Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & Which Former “Bachelor” Lead is Now Trolling Tinder?

Dr. Reality Steve

Hello Steve,

I love your blog about the Bachelor and Bachelorette reality shows. When I watch those shows I often laugh shaking my head at the number of people betting they can find long lasting love quickly.

I find that humorous because of my own brush with love at first site which turned out to be a 20 year roller coaster. I will offer you the very abbreviated version and relish the thought of reading your comments. I noted that people write to you about personal relationships besides questions regarding your blogs. I will ask my question of you if you can bare with the story…please and thank you.

Me: It’s Halloween, the day before my sweet 16th birthday (I am in the 11th grade living in Oregon though my family is in Reno at the time the following events take place).

Him: Working at Circus Circus in Reno dressed as a Tourist, camera and all, operating a game upstairs. (My parents were gambling downstairs and yes they often left me alone for hours each year we visited relatives in Reno since I was 12 or so).

Both: I caught him watching me with his piercing brown eyes. He was older and mysterious. He let me play the game for free and gazed into my eyes every chance he had. Each time he spoke, well, his great DJ voice made me feel giddy. He was a sophomore in college then working several jobs to support himself. He asked for my local number and I gave it to him. He asked my parents for permission to take me out the next day, though it was my birthday. (Never rmind the fact that my parents who were normally very strict, let me go out with him.) We went to the college and spent the day together where he took a few pictures of me (nice ones) I still have one, and we watched a movie on campus, the Blues Brothers. Then he took me home and had been a perfect gentleman (of course I realized many years later that is was likely because I was jail bait). I celebrated my birthday with family that evening. Then I was allowed to go out with him one more time before going back to Oregon. He took me to the roller skating rink where he also worked, as a DJ, and dedicated songs to me. Since I was leaving the next day, his last song for me was “Have you seen Her by the Chi-Lites). We exchanged addresses and vowed to write which, we did through my 11th and 12th grade. Once in awhile we spoke on the phone. I told him my senior prom was coming up but I wasn’t going. He said he would take me. He flew to Oregon for the weekend. I am only 17 and so he was a perfect gentleman. My family offered to have him stay at my Aunt’s house next door. We drove around the countryside, to a nearby lake, walked on the catwalk, playing “trust” games by each of us taking a turn closing our eyes and being guided over the catwalk. Later, we had a romantic riverside 3 course French dinner where he gave me a ring but I said I wouldn’t accept a promise ring as that felt so serious, so he called it a friendship ring and I accepted it. Then we went to see the end of the prom. He had to leave the next day so we called it a night and I got my one and only peck on the lips kiss. We continued to write but I started feeling sad and so my mother, unbeknownst to me until her near death bed confession 10 years later, had started ripping up and throwing away his letters. He assumed I moved on a got a girl friend and a year later I had a boyfriend in my first year of community college.

Me: I decide to join the USAF after I break up with my boyfriend of 4 years. Before leaving for basic training, I decided to look Him from Reno up. I no longer had his phone number, he wasn’t listed in directory assistance, so I called his old job at the roller skating rink. The current owner gave me the previous owners name and number. I called her and she said well, he obviously doesn’t work for me anymore but we go to the same dentist and here is the number of the dentist. I called and explained that I was trying to reach an old friend and gave her his name. She literally gasped and said You aren’t going to believe this but I just got off the phone with him regarding scheduling an appointment so I know he is home. Give me your number and I will call him with it. Within a couple minutes he was on the phone with me. I told him I broke up with my boyfriend and wanted to talk to you and he said he had just broken up with someone too so he said it was fate, that we were meant to be together! I said I was going to leave soon for the USAF. He demanded that I not go but it was too late, I was just waiting to leave for basic training. I explained it wasn’t the end of the world and I was in tears as he kept telling me it was fate, that I couldn’t nor shouldn’t leave. We didn’t speak again until….

