Reality Steve

Reader Emails

“Reader Emails,” Tabloid Speculation & How You Can Be On an Episode of the Next “Bachelorette”

Ahhhh, we’re at that time of year again. The days leading up to the finale, the tabloids go crazy to get their final stories posted, and the speculation of what happens brings in all sorts of crazy rumors, wild innuendos, and basically a bunch of hot air. Tabloids have a story to tell. It’s why four months ago when I released the spoilers, none of them talk about it. They can’t. They’re job is to sell you stories throughout the season to keep you engaged and reading. They’re not gonna post a story in Week 1 of the show about how Juan Pablo is a playboy, womanizer, and doesn’t care about being the “Bachelor” for anything other than money. No, they focus on the early season girls. Then as the show goes on they focus on the girls who last longer. Then a week or two before the finale is where they ramp up the coverage on the ending and throw out a bunch of stuff to make you think something crazy happens. Everyone can read into whatever they want, and they can dissect the promo of Clare crying, Nikki crying, and Juan Pablo “walking away” from the final rose ceremony stand to make you think he left alone. It’s all smoke and mirrors. I’ve said it since November 20th, and I’ll say it again: Juan Pablo chose Nikki at the end but didn’t propose to her. That fact absolutely cannot be changed. As for what happens at the live ATFR, I don’t know. I know they are still together and they will be together when you see them on the ATFR. Will he propose? Well, the monetary offer is on the table for him too. Should be interesting.

Tonight will be the night to get your last licks in before the finale airs, so be sure to join me on the live video chat at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. I’m sure people will have their thoughts regarding the finale, the ATFR show, and what the future holds. When the post goes up later today (some time around 3:00 or 4:00 CST), you can begin asking your questions immediately by clicking the blue “Question” button on the screen. See you tonight.

As mentioned a couple weeks ago, Andi will be announced as the “Bachelorette” on the ATFR. Her season begins filming Tuesday or Wednesday night in LA at the mansion. In case you missed my tweet yesterday, if you live in LA (or even if you don’t and you want to fly out for a day or whatever), you can be a part of one of Andi’s dates next Saturday in Hollywood by clicking this link. Obviously they aren’t giving many details away yet, but since this is a “public” date, spoilers will be pretty easy. Not sure if it’s a 1-on-1 or a group date yet, but I’m guessing come next Saturday, I’ll be able to fill you in on what the date was all about and who was on it. You know, just a hunch.

Another week, another Juan Pablo tabloid story. Juan Pablo lives at home with his parents. Shocking it took them this long to report it. Before any of you dismiss this as tabloid garbage, let me weigh in. Actually, this story isn’t accurate. Juan Pablo does not live in a condo with his parents. He lives in a condo with his parents, Carla, Camila, his sister, and her kid. Fact. And no, he doesn’t have any money either. Was waiting for this story to come out so I could add to it. Not surprising they waited til days before the finale. That’s how it works. Yeah, and Nikki and Juan Pablo are going to get married someday. You keep believing that.

Couple stories that are a bit old, but figured I’d mention. Kiptyn and Tenley are back together. Great. Now I won’t get asked about them anymore. Or maybe I will. I mean, we didn’t need a press release to let us know this. Both of them were posting pictures together during Christmas of them in Hawaii. Do people take Hawaiian vacations with their ex’s just for fun? Didn’t think so.

Molly ate chocolate covered insects when she filled in on KIIS FM in Seattle a couple weeks ago. Here’s the footage in case you missed it:

Jef Holm was hitting on Juan Pablo’s girls when he attended the WTA after party last week, even though a day later he told Us Weekly that he’s in a relationship? No way! I’ve never heard of anything of the such when talking about Jef.

Cassandra did a local interview this week talking about her time on the show, and basically confirmed again that Juan Pablo wasn’t interested in most of the girls and Nikki wasn’t liked.

Hey guess what? Someone emailed “Dr. Reality Steve” this week. And since it’s only one, I figured I’d just share it here on page 1 rather than bury it at the end of the “Reader Emails.” Enjoy…

Hey Steve,

I’ve found myself in quite the pickle, and I’d really appreciate some of Dr. Reality Steve’s insight. I’ve been dating this guy for a little over a year now and (pardon my puke-worthy cliche) he truly is my best friend. We have a blast together, can talk for hours, and he even watches The Bachelor with me. Sounds peachy, right?

