Reality Steve


“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & The Release of the “Bachelor in Paradise” Cast – Kind Of

A LOT of “Reader Emails” to get to today, plus probably one of the most bizarre “Dr. Reality Steve” emails I’ve ever received. Enjoy…


Someone probably already gave this to you, but looks like they have a webpage. There are no specific details but a generic description and links to various local and national charities:

I’m guessing they set up a 501(c)(3) foundation to get some tax write offs and people can petition the foundation for donations to their cause (Red Cross, American Heart Association, etc.). Regardless of the motivation or actual dollar contribution, I’ll at least give them props for sending money (however large or small) to worthwhile causes.

Here’s all they tell you about it

Mission: Bachelor Gives Back supports various non-profit organizations that improve the quality of life and support the enrichment and empowerment of communities around the world where we work, live and travel.

About: Bachelor Gives Back was born of our desire to give back to the communities around the world where we work, live and travel. We have such amazing experiences in these places; we wanted to return the favor. At the Bachelor, we are fortunate enough to be exposed to so many great opportunities to help people in these locales: we feel obligated to give back whenever we can and improve the lives of those that truly need it the most. Everyone who has even been involved in the show- including hundred of cast members- are busy doing what they can to help whenever they can. Bachelor Gives Back is an ongoing campaign of social uplift where we encourage all, especially our viewers, to help where they can, however they can.

Participating Organizations: Bachelor Gives Back is proud to have worked with a collection of remarkable and inspiring organizations. For a full list, visit the Give Back Section!

Comment: Well, congrats to them for giving money to worthwhile charities. Now, if someone would at least send Gia’s family a bouquet of flowers or something, that’d be great.

Not sure I buy it, but interesting theory…

Comment: Eh, I don’t see it.

Hey! I’m prob the biggest fan of your site. No joke. Can’t believe I’ve never emailed you before. Me and my friends (who kindly let me spoil every season for them via you) wonder about this all the time – does abc provide the lead bachelorette their dresses, hair and makeup? Need to know.

Comment: I didn’t know someone could be the biggest fan of my site and not know the answer to this already since it’s been answered numerous times ha ha. Yes, the lead has their own wardrobe and makeup stylist all season. His name is Cary Fetman.

Looks like E! Is acknowledging you now!


Comment: Lets not mistake that story for spoilers. E! will never acknowledge any spoilers regarding the “Bachelor/ette” franchise because they work hand in hand with them and don’t want to piss them off. Mandate from the higher ups at ABC/NZK Productions that under no circumstances are they to reference me or my spoilers in their stories. Just the way it is. Not the only news outlet where that’s the case either.

However, they could quote me in this story because it wasn’t a “Bachelor/ette” spoiler. It was a “Couples Therapy” spoiler which happened to have a “Bachelor” couple in it. Thank you very much E! for writing a 10 paragraph story then waiting til the last one to basically say, “Oh yeah, Reality Steve was first to report it.” I mean, could the first sentence of that story easily have read, “As reported by, E! can confirm that Juan Pablo and Nikki will be on next season of ‘Couples Therapy'”? Of course they could’ve, but then they take a hit on credibility that they didn’t have a story like this first, so they bury who broke the story at the end. That’s how the mainstream media works.

It’s fine. I’ll continue to spoil seasons and post stories weeks and months before major news outlets do regarding this franchise. You don’t go to E!, or, or for spoilers, you go there for news and information – most of which you’ve already read here.

Everyone commented on Dez having small teeth, but no one has mentioned Andi’s being small yet! Have you noticed it?

Comment: Yes. Very small. Not Des small, but small.

Hi Steve – I’ve been reading your site for years – love it!

I often don’t watch the show until a few episodes have passed and there are fewer guys/girls to keep track of. This season I’m watching all the episodes (in conjunction with reading your column, of course). Here’s my question —

Does Andi have access to the guys’ bios? I know she has the cheesy photos of each one (and presumably a producer to tell her the names of the ones she can’t remember, especially the first night), but I wondered if she also knows their home towns and occupations, as the viewers do. I would think that would be helpful, at least early on.


