-We begin the episode with them once again not making us suffer through the red line on a map traveling from Munich to Barcelona, nor do we have to see insignificant footage of the guys playing grab ass through the airport. Thank you. One of the better production decisions they’ve made this season. Lets keep it up boys. The eight guys are walking through Barcelona and I notice that 4 of the 8 guys are wearing their colored hoodie given to them in their gift bag by the show at the beginning of the season. That’s a step down from last week where it was like 8 of the 11 were wearing the same hoodie, just in different colors. They must love those things. Or want to not make the production team feel bad for stuffing their goodie bag with clothes they don’t like, so they wear them anyway. You know once you start maturing and caring about what clothes you wear, and grandma sends you an ugly sweater for Christmas so you only wear it when you see her. Yeah, same difference. Although these aren’t ugly like a Christmas sweater and these guys won’t take them off. Do they sleep in them too?
-Chris tells the guys two 1-on-1 dates, and a group date. You get a rose, you stay. You don’t, you go home. Same ol’, same ol’. However he does drop in that there won’t be a cocktail party this week, so make the most of your time with her. That makes total sense, yet, the gossip police led by Michael, Drew, and Kasey heard that as, “Spend as much time talking about James when you’re with Desiree as humanly possible. Ratings are down this season, so we need to spend at least half this episode on James, James, James. It’s James all day, every day. James for breakfast, James for lunch, James for dinner. When you lie your head down on the pillow at night, think about James. He gives the first date card to Drew that says “Lets build a foundation for love.” Des: “Drew’s a little reserved…our relationship has gone a little bit slower.” Translation: There are other guys already ahead of Drew and it’s too late for him to catch up. Anyone that ever gets the “our relationship was a slow build usually is behind the 8-ball and doesn’t end up winning. And neither does Drew.
-They start their date out walking and Drew has something immediately he needs to do. No, it’s not take a leak but to kiss her. I guess he’s horny. Drew: First things first, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about kissing you,” so he kisses her in the middle of the street where all the Barcelonans can watch them. I guess Drew is big on letting other people watch. Now that that is out of the way, time for them to explore the city and order some hot chocolates. Hey, something normal on a date! I’m not a coffee guy. In fact, I hate it. If/When I go to Starbucks, it’s for hot chocolate. One of my all time favorites. Drew and Des both have a hot chocolate and whip cream on their lips. Of course we knew what was coming next. Drew making sure he licked it off her face, even though he’d just licked her face in the street. In fact, I think Drew just should’ve left it on there. Seeing women with white cream all over their lips makes me giggle a bit. Especially if it’s on TV. I guess this was their cute moment of the season. Frankly, I would’ve nominated it for that “Bleachable Moment of the Season” that we can all vote on. Man, can’t wait til that “Men Tell All” episode when they reveal the winner. The suspense is killing me!
-Next, Des takes him over to some dirty water fountain that supposedly if you drink from it that means you promise to come back to Barcelona. And so they did, yet, they will not be coming back to Barcelona together so apparently that fountain had about as much promise to it, as Byron toasting Tanya’s family “to Christmas in Texas!” Yeah, how’d that work out for you, Tanya? Kick to the nuts, I’d say. So they move on from the dirty water they drank at the fountain because Drew has some important stuff to tell Des. Like, real important. He needs to tell her about his family because it’s very important to him. So he tells her his dad is his hero, he’s a recovering alcoholic, but that he also has cancer. “Not many people know he has cancer. I don’t even think his co-workers know.” Well, now 6.5 million people know since you just blurted it out on national TV. I understand that this show is essentially like speed dating, but geez, it’s amazing what random strangers will tell another random stranger just so they can get another rose on a silly dating show. Sounds to me like that conversation should’ve been held for a later date, or, when the cameras weren’t on. But your first date? Uhhhh, ok. Whatever you say.
-On the dinner portion of their date, Desiree rocked some leather pants that I’m sure would’ve been a bitch to get off if Drew was, you know, into that sort of thing. So I’m well aware that plenty of you were into the Drew/Des kissing in the alley thing, but I kinda had two issues with it:
1. We’ve seen a hot, steamy makeout session against a wall before in previous seasons, so this wasn’t really anything new
2. Did anyone not think it was just completely random and felt forced? I sure did. You want to kiss her, great. Kiss her at the dinner table. I didn’t see the whole point of getting up, walking around the corner, and kissing her in an alley. It’s not like you were in the middle of a restaurant where others would’ve seen you. I thought the whole thing was incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, not to mention completely unnatural.
Desiree seemed to appreciate making out in the alley with Pete, Cassie, Elan and Martin, not to mention cameramen and the dudes holding the boom mikes watching at point blank range, so she gave Drew a rose. And what does Drew do in return for getting the rose? Tells her about James conversation that he and Kasey overheard in the car talking about their life after the “Bachelor” and James saying if he positions himself in the top 4 this season, he has a chance to be the next “Bachelor.” This will only become a running topic for the next, ooohhhhhhh, hour and 45 minutes of the show, minus Zak’s date. Good times. Des isn’t too pleased to hear that though. “These guys think they can get to the top four and find fame.” Yeah you know, like you did.