Reality Steve

The Bachelorette 10 - Andi

The “Bachelorette” Andi Episode 4 Recap Including My Thought’s on How Eric’s Departure Was Handled

-Before the cocktail party, Andi gets a love letter sent to her room from a “secret admirer.” This is Chris. Not sure how many more letters she gets, when she gets them, if she figures it out on her own, or if Chris eventually ends up telling her, but it’s Chris. Told you this last week but since some of you took to Twitter last night to immediately tweet me, “Who wrote the letter,” I guess I have to address it again. The amazing thing about most of the questions sent to me on email and Twitter is probably 95% of them I’ve answered at some point. But since obviously there is a lot of “Bachelor/ette” content to sort through on my page, yes I understand that not everyone catches everything that I write, hence the reason I do have to repeat myself on occasion. But just know what you ask has probably been answered at some point. It’s in there. All of it. So I just suggest reading what I write instead of skimming, like I know a lot of people do. You’ll enjoy yourself immensely if you read the whole thing. I promise. I write twice a week, maybe three times. Is that really too much to devour?

-They show Andi’s time with Tasos and Brian, but c’mon, last night’s cocktail party centered around the confrontation with Eric and that’s all anyone is talking about today so let me give my thoughts as best as I can. I really don’t want to do pages and pages on this because this is something that is such a lightning rod with people based on last night’s reaction, it could go on forever. So let me break it down the way I see it and I’ll leave it at that.

1) This is not a black and white issue. I do not think you can definitively say one way or another how it was handled last night. Some people hated it, some people thought it was fine, some people thought it was perfect. The show has never had anything like this dropped in their lap before, and for me, they handled it about as well as they could. Do I wish we could’ve gotten a little more footage from the guys talking about Eric? Sure. But I think we’ll get that at the “Men Tell All” so I’m fine with it. I am glad that they showed all of Eric and Andi’s conversation because after seeing it, I don’t know how they could’ve played it out with him leaving and them not showing as to why. I don’t think they exploited him, I don’t think they did him a disservice, nor do I think this was callous or cold in any way. Eric agreed to sign up for a show where essentially everything he did would be filmed an open to be viewed. They showed us his whole journey on the show and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

2) Lets separate Eric and Andi’s argument from his death. One has nothing to do with the other. Honestly, when I first started talking about this the day Eric died, I was unable to follow my own advice. Remember I kept saying I don’t know if they’re gonna show it or not. That’s because I wasn’t thinking clearly and wasn’t separating what happened on the show from his death. This show started filming March 13th. Eric and Andi’s confrontation in CT happened March 27th. He died April 23rd. Nothing that happened the night of March 27th had any bearing on what happened April 23rd. Andi is taking some serious undeserved criticism for things she had no control over. You want to argue her defensiveness, that’s fair game. I agree. But don’t take Eric’s death out on her, and I think a lot of people are. If Eric were alive today, I don’t think Andi would be attacked nearly as much as she was last night. So to see idiots on social media last night actually blaming Andi for his death is just asinine and those people should never be able to reproduce. It’s idiotic on so many levels, not worth getting into. What I’m saying is, of course they should’ve shown their argument. It’s part of who Eric was on the show. Editing it, or deleting the whole thing would’ve been disingenuous in my eyes. They had a clear misunderstanding of each other in March and he died a month later. One had nothing to do with the other.

3) I’ll remember Eric for much more than what he thought of a girl he knew for exactly 2 weeks. As much as people want to get riled up over all this, I just can’t. Could Eric have gone about approaching Andi differently? Yes. Could Andi have not overreacted and gotten so defensive? Absolutely. But there’s so much more to this conversation than that. It’s obvious Eric was feeling a certain way, and rather than go out with a whimper on a relationship he could clearly see wasn’t there, he got confrontational. He wanted reassurance from Andi that he saw she was giving to other guys and not to him, so he called her out on it. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s also nothing wrong, per se, about how Andi reacted. You might not like it, you might’ve thought it was mean, and you might’ve thought it was hypocritical of her based on what she did last season and an overreaction. But there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s how she chose to deal with it. If that makes you like her less, so be it. But it’s not wrong. It’s just the way she chose to combat his accusation.

