Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails” & Your Live Video Chat Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

I feel like I haven’t left my computer since the show ended on Monday night. I’ve been typing non stop for three days and can’t seem to detach myself from this seat. The “Reader Emails” this week took forever since it’s the biggest batch we’ve had since like week 2. All over the map with these emails today, so we got some diversity to say the least. I think people seem to forget that during Sean’s season of the “Bachelor,” they aired back-to-back episodes in February as well, but it was like episodes 4 & 5, or 5 & 6. Can’t remember. Since it wasn’t hometowns and overnights back-to-back, I think that’s why people forgot this has happened before. People definitely have short term memory when it comes to this show since, well, they only seem to remember things that they just saw, when in reality, this show really doesn’t bring anything new to the table. Kinda just does the same thing every season, just with different people.

I got a couple emails from people yesterday which made me realize not everyone completely understood what I meant when I gave the spoiler about Juan Pablo getting the monetary offer to propose at the ATFR, so let me address it now. This offer isn’t, “Hey, you two are in love and we’d love to compensate you for getting engaged on the live ATFR for everyone to see.” No, what I was saying is Juan Pablo has no interest in getting engaged to her. He never did. To anyone. From the moment he signed on. And nothing’s changed. They essentially are resorting to bribing him with money to do it. This is a, “Please do this for us. We’ll pay you.” Whether he does or not remains to be seen. My gut tells me he won’t, but we all know money talks. You never know.

Something I forgot yesterday in the column that probably didn’t make sense to people. When talking about the whole Andi/Juan Pablo confrontation at the end, I referred to an email from “earlier in the column.” Well, I forgot to include that email. It gave a perspective on the differences between the two that I thought was interesting, yet, I forgot to include it. Here it is:

Hi, Steve.

I’m no fan of Juan Pablo but I think he is being unfairly criticized due to cultural differences.

From an American perspective, he came across as the biggest douche after Andi left and he said that once she started arguing with him, he would not have wanted her to stay. To us, that seems like a minor argument and a total disregard for the reality that couples argue. But South American cultures hold harmony in relationships to be more important than expressing feelings/thoughts in the direct way that Andi did. From his perspective, she was rude.

I know this because I dated a man from Argentina. It’s not Venezuela but I definitely identify some of the same cultural attitudes in Juan Pablo. The guy I dated was given a full ride to Cal-Tech where he got his PhD in physics, works in the field of quantum computing, and is a pilot. I’m sure I don’t have to explain to you the mental giant my ex is compared to Juan Pablo (not hard to manage) but yet I experienced some of the same sort of obliviousness and insistence on repressing feelings in order to maintain harmony.

He prized honesty the same way Juan Pablo does but was more chivalrous in dealing with me than JP is with the girls (i.e. telling Andi she “barely made it.” Not cool in any culture). But if I raised my voice even a little or expressed any kind of insecurity or doubt about our relationship, he immediately withdrew.

You’d also think that being as intelligent as my ex is, he’d be interested in intellectual debate but he abhorred it. He didn’t like being wrong or questioning his beliefs.

Even though I think my ex is a nice guy, I felt completely neglected by him and I see the same kind of pain the in the girls on the show. They don’t understand that their individual feelings are not important in JP’s culture. He’s from a collectivist culture where the focus is on the group harmony over the individual experience. America is an individualist culture where we’re all precious snowflakes whose feelings matter and personal fulfillment is priority number one.

I was also incredibly bored talking to my ex. Actually, he didn’t have much to say most of the time, much like Juan Pablo. This was completely counter-intuitive to me. I’m very well-educated and am constantly engaged in intellectual pursuits. I’m particularly interested in the physical sciences (physics, cosmology, chemistry), so it was completely baffling to me that I could barely carry on a conversation for more than five minutes with a man with a PhD in physics.

And it’s not like he was smarter than me so I was beneath him intellectually. He certainly knew more about his field than I did but seemed to have very little curiosity about the world or the nature of existence which is very common among American intellectuals.

I can also confirm the meeting of the family is not a big deal. It also happens to not be a big deal for me so we meshed on that level at least. He met my family on our second date.

The way JP is constantly “okay” with everything was the same. Everything was always “okay” with my ex. He was okay, he seemed to think the whole world was “okay” and I just needed to stop thinking about it and enjoy it.

