Reality Steve


“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & The Release of the “Bachelor in Paradise” Cast – Kind Of

Great response to yesterday. Interesting to see all the different views people had of watching the same 2 hour show. This gets brought up in one of the emails today, but in listening to Jason & Molly’s podcast recapping Monday’s episode, it drove the point home even more. Not that I want to defend Andi, but Jason says it (a former lead himself) and is in agreement with other leads he’s spoken with – while the job of “Bachelor” or “Bachelorette” may seem easy, it isn’t. Yes, you get a 2 month paid vacation to have 25 members of the opposite sex chase you while traveling the world, it is exhausting. There’s not a lot of sleep, you’re tired, you’re drinking, and basically you have to be “on” all the time, even if you don’t want to. So lets not just chalk up Andi’s reaction to Eric on Monday as just being a complete b**ch. There are numerous other factors that probably went into how she reacted to the situation, so making a blanket statement about it I don’t think is accurate. Give a listen to them break down Monday’s episode. Some good insight from people that experienced it.

The live video chat returns tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST. And yes, I’m back at my house all by my lonesome, so no gum smacking nephews this week. They’ll be returning on July 3rd when I’m back in CA for Olivia’s birthday weekend.

Andi says “staaaaaahp” a lot. I’ve told you this. A lot of you have noticed this, and now Jimmy Kimmel is on board. Shocking.

Man, it’s worse than I thought.

Yesterday, the “Bachelor in Paradise” cast was released. Sort of. I can guarantee you this is not the whole cast. There’s no way in the world the producers of this show are gonna try and sell America on Michelle Kujawa needing to find love. No one knows or cares about Michelle anymore. Or Lacy Faddoul. Or Elise for that matter. Yes, these people are on the show, but so are plenty others. In addition to these 13 they released, I know of at least 10 more people that are out in Mexico right now. Don’t know why they weren’t released yesterday, don’t know if they ever will be released, and don’t know what capacity they will appear on the show. But they WILL appear at some point. The ones who are there that will be appearing at some point are:

Chris Bukowski
Kalon McMahon
Zack Kalter
Jesse Kovacs
Michelle Money
Lucy Aragon
Danielle Ronco
Amy Long
Christy Hansen
Tierra LiCausi
Shannon Gibbons

There are probably others too since the girls are outnumbering the guys right now, but I’m pretty solid on those names which is why I gave you most of them last week. I’ve even heard rumors surfacing now of Brooks and Jef making one episode appearances. Time will tell.

Now the question is, “What the hell is going on with this show?” The answer: I don’t know yet. Nobody does. Even when they released the cast yesterday, they never actually updated their press release of what the hell the show is about. But considering that many people are there, I’ll venture to guess this is some wild “Temptation Island/Love in the Wild/Paradise Hotel/Are You the One” hybrid show. No other reason to have that many people out there for one show if it wasn’t some sort of game element where people are put there to have options of who else to date. As far as I know, there are no challenges, there’s no $250k money prize (although I’m guessing there will be some prize at the end), and there aren’t “rose ceremony eliminations” per se. People might get eliminated, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing rose ceremonies.

Also, one of the stories yesterday said it’s filmed over 7 weeks and will be 7 episodes long. That’s not the case. Someone got their info mixed up I believe. The original press release said it was only 6 episodes long. Could it possibly be changed to 7? Sure. But filming does not last 7 weeks. Filming started Tuesday and goes for roughly 3 weeks from everything I’ve been told. I think maybe whatever outlet released that it was 7 weeks long saw “oh, 7 episodes so 7 weeks.” From everything I’ve been told, this is a 3 week shooting schedule. As I hear things, I will pass it along but that cast list released yesterday is definitely not everyone that will be appearing on the show. Thank God because, ummmm, that’s a pretty sh***y cast.

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  1. bigfatwoman

    June 5, 2014 at 10:03 AM

    To the person who commented about Andi’s lack of inquiry to Dylan mentioning his brother’s funeral — it was spoken about on the train under the context of relationships and Dylan shared that his long time girlfriend broke up with him right after his brother’s funeral.