4. Remember the bigger picture. Of course it would’ve been nice if Eric went out in a better way than that. Of course we don’t want his lasting memory on this show to be of him making Andi cry. His sister even said he felt awful for doing that. And if he were alive, this I’m sure would’ve been smoothed over at the “Men Tell All” with no hard feelings. I just think people are letting his death cloud the actual argument. This argument was so tiny when you look at it from a far. None of us knew a thing about Eric before March 12th when I posted bios to her first 8 guys. But a quick Google search pretty much told you all you needed to know about him. Then he gets on and has a great first date telling the Syria story, and you realize this guy had lived more than probably 95% of the people watching this show. As I said on twitter last night, in the grand scheme of things Eric’s two week journey on this show was just a grain of sand on the beach that was his life. This show doesn’t define him. That argument doesn’t define him. Nor does it define Andi. They were two people on a TV show who saw things differently about how the other acted. They parted ways, and unfortunately, he died a month later. Lets not trivialize this and make it out to be more than that.

5. What happens from here? According to Chris Harrison’s blog today, the show still hasn’t decided if they’re gonna show Andi and her final four guys’ reaction when they were told about Eric’s death. Well, if they had no problem showing the whole conversation last night, I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t show us the aftermath of Andi and her final four finding out. Why hide that? You’ve said you’ve dedicated the season to him, so I would expect we’d see that since that’s part of Andi’s journey as well. As for not showing the rose ceremony last night and doing a sit down with Andi, I thought that was fine as well. Whatever they did wasn’t gonna please everyone. If you show the rose ceremony, people will scream that was inconsiderate. They cut off the rose ceremony, have Chris and Andi talk about Eric, and people are screaming about “Why do we care what she has to say?” You’re not gonna please everyone, but under the circumstances, I thought it was fine. We’ll hear the guys talk about Eric on the “Men Tell All” next month, and I’m sure we’ll get to see Andi’s reaction, as well as her final four, when they were told about it on the day of the final four rose ceremony back on April 23rd.

Lets not forget this is a TV show first and foremost. It would’ve been great if Eric had a better exit than that, but he didn’t. How were they possibly going to pass up that dramatic exit? They weren’t. They always knew they were running that, because in the first promo of the season, you see clips of Andi’s speech to the guys about being exhausted. So they never hid from it, and for that I applaud them. Eric wasn’t gonna throw himself at Andi like some of the other guys did, and Andi obviously likes that feedback from men. Because Eric didn’t oblige didn’t make it wrong for him to confront her. Eric seemed to take pride in being open, Andi took pride in being real. Two people that just weren’t compatible. Nothing wrong with that. It’s a reality show. Here today, gone tomorrow. It doesn’t rewrite Eric’s life or who he is. So lets all choose to remember the guy for who he was as a son, a brother, a friend, and a philanthropist and less about what happened back on March 27th.

Send all links and emails to: To follow me on Twitter, it’s: Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tomorrow.

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  1. rob22

    June 3, 2014 at 11:25 AM

    So, they have a guy who dies and decide to go the “honest” route to portray his exit? It may have been honest, but MF doesn’t care about honesty. He’s got a proven track record of over 10 years in that regard. No, he looked at sagging ratings and decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. That golden egg was teed up for him. All he had to do was hit it. And so he did. Can you imagine MF avoiding the topic and passing on the ratings potential? That just wasn’t going to happen. Sure, he tried to do it tastefully and avoid any backlash for his ratings grab, but there was no need to be mean spirited in this case.

    As for Eric personally I have no opinion. He’s no worse than a lot of people have been on the show and certainly better than quite a few. But we really can’t know him any better than anyone else. I do take some exception to anyone that goes on the show, rolls around in it for 4 weeks, and then suddenly is outraged that the paid lead is acting. Come on. Like I commented in the prior blog, that’s like Captain Renault, from Casablanca, opining “I’m shocked, shocked that there is gambling going on here”. There was no need to be duplicitous. Andi is being paid to put on her makeup, show her girls and pretend to enjoy her dates. She said as much. She’s “working” her tail off (read acting) and is exhausted after four weeks of being the focal point of the show. Are these guys really that drunk and stupid that they don’t know what this show is all about? Hadn’t we already gotten to the point where pretty much everyone was joining the show to pimp their business or get their 15 minutes? Did we suddenly get a batch of guys that fell off the back of the turnip truck?…. Besides Chris, I mean.

  2. gemma86

    June 3, 2014 at 11:27 AM

    This may come off as mean…but…I hope they don’t dwell on Eric much anymore the rest of the season. Its unfortunate and I feel for him and his family but I think we should move on. He was a part of the show, not the show and I want to get back to THE SHOW. Again condolences RIP but I’m ready to move on.

    AS far as MTA I don’t expect much from the guys because they only knew him like what 2 -3 weeks? I think its unfair to them to have to come up with some deep emotional bond that may have or may not have been there. Sure they’ll be sad but I dont think it will be more than the general “he was a great guy”. If anything I think they should just show a video that pays tribute to his life and what he was doing, no need to draw it out anymore than necessary. And I dont need to see Andi and the F4 reaction to his death. We already know they will be upset and shocked, and will cry so please lets just get back to THE SHOW!