After 3 months of dating, I was a neurotic basket case. This was a huge turn off to him which made me even more of a basket case. He finally had a breakthrough after I ended our relationship (4 months was my limit) when he had a mental breakdown at work (not related to our breakup) and realized that not everything in the world was “okay” and apologized to me for judging me so harshly.

I don’t see JP having any kind of breakthrough any time soon but here are some other things that are cultural that are going wrong between him and the girls (and the viewers):

– Not picking up on body language – culturally learned and almost entirely subconscious. JP does not speak our body “language” any better than he speaks English.

– Speaking at inappropriate times or not speaking when he should – also culturally learned and entirely subconscious. We learn to regulate taking turns in conversations through our culture and language.

– Not understanding American phrases like “I can see your wheels spinning”. There may be an equivalent phrase in his native culture/language but that makes no sense to him as a direct translation. For example, in our culture we say “comparing apples to oranges” but in Ukraine they say “comparing frogs to grandmothers”.

I know you think that Nikki is a bitch and JP is an imbecile but, honestly, she is probably the best fit for him BECAUSE she is what many Americans would view as a bitch. She is arrogant and brutally honest. To a Venezuelan man, this probably comes across as confidence and emotional maturity. Vulnerability in the way many American women express it is not prized in South American cultures. I don’t think they’ll last but if he had to pick someone, Nikki is the best fit. I predict they’ll have a huge culture clash at some point in the next couple of months and break up.

The producers made a huge mistake in not fully vetting Juan Pablo AND his culture before casting him. I don’t like JP but I don’t hate him either. I think an American audience just can’t fully relate to him and I am disgusted that the producers are now throwing him under the bus to try an cover their asses for making a poorly though out decision.

I’m not saying that ALL of JP’s behavior can be written off as cultural differences but A LOT of it can.

On a side note, Andi totally won me over the way she dealt with Juan Pablo tonight (as did her father last night). I was thinking I would be bored watching her as the bachelorette but she turned it around for me and I’m looking forward to her season.

Definitely a different perspective. I don’t agree with all of it, but most of it I do.

“Survivor” returned last night with a great 2 hour premiere. Looks like another solid season. Our “Survivor” recapper Bryan Fischer is back with his weekly recaps, so check that out by scrolling down the page and clicking on his recap from last night.

Don’t forget the live video chat returns tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. I’m sure you’ll have plenty to say about Andi as the next “Bachelorette,” this offer on the table for Juan Pablo, and if Kate really would choose Jack over Sawyer if she were the “Bachelorette.” See you tonight.

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  1. shasha

    February 27, 2014 at 11:01 AM

    Steve, why didn’t you post my question??? 🙁

  2. commonsense

    February 27, 2014 at 11:26 AM

    Here’s the problem with the “Argentina ex” email. People today will stereotype/typecast a group of people based on ONE EXPERIENCE. That’s ridiculous. Her ex was likely an introvert based on how intelligent he was. In ANY culture, introverts can be shy and avoid confrontation. Juan Pablo is NOT AN introvert. Regardless of what you think about Andi’s behavior, her calling out JP enforces what Steve has said all along: he only cares about being in the limelight (with a little nookie on the side). The fact he hasn’t brought up religion (in a country as diverse as the U.S.), how the woman view raising a step child (which could be edited out, but unlikely), or what his/her future plans would be (considering he doesn’t have a job) show he 1) has nothing to talk about, 2) doesn’t care what the girls say, and 3) cares only about himself.

  3. angelfish

    February 27, 2014 at 1:01 PM

    I’ve known a few Latino men, and “introverted” is not a term I could associate with them or their families. The shy and retiring types exist in all cultures, as commonsense just pointed out, but as the exception rather than the rule.

    As she also said, he is NOT an introvert.

    I think the producers initially thought JP would be a great bachelor, but when filming proved them wrong, they decided to make lemonade out of the pseudo, artificially flavored, fake and dismissive lemons he gave them.

    Besides, it’s not difficult to throw somebody under the bus if they’ve already jumped out of their seat, charged down the aisle and wrenched open the bus door….