    You’d think most people would then ask more questions, as in, “your brother died?” but Andi remained mum. Not sure if this was editing or not but I too noticed it and I too thought it was strange.

    Sean Lowe’s wife Catherine does indeed have a stationery line that consists of paper products and chotchkes with cutesy, quippy one-liners imprinted. It is very much reflective of her cutesy and quippy juvenile personality. How do I know this? Sometimes when I’m in the mood to get annoyed, I inflict pain on myself and look at her twitter.

  2. purplesunsets

    June 5, 2014 at 10:06 AM

    I just saw this tweeted out. Funny and ouch. If you wondered why Nick didn’t like Josh this added to it. Did anyone notice this?

    #tbt goes to @viallnicholas28 and his ability to take one for the team. Hopefully the twins are still…

  3. sara100

    June 5, 2014 at 11:09 AM

    My account has finally been approved, after a long drawn out background check, so I have a few questions from Sunday and Monday’s episodes.

    First, on the Connecticut train date, wasn’t that weird when they got up to leave after dinner, and their plates were still completely full of food, like they didn’t eat anything?

    And another thing, I noticed Andi said something about “4 weeks,” even though the filming had only been going on for 2 weeks. I know it was the 4th episode, but do the producers think the audience is so dumb as to need each show to correspond to exactly one week of reality? Do you think Andi actually said “4 weeks,” or do you think that was dubbed in? That would certainly be confusing and weird to have to be forced to talk about time differently.

  4. rob22

    June 5, 2014 at 11:58 AM

    I’m going to comment on the email from the woman with the husband who gained weight. I don’t agree entrely with RS’s response. This woman didn’t date the guy, marry him, and THEN he stopped working out and gained weight. She dated him for 13 years, and about 10 years ago when he went to college & stopped playing sports, THEN he stopped working out & gained weight….. for the next 10 years of their dating. Her nagging was unsuccessful over the past 10 years to get him to change. So, RS suggests to nag him harder now that they are married?? Nope. Won’t work.

    This whole come-to-Jesus conversations should have been had 10 years ago, or at least before they got married. This falls under the heading of silly woman thinking that either “if he loves me, he will change for me” or “once we get married, I’ll change him”. This woman could have either (1) broken it off long before getting married or (2) accepted the situation, especially given the fact that she had been dating a fatter version of her boyfriend for 10 YEARS!!

    I realize she could now choose to have the “come to Jesus” meeting with him. But now she’s upped the ante & it’s become a “workout & lose weight or I’ll divorce you” discussion. Not good. BTW: how many of you women out there would endorse the ultimatum RS recommended if the roles were reversed? What if the guy suddenly decided he couldn’t live with a wife that had gained 20 pounds? I think the ladies would be having Steve’s head in that case.

    I’m not saying looks aren’t important. Just that this woman had ample opportunity during a LONG period of dating to address this issue. Shame on her for not doing so. She allowed this issue to get far worse than it needed to. She could have dumped this guy, found a hard body triathlete and had three kids by now if she’d addressed this issue appropriately.

  5. sarcasm

    June 5, 2014 at 8:22 PM

    For the lesbian that’s considering a life-altering decision, my co-worker had gender reassignment surgery 15 years ago and she is still the subject of whispers. It was probably the best thing for her, but she now faces a cruel world.

    Do you identify yourself as a man? There are plenty of lesbians that are masculine but don’t consider surgery. You said that the surgery would make relationships with women easier, but I assure you that it’s not as simple as you think. People that have surgery often identify themselves as transgender because you need a partner that understands the complexities of your situation. Just like plastic surgery, the reassignment can’t address the emotional and mental aspects of your situation.
    That being said, I know that the process begins with a psychological evaluation and hormone therapy. I would reach out to your local LGBT organizations for professional help, they will be able to guide you through the process or offer you someone that can help you talk through your struggle.