Well, like most relationships, we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs… and lately, it seems like we’ve had more “downs” than “ups.” I think the technical term for our condition is “stuck in a rut.” Though we’ve been together for over a year, our relationship feels like it hasn’t developed beyond the “six month” mark. There’s no talk of moving in together or someday getting married… and while I’m not trying to jump the gun, I think that after the one year mark, those kind of topics should at least start coming into conversation. (I mean hell, we’re watching a show where people wind up engaged after a matter of weeks… I think the gestation period for herpres is longer than that!)

All of this unspoken tension finally shattered when I confronted him about our uncertain future. That’s when he admitted that he doesn’t see us lasting forever. I was pretty shocked. Once I picked my jaw up from the floor, we had a heart-to-heart (really, it was more of a Spanish Inquisition), and he elaborated: we don’t have enough of a zing to last forever and he can’t see us getting married. He then added that he still sees a chance that we could be “soulmates,” but “it’s just too early to tell,” and “he hasn’t fallen absolutely in love yet.”

Now to be fair, I haven’t had the cathartic “you’re my soulmate” moment either. In fact, I’ve had a few moments where I looked at him and, in a fit of rage, thought, “yeah, I think I’m done here.” But those were all thoughts I kept to myself, and now he’s gone and said something and it’s really hard to go back to being optimistic about a relationship once your partner has flat out said “this probably isn’t going anywhere.”

The conversation really left me with the strangest taste in my mouth… as if I’d just been fed crap. I still don’t know what to make of it. This isn’t covered in “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and typing “my boyfriend says I’m not his soulmate yet but he’s not sure so he thinks we should just keep dating with reckless abandon until either something catastrophic happens or he falls madly in love with me” into the Google search engine didn’t yield any real insight. To make matters worse, he’s made a few other offhand remarks after the conversation like “I don’t see myself getting married for at least another five years” or “I don’t know if I really want kids” — statements TOTALLY contrary to everything he’s ever said about his desires to get married and raise a family.

I’d really appreciate your advice, Steve. What’s a woman to do when a man essentially tells her that they don’t have a future? Where do we go from here? Do I bandage my ego (are there even bandages big enough?) and continue to muscle through? Do I accept my losses and walk away? Do I need to keep asking questions, or have I given you enough to work with here?

P.S. If it matters, he’s nearing 30 and has been previously engaged (which ended with him being painfully dumped for another man) and I’m in my mid twenties. Those details are important, right?

Thanks in advance, I really hope you take the time to answer because I would appreciate a perspective other than my own self-pitying one.

Comment: So your boyfriend of a year told you to your face he can’t see you guys getting married and you’re asking what you should do? Muscle through or leave? Ummmmm, sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Not to mention how he’s apparently a walking contradiction from things he said earlier in your relationship. If someone told me they didn’t want to be with me anymore, especially someone I’d been dating a year, my bags would be packed before dinner is made. He sees no future, so why should there be a present?

Any guy who tells his girlfriend of a year that he could never see himself marrying her, yet he thinks she’s his soulmate needs his head checked. Cut your losses and get out. He doesn’t want you, so you shouldn’t want him.

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  1. kimholms

    March 9, 2014 at 9:09 AM

    Who would make a username bigfatwoman? PU. Well big fat stinky woman you don’t have to read what I post here. I think you should be the one to go. Maybe my post are not interesting to you so feel free to skip over them or go elsewhere. How do you know what I type here isn’t interesting or applicable to this forum? You must be reading them, LOL. There isn’t much you can add to Pablo will pick Nikki or Clare.

  2. lobsterandbeer

    March 9, 2014 at 12:58 PM

    AHAHAhahaha I have never laughed so hard, I am actually reading these posts… people at my work think I have lost it!! kimholmes…I think you are bringing value to this forum!! I’m interested in knowing what kind of men you would be interested in seeing for Andi’s season, I do trust your opinion because I think you will be correct that Andi is the next Bachelorette, how did you know that?? Not a vision like you said, but maybe Mike Fleiss is channeling you somehow! You must have good energy! Maybe you should sign up to be one of the girls on the next Bachelor!! :))))

  3. nina

    March 9, 2014 at 3:19 PM

    If this Steve made it where I can’t post my comments I figure he will disable this account too. Sooooo have a good time everybody and good bye. Enjoy The Bachelor tomorrow night. Personally I can’t see Pablo purposing to either Nikki or Clare, but we will see. Maybe Pablo will end up walking off the show himself. Will be interesting to see what happens.
    Bye everybody,

  4. nina

    March 9, 2014 at 3:42 PM

    Think my video links are being deleted here. Oh well. Have good day.

