Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 9 - Desiree

The Bachelorette Desiree Recap Including What is Nate Hartsock Saying and Who is “Mr. Griffin?”

So next week is the first of a 2 part finale. In a normal season, last night’s episode would’ve been the overnight dates where Des would’ve gone from 3 guys down to 2, then next week would be the “Men Tell All” with all but her final 2 guys appearing, and in 2 weeks would be the finale. Obviously not the case this season as they changed it up because of whatever goes down in Antigua. If I knew, I would tell you. I only know the end result and that is she’s with Brooks. Next week we will see the overnight dates and everything that encompasses, however, I can guarantee you that the episode will not end like all overnight episodes – a rose ceremony, two guys get roses, one guy goes home, then we see him giving his goodbye ITM. It’s going to end with some sort of drama leading into the finale on Aug. 5th. Either Desiree crying, or her conversation with Chris, or they’ll pause it right at the rose ceremony, etc. Plenty of things to end next week’s show with a cliffhanger, but whatever it is, it will make you think there’s doom and gloom ahead for Des. Next week is certainly not gonna end up on a happy note, because they need to save that for the Aug. 5th finale. If I find anything out I’ll let you know, but I highly doubt if I haven’t heard in the last 3 months what goes down in Antigua, I’m probably not gonna hear in the next 6 days. So let the speculation begin.

With that said, even though I’ve stated for the last 3 weeks in this column I don’t know the details of what happens in Antigua, that will be the #1 question I still get asked in email and on Twitter. Mark it down. We must really suck as a nation for our reading comprehension skills. So please, if you can refrain from asking, “Hey why is Des crying in the previews for next week? Do you know what happens?” that’d be much appreciated. Your answer is “I don’t know.” If I did, I’d tell you.

Get all your emails in today because your “Reader Emails” and “Dr. Reality Steve” column will be going up tomorrow. I’m back in California this weekend for, I can’t believe I’m saying this, my 20 year high school reunion. Ho-lee crap. It’s been 20 years? Are you kidding me? Oh boy. I mentioned a couple weeks back that the guy who’s organizing our reunion set up a Facebook page and people have been posting old videos and pictures the last couple months. One memorable moment from my senior year, was back in 1993, our high school held their first annual “Mr. Griffin Contest” (our mascot was a Griffin. Head of an eagle, body of a lion. Don’t ask). It was basically a male beauty contest. Now, for 20 years I’ve been looking for a copy of it, but have yet to find one. I know I had it at one point, but it disappeared. You can imagine why I’d want a copy of it, right? Well, because I won it. Yep, yours truly got out there in a tuxedo, showed off a talent, stripped down to a bathing suit, and answered a question better than Miss Utah to earn me the title of first ever “Mr. Griffin” at our school. I’ve been told the tradition has continued and they are still holding the contest to this day. So in honor of me being as old as dirt now, and to bring a little humor to your day, here is the video they ran before the contest promoting it back in 1993:

Don’t be blinded by my speed on the basketball court, I know. It amazes me too. I mean, the steal, the converted lay up, the made free throw, the blow by for the breakaway layup, geez, you’d think I’d be in the NBA with moves like those. Nah, my calling has always been writing about silly reality TV shows. Sure, Matthew Morrison may have graduated from my high school, but can he go the length of the court in a playoff game like that? I think not. You can ask me what I had for dinner last Thursday and I couldn’t for the life of me remember. But ask me what the first five plays we had drawn up for that playoff game and I still remember to this day, “2”, “Up”, “Down”, “New” and “Slide.” Real tricky names I tell ya’. In case you were curious, yes “2”, “Up” and “Slide” were plays for me that I could probably diagram right now if I had to. Still trying to pinpoint the exact moment that life passed me by. Hope you all enjoyed my Al Bundy moment for the day. I sure did.

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  1. strick432

    July 23, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    I honestly think Steve is wrong about Juan Pablo. We shall see.