Comment: The only way any lead would know who any of their guys are or anything about them before the first night is if they happen to have gone to my site. In recent seasons, I’ve usually had a few up before it was time for them to give up their phones. All a matter of if they chose to or not.

Although I have heard some seasons producers might give a small hint about what to expect. Not any names, or faces, just like a, “We’ve got a handsome lawyer for you,” or “there’s a former pageant winner,” etc. Stuff like that which is not very spoiler-ish.

Hi Steve,

In your last “Dr. Reality Steve” column you said “There’s something fishy in Denmark” when you advised the woman that her boyfriend not introducing her to his family after two years is a definite red flag. The actual quote is: “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark” and it’s from Hamlet, and it means the same thing: something is definitely weird here. Six of one, half a dozen of another, but in case you’re interested there it is

Happy birthday! Or, as we say here in Israel: Yom huledet sameach!

Comment: That’s right. How did I forget that quote? I knew I’d heard it, just didn’t know it was from Hamlet because, well, I don’t read Billy Shakes.

Just so people don’t get confused, the first few of these emails were sent late last week before my birthday, hence people wishing me “Happy Birthday.” It was this past Saturday. I ate dinner and went bowling with my friends. It was a lot of fun and my bowling skills are still on point.

Hi Steve,

Happy birthday!

Sorry for all the questions.

Do you have a prediction for the next bachelor yet? Seems to me they might be setting up Marcus or Chris and trying to gauge which one the women go craziest for at the MTA. But Chris seems too much of a “Sean” type (I think a Chris season would be very been-there-done-that) so I think Marcus might have the best shot. My prediction was in the episode-by-episode spoilers. It’s gonna be Chris.

Also, am I the only one who thought Andi over-reacted with the whole Craig thing? She kept calling it a “disaster” and basically questioning the entire thing just because he drank a little too much and came across as a completely innocent and playful drunk. She came across as super uptight. I would think most of the guys would find that extremely unattractive. Well, he was a disaster so I’ll say she hit that on the head.

I didn’t watch Juan Pablo’s season at all but you’ve sucked me back in for Andi’s. I don’t love her, but she is at least more entertaining than Des, if not kind of unrelatable. She seems very into herself. Andi is definitely one of the more confident, if not bordering on cocky, female leads they’ve ever had.

Did you hear that Kacie Boguskie got married? Yes. She met Rusty Gaston shortly after returning home from filming Sean’s season in October of 2012.

How would you rank the last 7 bachelorettes (Andi, Des, Emily, Ashley, Ali, Jillian, Deanna) in order of intelligence? Impossible to rank those since I don’t know any of them that well. Some I’ve had correspondence with more than others, but not to where I have much of an idea as to what they’re about or how smart they are.

One last thing–Does anybody from “Bachelor family” actually like Chris Bukowski? All of the “Bachelor family” blogs are really gracious about his latest publicity stunt but I would think that most of them would see him as a giant tool. I’m sure he’s got friends in the family, but just like most, I think people also see him as kinda douchey.

Since everyone seems so concerned about Andi’s job status a quick google search shows that even her employers don’t think she is going back to work since they list her job as a potential opening and are accepting job applications.

Comment: Andi is not back at work and I highly doubt she will.

Hi Steve!

In Bachelor/-ette history, what seasons do you think ABC has made a mistake in selecting the lead? Juan Pablo is obvious, and I also think Desiree was a little boring and there were better options. I think Mike Garofola or Drew would have been better than JP and Lindsay Yenter or Selma Alameri would have been more entertaining to watch. If you were to decide, what leads would you replace and who would you replace them with?

Keep up the amazing spoiler work!

Comment: Mike Garofola? Totally disagree. I thought Drew had a chance, but I guess they thought the dude with the daughter who spoke broken English was a better choice. Go figure.

Lindsay I could see. Selma? The girl who didn’t want to kiss a boy on TV because it might embarrass her parents? Ummmm, no.