    Finally as far as their “argument” I will side with Andi. Obviously her intentions are not to seriously hurt anyones feelings so I get where she felt attacked by being called fake when fro what I’ve seen she does care about the guys and is trying and it is a sensitive predicament to be in. I just think the writing was on the wall with even Andi foreshadowing to there being a “stall” in their relationship. IMO it would have been acting for her to be all gushy gushy if its not there. I think it was a hard pill for Eric to swallow that “Shes just not that into you”. And by dammit she has that right to be 🙂

  3. rob22

    June 3, 2014 at 11:38 AM

    Gemma, do you really think MF is going to pass on the ratings opportunity presented by the filmed responses of the F4 being told of Eric’s death? If you wondered how that was going to be handled, last night was your answer. We’re going to see every moment of every tear shed that day. Cynical, yes. But it’s a cynical show. They’re just not going to pass on an opportunity like this. The Bachelor was getting a little long in the tooth, with a lot of phonies populating recent shows…. And then THIS happens. Oh, they’ll milk this puppy for all it’s worth, while trying not to offend too many people. If there is any backlash, expect the show to respond that they wanted to be honest and true to Eric’s memory, and that editing out the responses would have been dishonest. Like it, or not, the major subplot this season is Eric.

  4. oyoung1117

    June 3, 2014 at 12:12 PM

    As far as the way the show handled it–I think it could have been handled a little better. Mostly, I feel like if Andi had said anything slightly regretful about the argument like “Watching it back I think he was just using the wrong words to describe how he felt and I just misunderstood, because he was a great person and wasn’t trying to offend me” it would have made her part better and seem less like she thinks she can do no wrong which she had just exemplified during the argument itself. And also it would have been nice if they maybe had a producer or guy who had gotten closer to him also on to share what a great guy he was.
    As for the argument–I think he really just wasn’t articulating what he meant very well and she was too tired and just not into him enough to even try to understand what he meant.
    I feel like her whole break down about being so tired was kind of what he meant. She kept saying “How can you say that when I have been working my ass off and trying so hard for you guys?” and I think he sensed that she was trying so hard and that is what he wanted her to stop doing. I think he wanted her to say, “Oh my gosh I am just so tired!” And have a real conversation with her instead of feeling the need to be bright and charming with him.
    So honestly, I really take his side. I can’t stand people who feel the need to fake it and paste on a smile all of the time, but I do recognize that many people prize that quality in themselves so it is just a personal pet peeve. Ashley was a bachelorette who immediately jumps to mind who was a little more “open” with the guys about what she was feeling rather than just keeping up the act all of the time. Also, another reason I take his side is because she kept (even in his memorial interview) saying he wasn’t really opening up to her. I think telling her how he walked away from his faith was pretty open myself. And to be honest, maybe it was edited it out, but she seemed like she listened to his story, digested it, and moved on, rather than starting a deep conversation about it. That’s what being open would have looked like on her side. You know, confession and mirroring? The basis of all deep friendships?
    I don’t really dislike her for the fight though because it probably boiled down to the fact that she wasn’t interested enough in him to make it work.
    But I do blame her for freaking the eff out that he confronted her for having the audacity to criticize her. It just seemed like a spoiled brat thing to do.

  5. angelfish

    June 3, 2014 at 12:43 PM

    All the harping on Eric being a bad communicator is ridiculous. The man went to foreign countries where he DID NOT speak the language and communicated.

    His entire travel epic or odyssey or boondoggle or whatever was about COMMUNICATING! With other people. About their lives. It was all over his photos and blogs and videos.

    His “mission” was to communicate.

    But all of the sudden, with Andi, he was incapable of any coherence? Sorry, just not buying that. She didn’t want him for keeps and it bruised his ego enough to go on the offensive. He’s not bad, she’s not bad but together they would be bad.

    I know what I saw on my TV screen and how I interpret those words & actions.


  6. karynr

    June 3, 2014 at 12:54 PM

    Well put, Angelfish. No one did any wrong.

    Rob, I agree completely. MF, aka the MF, cares about ratings, not people.

    RS has handled this beautifully.

  7. LynnMJ

    June 3, 2014 at 1:04 PM

    Steve, on the topic of air travel and your comment. Maybe the person beside you sighed because he/she wondered why the plane wasn’t ‘fixed’ BEFORE they boarded passengers??….Just sayin’. As far as how the Eric situation was handled, I have one word…..tasteless. And, Steve, I agree 100% regarding Dylan. It’s his choice, but why he’d choose to come on a show like this so soon after tragedy is beyond me.

