Reality Steve


“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & The Release of the “Bachelor in Paradise” Cast – Kind Of

LOL at your recap about the guys not giving titty twisters over their new location, finally a normal reaction!

Is there any way of knowing what Nick wrote in the letter he sent to Andi? I tried to pause the tv to see if I could make any of it out but the handwriting was too illegible. I’m sure if you paused it at the right time you could. I wouldn’t waste your time though. It’s really irrelevant.

I was surprised to see that you didn’t mention anything about how awkward it was to watch Josh makeout with Andi in your recap, when they were at the cocktail party. He looked like he couldn’t contain himself and was about to rip off her clothes, making all those aggressive noises. I forgot. He definitely started attacking her lips like he was attacking a plate of food. It was kinda weird.

Dear reality Steve,

Your niece and nephew were adorable!!! I loved that you let them come on the podcast (although I missed your dog!) I didn’t mind the gum smacking. He’s a little boy! No big deal! I’ll have to start thinking of good questions for them for July. Does your sister watch the show? Who is her favorite guy this season?
Keep up the great work!

Comment: My sister never watches the show and wouldn’t know a thing that I’m talking about in my column.

I was looking at photos of Josh Murray and came across one of him with his mom. His mom looks eerily like Andi. Kinda weird.. Just saying. Did you notice this?

Comment: I think Josh and Andi could pass as brother and sister for sure. Andi fits right into that family, no doubt. Does she look like the mom? Eh, I can kinda see it.

Dear Steve,

I so wished they had picked Claire Crawley because she is sweet and has some life.

This Annie, Bachorlette, I just can’t watch anymore. She is so boring and stiff all
Time. Can they pick a good one next time. I am not sure.

I used to watch without fail but done. Maybe I will watch the last episode

I will always read your column. Any updates on Jerk face, Juan Pablo.

So sorry for Nickie but she is young.

Comment: So you don’t like Annie as the lead this season, huh? Yeah. It sucks for her. What’d you think about how Annie talked to Eric in that last episode? Annie kinda overreacted, didn’t she? Oh well.

Hi Steve!

Quick question…sorry if you’ve already addressed this.

I haven’t noticed any single dads on this season! Do you think Andi requested there not to be, or just no good candidates this season?

Comment: She might’ve requested that, but I’m not sure. Or maybe after the Juan Pablo train wreck, they wanted to take a season off of single dads.

Hi Steve,

Is it just me or does Andi have an eye that’s smaller? Almost like a lazy eye? Also, I don’t know which season is more unbearable to watch: Des’ or Andi’s.

Who would you take? Andi or Des?

Comment: I haven’t noticed her eyes. I think Andi is definitely more engaging with the guys when she talks to them. With that said, on a personal level, I’d take Des over her.

Do you know if Eric was Andi’s first kiss on the show? They don’t ever show them kissing. Being the first 1-on-1, I would image they kiss at the end of their date if not through out the day. Do they not show their forced affection out of respects to Eric and his family? Or did he genuinely not like her that much and didn’t make any moves on her?

Comment: I don’t know if they kissed, but if I had to guess I’d say they didn’t.

Molly Mesnick said on her podcast bachelor in Paradise was going to be a cross of paradise hotel & temptation island. Those were two of my favorite shows Fox had that I actually watched the repeats a few years ago. However I’m sure the bachelor franchise will script it and ruin it somehow. Did you see either of those shows? If so then you will understand better why people will be coming in new throughout the show as others are voted off.

Comment: “Temptation Island” was awesome. Never watched “Paradise Hotel.” But given the release of only 13 cast members yesterday, and knowing that at least 10 more people are currently out there in Mexico, I can see where that’s a possibility.

Hey Steve,

Just wondering why they never eat on the dates. There is always food, but no one touches it, even tho they do drink. On Brad’s season when he was letting Ashley go, she kept stuffing her face with food, and that is the last time anyone ate. Is that the reason?
Love your spoilers, but have to be very careful around my daughter who does NOT want to know anything until it happens….one slip of the tongue and I am toast!!

Comment: It’s because people don’t want to see people talking with food in their mouth. I’m sure it’s eaten at some point, but just never shown. Who wants to see someone chewing on TV?

Am I missing something? Why did the team with the Former Pro Basketball player suck so bad? He should be embarrassed.

Comment: Josh was a former baseball player, not basketball.