Me: Months later I am in the service and scared to death of being alone so I decide to marry the first guy that proposes even though I wanted it to me Him from Reno. In fact, I tried to call him hoping he would talk me out of it. He wouldn’t come to the phone so I told his roommate that I was getting married and left my number. I think of him so often while I am in a loveless extremely abusive marriage and I even tried to reach him again through the former roller skating rink owner but she yelled at me to leave him alone asking if I hadn’t cause enough damage and told me to never call again. My thoughts were, Oh my Lord, what had I done?! I worried about him for years, through the end of one marriage then through the end of a second. NOW here is where it get’s interesting again (if you think it ever was)…Literally, Monday, after my second husband moved out of our house that weekend, I received an email from HIM. I became giddy thinking yea it really is fate, we really are meant to be!!! He and I argued, laughed, shared, and just chatted about our daily lives almost every day for a couple months. THEN I got the idea that in August of 2000, I would fly to Reno to see him face to face. I was feeling really good about myself, looked pretty good then and took the leap of faith….flew there, rented a mustang convertible, and called him from my hotel…..

Him: Didn’t you realize by my silence after you told me you were coming that I didn’t want you to come. I don’t know if my life would be made better by seeing you after all of these years. I will not see you.

Me: I was so sure that looking into each others eyes face to face was all we needed to start something real or gain some closure. So, since that wasn’t going to happen, I got drunk at the hotel bar, ordered room service then the day before I was going home, I drove to Virginia City, shopped til I had no more checks and used my Visa the day of my flight to write him a note, spray a tad of perfume on it, kiss it so lipstick showed on the flap and paid a personal courier to hand deliver it to him at work. I don’t recall what I said sadly. Months later we were exchanging emails as friends, sort of, and that lasted for years.

Him: Hey we should get together sometime. Maybe meet half way. Can you get away?

Me: Um as exciting as that sounds. you know I am still in a relationship and I am not a good liar so I don’t see how I could work it out. Another year or so goes by and I am finally single again.

Him: So you wanted to know what is going on with me? Well, rant rant rant, hey can you get away to come see me? My job is changing so that I am going to be crazy busy (He works and has worked for Fox11 News in Reno pretty much since he graduated from college). He said there would be no pressure and I could have my own room in his home so I wouldn’t have to pay for lodging or food.

Me: I don’t know if I can come up with the money for a plane ticket to come to visit that quickly….

Him: Silent treatment then his new position started and he was too busy to really chat when I tried.

Me: I wrote him an emotional email but it was received though not well. We barely exchange messages at all. I “unfriended” him on Facebook last year when he forgot my birthday and he didn’t care or didn’t notice until he received an email greeting card for his birthday this year. Then, he asked to be added as a friend again.

So Reality Steve, what do you think? Believe it or not this is the very short version. There were many things said in our chats that indicated caring at the least that I left out. I mean were we two ships…blah blah blah? Did he blow it? Did I blow it? I tend to think we both screwed it up and it is too late now. Some of our timing was so uncanny that it really seemed like fate. Though my feelings towards him have waned, I have never been able to get over the “look into my eyes” effect leading to something or ending it completely. On an lighter note, I have thought seriously about turning this story into a screen play someday even if it never makes it to the screen….Thanks for your time and please excuse grammatical errors….

Comment: Uhhhhhh, I have no idea what to say to a story like that. It almost sounds made up. If it’s not, then you need to let go. Doesn’t seem like there’s anything there. And if you’re hanging on to the way he looked into your eyes over 20 years ago, I think you definitely need to let that one go as well. “The Notebook” this isn’t.
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When you mentioned that you knew a couple that pretended not to be living together but actually did; are you by any chance talking about Donna Martin and David Silver? I think we all saw that situation doesn’t work, especially once crazy Mrs. Martin finds out and David starts abusing drugs. Plus, according to the new 90210 they aren’t still married. If the girl that asked you for advice does decide to do that then she should make sure that her best friend/ boyfriends step sister doesn’t also move in. That just gets awkward when she gets stuck in the middle!!

