-Usually when the hometown date episode show opens we get the shot of the lead packing and getting ready to head off all while talking about all four remaining people left. Nope, not this season. Immediately the show starts with Desiree arriving in Dallas to meet Zak. Don’t know if you were paying attention to any of this stuff, but Zak is the only guy she initially met last night that she didn’t kiss a lot. Nor did he pick her up in his arms. So even if you weren’t aware of the spoiler, the lack of affection for him when they first see each other didn’t even compare to her being lifted and sharing numerous kisses with Chris, Drew, and Brooks. Zak is once again sketching pictures for Desiree, since when they had their 1-on-1, they had to sketch a naked dude. I guess Zak feels he needs to make up for that by sketching more and more pictures for Des about their journey. I’m shocked this guy hasn’t sketched himself naked and given it to Des yet since that’s probably best how she’ll remember him. Or better yet, how about sketching a man barely clothed, with bring orange skin, and bleached chompers. Maybe that’s a more accurate description of how she’ll remember him.
-Zak tells Desiree he had a dream about her last night. Ooooh, this could get good. I have dreams like that about women that usually have me pitching a tent under my sheets. Dammit, it’s not that sort of dream. No, it’s one where they were on a beach, they were getting hot, their bodies started melting into the sand, then it started snowing and a bunch of kids started running up to them out of nowhere. Really? We’re supposed to believe he had that dream the night before he had his hometown date with her, where the date basically is describing what happened in the dream in a round about way? I’m wondering how much Kona Ice paid to get 10 minutes of air time on a national television show watched by millions of people, because that was no doubt a plug for his family’s business. I’ve lived in Dallas coming up on 7 years (holy sh**, I can’t believe I just said that. 7 freakin’ years I’ve been here), and frankly, I’ve never seen a Kona Ice truck anywhere near me. I guess I’m not privileged to get that type of service in my area. Hell, I live in a gated apartment complex and at least once a week they let the ice cream truck in here. Dammit, where’s my Kona Ice?
-So Zak takes Des on the snow cone truck to Treetops elementary school and they are going to give it out snow cones to kids. Remember back in the day when you had to bring home that slip from school when a field trip was coming up? I wonder if these kids had any idea that they’d be getting free snow cones that day when they showed up for school? Did they have to tell mommy and daddy to sign a release form that would allow them to a get a giant sugar high on a school day? I’m sure ice cream is available at schools every day now, but when I was in middle school, ice cream days were Tuesday and Thursday, and those were the greatest days ever. The world record speed I used to run from the lunch tables to the ice cream shack just to get my 50/50 bar would’ve set children’s records if anyone ever timed me. Granted, I probably would’ve been at a brisk walk if it was only snow cones that they were serving, but still. Ice cream at school was such a novel concept back then. No idea what it’s like nowadays. Hell, with all the health craze going on at schools now maybe they don’t even have it and instead are having fiber bars and nutella sandwich days. Ummmm, yuck. Take your Nutella and shove it. I’ll have Peter Pan, Jiffy, or Skippy peanut butter every day of the week and twice on Sundays.
-After a day of handing out snow cones and having Zak dress up in a penguin costume, it’s time to get serious and meet the family. Well, as serious as you can get with the Waddell family which is to say not at all. Des: “Their energy was amazing…Zak’s family is just a lot of fun…bunch of characters.” Translation: They are much to goofy for my taste, but hell, I’ll play along with it for the day since I know he’s going home next. Des informs the family of how Zak showed up shirtless on the first night, and although they don’t seem the least bit surprised he did it, they do chide him for it. Zak also tells them how he’s been naked three times already. He has? I don’t know where this is coming from. Zak’s sister Carly pulls Des aside to talk to her to ask how she feels about him. Des: “Our foundation was friendship.” Carly: “Has he broken through the friend zone.” Des: “Uhhhh, yeah not so much.” Well, she didn’t say that but she might as well have. She said Zak had broken through the friend zone just to save a little face in front of the family. Speaking of faces, anyone check out the fake eyebrows Carly was rocking? Yikes. She painted those things on in the shape of a rainbow. They raised so high I thought they were going to connect to the front of her scalp. Attractive girl, but easy on the eyebrows.
-When Des sums up her feelings about Zak to Carly, this is what comes out of her mouth: “I want the best for Zak so I mean, I’m following my heart completely.” Translation: And my heart says I don’t want to be selling snow cones on 105 degree days in Texas while Zak prances around in a penguin suit, so, your brother will be back here shortly after I get rid of him in LA. It’s definitely a difficult position to be in if you’re the lead on the hometown dates, because lets face it, you probably know which one of the four is going home, yet you’re stuck having to put on a good face for the family. Sure, some families might be goofier than others, but I honestly don’t think anyone had someone in mind as their final choice, then met the family and said, “Nope, they’re going home next.” Highly doubtful. At least in the other episodes, when you pretty much know who you aren’t keeping around, there’s less you could be leading them on with. But it’s not like she’s gonna act like a bitch to Zak’s family, or be totally aloof, because then it would be obvious. I mean, we pretty much know EVERY family says after the hometown “Oh, what a great guy/girl that is. I can totally see you with them,” but you wonder how many of them really mean it? Do we really think Zak’s family was that impressed by Desiree?
-Then again, maybe Des wasn’t too impressed with Zak’s family. I mean, at first they throw the snow cone business at her, and now they’re trying to come off as the Partridge Family singing her a song that Zak wrote about her. I don’t care what Des’ reaction was, she was totally uncomfortable sitting there listening to that. I don’t know why she cried but it couldn’t possibly have been because she was touched, could it? That was a bit creepy. Are the Waddell’s gonna go on tour now with that? Carly and her rainbow eyebrows, and Denton’s bad John Mayer impersonation with his breathy singing. It was just awkward all around. Then to top off the whole day, Zak gives Des a ring that he bought her in Atlantic City. This was never shown on the show, but it was released on the ABC site the day after that episode aired as a “deleted scene.” Here it was:
I have no idea how that worked but I can’t imagine in a million years Zak just walked into a ring store and purchased a ring for Des with his own money. Must’ve been a cubic zirconia. Hey, that store clerk wanted to know how it worked out. I wonder if Zak has informed her, “Yeah, that cheap ring I bought at your store? Giant fail. Thanks for nothing. Can I get a refund?”