  5. jacey

    March 10, 2014 at 7:52 PM

    I think Steve was right. Looks like Chris H. was expecting a proposal during ATFR that didn’t happen and it surprised and frustrated the crap out him — couldn’t wait to get off that stage at the commercial break. Bet they struck a deal & old Pabs backed out.

  6. statman

    March 10, 2014 at 10:37 PM

    That was by far the best After the Rose shows to date. Juan Pablo exposed this slimy show for what it truly is. He wouldn’t play along with their scripted crap and it just all fell apart. Chris looked like an absolute bully while the former participants like Sean and Catherine sat there like sheep and cashed in their Bachelor checks by throwing Juan under the bus while maintaining their love for the show.

    Even in his broken english, Juan was clear as day, he wasn’t ready to say he loved her because he simply wanted to see how the relationship was in the “real world” and not in the confines of this ridiculous show/setting. Was just so funny seeing him interrupt Chris, talk back to him and basically give the middle finger to the show. Even the “no surprise” had producers trying to write something in and force Juan to propose … all over it. Go Juan!


  7. kasey31

    March 10, 2014 at 11:51 PM

    ABC is disgusting.

  8. iheartvino

    March 11, 2014 at 9:01 AM

    If someone asked me to choose a side after watching that last night, especially the ATFR show, I’d definitely say I’m Team JP, and not Team ABC/Chris Harrison. Now, I know I had more than my fair share of moments where I made fun of JP all season, but he was raked through the coals big time last night. Can’t wait to read today’s column, and also hear Jason and Molly’s take on the whole thing on their next podcast.

  9. liz123

    March 11, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    So, I’ve been really busy lately & haven’t been reading or posting here, but I stopped in today to see what everyone was saying about the weirdest finale ever. And my oh my, this isn’t what I expected. I see this comment section draws even more oddballs than it used to. I have to admit, it’s entertaining as hell (and a little scary). I can’t believe “this Steve” guy is stealing ideas from Nina/Nora/Kim! Gosh, Steve, get your own ideas & your own website why don’t you??

    I can’t pick between TeamABC and TeamJP. They’re all losers. I personally think that ABC threw JP under the bus because of his anti-gay comments. It seems they were actually considering him for DWTS after taping finished even knowing that he didn’t propose, but once the anti-gay comments were made, it was a swift fall from grace for JP. I have a hard time feeling bad for him or seeing ABC as the obvious villain. He made his own bed.

  10. kelsum01

    March 11, 2014 at 10:00 AM

    Ummm… am I missing something? Where is Steve’s write up from last night’s finale??

  11. kasey31

    March 11, 2014 at 10:34 AM

    True, Liz, but ABC knew what they were getting themselves into. I still find it very difficult to believe that during all the preparation for this season that someone, anyone, didn’t see this guy as a loose canon and say, “Hold it! We can’t cast this guy.. He doesn’t watch the show, he’s unfamiliar with how this process works, he makes off-the-wall remarks, he is poor at articulating his thoughts, let’s not risk it.”
    Instead, they hoped for the best. They’re the parents here.
    They don’t give a crap about any of the contestants, as we know, but they still should have taken the higher road. Instead, Chris Harrison came across as a bully.
    He knew he had America’s support and he ran with it.
    And the whole “My execs informed me you had a surprise?” shtick was the icing on the cake for me. He knew darn well JP wasn’t going to propose.. He just wanted to humiliate Nikki and JP.

    Was JP perfect? Far from it, but he brought in the ratings this season for them, and Catherine’s “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you” line can be applied both ways.
    ABC should be better than that and bigger than that. They were still insulting JP as they were talking to Andi.

    I understood what he was saying last night about this being his real life, but ABC wants everyone to be enchanted with this unrealistic love story they force feed us.
    I know I’m in the minority, but that’s just how I feel.

  12. iheartvino

    March 11, 2014 at 11:00 AM

    kasey, well said. I posted this under the video chat comments thread, but here it is again, I think you’ll agree with a lot of this.

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