Comment: Anytime someone can turn around a “Dr. Reality Steve” email into a Donna/David co-habiting discussion, I’m all for it. But no, that wasn’t who I was referring to.

For the sake of argument though, lets be realistic and understand that David and Donna’s marriage couldn’t possibly have lasted. Not with that bitch Elise Martin around. She never liked David. Or Ray Pruit. Or DeShawn Hardell. Lets just say Elise was a snobby, racist bitch. But beyond that, we realize that Donna only slept with one other guy in her “life” before marrying David, and that was Noah. Like 18 seconds after her and David broke up. So yeah, I’m guessing Donna probably slutted it up once her and David got divorced to make up for lost time. Remember, she was about to sleep with Ray in Palm Springs before he decided to throw her down a flight of stairs.

You know, I talk a lot about how fans of the “Bachelor/ette” blow me away with how serious they take the show, and if you say one bad thing about someone they like, you’re like the worst human on the planet. Or the nutjobs who say, “I can’t believe Emily picked Jef. She’s meant to be with (fill in name here). The way they looked at each other in the third episode was what true love was all about.” You get my point. But what’s funny is, the Donna Martin crazies kinda started this all. Back when the Palm Springs episode aired, remember Jamie Walters (Ray) had just started his music career. You listen to any interview he did after “90210” and he basically said the character on the show ruined his career, because people couldn’t separate what he did to Donna on the show from his music career. Hence the reason when they brought him back, they had him make amends with Donna and had him with a new girlfriend. That is so awesome and so ridiculous all at the same time. The fact that people were openly mad at Jamie Walters in person because of his character pushing Donna down the stairs pretty much confirms this country is headed to hell in a handbasket. The fact we had people in the 90’s walking around who thought that way, and now they’re grown adults and probably the same people who are fanatics about this show is scary. These people need to be locked up and the key thrown away.
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Dear Dr. Steve,

I have a bit of an odd relationship situation and am a pretty loyal follower of yours, so I thought I’d get your input. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and are starting to talk seriously about marriage. He is honestly a perfect boyfriend (far from a perfect person, but an incredible boyfriend), treats me unbelievably well and has told me that he has no doubts I’m “The One”. I’ve moved states for him and he’s given up his dream job because it wasn’t near me, so we’re very committed. We’re in our mid-twenties, are both pretty stable career-wise, have met each other’s families/friends, have the exact same values/priorities and are in a constant state of bliss. A. CONSTANT. state. of. bliss… meaning we’ve never had a single fight.

We talk about how well we get along and I’ve expressed concern to him that we have no idea if we can get past a rocky relationship patch. He just smiles and says that he’s just very easy-going (it’s true) – he’s been in one other serious relationship of a year and a half and apparently they never fought either. So to him, this is all fine, we’re just really compatible and he’s already looking at rings. I on the other hand, am not totally at ease about it. I’ve also had one other serious relationship and we fought daily. Obviously that wasn’t healthy, but in general I’ve always thought a couple needs to make sure they know how to fight before they know they’ll last. That being said, it seems silly to wait for engagement until we have a fight. In every way we are more than ready to get married in the next 1.5-2 years, yet we show no signs of fighting in the near future. And we’ve discussed every possible disagreement topic I can think of (kids/finances/parents/religion/politics/careers), have created plans for each of those topics, and I think by this point we’re beyond the honeymoon-phase.

What do you think? Am I being paranoid and creating an issue where there is none? Or should I wait to see if we can survive a rough patch before tying the knot?

Comment: Wow. I understand why you’d like to see how you survive a fight, but let it come naturally. How are you going to manufacture one? Seems even if you do, you still won’t really know. If it happens, it’ll happen. I don’t know why you’re so on edge about having that first fight. Shouldn’t this be a good thing?