  2. oyoung1117

    July 23, 2013 at 11:21 AM

    I have officially figured out why Des’ season has been so boring–it’s because she really isn’t very intelligent. It makes sense if you think about it. Fun, pretty, confident, compelling back story, and a very relatable quality for your average woman, but she never has anything to say because she really just isn’t bright. Some people just aren’t. Not a lack of education or motivation; just a low intelligence quotient.
    As far as Nate goes, 3 theories: 1- I don’t know when that email exchange took place, but maybe he was referring to RS’s original final four being wrong. 2- RS is wrong. Or 3- he was just trying to stay loyal to ABC and his sister and not let on what he really knew, which is that the spoilers are correct.

  3. oyoung1117

    July 23, 2013 at 11:23 AM

    As for Juan– the hold up would be his accent.

  4. shouldbeworking

    July 23, 2013 at 11:33 AM

    I’m tired of the recycled Bachelors and Bachelorettes. We need some new blood. Seriously, it’s becoming incestuous.
    I like Juan Pablo’s accent – something’s up with his eyes though.
    And I think part of why Des comes across as not very intelligent, is because her vocabulary is extremely limited. How many times have I heard her say ‘amazing’? Does she not know any other word? I’m sure she’s a nice person though.

  5. pdub

    July 23, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    I think he might be wrong about Juan Pablo too.

    My prediction for the next two episodes is that Brooks will eliminate himself (bc of his doubts, perhaps?) and Des will be heartbroken. Then Brooks will realize he made a huge mistake and come back. Meanwhile she’ll keep the other 2 around, but will admit she’s having a hard time with everything.

    That could be way off, but it’s the best I can piece together from previews.

  6. bfan1

    July 23, 2013 at 12:15 PM

    I am really starting to doubt Brooks is F1. The fact that Nate made the mention of not believing the spoilers in a private message and not public seems like he may be right. I think some drama will take Brooks out and he may try to come back but Des will be in love with Chris and choose him and boom – heartache- just when he was letting the walls down , he is the heartbroken dumpee on AFTR and then Brooks is the next bachelor – just seems he is getting that type of edit

  7. rob22

    July 23, 2013 at 12:19 PM

    It did seem like The Bachelor was pumping up Won-Pahblow for Bachelor. A Berlitz program, an accent coach and a daily shower could make for a big change in two months. They could have him ready for the season. Just recall how popular Dezi Arnaz was in the 1950s and 60s despite butchering the English language. Won-Pahblow could be the next Dezi Arnaz! Yeah, right.

  8. linds

    July 23, 2013 at 12:26 PM

    I felt bad for Ben last night. You could totally tell the show was trying to make him look as bad as they possibly could. I really didn’t think he seemed like a bad guy on the show. I got the vibe that most of the guys just didn’t like how he pursued Desiree. His anger in the limo was justified, in my opinion. If someone attacked me like that and then got a rose, I’d be ticked too! The way the guys were making personal attacks and accusations had nothing to do with the show. The whole thing makes me think the producers are heartless. Poor guy. Anyway, I was cringing while Zak performed last night. Things like that make me embarrassed for people. Was he trying to get a record deal?! Juan Pablo for the next Bachelor!!

  9. kgm721

    July 23, 2013 at 12:48 PM

    1. I think RS could be wrong about Juan Pablo. At a minimum, ABC seemed to be testing the Bachelor waters for Juan Pablo. They could have just shown clips of him being a hottie or funny, but instead there was a huge focus on how much he wants to find a wife.

    2. Surely ABC has learned from this season that they can’t just cast someone with a touching back story. The lead has to be interesting, and as nice as Des seems to be, she is just a little to bland for television. Those blooper reels really show the difference among the recent bachelorettes. The other ladies were so much quirkier or feisty. Des is just not. This should counsel against Drew for the Bachelor. I don’t think I could take another lead like this. I don’t think the guys are the problem this season. After all, Ashley’s group of guys left us with Ben as the Bachelor. So she didn’t have a huge crop of great guys either but her season was more interesting, even long after Bentley took off.

    3. If something significant goes down in Antigua, even if Des and Brooks end up engaged, I kindof wish RS would own up to the fact that he couldn’t spoil the whole season. He makes a huge deal about having the full episode by episode spoilers for us yet also gets annoyed by questions like “what happens in Antigua?” It can be annoying. Lots of us readers don’t need RS to be all-knowing. But if/when he’s not, he shouldn’t both pretend that he is while also getting impatient with readers who want more information.