Hi Steve:

Love the site, keep up the good work. A couple of comments and then a question.

I like Andi, I think she is genuine except for staaaahp and y’all. I don’t believe we heard those once out of her mouth on JP’s season. She is really playing up the southern belle this season.

I absolutely refuse to watch Bachelor in Paradise because Buttface Pukekowski is going to be on there. He makes me want to puke and poke my eyes out when I have to see him. I thought Jake the Fake was the worst, but this guy is the all time winner. in my opionion. Really ABC, you really had to scrape the bottom of the barrel with him? I can’t believe they think he’s good tv.

My question is do you know what has become of Slick Nick from Bachelor Pad who nobody really knew, then kept all the $250,000 for himself? He sure flies under the radar doesn’t he?

I look forward to your column each week, it makes my day. I hope you had a great birthday.

Comment: Nick still works as a trainer in Florida from what I can tell. No idea what he did with his money other than buy a truck.

1. Did you find it odd how Andi kept praising the way Marcus performed during his striptease with “humility”? Wtf? Could she have possibly chosen an odder, more inappropriate word? How do you shake your butt with humility? Not sure. Ask Marcus if he thinks he grinded on stage with humility.

2. Do you think Michelle is maybe doing Bachelor in Paradise as a chance to be around Graham? Can you see either of them hooking up with anyone but each other? I can’t. I don’t see why they’d be cast unless producers think they’ll hook up. Graham is so subdued…not exactly tv gold. This whole cast is a head scratcher to me.

3. Who are the football player and real estate mogul Andi dated? Where is there more info on that? Sorry if you’ve said already. The football player wasn’t anybody famous and barely played in the NFL. Forgot his name. As for the real estate mogul, I’m sure you’ll be hearing about that soon enough.

Great column. Wish you’d share what happens with Eric’s exit. Dying to know because he comes across amazingly! Happy birthday tomorrow!

one more…do you know why Tierra’s engagement broke up? I’m still not convinced it was ever real in the first place since his name was never released.

Hi Steve,

Hope you have(had) a great birthday weekend.

After reading about how you mentioned Andi might not return to her job, would it be because she can now live off of any earnings she makes from being in the bachelor world/public appearances etc?? No. Those only last so long. I think in the short term, she will weigh opportunities that come her way. Once she becomes yesterday’s news, well, she’ll need to get a job and she has a law degree, so I guess maybe she’ll go back to it. Just not anytime soon I don’t think.

Also, did Ashley ever finish dental school and become a dentist? Do most people who become a more prominent figure on the bachelor(ette) go back to their old jobs? Yes, she did.

1. I can’t get the comments to work on your posts, it keeps running in circles. Is it me or do you have your posts set to not allow comments? I wanted to comment to the woman who asked your advice on her co-worker/friend who suddenly didn’t want to be friends anymore. I just wanted to firmly agree he’s seeing someone now, but also wanted to add he’s either being told the communication needs to end by “her” or he’s not ready to admit maybe even to himself that its something serious with this new lady, so he’s being a douche about it, and she really deserves a better explanation!!! I don’t read my comments, but I can see the number of comments left and it seems to be working.

2. You mentioned about someone emailing DAYS after your original post to say they agreed with the whole staaaap thing. Some of us DVR the bachelor/ette and it takes a few days till we can watch it, therefore we don’t read your blog until we’ve watched the episode. So it’s brand new to me/us THAT day. Hopefully that makes sense! But there are plenty of others who read the blog without having seen the episode, so I never know which is which unless it’s specified.

Love your blog!!! I’m excited to read Courtney’s book from your review! I just ordered it on Amazon actually! I was also disappointed to see Trista and Ryan on marriage boot camp. They seemed way above that! From the timing of Jenni Farley, from jersey shore finding out she was pregnant right as the show started filming, it looks like filming for that show started in October/November. Trista and Ryan must have jumped right from there to doing the vow renewals, kinda weird. Didn’t it debut last Friday? I didn’t see it.