  6. kasey31

    June 7, 2014 at 2:40 AM

    @Rob22- I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in. And to have to read it on a public site that you love and frequent so often? Must be awful. But maybe that’s why she wrote to RS, just knowing that you’d see it… I’m sorry you found out this way, but hey! At least you won’t have to hear her “nag” anymore.

    Sounds like this one reeeeeally hit home for you. I’m in my early 30’s as well, I’m an avid runner, cross country, just like the author, and I don’t do it for any other reason than bc it makes me feel good and it’s healthy- but I can tell you this much- Her “nagging” was far more likely an attempt to gently motivate him considering the fact that she certainly does not come across as the type of woman looking to hurt her husband’s feelings. I’m sure through the years she has tried “nagging” approaches like, “Hey, babe, do you wanna go on a jog with me this morning/tonight?” “We should try going for a walk once a week. It’d be nice to spend the time with you, and it’d be good for us, too.” <— "us," so that she isn't insinuating it's all about him. She obviously loves her husband and isn't asking him to be a "hard body"?

    I don't know what a "Come to Jesus" situation is or what it refers to, but the fact that she has taken the time to write to RS and ask his opinion, as a man, how to approach him shows a great amount of love on her part. She never once said in her email that she was upping the ante by forcing him into some sort of ultimatum. And you do realize that gaining 30lbs in a time span of 12 years is about 2.5lbs a year, right? "Honey, I've noticed this year you seemed to have gained 2.5lbs, I'm concerned for your health." Shame on her? Shame on her for what? He's 29! He's not 80, their lives are just beginning.

    I applaud her for requiring more out of her husband and wanting more for her health and his. Why would this be any different than asking someone you love to quit smoking or drinking? They are all unhealthy, and when you love someone, you want them to be healthy and live a long life with you.

    Maybe you've never been truly loved by someone in your life, I don't know, but there are dozens of other things that factor into "dumping someone's ass" than weight and looks. It's very possible to be attracted to and love someone who isn't a hard body and find them attractive for a number of reasons. She's young, she's only 30, and she's trying to nip this in the bud now, so what you're saying makes no logical sense to me at all.

  7. Athena

    June 7, 2014 at 5:56 AM

    Interesting comments from both of you (Rob and kasey). I agree with kasey that the writer isn’t in any way saying that this is a do or die issue, but is something that challenges her behaviors and beliefs regarding health and fitness a LOT. Rob is right that she knew going in that the two of them didn’t see things the same way about this and it’s not really fair of her to make such a big deal about it now when she married him knowing this about him. I have a couple of reactions: First of all, maybe the weight issue isn’t the real issue, and maybe she is unhappy with other, more fundamental things about the relationship that she’s not willing/able to address directly. But, that’s just a hypothesis and might be completely off base. Secondly, it’s really easy, and I speak from personal experience, to want to manage, and sometime micromanage, another person’s life when it’s our own we should be focusing on. Hello co-dependency. Finally, the issue, IMO, isn’t really about weight, or even health, per se, but something more fundamentally different in their individual value systems that’s at the root of the conflict. For example, diferences on their values regarding present vs future, doing vs being, etc., that is getting in the way for her. I believe that our customs reflect our beliefs which reflect our values, the latter of which are really hard to identify and verbalize, but which are really the cornerstone of our identities. Basically, Steve’s advice about having a sit-down talk is right on. Whether they can get to the heart of these differences will be a challenge, but if they can, it could help them move beyond it in a way that they can both hopefully tolerate.

  8. rob22

    June 7, 2014 at 2:19 PM

    Kasey, a little harsh, don’t you think. You know nothing about me. I used to run lots of races including triathlons, halfs, and various bike races. Enjoy it while you can. Age has a way of taking that from most of us. Injuries just pile up. I was also lucky that my wife and I were able to do it together for a long time. But now it’s walks and hitting the gym…. Which is fine…. But not near as much fun as racing.

    My issue was not around her being upset about his weight gain. Almost none of us wants fat, unhealthy spouses. It was around the fact that she dated this guy for more than 10 years, so she knew who he was. He never pretended anything. He doesn’t like to workout and isn’t going to. Nagging him, or suggesting things to him will change nothing.