  10. justforfun

    July 23, 2013 at 1:12 PM

    I think ABC is considering Juan Pablo, otherwise there was no point to the focus they gave him last night. They really worked hard to convince us that he’s a family guy looking for love. It would be a smart move if they did make him the Bachelor, women would watch that. I know I would!
    I will not watch if gay Drew is picked.
    I also agree with the person that said Des is not that bright. She works in retail which requires zero brain cells.

  11. ashella

    July 23, 2013 at 1:18 PM

    I like Juan Pablo, but I hope RS is right about him not being the next Bachelor for one reason… I don’t want to hear about his daughter every two seconds like Emily’s season.

    I still think I was right in my email from RS last article (which he didn’t even properly address, because I said Brooks “leaves” referring to Des/the show and RS just berated me for thinking Brooks could physically leave the island and some back in the short time). Brooks is going to eliminate himself, Des is gonna cry, and then Brooks will come back and propose. The previews for the finale only showing Chris at the final rose ceremony pretty much confirmed that for me.

  12. bigfatwoman2

    July 23, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    I totally disagree with you Steve regarding Des being Ali’s puppet. Since the show taped, Des has certainly read all of the comments from celeb sites as well as this column. Also, watching back the episodes puts things in great perspective. Clearly she realizes she was taken for a ride with a couple of these guys and the girl is just trying to show some backbone after she realizes she does look pretty bland and spineless.

    I found her to be much more likeable last night.

    I also disagree with Steve’s take on Ben being set up to be the fall guy. Ben’s baby mama Stevie is not going to confirm anything bad that she said if Ben is providing monetary support. I think Steve forgot that piece of the puzzle. Seems obvious.

    In my opinion, Ben has a sociopathic flair. When he is confronted about anything, guy just gets all deer stuck in the headlights. He can’t defend his lack of emotion cause he got none. Goes hand in hand with him being unable to relate to anyone in the house.

  13. Sunnyside422

    July 23, 2013 at 2:57 PM

    To address the intelligence factor and Des, let’s not forget that Emily was shall we say, a dummy, and at least Des works for a living while Emily sponges off the Hendricks millions! Well maybe, I should take that back…Emily is one smart cookie after all! How many of us can bat our eyelashes, sashay around the room, working the Southern Belle act as well as she can and not have to support herself in any way!

    I will chime in and support RS and his long ago spoiler that Brooks is the one. It was obvious she had the hots for him from night one. Why…I’ll never know. He is a major yuck for me.

  14. linnyleo

    July 23, 2013 at 3:27 PM

    Remember in Burning Love when Julie went to propose and then Blaze came running down in the middle of the proposal? That’s how it should play out — Brooks eliminates himself and then Des chooses Chris, but right as Chris is proposing Brooks comes running in changing his mind. HA! That would be great TV. 🙂

    Also, I was thinking that JP would be a great bachelor after last night’s show. I doubt it will happen, but it would be the best of what there is to choose from.

    As far as the whole Zak singing thing, all I can say is awkward!!

  15. rob22

    July 23, 2013 at 3:46 PM

    On Ben: he’s not a serial killer, but he was definitely playing a role to impress. He overplayed his hand and came off looking like a phony. Which he was. The guys treated it like a high crime, but it’s just something Des should have picked up on her own & dismissed him. But she’s not bright enough to pick up people being phony…. or gay. You can call Emily dumb, but nobody fooled her. Phony’s got shown the door pretty quickly. Oh, and btw, calling Ben out for being a bad Dad and a fake Christian was very low brow. Yeah, he was playing the kid and everything else for all it was worth. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bad Dad or a bad Christian. We have no idea. And making up some lies about Ben’s ex wife approaching him in Vegas, when he could not refute it during the taping…. that was just low. As for James, if he would have taken his cue from Mikey and just simply said, “when Brooks got the Rose, I was just frustrated and felt like, I’m nothing like Brooks, I’m going to be toast. So, out of frustration or gallows humor, we had the conversation about being the Bachelor. At the time, it seemed like we were going to be out of it…. and that was proved out in short order”. That’s it. I would respect that, as I respected Mikey’s comments. But instead, James changed his story about 5-6 times, then cried to Des during the original show…. and did much the same last night, minus the crying. At minimum, that should cost him his man card. I believe he did deserve a lot of crap for his backtracking, changing stories, sprinkling in some lies and then crying. He should be ashamed of himself. It was very girly-boy behavior. So he fit in with all the other fruits on the show. He should have been above that.

