Reality Steve

The Bachelor 18 - Juan Pablo

Where is JP Today & More About Juan Pablo’s Women

Danielle: Going to Paris is top 3 on her bucket list. She should’ve been on Travis Stork’s season then.

Elise: What do you do for a living and how important is your career to you? “I am a first grade teacher. My career is extremely important! To make a difference in a life of a child is my passion. The children are our future.” Where’s the “teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess insiiiiiiiiiiide. Give them a seeeense….OF PRIDE!!!!” Sexual Chocolate!!!!!

Kat: What’s your best date memory? “A guy I had only known for a few weeks surprised me with tickets to Britney Spears for my birthday. He knew I had wanted to go and just told me we were heading out for dinner and then drove to the venue.” It’s Britney, bitch. Hey, at least I know who I can invite when I go to her new Planet Hollywood show and not get turned down. Or not.

Kelly: Probably the most talked about bio so far because it lists her occupation as “Dog Lover.” So for whatever reason, looks like they wanted to have a little fun at Kelly’s expense. She shows up with the dog, she’s on the first group date that involves dogs, she gets the rose at that group date, and now they list her occupation as “Dog Lover.” Do they not know that her LinkedIn page clearly states she’s the Preconstruction Coordinator for a construction company? I’m sure they do, but they don’t care. It got people talking so I guess that’s what they wanted.

Kylie: Do you have any pets and if so, what kind? “One cat, Bentley. Since childhood, we’ve had tons of cats, all named after cars. I want a big loyal dog!” Kylie, you had a big loyal dog. His name was Mikey Tenerelli.

Also, Kylie says she hates it when “my date is rude to the wait staff.” Hey, you know who else hates that? Elan Gale. Which is why he carried on a 5 day lie on Twitter that made national news just so he could, ummmmmmm, errrrrrr, uhhhhhhh…make a point about being nice to those in the service industry? The more Elan talks about his reasoning for why he made up the Twitter hoax, the more ridiculous the whole thing looks. If he’d just admit he did it to draw attention because he likes hearing himself talk, it’d be a much better answer. But to try and pretend like he was trying to make a point, and be nice to people, and all the other garbage that he’s running is just making it look worse.

Lacy: What’s your worst date memory? “Going to the happiest place on earth, Disneyland, with my date and his daughter and my date was in a terrible mood.” If you went on a date to Disneyland and the guy you were with was miserable, well then…you should’ve given him a handy in the Haunted Mansion.

Lauren H: Her idea of the ultimate date is “dinner and drinks on a patio by the water, listening to a good band and feeling like I am with my best friend.” Isn’t that the basis for basically every country song ever written? Well, I guess she left out pick-up trucks, her dog, and a broken heart.

Lauren S: In the next five years, Lauren says she sees herself, “hopefully more fulfilled with my career and my own business, but more importantly, married with kids! I have baby fever and I’m single — looking to settle down within the next five. Uh oh. One of those biological clock girls. Is she like one of the loons that’ll call you up at work the second she starts ovulating and expects you to run home to make a baby?

Lucy: I mean, her answers speak for themselves. Name dropping, narcissism, and nudity. You can’t beat that.

Who do you admire most in the world and why?
I admire my best friend Kate Upton for her thick skin, my mother for her patience with me, and Steve Jobs for always believing in himself.

Do you like being the center of attention or do you prefer being more mysterious and why?
I like to be the center of attention because I think I deserve to be. I have a commanding presence. I am charming, charismatic and entertaining.

If you could be anyone else for a day, who would it be and why?
Why would I ever want to be anyone but myself?

What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve ever done?
Once I organized a 50-person, fully nude dance party on a beach in Mexico.

Maggie: She lets us know that flying out to CA to film the show was the first time she’d ever been on a plane. I feel like this is a scene from “Airplane.”

Me: “Oh no! The plane!”
Maggie: “What is it, Steve?”
Me: “A large steel bird with wings that carries passengers to other cities. But that’s not important right now.”

Nikki: Her favorite type of dancing is “dancing drunk.” Yes, we know. We could tell when we had to suffer through watching your Elaine Benes type moves on the group date in South Korea. Wonder if she was drunk for this? Probably why they stuck her ass in the back.