Anyway thanks for the awesome blog! Happy Birthday! Hope it’s been a good day!

Hi Reality Steve,

Long time reader, first time writer. Love the spoilers, pretty much the only reason I watch the show anymore.

Anyway, hypothetical-ish question for you (sorry if someone else asked this and I missed it): how do you think they would have handled the season/situation if Eric had been the final guy? Obviously he wouldn’t have died when he did, since it happened while filming was still going on, but just wondering what your thoughts were on how it would’ve gone if the final one had died.

Hope you had a great birthday!

Comment: Well, they would never cancel the season because that’s eleven 2 hour slots on a Monday night. As for what they’d do? I don’t really know. I’m assuming I would have spoiled who the final person chosen was, then, they’d just play the season out and the final show would be very highly rated because people would want to see what happened. But I think they’d refrain from in season interviews if that ever happened.

Hi Steve,

When Andi had her date with Eric it seemed like they were attracted to each other so I was surprised they didn’t show a kiss. I’m assuming there was a kiss and ABC decided against showing it because of Eric’s passing. Do you know?

Comment: I don’t know if they kissed or not, but my guess was that they didn’t.

These next three emails all revolve around who Cody looks like…

Subject: Who Framed Cody Sattler?

Is it just me or does he look like the crazy guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


Hey Steve,

Love your site. Did you notice that Cody bears a string resemblance to “Boo Radley” from To Kill A Mockingbird, played by a young Robert Duvall?

And don’t worry about age. It only starts to suck at 50.

Subject: Cody

I am not sure if this was brought up yet at all but isn’t the resemblance between Cody and Sean Lowe uncanny?

Comment: Three very different people. My final verdict on Cody is that he’s the beefed up love child of Sean Lowe and Macklemore.

Hi Steve,

I wonder how many of us realize how much our individual interactions with others affect their lives.

It dawned on me wile watching Sunday’s show, that if Andi had kept Eric around to the final four, he would not have died in that accident. Just made me think…..

Thanks, enjoy your web site.

Comment: Please don’t tell me that’s a backhanded way of saying that Andi had something to do with Eric’s death.


Has the show publicly acknowledged that Eric was not the final one? Obviously as readers of your site, we know he was eliminated, but did any official person from the show ever address that when acknowledging what happened to after the show? The way the media has discussed Eric, it seems like no one’s asking, “What if he was the one Andi chose?” so I was curious if this was from something official from the show, or if it’s just based on the spoilers being out there.


Comment: Yes. They acknowledged when he first died that he was a contestant who died after he had left filming. They had to.

Dear Reality Steve,

I’ve heard that episode 5 of this season of the Bachelorette is only one hour. Can you confirm this and possibly have an explanation why it is so short?

Comment: You got some misinformation. Next Monday the 9th, currently on ‘s schedule, at 8:00pm EST/7:00pm CST it says there’s a 1 hour show tentatively titled, “Bachelorette Special.” Maybe they recap the first four weeks? I don’t know. But there is no new episode next week. Episode 5 in France is the following Monday June 16th and continues every Monday until the finale on July 28th.

Hey Steve,

A belated comment and question.

1) Comment: it amazes me that in a season that included Jef, Arie and Kalon that Bukowski still manages to consistently out-douche them all. I’m sure he is quite proud of himself for this accomplishment. Chris is out douche-ing them on camera. The other three still have him beat off camera.

2) Question: Given the fact that Andi’s season will be concluding at approximately the same time that NFL training camps will be opening, I was wondering if you think Aaron Murray, who will already get his fair share of abuse based on the fact that he is a rookie, will get any spillover locker room heckling from his brother’s screen time on the Bachelorette. I can see a bunch of references to Andi’s cookie/kitty taking place. I’m sure he will. His former UGA teammates are already giving him sh** on Twitter.

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  1. bigfatwoman

    June 5, 2014 at 10:03 AM

    To the person who commented about Andi’s lack of inquiry to Dylan mentioning his brother’s funeral — it was spoken about on the train under the context of relationships and Dylan shared that his long time girlfriend broke up with him right after his brother’s funeral.

