11. karynr

    June 5, 2013 at 2:17 AM

    First…..The Voice….only because this show is so much more entertaining than the Bach. This season is really boring. TEAM MICHELLE.

    Random thoughts
    I find Brooks quite unattractive. The teeth and hair are really unappealing. He does seem to be a sweet guy.

    If that first scene was a preview of Chris’s clothing line, I’m not impressed. It looked like he forgot to take off his pajama top before leaving for work.

    Bryden….If he was buried in the sand up to his neck, someone could have worked on that awful do. The shape of his head reminds me of Charlie Brown.

    Dez and Brooks dancing was so awkward. I have two left feet, so I probably shouldn’t talk.

    Mikey…..I know a Howie, and the older I get, the harder it is to call a grown man Howie. It reminds me of my neighbors growing up, Arfie and Philsi…..yuck.

    I don’t know how I feel about Ben yet. The show is so contrived, it’s hard to tell this early. My gut says he’s a major player and possibly a dbag to women.

    Good recap, RS!

  12. lisa e

    June 5, 2013 at 7:29 AM

    Oh ABC! It’s THE GUYS! That’s the reason for the low ratings. Des is a gorgeous, modest sweetheart. Emily was a pain in the butt. She was high-maintenance, and proud of it!

    These guys are easily the worst batch I have seen yet! So many of the other castings were rich with All-American boys we would be proud to bring home to our parents. This one is just a bunch of cast-offs that you hope will produce drama. That’s not what we want for The Bachelorette!!
    We want romance, sweetness and light! This is our turn for the FANTASY, the Cinderella story. We are not interested in Little Boy Drama. That’s our nightmare…

  13. lilybug13

    June 5, 2013 at 8:19 AM

    Brooks looks like a young Billy Drago (The Untouchables, Children of the Corn) :

  14. ccrider

    June 5, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    Did anyone happen to watch the new show Mistresses?

  15. vessel

    June 5, 2013 at 8:58 AM

    @lilybug13, I just googled “Billy Drago” and wow, you are so right!

  16. kjopo84

    June 5, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    Holy cats lilybug, he totally DOES look like Billy Drago!

  17. iheartvino

    June 5, 2013 at 1:52 PM

    I do see some resemblance to Billy Drago, but I think Brooks looks a lot more like the guy from Joe Millionaire, Evan Marriott. (But Evan is slightly better looking in my opinion) Anyone remember that train wreck of a show?

    ccrider- nope, didn’t watch Mistresses. If you watched, how was it? It looked God awful from the previews so I stayed away.

  18. crushonspivey

    June 5, 2013 at 2:39 PM

    Des got the biggest contingent of meatheads I have ever seen on this franchise. They are dull. Unless your idea of fun is to watch dudes pick things up and put them down, while chugging protein shake while slamming their supplements.

    The casting director choked.

  19. randais

    June 5, 2013 at 4:50 PM

    cc- I’m with Iheart, “Mistresses” held no appeal for me at all.

    I am going to try “Under the Dome”, I love anything scifi (ish).

    The Voice – I’m not so much a Michelle fan but I LOVED Holly…so sad to see her go. 🙁

  20. randais

    June 5, 2013 at 4:50 PM

    Oh yeah, oops, SPOILER ALERT….my bad.

  21. elizabeth82

    June 5, 2013 at 4:54 PM

    Brooks seems nice–and I do like longer hair when it’s not greasy from product in it–but his voice is so girly. He’s also kind of effeminate in his mannerisms/gestures. I also didn’t like the chunky ring he had on (was that a class ring? Either way not a good look). I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s gay, maybe bi? But he’s just not doing it for me in the manly department. My fav guy is Michael (manly, good job, cute but still kind of an interesting face), though I wish he’d steer clear of the Ben drama. I also am looking forward to seeing more of Chris because he seems actually normal and like he has a good sense of humor from his intro to Des. So many of these guys need to go, pronto: Brandon (too many issues), Ben (arrogant and manipulative, politican vibe), Mikey and James (meatheads), Drew (gay), Brian, Brad.

    Do you guys think Des having to ask Bryden to kiss her means she’s more into him than he is into her? I’m thinking about the spoiler that he leaves on his own and if he already knows he’s not interested or what. Curious to see that play out.

    Anyone interested in that upcoming show “Whodunnit?” I might check it out (Clue’s my fav board game after all, ha).