  4. nora

    February 27, 2014 at 1:01 PM

    Hello, I heard you said Andi would be the next bachelorette. You stole that thought from me where I posted that in Yahoo news. I also posted the very night that when The Bachelor started and all the women got out of the limo that Sharleen would leave the show early on her own and it came to past. Then just as soon as Andi left the show that night I posted that she would be the next bachelorette. You couldn’t have posted that before me because that would mean you posted it before she left the show. A woman in Yahoo said I got that idea from you which is a lie seeing I never heard of you until she mentioned you name. Here is what I posted in Yahoo:
    I told you all right here the night all the woman got out of the limo Sharleen would leave the show early on her own and it came to past. I was also the first to post Andi would be the next bachelorette and people are stealing what I said, but remember I said it first.
    Here is what a woman in Yahoo that commented on my post said:
    People are stealing what you said? You are so full of BS. Anybody wants the spoilers on the bachelor go to Reality Steve. Nora is a hack and a psycho.
    So you see you have this woman thinking that was your idea when you got it from me. I don’t appreciate you using my thoughts and acting like they are yours. Try using your own mind from now on.

  5. commonsense

    February 27, 2014 at 1:12 PM

    angelfish on February 27, 2014 at 1:01 PM said:
    I’ve known a few Latino men, and “introverted” is not a term I could associate with them or their families……
    As she also said, he is NOT an introvert.

    Another person basing an entire culture off a select sample. So there are zero introverts in Latin Culture? LOL. And she never said her ex was not an introvert. Read for comphrehension.

  6. angelfish

    February 27, 2014 at 1:40 PM

    An entire culture? I didn’t specify any culture. I live in Florida and have dated men from Cuba, Mexico and Brazil. None were introverted. And I never met any of their introverted family members. I also THEN said that the shy & retiring exist in all cultures. So of course there are introverted Latinos. I have simply never met any. Do they exist? Of course.

    And I was supporting YOUR opinion that JP is not an introvert. That was what I read in your post, and I agreed.

    I don’t believe I have a problem with reading comprehension.

  7. karynr

    February 27, 2014 at 1:45 PM

    Commonsense, Amen with your comments. The guy has no interest in any of them, except for the physical side of things.

    Being Jewish myself, I was thinking about that part of Andi’s life. It’s been a generation or two since a lot of Jewish singles only wanted to date their own faith. Andi’s parents, or at least Hy, might want her to end up with a nice Jewish boy, but Andi probably could care less. That’s one reason I wanted to stand up and cheer for Hy. He reminds me of a few men I’ve known in my life. Very smart and honest.

  8. bigfatwoman

    February 27, 2014 at 2:08 PM

    The first letter painting all people from one culture as this way or that way is just ridiculous. I understand there are customs that are particularly unique to a culture, but I think Juan Pablo is his own unique hot mess.

    Who is @nora and what is her problem? Strange comment above. Is it sarcastic? What am I missing?

  9. commonsense

    February 27, 2014 at 2:21 PM

    angelfish said: “And I was supporting YOUR opinion that JP is not an introvert. That was what I read in your post, and I agreed.”

    Ok, we are on same page.

    karynr said, “Commonsense, Amen with your comments. The guy has no interest in any of them, except for the physical side of things….Being Jewish myself, I was thinking about that part of Andi’s life.”

    And surely this came up during hometowns. Are we supposed to believe Hy and/or Andi never mentioned it ONCE? 99% doubtful. He just doesn’t care. I think we almost all agree its a given he has some pact with his baby momma that this is all a farce for him to get a model/acting career.

  10. jazzmine

    February 27, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    I will say the writer with the x-Argentinian boyfriend certainly gleaned a lot from only 4 months in a relationship. That is not a lot of time to assess how his culture handles relationships. I wonder if she visited Argentina and spent any amount of time there. I had an Ecuadorean boyfriend for 3 years and visited multiple times. I agree with some of what she said. The notion that they prefer “harmony” over expressing thoughts I don’t see eye to eye with. Many S.A. countries are very conservative (women don’t go to clubs alone or with other women/women only wear dresses and skirts), they are typically controlled by the men and don’t speak up. I wouldn’t say it’s because of “harmony.”
    I do agree with her about Andi standing up to JP. My boyfriend loved nothing more than a good debate and liked self confident smart women. When he would get controlling, I let him have it and he respected it. He actually did not want to live in Ecuador (and he doesn’t) because of how close-knit the families are and know everything about each other and all live together or live closely.

  11. mariafan

    February 27, 2014 at 3:54 PM

    I agree with jazzmine about the girl with an argentinian boyfriend that Steve posted. What can you learn about another culture from 1 guy in 4 months??!! Talk about stereotypes. I have lived on and off in the U.S. for approximately 15 years and I still don´t understand the american culture sometimes. This girl is talking about a guy that seemed introvert and did not like to share conversations with her. It had nothing to do with culture.