  16. justforfun

    July 23, 2013 at 5:28 PM

    Oh, and if anyone is interested, just found this on E news:

    A source close to the show exclusively tells E! News that Juan Pablo Galavis has already been offered the gig as the Bachelor for season 18.
    “He’s been told the gig is his if he wants it,” the insider reveals. “He’s definitely interested and will most likely accept, although nothing’s been signed yet.”

    I bet he’s working out a deal to have his daughter with him like Emily did.

    I know RS is convinced it won’t be him, but he’s been wrong before about who they will pick, he didn’t think they would pick Des either.

    I really can’t imagine that ABC will pick Drew. They would have to be blind, there is so much on the internet from people that think he is gay. Not just a few people, a LOT of folks. The producers don’t live under a rock, I’m sure they do research to see what people that watch the show are saying.

    One other thing that bugs me about Des is that she tries to be sophisticated when she really isn’t. That dress & those shoes she wore last night screamed “hooker”. Why not wear something more down to earth, and pretty instead of the really bad vegas attire?! She has no sense of style for someone that claims to be a “designer”.

  17. lcs85

    July 23, 2013 at 5:54 PM

    I wouldn’t really pay attention to who RS says is or isn’t going to be the next Bachelor. He was wrong about Roberto being the Bachelor when they chose Sean and he was wrong about Lindsay being the Bachelorette when they chose Des.

  18. strick432

    July 23, 2013 at 8:15 PM

    I agree lcs85. I see no logical reason why they would play him up like they did last night other than they were considering him for the Bachelor.

  19. nora j

    July 23, 2013 at 8:26 PM

    THe issue with the James thing wasn’t that he manipulated Des or that he was a player….it was why did she even like him in the first place. He’s physically gross looking and he has no personality or charm. He just looks like a douchebag (or meathead?) with a thick neck (or no neck). He didn’t even “play” her…she was just so weird for even being attracted to him.

  20. wavecatchingmom

    July 23, 2013 at 9:45 PM

    Agree that Juan Pablo is being set up as the next bachelor, but maybe they have a few in the running. It will be a disaster if he doesn’t work on his english, but it might be a funny disaster because his arrogance is not something that can be hidden – it will come out. He will love when women get all jealous and fight each other, so he will probably have five Tiaras (is that her name?) Agree that James is a meat-head equal to Mikey and I have no idea what she saw in him but the drama was so weird. What did Kasey say and to who (motioned to someone behind him)? I agree with Steve that Des just looked like an Ali puppet. I wish Emily would have had something to say, but she’s so focused on herself she just couldn’t swing it. narcissist. I forgot how unattractive Jef was until the bloopers. prepubescent strange looking kid. I still think Chris is the best bachelor candidate.

  21. elizabeth82

    July 23, 2013 at 10:17 PM

    I was all ready to say that the one good thing about the MTA was that Des seemed to be smarter and feistier than she usually is when she confronted a few of the guys . . . but I didn’t watch the first 15 mins. (I was in and out because: so lame. How can anyone stand this for 2 straight hours without being in and out or downright drunk?) From what I’ve seen of Des, I believe Steve that she just parroted Ali. Disappointing but this whole season has been so hey what else is new?

    They were absolutely gauging audience reaction to Juan Pablo. Why else probe him with questions about how sincere he is about looking for a wife? They did the same thing with Des when she was on The Bachelor. This has veered into painfully predictable . . . Has this show jumped the shark? Serious question–and I’ve watched from the beginning when I was only 18 or something, ha.

  22. kasey31

    July 24, 2013 at 12:23 AM

    Heyyyy!!! Long time, no talk : )
    So I gave in tonight and watched the Men Tell All bc.. well, I had nothing better to do. It was boring, but I gotta give it to the producers of the show, that was some good editing for the finale! Makes me think Steve is… wrong? No, probably not, but still good editing..