  22. jillbeau

    June 5, 2013 at 6:53 PM

    Hey everyone…it’s been awhile. This season has been pretty underwhelming so far (the whole 2 episodes it’s been on). I found myself fast-forwarding through the majority of Monday’s episode.

    As a side note…I’m convinced that Mikey and James are the same person.

  23. jenhering

    June 5, 2013 at 7:46 PM

    Thanks Steve for these recap posts. You make me smile!

  24. kasey31

    June 5, 2013 at 10:17 PM

    Elizabeth, normally I would say no about Des having to ask for the kiss first (I think Emily asked Jef for a kiss first), but in this case, I’m going to assume yes. Mainly because it sounds like the men weren’t too impressed this season with Des- I guess it was a two-way street. I’m kind of wondering if some men dropped out when they found out that Des was the Bachelorette? Not sure why, but I just have a hard time believing they wouldn’t have a better group of guys for her. Maybe the guys that made it were the ones that production thought she would weed out?

    Hi, Jill! You made me laugh out loud with your assessment that Mikey and James are one and the same.

    Thanks for the recap, Steve. It doesn’t surprise me at all that this is an all-time low for the Bachelor franchise. I’m actually trying to get through the season. I now think Lindsay would have been a better choice, and there is no doubt in my mind that the caliber of men on her season would have been > Des’.

  25. karynr

    June 6, 2013 at 5:59 AM

    kasey….your words are so true as far as “getting through” this season. It’ like a bad habit this season. I a very bored, but keep hoping it will get better.

    Randais….I liked Holly a lot too. I think it may come down to a Michelle/Danielle finale, but who knows. This show is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. This is the first season I’ve tried to watch or record every show.

    SYTYCD,,,,is anyone watching? This is a great show too.

  26. ccrider

    June 6, 2013 at 6:19 AM

    iheart & randais…..Mistresses intrigued me as a nice summer escape show….sexy, steamy, soap opera kind of stuff! For me, it got off to kind of a slow start but I guess it was more to introduce the characters and set the backgrounds for each of them. However, the ending of the first episode and the scenes for upcoming episodes has me interested enough to tune in.

  27. theraphosidae

    June 6, 2013 at 7:24 AM

    Okay, correct me if I’m wrong, but Steve, in the episode-by-episode recaps you say it’s BRIAN with the girlfriend, but then in this recap you say it’s BRYDEN? It’s definitely Brian with the girlfriend, he’s the one in the pictures.
    Just wanted clarification!

  28. everglades

    June 6, 2013 at 8:04 AM

    @randais YES! Watch “Under the Dome”. I am a Stephen King fan and have read the book multiple times (just finished again to make sure it’s fresh in my mind). Trust me, that show is going to be INCREDIBLE!

  29. elizabeth82

    June 6, 2013 at 10:06 AM

    @theraphosidae: Steve said they both have gfs. Brian’s is the one who shows up and confronts him. But Steve said Bryden went into the show with a gf.

  30. randais

    June 6, 2013 at 10:11 AM

    Karynr – Anythings possible. While I like the Swon Brothers, I was shocked that they stayed over Holly :\. I, too, LOVE SYTYCD…I’ve been watching for years.

    Ever – well there you go, I didn’t even know there was a book! I think the previews look interesting. Look forward to dishing with you once it starts.

    Eliz – I, too, used to be a die hard Clue fan. I may check that one out as well (Whodunit, I mean).

  31. kaleyt

    June 7, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    The rating really aren’t surprising. Been watching since Jason’s season and I’ve never seen a more boring season than this. There have been times when I wasn’t interesting in the lead, but this one takes the cake. Des is so boring I can’t stand it. And what’s with all these meat-heads they cast this season?! blehck!

  32. motherduck

    June 10, 2013 at 10:38 AM

    Having watched a lot of the Bachelor and Bachelorette seasons, I actually liked “Ready for Love” (RFL) on NBC better. Too bad they moved it to the site after only two episodes. The guys were far better candidates, and the MatchMaker’s screenings actually got terrific girls. Fleiss and Co. are still casting bimbos most of the time. Des is a nice gal, but that’s it. Not much passion or sparks. So far, it’s a boring season. The whole format of RFL is better. The only shortcoming is that they need to show more and longer interaction between the guys and the women. Especially the final three. Also since that show wrapped in mid August last summer, the three guys and their F1s had to be in hiding for 10 months. That’s far too long. Tim Lopez and Jenna are still going strong and look like they will be heading for the alter. I was impressed by the show. Too bad NBC pulled the plug. But….a lot of morons live at NBC.

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