Hi Steve,

This is a really random question, but I was listening to a Bachelorette after show podcast and Graham Bunn (from Deanna Pappas’ season) was on it. He made some sarcastic comments about Jesse Csinczak. I mean, I really try to keep up with all this drama (don’t ask me why!), but I guess I never knew the 2 of them had an issue with one another. Could you enlighten me, please?

Comment: I don’t know what beef Graham specifically has with Jesse, but I know Jesse is not well liked in the “Bachelor” circles, so that doesn’t surprise me.

I am just curious about the timing of everything. So these are just my assumptions from past things you have said and the show’s shooting schedule, correct me if I am wrong.

So Andi gets on a plane and goes to film JP’s season last year from mid-Sept to mid November-ish right? And then once she eliminated herself she goes home and back to her life as usual. At what point does the show approach her and say ‘We want you to be the bachelorette’? I’m sure it was brought up to her in St. Lucia and/or it was in the back of her head. We all know that every “Bachelorette” ever cast has finished in the top 4 of their season, so of course she knew she was a candidate.

And then she obviously filmed from March through May of this year, and while the show is airing she is back to her normal life, her job, and the safe house visits, correct? Yes. Although she’s not going back to her job in the immediate future.

I’m just curious about the timing of all of this and what happens when the cameras stop rolling. Do most of the people (like NIck, for instance) just go back to their own lives and their jobs and whatever, save the attention whores who try to make something of themselves in the spotlight? Yep. Some move to LA because they think being on this show means they can land another TV gig. But for the most part, they just return home and go back to work.

Can contestants go home and date people or are they told not to? Does it make a difference if they only lasted a couple episodes versus like the final four? They can’t prevent you from living your life. However, if you are to go out on dates, it’s strongly encouraged you don’t publicize it on social media. If you’re gone in the first couple episodes, yeah they don’t want you to do it, but ultimately they don’t care because you’re not important to their storyline. Final 4? Yeah, if you don’t win and you wanna go home and go out with someone, you have to be pretty discreet about it.

And I know a lot of the final couples one or both end up moving. Could a final one end up moving to the lead’s town or vice versa while the show is airing if they keep things quiet until their finale? I’ve always wondered why more people didn’t try that unless they were absolutely forbidden. Could they? Sure. But I’m pretty sure they’re told to wait until the ATFR airs. I mean, Roberto and Ali had already gotten a place together in San Diego, and Des moved to Portland like a week after her ATFR aired. So obviously arrangements were being made while the show was still airing.

Hi Reality Steve,

I Just have to say that I really Love your constant sarcasm about being an Iowa Farmer when talking about Chris! I’m from Green Bay Wisconsin, and three years ago I fell for an Iowa Farmer myself. Since after a long three years I ended that relationship, I find it pretty comical when you say things like:

“But hey, we are talking about Chris here so any building with running water, taller than a tractor, and where you don’t have to kill your own dinner is probably 5 star to him.”

And when talking about Chris’s former engagement:

” Then again, maybe she didn’t want to be with you either because she didn’t want to feed pigs all day. There’s always that.”

If you are going to find me talking about my EX, its usually along the lines of that quoted above (Iowans think Iowa is the greatest place on earth).

All I can say is if Chris is the next Bachelor, girls need to realize what they are signing up for. Farmers, particularly in Iowa, only care about where they can make their next dollar. Sun up to sun down its farming, and that’s the way of life. Its rare to change that set and stone way of thinking in someone too. But I can say it would make for a comical season of city girls trying to impress a farm boy!!

Since you say “The Bachelor” title is Chris’s to lose, if he doesn’t want it, who else do you think would have a legitimate chance to be the next male lead for the franchise?

PS: hopefully not Marcus because that has boring written all over it!

Comment: Thanks for the info. Hope all future contestants on next season’s “Bachelor” know what they’d possibly be getting into.

Reality Steve!!!

Please tell me you caught them “mute” out Andi saying “Stahhhp” for the second time in a row after Brian made the half-court shot? They showed her full reaction, and she even said it once, but you could totally read her lips that she had said it again. They totally cut out her audio.

I’m going to keep looking for them to do this for the rest of the season, because if we notice she says “Staaahhhppp” too much, then so do the producers. Looks like they are trying to put a “Staaaaahhhhppp” to us hearing her use this phrase 😉

Comment: Jimmy Kimmel sure caught it. Or just used a voice over.