    And, Steve, your moves?!? What in the.. ? You looked like Kobe Bryant out there, pretty impressive!
    Great column, as always.. and although I didn’t watch this season, I think I will be tuning in for the last couple of episodes.. Anyway, hope everyone is well! xoxo

  23. kasey31

    July 24, 2013 at 12:24 AM

    P.S. Juan Pablo.. LOVE him!

  24. ThePixiePoet

    July 24, 2013 at 5:34 AM

    The video preview of the finale shows Chris being dumped. Since we know ABC doesn’t give away surprises like that, here is what I think happens:
    1-Chris gets dumped at first.
    2-Something happens to where Des changes her mind and DES IS ENGAGED TO CHRIS.
    As I predicted earlier in my handwriting analysis of their Bachelor applications, Brooks is a flake, and will flake out on her and break her heart. Fotunately, she has also fallen for Chris and will end up with him. Chris is the better husband anyway.

  25. ThePixiePoet

    July 24, 2013 at 6:07 AM

    P.S. that Kasey appeared like a complete jerk in Men Tell All. I think his motivation for attacking James is for fame and not for anything else. I’m on team James and Mikey. They were just being realistic. Kasey and Drew blew what James said all out of proportion.

  26. pammiechick

    July 24, 2013 at 7:44 AM

    I’m going to say it right here. Steve is wrong about the next Bachelor.

    Drew? What a boring stretch.

    I know Steve hates being wrong, but there it is.

    I can’t wait to see Juan Pablo as the next bachelor. I thought he was being so funny when he was interviewed by Chris. And his accent is sexy–I don’t think he’s hard to understand but like someone said here, they can always work on it with him.

  27. rob22

    July 24, 2013 at 8:05 AM

    Pixie Poet, I can’t agree with you on Mikey and James, but to each his own. I mean if Snooki likes meatheads, I guess it’s possible she’s not the only one. On the Chris scenario, all I can say is WTH? Have you not been reading the spoilers? RS may be wrong (not likely) but it’s not going to play out in some bizarre scenario that involves Chris being engaged to Des….. although I’m sure The Bachelor would be thrilled if more like you shared this delusion.

  28. rob22

    July 24, 2013 at 8:19 AM

    I think where RS is coming from on Juan Pablo, is that they’ve never reached down that far to get a guy who finished that low…. and got almost zero air time. That makes sense. Why would they dig down and give a guy the lead that didn’t even warrant air time. But the show is realizing that the F4 are not compelling, and below the F4 are the guys that got into the b*tch -fests about James and Ben. So, you have gays, whiners and disliked guys in the F7+. If you start going down the list, Juan Pablo is the first guy that most people don’t hate…. probably because we didn’t see enough of him to actually hate him…. although his Whon-Pah-blow pronunciation (over and over) started to move me in the direction of hate, for sure. He’s attractive, ripped and has the foreign accent that women love. A latin lover…. with a heart for his daughter. I can see the spin now. Basically it falls to Juan Pablo because the crop of men is so bad that there are few options available. Now…. you have to ask WHY Juan Pablo wasn’t on screen much. The ONLY answer to that is that the guy’s either a moron or boring as hell. Probably the latter. Otherwise he’d have had lots of air time. As it was, they were stretching every bit of drama as far as it would go because Des provided zero interesting content and the guys were busy performing reach arounds on one another. If Juan Pablo wasn’t on screen, it means that he didn’t have any interesting content to contribute. So, potentially with Juan Pablo, they’re looking at a repeat of the Boring Des Show…. except with a guy that can barely speak the language. I’m imagining the show having to sub title half of what he says. I am praying that one of his girls is named Lucy, so he can exclaim “Looo-sey! You got some ‘splainin to do!!” That would be a perfect Jump the Shark moment. The end of The Bachelor could be on the horizon. I don’t think the show can survive another boring lead. To me, the best option would be to go outside of The Bachelor. I understand that the formula has worked, but there are just no compelling guys to go to. The show has to realize this & think out of the box & modify the formula…. at least until they can build up a stable of compelling characters.