    You’d think most people would then ask more questions, as in, “your brother died?” but Andi remained mum. Not sure if this was editing or not but I too noticed it and I too thought it was strange.

    Sean Lowe’s wife Catherine does indeed have a stationery line that consists of paper products and chotchkes with cutesy, quippy one-liners imprinted. It is very much reflective of her cutesy and quippy juvenile personality. How do I know this? Sometimes when I’m in the mood to get annoyed, I inflict pain on myself and look at her twitter.

  2. purplesunsets

    June 5, 2014 at 10:06 AM

    I just saw this tweeted out. Funny and ouch. If you wondered why Nick didn’t like Josh this added to it. Did anyone notice this?

    #tbt goes to @viallnicholas28 and his ability to take one for the team. Hopefully the twins are still…

  3. sara100

    June 5, 2014 at 11:09 AM

    My account has finally been approved, after a long drawn out background check, so I have a few questions from Sunday and Monday’s episodes.

    First, on the Connecticut train date, wasn’t that weird when they got up to leave after dinner, and their plates were still completely full of food, like they didn’t eat anything?

    And another thing, I noticed Andi said something about “4 weeks,” even though the filming had only been going on for 2 weeks. I know it was the 4th episode, but do the producers think the audience is so dumb as to need each show to correspond to exactly one week of reality? Do you think Andi actually said “4 weeks,” or do you think that was dubbed in? That would certainly be confusing and weird to have to be forced to talk about time differently.

  4. rob22

    June 5, 2014 at 11:58 AM

    I’m going to comment on the email from the woman with the husband who gained weight. I don’t agree entrely with RS’s response. This woman didn’t date the guy, marry him, and THEN he stopped working out and gained weight. She dated him for 13 years, and about 10 years ago when he went to college & stopped playing sports, THEN he stopped working out & gained weight….. for the next 10 years of their dating. Her nagging was unsuccessful over the past 10 years to get him to change. So, RS suggests to nag him harder now that they are married?? Nope. Won’t work.

    This whole come-to-Jesus conversations should have been had 10 years ago, or at least before they got married. This falls under the heading of silly woman thinking that either “if he loves me, he will change for me” or “once we get married, I’ll change him”. This woman could have either (1) broken it off long before getting married or (2) accepted the situation, especially given the fact that she had been dating a fatter version of her boyfriend for 10 YEARS!!

    I realize she could now choose to have the “come to Jesus” meeting with him. But now she’s upped the ante & it’s become a “workout & lose weight or I’ll divorce you” discussion. Not good. BTW: how many of you women out there would endorse the ultimatum RS recommended if the roles were reversed? What if the guy suddenly decided he couldn’t live with a wife that had gained 20 pounds? I think the ladies would be having Steve’s head in that case.

    I’m not saying looks aren’t important. Just that this woman had ample opportunity during a LONG period of dating to address this issue. Shame on her for not doing so. She allowed this issue to get far worse than it needed to. She could have dumped this guy, found a hard body triathlete and had three kids by now if she’d addressed this issue appropriately.

  5. sarcasm

    June 5, 2014 at 8:22 PM

    For the lesbian that’s considering a life-altering decision, my co-worker had gender reassignment surgery 15 years ago and she is still the subject of whispers. It was probably the best thing for her, but she now faces a cruel world.

    Do you identify yourself as a man? There are plenty of lesbians that are masculine but don’t consider surgery. You said that the surgery would make relationships with women easier, but I assure you that it’s not as simple as you think. People that have surgery often identify themselves as transgender because you need a partner that understands the complexities of your situation. Just like plastic surgery, the reassignment can’t address the emotional and mental aspects of your situation.
    That being said, I know that the process begins with a psychological evaluation and hormone therapy. I would reach out to your local LGBT organizations for professional help, they will be able to guide you through the process or offer you someone that can help you talk through your struggle.