Renee: If you could be someone else for just one day, who would it be and why? “A fighter pilot, because I want to fly under a canopy really fast.” Is that not one of the more random answers you’ll ever see to that question? Usually someone will want to be a celebrity, or an athlete, or something more prestigious than that. And she just doesn’t want to be a fighter pilot so she could fly at ludicrous speed, but so she can fly under a canopy? Odd bird.

Sharleen: She admits the most outrageous thing she’s ever done is “Honestly, probably going to The Bachelor casting. 🙂 I’m not a big risk-taker and have made most major decisions calculatedly and with my career in mind.” Yeah, no kidding. I still don’t know how or why in the world this girl ended up on the show. She’s much too high brow for this nonsense and cattiness.

Valerie: Cold or Hot Weather? “Hot! I HATE being cold.” Congratulations Valerie, it’s called being a woman. Every single woman walking the face of this earth is always cold. All day. Every day. And lets you know about it every 4 seconds too.

Victoria: The most romantic gift she’s ever received is a cat. Some dude bought her a cat. I don’t know this to be 100% true, but rumor has it that guy also gave Victoria his balls to keep in her purse too.

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  1. rob22

    December 6, 2013 at 10:57 AM

    Careful RS! Don’t forget the Chantal O’Brien / Brad Womack “They’re both in Palm Springs for Thanksgiving” head fake from a few years ago.

    If I was you, rather than using every piece of info to validate your pick…. I’d have a healthy skepticism. Since you know already that The Bachelor is trying to deke you, you should look at direct evidence like them both being in KC as possible theater to get you all puffed up and confident, while the liklihood is that the opposite is true. Otherwise, get ready to wear another cheese omelet this year.

  2. rob22

    December 6, 2013 at 11:06 AM

    Geez: I don’t know what to think of Clare, but after that bio, I’m thinking future Mall shooter. Her isolations sounds pretty similar to the Batman shooter in Denver. That’s just not healthy to live like that.

  3. rob22

    December 6, 2013 at 11:16 AM

    BTW RS: Every girl is, in fact, always cold…. until they reach their late 40s and turn the tables by cranking the air conditioning down to 66….. in November. The good news is that they no longer steal the covers at night…. although having every cover piled up on me is not ideal, at least I don’t have to try to unwrap all of the blankets from her in the middle of the night while she tries to maintain a death grip on them.

  4. iheartvino

    December 6, 2013 at 11:42 AM

    LOVE the Coming to America and Airplane references- two of my all time favorite movies!

    I guess I’m in the minority but I love being cold. We’re having cooler temps than usual here in CA and everyone around me is complaining that “it’s too cold” (it’s 58- hardly cold at all!) but I’m loving it. It’s December, it’s not supposed to be in the 70’s this time of year.

  5. erin4

    December 7, 2013 at 6:12 AM

    yeah Elise’s dress is hideous and looks awful on her.

  6. karynr

    December 7, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    iheart…Airplane is a classic
    Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
    Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
    Rumack: I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.

    Also, I know what you mean about the cold weather. I’m in AZ. and it’s been nice and cool the past week or two, and I’m just loving it! I grew up in the Chicago area, have lived in AZ most of my adult life, and find this cold weather heavenly. I laugh when people say “it’s so cold.”

  7. zoeelizabeth

    December 7, 2013 at 5:30 PM

    So….as a former district attorney myself, was kind of curious to see Andi’s bio and check out her why they’re calling her a federal prosecutor. Clicked the link for the bios, clicked on Andi, and it says her profession is “assistant district attorney.” Now I’m kinda confused. Actually, lemme guess. Somebody at ABC read that RealitySteve called them out for lying about her profession and promptly updated their website…. LMAO.

  8. Athena

    December 7, 2013 at 6:33 PM

    Not that it really matters, but I’m weighing in on behalf of the silent majority:

    We hate the cold. The Florida Keys are delightful, Cuba is better, and snow is nice to watch from inside in front of a warm fireplace. Once a winter.

  9. Sunnyside422

    December 8, 2013 at 9:25 AM

    Living on the Northeast coast, we know snow and deal with it. However, last week it was 64 degrees and we have had one small snow fall thus far. Keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the norm! Probably not though.

    I’m just not looking forward to Juanie’s season at all. Will treat it as I did with horrible Ben’s and watch occasionally. But of course Steve’s take on each episode will be a must read.

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