Hey Steve,

1. I know you’ve said the producers sort of provoke the people on the show to say certain things or to talk about certain things, but do you think it was the case with Dylan? It’s like he just COULD NOT wait to tell her his sad life story. Don’t get me wrong, it’s really sad, but it’s not really first date material or something she MUST know right away. And, provoked or not, wouldn’t he rather NOT talk about that on national television? Then again, he did go on Bachelor in Paradise right after, so maybe he isn’t that sad afterall.

Same thing with AshLee Frazier and Tenley and all others on the past seasons. They have these crazy conversations about their past marriages and deaths and what not STRAIGHT AWAY. Is it really all just the producers making the contestants talk about it? It’s definitely sad, but I think he knew from the second he signed on the show that he would eventually have to talk about it. These people all know what they’re getting into at this point, and if they don’t, unfortunately it’s their own fault.

P.S. I feel like Andi gave Dylan the rose out of pure guilt. She had to after all that.

2. Do you agree it’s extremely clear who Andi likes this season? She’s just going crazy over the ones she likes and they have all (except Josh) gotten 1-on-1 dates already. I feel like in other seasons the lead went on a couple of random 1-on-1s before narrowing it down to their favorite bunch. I’d say Eric and JJ have been Andi’s random 1-on-1’s so far.

3. I personally think what Eric said was completely spot on. And he wasn’t trying to bitch, I think, he was just trying to say – hey, it’s just us now, you can relax and not be perfect or what not. I agree.

Hey Steve,

Just wanted to throw in a suggestion for the next Bachelor. How about Marquel? It’s about time they change things up, and he would be the perfect candidate…he’s good looking, funny and likable. Of all the guys on the show now, he would be my pick, and I’m a white woman. He’s wasted on this season…there is no way Andi would pick him.
Just a thought. Big fan by the way.

Comment: Marquel is not going to be the next “Bachelor.” But you will see him on “Bachelor in Paradise,” so you’ll get your fix in a couple months.

Everyone is talking about how Dylan brought up his brothers death to Andi on the train but then shut down and couldnt share the rest of his story. I saw it a different way. I think he mentioned his brothers death trying to share his story. I was surprised Andi didnt say something like “oh no what happened to your brother”. She just sat there and stared at him. She should have asked him about it and then he could have told the story. Im surprised no one else saw it that way. I thought it was kind of rude of her not to ask.

Comment: I thought she did ask him about it on the train? Did I not remember that correctly? I thought she said something like, “Is it something you wanna talk about?” Or was that in the deleted scene from episode 2? Hell, I can’t remember.

Hi Steve,

I have a couple of questions.

1. Do the producers have a say on who gets roses? It’s not their decision ultimately, but they do have a lot of influence and will nudge them in certain directions.

2. After seeing Josh on the show, are you still more certain of them making it than other couples? So far, all I see is a physical connection between them. Also, Josh does seem to have a little bit of a temper. I don’t believe any couple from this show until they walk down the aisle. Until then, it means nothing. I think them living less than 10 minutes from each other absolutely helps them in reaching that goal, but it’s far from a certainty.

Hi Steve,

As a 25-year flight attendant for the proverbial major airline, I just wanted to thank you for expressing your opinion about your flight delay. I wish more passengers were able to put mechanical delays in the same perspective.If I ever have you on one of my flights, the drinks are on me. No need to reply.

Comment: Thanks. Airline please? I could use some free drinks on the plane. Flight attendant is a pretty thankless job. If the flight goes well, how many people take time out to thank them? And if it doesn’t, the passengers complain to you. So you’re welcome. I travel 10-12 times a year probably and rarely have I had any travel problems (knock on wood). But the amount of bitching and moaning I’ve seen and heard around me is mind boggling.

Hey Steve!

Happy birthday old fellow.

1. Do you know if Andi returned to her job as assistant DA?? I know they basically gave her an ultimatum to return to work last week.
Do they not watch the show at the Fulton County DA’s office? Do they not know that if you become a lead it changes your life and no way she would want to be a lowly assistant DA again? It is like she knew from the beginning no way she comes back but led them along to think she would. In the short term, she is not going back to her job. I can’t speak for her previous employer, but this shouldn’t be a surprise to them.

2. Now that you are 39 and living out the last years of your 30’s, is your life where you thought it would be by the time you turn 40? What things did you set out to accomplish for yourself by age 40? Wow. Deep. Absolutely I thought I’d be writing about a reality TV show for a living back when I was starting my radio career…ha ha. From the time I was in college, all I ever wanted to do was have my own sports talk show. Once I was in it for a while, I realized it’s not what I wanted to make out of my career. It then changed to writing. Somehow I wanted to write for someone or something. I didn’t know what, but I knew I wanted to write. I definitely didn’t think it’d be my own blog, but it’s where I’m at now.