  6. kasey31

    June 7, 2014 at 2:40 AM

    @Rob22- I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in. And to have to read it on a public site that you love and frequent so often? Must be awful. But maybe that’s why she wrote to RS, just knowing that you’d see it… I’m sorry you found out this way, but hey! At least you won’t have to hear her “nag” anymore.

    Sounds like this one reeeeeally hit home for you. I’m in my early 30’s as well, I’m an avid runner, cross country, just like the author, and I don’t do it for any other reason than bc it makes me feel good and it’s healthy- but I can tell you this much- Her “nagging” was far more likely an attempt to gently motivate him considering the fact that she certainly does not come across as the type of woman looking to hurt her husband’s feelings. I’m sure through the years she has tried “nagging” approaches like, “Hey, babe, do you wanna go on a jog with me this morning/tonight?” “We should try going for a walk once a week. It’d be nice to spend the time with you, and it’d be good for us, too.” <— "us," so that she isn't insinuating it's all about him. She obviously loves her husband and isn't asking him to be a "hard body"?

    I don't know what a "Come to Jesus" situation is or what it refers to, but the fact that she has taken the time to write to RS and ask his opinion, as a man, how to approach him shows a great amount of love on her part. She never once said in her email that she was upping the ante by forcing him into some sort of ultimatum. And you do realize that gaining 30lbs in a time span of 12 years is about 2.5lbs a year, right? "Honey, I've noticed this year you seemed to have gained 2.5lbs, I'm concerned for your health." Shame on her? Shame on her for what? He's 29! He's not 80, their lives are just beginning.

    I applaud her for requiring more out of her husband and wanting more for her health and his. Why would this be any different than asking someone you love to quit smoking or drinking? They are all unhealthy, and when you love someone, you want them to be healthy and live a long life with you.

    Maybe you've never been truly loved by someone in your life, I don't know, but there are dozens of other things that factor into "dumping someone's ass" than weight and looks. It's very possible to be attracted to and love someone who isn't a hard body and find them attractive for a number of reasons. She's young, she's only 30, and she's trying to nip this in the bud now, so what you're saying makes no logical sense to me at all.

  7. Athena

    June 7, 2014 at 5:56 AM

    Interesting comments from both of you (Rob and kasey). I agree with kasey that the writer isn’t in any way saying that this is a do or die issue, but is something that challenges her behaviors and beliefs regarding health and fitness a LOT. Rob is right that she knew going in that the two of them didn’t see things the same way about this and it’s not really fair of her to make such a big deal about it now when she married him knowing this about him. I have a couple of reactions: First of all, maybe the weight issue isn’t the real issue, and maybe she is unhappy with other, more fundamental things about the relationship that she’s not willing/able to address directly. But, that’s just a hypothesis and might be completely off base. Secondly, it’s really easy, and I speak from personal experience, to want to manage, and sometime micromanage, another person’s life when it’s our own we should be focusing on. Hello co-dependency. Finally, the issue, IMO, isn’t really about weight, or even health, per se, but something more fundamentally different in their individual value systems that’s at the root of the conflict. For example, diferences on their values regarding present vs future, doing vs being, etc., that is getting in the way for her. I believe that our customs reflect our beliefs which reflect our values, the latter of which are really hard to identify and verbalize, but which are really the cornerstone of our identities. Basically, Steve’s advice about having a sit-down talk is right on. Whether they can get to the heart of these differences will be a challenge, but if they can, it could help them move beyond it in a way that they can both hopefully tolerate.

  8. rob22

    June 7, 2014 at 2:19 PM

    Kasey, a little harsh, don’t you think. You know nothing about me. I used to run lots of races including triathlons, halfs, and various bike races. Enjoy it while you can. Age has a way of taking that from most of us. Injuries just pile up. I was also lucky that my wife and I were able to do it together for a long time. But now it’s walks and hitting the gym…. Which is fine…. But not near as much fun as racing.

    My issue was not around her being upset about his weight gain. Almost none of us wants fat, unhealthy spouses. It was around the fact that she dated this guy for more than 10 years, so she knew who he was. He never pretended anything. He doesn’t like to workout and isn’t going to. Nagging him, or suggesting things to him will change nothing.

