-Minor spoiler that was wrong. I actually thought the guys moved to up Santa Barbara for the week, but no. Just the dates. Oh well. Don’t think I’ll be losing sleep over that one and neither should you. Two things that I told you which I didn’t know would ever get shown, ended up being shown and were true, so there. That offsets the Santa Barbara miscue. Andrew getting a girls phone number I told you was what Josh was confronting him about, and on the pictures of Nick’s hometown date, I mentioned he was once engaged. So there you go. I hope you can sleep better at night now. The episode started with Andi driving up the coast to stay at the lovely Bacara Resort & Spa, and of course, Andi needed to get a shameless plug in by saying how insanely gorgeous it was. Of course she did. Not that this show ever stays in a dump, but, the “product placement” on this show is starting to rival “Survivor’s” kind of, no? Back at the mansion, Chris tells the guys the dates will be in Santa Barbara this week, and in a complete 180 from a season of the “Bachelor,” the guys don’t scream and giggle and give each other titty twisters when they hear stuff like this. It’s more, “Oh cool bro. All right. Yeah, man,” with a slow golf clap from a few of them. Guys are so simple.
-Nick has the first date and meets her on the pier in Santa Barbara. Did you notice the awful, horrible, and lack of excitement crappy wave he gave her as he was walking towards her? Like, “Oh hey it’s you. Haven’t seen you in a while, what’s up?” That was just awkward. I know Nick is skeptical and all, but geez, show a little enthusiasm. A shy wave isn’t necessarily gonna get Andi to drop her pants. Just sayin. These two then went off for some bike riding, and it was like I almost mixed this up with JJ’s date since they were riding about as fast as 80 year olds would. I mean, what’s the point of wearing a helmet if you never reach speeds in excess of 1 mph? Is that all these two could muster? Could they peddle a little faster? I mean, I don’t expect them to be competing in the Tour de France, but maybe get a little playful and have a race? It was like the first time I saw Nicholas ride a bike. Scared, holding onto the handle bars for dear life, and afraid to go fast. I think they should’ve raced so Nick could show a side to him that didn’t scream “I’m completely terrified to be here and on this show.” But hey, that’s just me. Eat some Cheetos.
-Back at the house, they needed to set up Nick’s storyline for the season, so they have Marcus and Andrew outside talking about how he’s skeptical of the show, and doesn’t necessarily believe in the process. Immediately they cut to Nick and Andi talking during their post-bike hike, and there’s Nick saying the process is unnatural. Wow. They really know how to set these things up, don’t they? During their hike in Lizard’s Mouth, Nick tells Andi she has a “great resume.” Oh, he read it? Like, he likes the fact she went to undergrad at LSU then law school at Wake Forest and that she’s an ADA (well, not for much longer), or her resume of putting on that show in St. Lucia to get the “Bachelorette” gig, her dating around Atlanta in the 5 months between ending filming on the “Bachelor” and beginning this season? Inquiring minds want to know. Ummmm, I think he’s talking about the former. Nick: “I have a crush on Andi…she’s really cool.” Is Nick in 6th grade? So he has a crush, think’s she’s cool, and sends her notes. When does he ask her to go around? Is he gonna start pulling her pigtails? Do we get to see him make her a mixed tape this season?
-Ok, we HAVE to do away with these Salon Hair Confidential commercials. Seriously, they are the most pointless, worst acted things I’ve ever seen. Right now, between Des, DeAnna, and Catherine, who did the worst acting job pretending to act like they were having a normal conversation? I say they all tie for first. Look, I get it, it’s a quick buck to make to talk about your hair, but for the love of God, can one of these people just try to act natural. It’s like they either are reading directly from their cue card, or they memorized words from a cue card, but don’t know how to speak them conversationally. Oooohhhh, the anticipation is building. I can’t wait to see who we get to see tonight in that chair.
-Nick and Andi have dinner at the Santa Barbara courthouse. Andi asks Nick about all his close friends being married then drops the ol’ “How are you still single?” Really? You’re gonna ask that on this show? Every lead in the history of the show could ask that at any time to anyone on their season since, well, they’re supposed to be single. Nick should’ve just returned the favor and been like, “Well why are you? And why do you have to get paid a year’s salary to come on this show to find a guy?” Would’ve make for a much more interesting conversation. Nick tells her he had a 7 ½ year relationship, then went with a rebound chick because he basically wasn’t over the first one, but yet got engaged to rebound chick even though it was an “immature relationship.” Ahhhh, got it. Yeah, I’d say so. You probably don’t want to propose to the rebound chick when you’re fresh out of a 7 ½ year relationship. Man, Andi sure knows how to pick em’. That’s back-to-back dates where guys have told her they were once engaged. And whaddya’ know, those guys finished #3 & #2. Safe to say Andi doesn’t want to play sloppy seconds in Chris and Nick’s proposal lives?
-So Nick starts giving Andi his idea of how he thinks the whole “soul mate” thing is kinda bogus. That if you have a soul mate, it’s like you have to be together just because you’re supposed to be together. He thinks it’s more romantic if you are surfing through people, and eventually find the one you want to be with. I’m down with Nick on this one. The soul mate thing is bogus. There isn’t only ONE person in the entire world for somebody. Please. People actually believe this stuff? C’mon. At least Nick is a realist. Oh, you know why else the soul mate stuff is bogus? Chris Rock said so. There’s cursing. You’ve been warned.
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Chris. I hear ya’ brotha. Preach on. Whatever the case, Nick and Andi head on up to the clock tower and make out at 12:25. Man, I thought Hill Valley never fixed the clock tower and it was stuck on 10:04? Maybe ABC footed the bill and they helped pay to fix the clock. All I know is they made out at 12:25, and Marty got sent back to 1985 at 10:04pm the night of the Enchantment Under the Sea dance where he took his future mom, but only so that he could fake a fight with his future dad and he’d save the day, only to be ruined by Biff who wanted to get in Lorraine’s pants, but it all ended up working out in the end when George McFly grew some balls and sucker punched Biff. For those that don’t know, I’m kinda obsessed with the “Back to the Future” trilogy, so deal with it. Nick got the rose to the surprise of no one. So disappointed he didn’t wear his blue capri’s on this date. Get with the program Nick.