3. Do you think Andi slept with the guys on the overnight dates? Yes, yes I know you weren’t in the bedroom with them and I know she isn’t spilling the beans on what went down……but what is your guess on if she slept with them? My guess is she slept with more than one.

4. Do you think the producers encourage sex in the fantasy suites to keep the drama going? Look at someone like Ben F. You really think he would have gotten down on one knee and proposed to Ashley H. if she didn’t spread her legs for him? You really think Claire would have reacted so nutty if Juan Pablo didn’t bang her? Why would they need to encourage it. I’m sure after being isolated for 6 weeks and only one other person around to hook up with and basically having to keep it at first base, I’m sure it doesn’t take much convincing for people to want to have sex when they finally get a chance in the fantasy suite.

5. Speaking of the above……..Josh Murray…….why would any respectable guy ask a girl to marry him knowing she just gave it up for 2 other guys in a fantasy suite just days before his proposal? Steve, from a guy’s perspective…..what kind of guy would be like, “hey I know you rolled in the sack with two other guys who are now my buddies on this show….just a few days ago…..but will your marry me?” Because the proposal at the end of this show doesn’t mean anything. You’re just doing it because the show expects and encourages it, not because you absolutely 100% know this is the person you want to marry. At that point is when the relationship starts. If every person were being truly honest, none of them would’ve proposed at the end. It makes no sense.

6. Do you think Hy Dorfman is trying to get some type of fame out of this show too and will be riding on Andi’s coat tails and trying to stretch out his 15 minutes also once this show is done? What fame exactly would Hy be riding off this?

7. Is your sister really into watching the Bachelor / Bachelorette or does she not really care? Doesn’t watch. Doesn’t care.

8. Do Sean and Catherine work, like real jobs? They seem to always be traveling all over the place and eating and at a beach but never actually working. Do each of them have 8-5 jobs where they report to an office every day? No. Catherine looks like she’s starting up a stationary business and I don’t know what Sean is doing now.

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  1. bigfatwoman

    June 5, 2014 at 10:03 AM

    To the person who commented about Andi’s lack of inquiry to Dylan mentioning his brother’s funeral — it was spoken about on the train under the context of relationships and Dylan shared that his long time girlfriend broke up with him right after his brother’s funeral.

    You’d think most people would then ask more questions, as in, “your brother died?” but Andi remained mum. Not sure if this was editing or not but I too noticed it and I too thought it was strange.

    Sean Lowe’s wife Catherine does indeed have a stationery line that consists of paper products and chotchkes with cutesy, quippy one-liners imprinted. It is very much reflective of her cutesy and quippy juvenile personality. How do I know this? Sometimes when I’m in the mood to get annoyed, I inflict pain on myself and look at her twitter.

  2. purplesunsets

    June 5, 2014 at 10:06 AM

    I just saw this tweeted out. Funny and ouch. If you wondered why Nick didn’t like Josh this added to it. Did anyone notice this?

    #tbt goes to @viallnicholas28 and his ability to take one for the team. Hopefully the twins are still…

  3. sara100

    June 5, 2014 at 11:09 AM

    My account has finally been approved, after a long drawn out background check, so I have a few questions from Sunday and Monday’s episodes.

    First, on the Connecticut train date, wasn’t that weird when they got up to leave after dinner, and their plates were still completely full of food, like they didn’t eat anything?

    And another thing, I noticed Andi said something about “4 weeks,” even though the filming had only been going on for 2 weeks. I know it was the 4th episode, but do the producers think the audience is so dumb as to need each show to correspond to exactly one week of reality? Do you think Andi actually said “4 weeks,” or do you think that was dubbed in? That would certainly be confusing and weird to have to be forced to talk about time differently.

  4. rob22

    June 5, 2014 at 11:58 AM

    I’m going to comment on the email from the woman with the husband who gained weight. I don’t agree entrely with RS’s response. This woman didn’t date the guy, marry him, and THEN he stopped working out and gained weight. She dated him for 13 years, and about 10 years ago when he went to college & stopped playing sports, THEN he stopped working out & gained weight….. for the next 10 years of their dating. Her nagging was unsuccessful over the past 10 years to get him to change. So, RS suggests to nag him harder now that they are married?? Nope. Won’t work.