I mean, there’s a difference between fighting and having a disagreement. Are you saying you guys haven’t even disagreed on anything? That I’d find totally bizarre as opposed to not fighting. If he’s not a confrontational person, then you probably won’t fight. If he’s very easy-going, then it seems like when you do have your first fight, it probably won’t last long, nor will it be very earth shattering. I think you’re expecting the worst when you really shouldn’t. Just enjoy what you have and stop hoping for a fight that may or may not come.
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Send all emails to: steve@realitysteve.com. To follow me on Twitter, it’s: www.twitter.com/RealitySteve. Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you next week.

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27 Comments

27 Comments

  1. bigfatwoman

    June 6, 2013 at 7:57 AM

    Steve,

    Sorry to hear your dream girl is off the market (for now). I hope you find the strength and resolve to find something to live for.

    BigFatWoman

  2. randais

    June 6, 2013 at 10:23 AM

    Hahahahhahhaaahahhaa…good one BFW

  3. bzliteyear

    June 6, 2013 at 11:01 AM

    dude, JLH may have pretty face/upper body, but her lower body (esp legs/ankles) matches that of a 200 lb women(not being mean, but it’s accurate). importantly, as you highlighted, this woman’s known to be a head case w/ lots of baggage…good luck to her, but glad you’re better off for holding out 🙂

  4. JovisMom

    June 6, 2013 at 11:11 AM

    @ The last Dr Steve emailer – I am your boat exactly! My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs, are talking marriage, and have never had a fight and when we do disagree it’s about silly things and doesn’t effect anything. I had the same reservations as you before but now I’m over it. Exactly what Steve said is the advise I gave myself. I had a past relationship where we fought like cats and dogs and that was no fun. This relationship is perfect! 🙂 Be greatful you have such a wonderful man. You have been through some trying times with him as well, if that didn’t start a fight then I think you are good. Good luck to you!

  5. lexie

    June 6, 2013 at 11:32 AM

    OMFG… that letter from the girl about the boyfriend in Reno had me tears from laughing so hard.

  6. mcchic

    June 6, 2013 at 1:41 PM

    Loooong (like years!) time lurker – first time commenter. To the person who sent the last Dr Steve email- I was in the exact same situation and we sound like we’re around the same age. I met my (now) husband and we dated very very seriously for a year before we got engaged. 8 months in he had already bought the ring (I had no idea) and he surprised me by proposing on our 1 year anniversary – married a year and a half later. I grew up with a very strict volatile father and my parents fought constantly and still do to this day. H and I.. never. We disagree on stuff – we’re not push overs. We get frustrated sometimes about minor things.. always seems to happen in a parking lot when we can’t find parking (he has the worst sense of direction) or deciding on what to make for dinner (he basically can only cook hot dogs lol). But a big blow out fight or even just yelling at each other? Nope. Not even during the stressful wedding planning days. We’re just very compatible. Also my H is extremely easy going, calm and non-confrontational. He was in 2+ year relationship before we got together and one of his ex’s issues was that he wouldn’t get mad at her!

    If your BF is the same – you should count your lucky stars that he is as I’ve seen both sides of the coin. I’d pick no fighting any day. Fighting does not = passion or normalcy. I think so often our in society we think if we’re not fighting the world is ending or the passion is gone! Quite the opposite! I KNEW from when I first met him that he was my lobster so maybe your worries about the lack of fighting stem from something deeper. If you have been living together and It. Is. Bliss. as you stated and you’re STILL on the fence? Maybe he is not “the one” and you’re too afraid to admit it! Good luck