  8. bigfatwoman

    June 3, 2014 at 1:47 PM

    As for the heavy sighing woman on the plane —there could be a hundred different reasons she was exasperated. Maybe her husband just told her their kid wrecked the car again, she was just fired — the list goes on.

    oyoung….I agree 100% with your view.

    As far as Dylan going on the show, you’d have to ask him his reasons. Everyone deals with obstacles in their own way.

  9. angelfish

    June 3, 2014 at 5:32 PM

    Thanks Karynr,

    I just watched an interview with Eric’s brother,Scott on “Entertainment Tonight”. He was very gracious and said the whole family was fine with how the show went. He also said he’d like to sit down & chat with Andi.

    Chris Harrison did a phone in and said that since Eric’s exit interview was brief & a little tense, they subbed in his little interview with Andi.

    So if the family is fine with what went down, that should be the end of all the huffing & puffing! *LOL*

  10. dulcinea14

    June 3, 2014 at 5:57 PM

    I became a fan of Andi’s when she told JP off for being fake. She wasn’t happy that JP dismissed her feelings. So when Eric approached her with sincerity and kindness and she flipped out, my opinion of her took a nose dive. She absolutely overreacted and didn’t even attempt to listen to what he had to say and take it to heart. She is a hypocritical spoiled brat. The interview at the end? Could she seem any more glib? Screw her.

  11. ashleigh11

    June 4, 2014 at 7:29 AM

    I work in pharma sales and most of the Bachelor/Bachelorette group dates and cocktail parties remind me a lot of the happy, sometimes mindless fakery that is just part of the required social scene. Andi is good at this. Eric is not. Eric has traveled the world and is savvy to the hardships and political struggles in countries where dressing up to drink champagne and have cursory “I so want to find love, this is so great, best day ever, omg, isn’t this hotel amazing!” conversation feels stilted and disingenuous at best.

    After a solid first date, he was probably getting fed up with trying to find a few minutes to re-establish that connection with Andi, only to find her being formal and nice with him and maybe brushing him off or not really opening up to him. I get that this is part of the game, but Eric probably realized he wasn’t cut out for it. He opened up to her on several occasions but all I really heard from Andi was “hmm… interesting.” When he pulled her aside and calmly and rationally explained how he was feeling about her being detached or having a ‘poker face’ or just playing things up for the camera, he had every right to. He wasn’t yelling at her or insulting her. Andi chose to take it that any guy who was not fawning over her and telling her how fabulous she is = an insult. Instead of having a normal conversation about the frustrations of being tired, or just not feeling the right connection or whatever she wanted to say about it – she flew off the handle and went into tears and hysterics and blew everything he was saying wayyyy out of proportion.

    I was watching that scene and just thinking – wow, this girl is sooo high maintenance and cannot *listen* properly. Eric is a good communicator – he tried to be real and tell her how he felt – in the moment. She just didn’t want to hear it and the melodrama that ensued is allll on her, as far as I’m concerned. My feelings have nothing to do with Eric’s tragic accident either. I would have felt the same, even if he was still around. Andi seriously needs to learn some interpersonal skills that go beyond small-talk and social-acting. I thought this during her over-dramatic Juan-Pablo explosion and this was just another (worse) example. She always needs to be right and if the guy doesn’t retract his statements, out come the tears and overblown fury. If Josh ever stops stroking her ego – watch out! So yeah, I was Team Eric all the way. He cut through the BS, trying to see if there was something there and what needed to happen to have a meaningful connection and she just didn’t ‘get it’. It’s like they were having two different conversations. All she heard was “how dare you criticize me!” Ugh. Girl, you did the same to JP. I half-wish, last season that instead of calmly saying “eees ok” – JP had just burst into hysterical sobbing and told her how tired he was and to just get out. On this show (AND last season!) Andi cries about something every 20 minutes – I hope Eric didn’t feel too badly about it. For a lawyer, she doesn’t seem able to hold it together very well.

    Re – the aftermath – I wish they’d just chosen to show maybe 10 min about Eric’s life – maybe some video clips from his travels. I would love to have seen that instead of Andi fake-crying about how she can’t believe he won’t be at Men Tell All. God – this woman needs to stop being so self-involved!

  12. serapa

    June 6, 2014 at 9:54 AM

    Dear Eric’s Sister,

    I wish your family healing from this tragedy. What I saw of Eric was a very sincere person who was very different from Andi. He was well travelled and very street smart. Because of his travels, he had little time for formal “small talk”. It was as simple as that with Andi. He probably wasn’t a good fit for the show b/c of his sincere nature.

    I am sad for your loss…Prayers to your family,


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