    This whole come-to-Jesus conversations should have been had 10 years ago, or at least before they got married. This falls under the heading of silly woman thinking that either “if he loves me, he will change for me” or “once we get married, I’ll change him”. This woman could have either (1) broken it off long before getting married or (2) accepted the situation, especially given the fact that she had been dating a fatter version of her boyfriend for 10 YEARS!!

    I realize she could now choose to have the “come to Jesus” meeting with him. But now she’s upped the ante & it’s become a “workout & lose weight or I’ll divorce you” discussion. Not good. BTW: how many of you women out there would endorse the ultimatum RS recommended if the roles were reversed? What if the guy suddenly decided he couldn’t live with a wife that had gained 20 pounds? I think the ladies would be having Steve’s head in that case.

    I’m not saying looks aren’t important. Just that this woman had ample opportunity during a LONG period of dating to address this issue. Shame on her for not doing so. She allowed this issue to get far worse than it needed to. She could have dumped this guy, found a hard body triathlete and had three kids by now if she’d addressed this issue appropriately.

  5. sarcasm

    June 5, 2014 at 8:22 PM

    For the lesbian that’s considering a life-altering decision, my co-worker had gender reassignment surgery 15 years ago and she is still the subject of whispers. It was probably the best thing for her, but she now faces a cruel world.

    Do you identify yourself as a man? There are plenty of lesbians that are masculine but don’t consider surgery. You said that the surgery would make relationships with women easier, but I assure you that it’s not as simple as you think. People that have surgery often identify themselves as transgender because you need a partner that understands the complexities of your situation. Just like plastic surgery, the reassignment can’t address the emotional and mental aspects of your situation.
    That being said, I know that the process begins with a psychological evaluation and hormone therapy. I would reach out to your local LGBT organizations for professional help, they will be able to guide you through the process or offer you someone that can help you talk through your struggle.

  6. kasey31

    June 7, 2014 at 2:40 AM

    @Rob22- I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in. And to have to read it on a public site that you love and frequent so often? Must be awful. But maybe that’s why she wrote to RS, just knowing that you’d see it… I’m sorry you found out this way, but hey! At least you won’t have to hear her “nag” anymore.

    Sounds like this one reeeeeally hit home for you. I’m in my early 30’s as well, I’m an avid runner, cross country, just like the author, and I don’t do it for any other reason than bc it makes me feel good and it’s healthy- but I can tell you this much- Her “nagging” was far more likely an attempt to gently motivate him considering the fact that she certainly does not come across as the type of woman looking to hurt her husband’s feelings. I’m sure through the years she has tried “nagging” approaches like, “Hey, babe, do you wanna go on a jog with me this morning/tonight?” “We should try going for a walk once a week. It’d be nice to spend the time with you, and it’d be good for us, too.” <— "us," so that she isn't insinuating it's all about him. She obviously loves her husband and isn't asking him to be a "hard body"?

    I don't know what a "Come to Jesus" situation is or what it refers to, but the fact that she has taken the time to write to RS and ask his opinion, as a man, how to approach him shows a great amount of love on her part. She never once said in her email that she was upping the ante by forcing him into some sort of ultimatum. And you do realize that gaining 30lbs in a time span of 12 years is about 2.5lbs a year, right? "Honey, I've noticed this year you seemed to have gained 2.5lbs, I'm concerned for your health." Shame on her? Shame on her for what? He's 29! He's not 80, their lives are just beginning.

    I applaud her for requiring more out of her husband and wanting more for her health and his. Why would this be any different than asking someone you love to quit smoking or drinking? They are all unhealthy, and when you love someone, you want them to be healthy and live a long life with you.

    Maybe you've never been truly loved by someone in your life, I don't know, but there are dozens of other things that factor into "dumping someone's ass" than weight and looks. It's very possible to be attracted to and love someone who isn't a hard body and find them attractive for a number of reasons. She's young, she's only 30, and she's trying to nip this in the bud now, so what you're saying makes no logical sense to me at all.