  7. goose

    June 6, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    Again, to the person who sent the last Dr. Steve email – don’t worry about it!! I would have to say my situation is identical to @mcchic’s. My fiancé and I have been dating for three years and got engaged this past March. We have never had a fight. We are incredibly similar (our ‘myers-briggs’ personality types are identical, let alone they’re the most uncommon type) and I truly believe I would never find ANYONE that ‘gets’ me as much as he does, and vise versa. There are small things we disagree about – ie: which way the toilet paper roll goes on the holder and how many times a day the dishes need to be done – but we have never had a ‘fight’ and I really don’t believe we ever will. Sure we both get angry sometimes but it’s usually just a small issue and we never take it out on each other. I have dated guys in the past who will push my buttons or I’ll push theirs, and we just don’t do that! We know when to say something and when to back off, and we are happy as could be! Maybe there are other reasons why you’re having reservations, but if the lack of fighting is the only thing holding you back.. you should be grateful that ‘not fighting’ is your only ‘issue’ – embrace it (and him)!!!!!!!!! 🙂

  8. karynr

    June 6, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    goose……the toilet paper goes under not over.

    Turbulent relationships are not healthy. Been there, done that and never again!

  9. goose

    June 7, 2013 at 6:29 AM

    karynr – YES! Try telling my fiancé that!!

  10. pthepro49

    June 7, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    RS-Why on Gods earth would you post that Reno story on your website?? That was the most boring story I have ever read in my life!! Do your readers a favor and don’t post long ass boring stories like that ever again! What a waste of time! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  11. JovisMom

    June 7, 2013 at 10:46 AM

    Toliet paper goes over!!! That is how they do it at fancy hotels! So they can make it to a point at the bottom and put that gold round (Hallmarkish) sticker on! 😉

  12. iheartvino

    June 7, 2013 at 10:58 AM

    I’m with Jovi- toilet paper goes over!! Not necessarily because that’s how hotels do it, but because it’s more sanitary. Have you ever looked at the wall behind the TP at places/homes where they put it under? Gross. That being said, I consider it a small victory whenever anyone else besides me puts on a new roll, regardless of which way they put it. #whyamItalkingaboutTP haha

  13. jamiefsu9

    June 7, 2013 at 2:12 PM

  14. crushonspivey

    June 7, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    I’d say Robert looked more like Chad Lowe than Rob Lowe.

    Just sayin.

  15. chefmom3

    June 7, 2013 at 4:28 PM

    Hahahahaha The Notebook this isn’t – how are you still single??? There must be some smart single women out there for you!!

  16. Sunnyside422

    June 8, 2013 at 8:38 AM

    Had to comment on the toilet paper rolls. Always the over in my girlhood home and now in mine. Easier to tear off for sure. Under makes it harder to tear and just darn uncomfortable grabbing the paper that way. Try it over some time and see.

    Robert is definitely a Rob Lowe lookalike. I kept looking at him wondering where I had seen a similar face…waaa laaa! Thanks for the observation.

    I don’t find Des boring…just very uncomfortable in her roll as the lead. I think she will become more outgoing and relaxed as the weeks go by. After all, she is in command and should realize that.

  17. rob22

    June 10, 2013 at 6:48 AM

    Regarding the “Reno” story. I don’t think it’s uncommon to sort of “pine” for someone we chose not to have at the time. Maybe a lot of of us fantasize about our High School or College sweetheart. But, that’s all it is. It’s not reality, and those relationships ended for a reason. Not to mention that the significant others in question were 20+ years younger at the time. They’re different people now. But given the full story, what we have here is a woman who has a series of failed relationships, including at least, a couple of failed marriages. Basically, she’s screwed up every relationship she’s been in, and is now getting wistful for a relationship that never was a relationship. I’d point out all the drama that has gone on with this “couple” even though they’ve only actually seen each other a few times. Play that out over a marriage. Wow!! Look, she rejected the relationship several times in the past when she could have rekindled. She chose not to. If this was “destiny” then she would have made sure to have made it happen far before now. The reality is, whoever this woman is with, she will screw it up. She has the crazies going on in that head of hers, and no guy is going to fix that. My suggestion would be to get some therapy before launching into another failed relationship. It seems she is just repeating patterns that are going nowhere. This guy is not the answer. Get help soon!