    Let’s change the vice. What if her husband was a smoker. If he smoked during the 10+ years they dated, is it reasonable to expect that, once married, he’d suddenly be open to suggestions to quit? Or, is it more likely that he’s made it clear that he likes to smoke and is planning on continuing?

    Bottom line, he is who he is. If she couldn’t accept it, she shouldn’t have married him. It’s extremely silly to marry someone who has consistently behaved in a certain manner and then think somehow “suggestions” are going to change anything. They didn’t work in the past, so what suggests that they’ll work now? I know that the female brain believes that she can change him. Not gonna happen. That’s the part I found so outrageously silly, not the fact that she doesn’t want a fat, lazy husband. My wife and I have always felt the same way, so guess what? We married active people…. Not couch potatoes. What’s so hard to understand about that?

  9. amyrn22

    June 8, 2014 at 6:22 AM

    Rob- how interesting how much you claim to know about my story, seeing as you completely read my email to Steve wrong, don’t know me, my husband, or our relationship, and basically were wrong and stupid in every comment you just made. My husband has very gradually put on weight. As I said to Steve, he’s not obese. I married him because he is the love of my life and I would NEVER have a “come to Jesus” with him about this. NEVER would I divorce him over such a stupid, vain issue. I simply wanted Steve’s perspective (a guy’s perspective) on how to gently nudge my husband into a healthier lifestyle. We’re getting older, and it’s important to be healthy. I’m a nurse, and I know that more than anyone. I don’t want to come across as a nag, or mean, or a bitch. Hence, why I’m writing to Steve. I never should have married him? Are you kidding? So you’re telling me that we can love our spouses unconditionally but can’t have any issues with some of their bad habits? This isn’t a make or break our marriage issue. @Kasey, you nailed it with your response. Everything you said was right and true, and I really appreciate someone understanding my perspective and why I reached out to Steve. I don’t yell and scream and nag my husband. I was looking for advice to get him moving a bit more without hurting his feelings. Sorry to make myself un-anonymous with my letter, but Rob you are so off that i had to say something. And you sure sound like this is a touchy subject for you.

  10. rob22

    June 8, 2014 at 10:21 AM

    OK, well I just gave another opinion. I do understand that you want your husband to be healthy and attractive. Who doesn’t? You can suggest away…. Nicely or otherwise. No, it’s not a small issue, and I agree with that. There are a number of issues that I wish my wife would change. But I have chosen to accept them, because she is who she is. My suggesting to her doesn’t change anything, and only causes conflict… And opens up her criticism of my faults…. And guess what ? I have more than a few, as you may have surmised. Anyway, maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe a sit down with him will change everything. So, go for it. If it doesn’t, what are you going to do then? Keep suggesting, or accept that we don’t really have any control of what our spouses, or anyone else, does in their lives?

    I do realize my responses came across overly strong. So, you do have my sincere apology for my lack of tact in my comments.

  11. kasey31

    June 9, 2014 at 3:57 PM

    Rob- Seriously, nice apology there. I think bc the majority of his Dr RS emails are so seemingly childish and immature, we mix up those emails from the few like these who are truly just looking for a response, not to be judged. And maybe it’s a girl thing, but I felt it was genuine and speaking from her heart.
    Touché with my cigarette analogy, by the way.
    I thought I had you there.

    Amym- You’re welcome! You seem like a very sweet, loving wife and I’m sure you will use the right words to talk to your husband about it, and I truly hope he takes it to heart.. When expressing some concern is coming from a place of love, it is felt by the person on the receiving end, even if they don’t necessarily like what you’re saying, And anyway, it’s difficult to get offended by the fact that he has a wife who loves him so much, she wants to spend as many days together as possible in the future.

    I agree with RS and Athena, talking to him about your concerns and why you’re concerned is the best route. In the end, you could essentially add another 10 years on to his life… Good luck!

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