  29. locondcoco

    July 24, 2013 at 8:37 AM

    nora j- or in the “Jersey Shore” venacular: Gorilla Juicehead

  30. pastmyprime

    July 24, 2013 at 8:40 AM

    Yes to Juan Pablo as Bachelor. Very easy on the eyes, interesting story, politically correct. check, check, check.
    We should be able to understand his accent. i had no problem. get used to it.
    I’m getting my popcorn stash ready (as a nod to the former great T.O. Terrell Owens) for the finale and next year’s Juan Pablo series.

  31. iheartvino

    July 24, 2013 at 9:16 AM

    I agree about Juan Pablo- if he’s not in the running for the next Bachelor, then what was the point in giving him so much attention all of the sudden? I think those that think he’s difficult to understand would get used to his accent. If not, just look at the guy and enjoy his hotness! j/j (kinda)

    i thought he was hard to understand at first, but now the only thing I find hard to understand when he speaks is how he says his own name. It was kind of annoying when he was trying to get Des to say his name when he first met her and she tried a few times but didn’t say it exactly as he wanted. It reminded me of Sex and the City when Aleksandr Petrovsky was trying to teach Carrie how to pronounce his name.

  32. pastmyprime

    July 24, 2013 at 9:55 AM

    I dont see a problem with editors adding in sub-titles for the less understandable diction of Juan Pab. They mess with everything else. This would just give them another way to screw with us if they wanted.
    besides, alot of series are now doing mixed language programing, i.e. FX The Bridge and Lifetime’s Devious Maids. It’s the future. Bach should jump on board.

  33. kasey31

    July 24, 2013 at 11:19 AM

    Iheart, I heart you for referencing that SATC episode, among other reasons : )

    I kind of have a feeling if it isn’t Juan Pablo that they might bring back an old contestant..

  34. addicted2rs

    July 24, 2013 at 1:05 PM

    did anyone else notice Emily had her veneers taken off?

  35. lilli

    July 24, 2013 at 3:47 PM

    I also want to chime in that I am one that likes this season. I wasn’t sure at first, mainly because the initial guys, before she sent the first group home, had some of the most obnoxious guys I have ever seen. But once she sent the obvious ones home…it got better and better, for me. I will tell you why..this is the first season that I have believed that several guys are honestly in love with and/or have sincere strong feelings for the Bachelorette. Other than a few, such as JP and Trista’s Ryan, I have never really felt that with other men on these shows. Plus Desiree herself seems very sincere and also a cool girl as someone else commented. Also, when people gripe a lot it makes me wonder…if its such a boring season why are they bothering to spend time complaining about it? Are the ratings really bad or are people just saying tht? Well anyway, regardless, I am not one to go with the pack. I like it. I have one complaint, the whole Mikey James thing was dumb, they were obviously just doing silly guy banter like guys do, especially when they are feeling insecure. If only James had said something like “yes I know it was a dumb thing to say but I didn’t mean it literally I was just bantering.” Instead of going back and forth between pretending he never said it, and defending it. Other than that I like Des and many of the guys and it is keeping my interest.

  36. ds0305

    July 25, 2013 at 11:18 AM

    A couple of quick points:
    1. Kasey’s comment about “You don’t think about your second wife when you’re with your first” was in response to Mikey’s comment that (and I’m paraphrasing) “you have to have a backup plan in life, whether it’s with your job, your girlfriend, your wife.” I don’t know that he said it exactly that way, but he definitely did refer to a backup plan with regards to one’s wife. Which is very different than a reality dating show, but still, Kasey’s comment wasn’t as far-fetched as your’e making it out to be. He was responding to a comparison that Mikey brought up. 2. I think Mikey’s comment re being a “player” on US Weekly was not a bragging point, but him saying, “now look what you’ve done, even some craptastic tabloid is calling me a ‘player'”
    3. I don’t care about Ben either way, nor do I tend to have real major feelings re most of the people on this show, but I will say that, in spite of really trying to see the “evil” that Ben has done, all I’ve seen is other people bad-mouthing him. Yes, he was a major dbag in his limo interview, but seriously, the guy had been drinking, continuously insulted by another guy that he then got dumped for. I think most people would be pissed to the point of making “let’s get drunk an troll around” comments.
    4. Reality Steve, I saw Rachel McAdams yesterday on TV and was reminded that you recently mentioned you love her–made me realize, she looks a lot like your lady love Emily the Rapper!
    5. Juan Pablo for President.

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