  18. sarah771978

    June 10, 2013 at 3:05 PM

    Steve needs to always link Sara Herron’s Bach Chat to his posts, if only for more comments like this…

    “The only thing worth pointing out about the date was the “antique” journal Zak W gave Des. This would be a very kind gesture if I wasn’t sure Zak trained his penis to hold a pen and write the message inscribed. Such a creep.”

    Who knew that meek little thing that had no self esteme on Sean’s season was so freaking funny!

  19. randais

    June 10, 2013 at 6:25 PM

    OOOH I watched tonight, no reason to watch again, except maybe to see if RS got anything else wrong…Zack, in fact, did NOT win the preview date with Des, Juan Pablo did….!

  20. fordsc

    June 10, 2013 at 8:39 PM

    Also on Tinder: Reid Rosenthal. He always comes up for me when I’m around the Philly area – his hometown

  21. elizabeth82

    June 10, 2013 at 8:50 PM

    @randais: Totally noticed that too. So then I was thinking, OK then Zak must get the rose on the date . . . but no, that went to James (pity rose IMO–she’s taking after Sean that way!).

    Brandon should be in therapy if he isn’t already. Des was so not feeling the “I have a secret” kiss–looked to me like she was almost going to not go along with it. And telling her he’s falling in love with her? Yeesh, guess the false environment of the show was really getting to him.

    The Brian girlfriend drama went on too long. And was totally the Stephanie show–both Chris and Des kept trying to get a word in edgewise with little success. Funny how Brian was like, “I came here to find love” and then a little while later Chris basically says, “So did you sleep with Stephanie two days before you came on the show?” “Yes . . .”

  22. elizabeth82

    June 10, 2013 at 8:55 PM

    Check out Steve’s Twitter for a bunch of thoughts on this episode already. Re. his error: “Oops. Thought it was Zak that got the movie. Guess it’s Juan Pablo. Oh well. Shoot me.”

    I don’t care about the error (little), kind of like last season when he had said that Sarah eliminated herself in the episode where Sean cut her before the rose ceremony.

  23. jackie22

    June 11, 2013 at 5:12 AM

    Anyone else notice last night that in Mikey’s ITM during the dodge ball game, that he was clean shaven, but when he was playing dodge ball he was all scruffy? Oh the editing.

  24. rob22

    June 11, 2013 at 8:39 AM

    So, Brooks pulls a Tiara by completely coming apart at the seems because he broke his finger? Wow. Look, I’ve had broken fingers, so I know they’re no picnic. But I was never half passed out on a gurney. In fact, I was driven to the emergency room where I received no pain killer and was outiftted with a splint. The doctors were none to careful with my finger as they moved it around either. It would never even occurred to me to even lie down during the whole event. Could this guy be any more of a wimp? And with the stringy hair, high pitched voice, and dog teeth, what exactly to we have here? It’s hard to explain, but it’s not attractive.

  25. Dianne

    June 11, 2013 at 9:31 AM

    Rob22 – everyone’s different, and everyone reacts to pain differently. There’s NO WAY Brooks should be compared to Tiara..she was one of a kind, and all of her so-call ailments were fake. Brooks’s injury was not.

  26. Sunnyside422

    June 11, 2013 at 9:58 AM

    Didn’t watch the whole show, but did see Brooks and his widdle finger injury. Please remember folks that this whole show is about drama and angst. For sure his “injury” was played up to the hilt. Really…lying down for a broken finger!! Common…not believable and I bet when he sees the playback, probably wants to hide!

    As for Ben…nothing new in the portrayal this season of the bad boy getting on everyone’s nerves. Done every season. A standard element of this show. Obviously, the few men who find him annoying are not gonna advance and probably know it as they are very unattractive in every way.

  27. randais

    June 11, 2013 at 10:24 AM

    NOOOOOOO twitter for me. Tried it, hated it, and now I avoid it like the plague. Nice that RS acknowledged his blunder, I suppose ;).

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