  12. seattleyaya

    February 27, 2014 at 7:04 PM

    Clare reminds me of Shelly Long -especially the way she holds her mouth.

  13. rob22

    February 27, 2014 at 8:01 PM

    Nora, of course many of us get our best info from Yahoo News posts. Where did I find out that info? The internet.

  14. kasey31

    February 28, 2014 at 12:37 AM

    Nora is a troll with nothing better to do with her time. Bye, Nora!

  15. Dianne

    February 28, 2014 at 6:51 AM

    nora, honey, Steve doesn’t NEED to get his info from you..he already had it all a long time ago. Now, go on..go play your silly games somewhere else.

  16. vessel

    February 28, 2014 at 8:08 AM

    Nora, could you PLEASE put your thoughts in an email to Steve so he can address it next week in his “Reader Emails” column? I would dearly LOVE to read his response to your accusations of him stealing his info from you!

  17. serapa

    February 28, 2014 at 8:14 AM

    Nora = troll

    delete acct.

  18. iheartvino

    February 28, 2014 at 8:51 AM

    I second that suggestion, vessel. Great idea.

  19. karynr

    February 28, 2014 at 1:59 PM

    Don’t forget Jen Frase and I Hate Green Beans.

  20. karynr

    February 28, 2014 at 2:02 PM

    I agree with iheart and vessel. Nora, you really need to ask Steve about that for his Reader emails column next week.

  21. guyliner

    March 1, 2014 at 2:02 PM

    Oh I really hope Steve reads the comments!! How else is he going to know about all the information he is stealing from yahoo news. This is too priceless. I can’t wait for next Thursday. Is it sad that Juan Pablo’s season is so boring, that the thing I’m looking forward to most is Reality Steve’s responce to Nora?

  22. Athena

    March 1, 2014 at 2:43 PM

    While it is true that you can’t stereotype an entire culture from a few month relationship with one representative of it, it is also true that there are cultural traits that are generally true for various cultures. I’m not any kind of expert on South American, or specifically Venezuela cultural values, but I’m certain there are some differences between mainstream American values, and I suspect the value of individualism vs community and future vs present time orientation are among them.

  23. vessel

    March 1, 2014 at 4:30 PM

    I emailed Steve about this Nora person and he said his moderator had already passed the comment on to him. He didn’t ban her since she wasn’t being malicious and he said “these are the fun ones” lol. Hope he chats about it next week.

  24. mariet

    March 1, 2014 at 5:19 PM

    To the emailer whose six questions RS refused to answer or even acknowledge — you are my hero! Loved it !!!

  25. mariet

    March 1, 2014 at 5:29 PM

    To the emailer who commented on grammatical errors in Juan Pablo’s blog– are you serious? Steve’s has tons every week! So painful to read. I just come here for the spoilers.

  26. rob22

    March 1, 2014 at 6:49 PM

    I’m not in favor of “banning” anyone unless they are just causing chaos with incendiary comments. If someone whines about some “meanie” and some idiot moderator decide to ban a person, it’s just stupid, and it solves nothing, since a new account can be created in about two minutes. The worst of the worst are never deterred by being banned anyway. Some sites have moved to an “anything goes” format. You can say literally anything…. and people definitely take full advantage of that. It’s definitely not for the feint of heart. The regulars can be brutal on newbies who don’t know what they’re talking about.

  27. carol

    March 2, 2014 at 7:00 AM

    “his moderator”

    Moderator, LOL. (Is that what he calls his package?) Anyone who thinks Steve has a moderator for comments probably thinks the show is real, too. He has far too much ego and paranoia to *not* read the comments. Trust me. He reads them.

  28. bigfatwoman

    March 2, 2014 at 8:20 AM

    @carol — I have always found it amusing that Steve claims to never read the comments on his site.

    In fact, there are times it is clear in his posts that he is using verbiage straight from our posts.

    It’s an odd claim as well as a little insight into a too proud ego. What writer wouldn’t read the comments? It’s too implausible to be believable.

    Hi Steve!!!