    Let’s change the vice. What if her husband was a smoker. If he smoked during the 10+ years they dated, is it reasonable to expect that, once married, he’d suddenly be open to suggestions to quit? Or, is it more likely that he’s made it clear that he likes to smoke and is planning on continuing?

    Bottom line, he is who he is. If she couldn’t accept it, she shouldn’t have married him. It’s extremely silly to marry someone who has consistently behaved in a certain manner and then think somehow “suggestions” are going to change anything. They didn’t work in the past, so what suggests that they’ll work now? I know that the female brain believes that she can change him. Not gonna happen. That’s the part I found so outrageously silly, not the fact that she doesn’t want a fat, lazy husband. My wife and I have always felt the same way, so guess what? We married active people…. Not couch potatoes. What’s so hard to understand about that?

  9. amyrn22

    June 8, 2014 at 6:22 AM

    Rob- how interesting how much you claim to know about my story, seeing as you completely read my email to Steve wrong, don’t know me, my husband, or our relationship, and basically were wrong and stupid in every comment you just made. My husband has very gradually put on weight. As I said to Steve, he’s not obese. I married him because he is the love of my life and I would NEVER have a “come to Jesus” with him about this. NEVER would I divorce him over such a stupid, vain issue. I simply wanted Steve’s perspective (a guy’s perspective) on how to gently nudge my husband into a healthier lifestyle. We’re getting older, and it’s important to be healthy. I’m a nurse, and I know that more than anyone. I don’t want to come across as a nag, or mean, or a bitch. Hence, why I’m writing to Steve. I never should have married him? Are you kidding? So you’re telling me that we can love our spouses unconditionally but can’t have any issues with some of their bad habits? This isn’t a make or break our marriage issue. @Kasey, you nailed it with your response. Everything you said was right and true, and I really appreciate someone understanding my perspective and why I reached out to Steve. I don’t yell and scream and nag my husband. I was looking for advice to get him moving a bit more without hurting his feelings. Sorry to make myself un-anonymous with my letter, but Rob you are so off that i had to say something. And you sure sound like this is a touchy subject for you.

  10. rob22

    June 8, 2014 at 10:21 AM

    OK, well I just gave another opinion. I do understand that you want your husband to be healthy and attractive. Who doesn’t? You can suggest away…. Nicely or otherwise. No, it’s not a small issue, and I agree with that. There are a number of issues that I wish my wife would change. But I have chosen to accept them, because she is who she is. My suggesting to her doesn’t change anything, and only causes conflict… And opens up her criticism of my faults…. And guess what ? I have more than a few, as you may have surmised. Anyway, maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe a sit down with him will change everything. So, go for it. If it doesn’t, what are you going to do then? Keep suggesting, or accept that we don’t really have any control of what our spouses, or anyone else, does in their lives?

    I do realize my responses came across overly strong. So, you do have my sincere apology for my lack of tact in my comments.

  11. kasey31

    June 9, 2014 at 3:57 PM

    Rob- Seriously, nice apology there. I think bc the majority of his Dr RS emails are so seemingly childish and immature, we mix up those emails from the few like these who are truly just looking for a response, not to be judged. And maybe it’s a girl thing, but I felt it was genuine and speaking from her heart.
    Touché with my cigarette analogy, by the way.
    I thought I had you there.

    Amym- You’re welcome! You seem like a very sweet, loving wife and I’m sure you will use the right words to talk to your husband about it, and I truly hope he takes it to heart.. When expressing some concern is coming from a place of love, it is felt by the person on the receiving end, even if they don’t necessarily like what you’re saying, And anyway, it’s difficult to get offended by the fact that he has a wife who loves him so much, she wants to spend as many days together as possible in the future.

    I agree with RS and Athena, talking to him about your concerns and why you’re concerned is the best route. In the end, you could essentially add another 10 years on to his life… Good luck!

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