  29. vessel

    March 2, 2014 at 10:06 AM

    Jeeze, I just relayed Steve’s response to my email. Yeah he said “his moderator” relayed the comment to him. No, I do not think there is any reality in this ridiculous show, and I don’t give a crap if he has a moderator or not, nor do I care to speculate if he does or does not read his reader comments section, who gives a sh*t if he’s lying or not?. No need to be insulting because I repeated his email response, wow.

  30. rob22

    March 2, 2014 at 10:35 AM

    Whenever you hear anyone say they don’t read the comments, don’t pay attention to the press, etc. take it with a grain of salt. They only say that to appear disinterested in what’s being said about them and to avoid commenting on things said about them. But, they all read every word. A few bloggers throw caution to the wind and comment on their own blogs. Although doing so can be quite douchey, at least it’s honest doucheyness.

  31. adoptacat28

    March 2, 2014 at 1:35 PM

    I knew from the third episode this guy is a narcissistic jerk. ABC needs to do better homework on the bachelor’s they pick to be on the show. What a waste for these women whom gave up so much to find love.

  32. kasey31

    March 2, 2014 at 9:51 PM

    Vessel, don’t take it personally. You’re absolutely right about what you said, and you did nothing wrong.

  33. newmoonmg

    March 3, 2014 at 10:30 AM

    Completely agree w/Argentine ex email. This is the problem of the producers, for not fully vetting him, and fully understanding that his persona is going to be ruled by his culture. JP isn’t a Latino/American, he is Latino, period. His ambivalence and the way he shrugs off needy women is just part of who he is. I don’t necessarily find him fascinating, but I do think he is just being true to who HE is.

    Again, this is something the producers should have taken into account before casting him.

    AT the very least, they should have opened up casting of the women to be a bit more diverse than the one token dark skinned contestant. Had the panel of women been more diverse, i.e. Asian women, Latino women, Indian women, women are probably more exposed to JP’s cultural behavior through relatives etc., they would have been a more suitable fit.

  34. rob22

    March 3, 2014 at 4:48 PM

    If the producers picked Latinas to be on the show, wouldn’t it have been smarter to air it on Telemundo instead of ABC? You see, the producers were thinking they could get by with JP-Blow as a Latin lover. But they knew they couldn’t add more foreigners to the mix and still put it on American TV. Nobody would watch that.

  35. amyrn22

    March 3, 2014 at 7:55 PM

    Has anyone ever emailed Steve and not had their email posted? Before this week, I’ve always had my questions answered by Steve, but this week I emailed him a few questions about Friday Night Lights and my email isn’t on here….I’m not sure if he didn’t get it or if sometimes he just can’t answer them all– like if he gets too many or something. Maybe it was just a fluke that all my other questions have gotten answered on here. Not a big deal, but I actually had some good questions in there this week!

  36. amyrn22

    March 3, 2014 at 8:03 PM

    Nora, you are a complete idiot… Gosh, i hope Steve addresses that one this week!!! hahaha. Yeah, Nora, I’m sure Steve read your troll comments on Yahoo news and “stole” your thoughts to create spoilers. Do you have ANY idea how this website works at all? Let me guess… you also think Sean and Catherine are the best couple in the history of the world and you are “completely obsessed with them” and if anyone feels differently, they are “horrible, atrocious excuses for human beings that should be shot.” (Even though you have never met them) I actually saw someone post that on her instagram. No joke. Please, oh please, Steve, address this crazy person’s comments!!

  37. mush

    March 3, 2014 at 10:36 PM

    it is beyond me how a dad could even consider proposing to anyone (even in the ficticious world of tv) before the girlfriend even met, let alone,developed a relationship with his kid. why has this not been brought up? and, why would anyone woman consider marrying a man with a kid when she has never seen him with the kid? the kid could be a spoiled brat because the father doesn’t know what hes doing. a deal breaker for any new step coming in to the picture. uggg.

  38. abb2

    March 3, 2014 at 11:25 PM

    Andi was one of my favorites but not anymore. I think she was not happy he was going to dump her so she paid him back. Why does she put out the “dirty laundry”? Because she lacks class and I hope will not be the next bachelorette. I like Sharleen, and Kat!!

  39. texan

    March 4, 2014 at 8:42 AM

    Some of you need to learn the actual meaning of the word “introvert” before using it synonymously with “shy.” That just perpetuates a falsehood. For instance, I am a completely non-shy introvert, and one of my coworkers is a shy extrovert. Introvert/extrovert and shy/non-shy have nothing to do with each other. Educate yourselves, folks.

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