  7. Athena

    June 7, 2014 at 5:56 AM

    Interesting comments from both of you (Rob and kasey). I agree with kasey that the writer isn’t in any way saying that this is a do or die issue, but is something that challenges her behaviors and beliefs regarding health and fitness a LOT. Rob is right that she knew going in that the two of them didn’t see things the same way about this and it’s not really fair of her to make such a big deal about it now when she married him knowing this about him. I have a couple of reactions: First of all, maybe the weight issue isn’t the real issue, and maybe she is unhappy with other, more fundamental things about the relationship that she’s not willing/able to address directly. But, that’s just a hypothesis and might be completely off base. Secondly, it’s really easy, and I speak from personal experience, to want to manage, and sometime micromanage, another person’s life when it’s our own we should be focusing on. Hello co-dependency. Finally, the issue, IMO, isn’t really about weight, or even health, per se, but something more fundamentally different in their individual value systems that’s at the root of the conflict. For example, diferences on their values regarding present vs future, doing vs being, etc., that is getting in the way for her. I believe that our customs reflect our beliefs which reflect our values, the latter of which are really hard to identify and verbalize, but which are really the cornerstone of our identities. Basically, Steve’s advice about having a sit-down talk is right on. Whether they can get to the heart of these differences will be a challenge, but if they can, it could help them move beyond it in a way that they can both hopefully tolerate.

  8. rob22

    June 7, 2014 at 2:19 PM

    Kasey, a little harsh, don’t you think. You know nothing about me. I used to run lots of races including triathlons, halfs, and various bike races. Enjoy it while you can. Age has a way of taking that from most of us. Injuries just pile up. I was also lucky that my wife and I were able to do it together for a long time. But now it’s walks and hitting the gym…. Which is fine…. But not near as much fun as racing.

    My issue was not around her being upset about his weight gain. Almost none of us wants fat, unhealthy spouses. It was around the fact that she dated this guy for more than 10 years, so she knew who he was. He never pretended anything. He doesn’t like to workout and isn’t going to. Nagging him, or suggesting things to him will change nothing.

    Let’s change the vice. What if her husband was a smoker. If he smoked during the 10+ years they dated, is it reasonable to expect that, once married, he’d suddenly be open to suggestions to quit? Or, is it more likely that he’s made it clear that he likes to smoke and is planning on continuing?

    Bottom line, he is who he is. If she couldn’t accept it, she shouldn’t have married him. It’s extremely silly to marry someone who has consistently behaved in a certain manner and then think somehow “suggestions” are going to change anything. They didn’t work in the past, so what suggests that they’ll work now? I know that the female brain believes that she can change him. Not gonna happen. That’s the part I found so outrageously silly, not the fact that she doesn’t want a fat, lazy husband. My wife and I have always felt the same way, so guess what? We married active people…. Not couch potatoes. What’s so hard to understand about that?

  9. amyrn22

    June 8, 2014 at 6:22 AM

    Rob- how interesting how much you claim to know about my story, seeing as you completely read my email to Steve wrong, don’t know me, my husband, or our relationship, and basically were wrong and stupid in every comment you just made. My husband has very gradually put on weight. As I said to Steve, he’s not obese. I married him because he is the love of my life and I would NEVER have a “come to Jesus” with him about this. NEVER would I divorce him over such a stupid, vain issue. I simply wanted Steve’s perspective (a guy’s perspective) on how to gently nudge my husband into a healthier lifestyle. We’re getting older, and it’s important to be healthy. I’m a nurse, and I know that more than anyone. I don’t want to come across as a nag, or mean, or a bitch. Hence, why I’m writing to Steve. I never should have married him? Are you kidding? So you’re telling me that we can love our spouses unconditionally but can’t have any issues with some of their bad habits? This isn’t a make or break our marriage issue. @Kasey, you nailed it with your response. Everything you said was right and true, and I really appreciate someone understanding my perspective and why I reached out to Steve. I don’t yell and scream and nag my husband. I was looking for advice to get him moving a bit more without hurting his feelings. Sorry to make myself un-anonymous with my letter, but Rob you are so off that i had to say something. And you sure sound like this is a touchy subject for you.

  10. rob22

    June 8, 2014 at 10:21 AM

    OK, well I just gave another opinion. I do understand that you want your husband to be healthy and attractive. Who doesn’t? You can suggest away…. Nicely or otherwise. No, it’s not a small issue, and I agree with that. There are a number of issues that I wish my wife would change. But I have chosen to accept them, because she is who she is. My suggesting to her doesn’t change anything, and only causes conflict… And opens up her criticism of my faults…. And guess what ? I have more than a few, as you may have surmised. Anyway, maybe I’m totally wrong. Maybe a sit down with him will change everything. So, go for it. If it doesn’t, what are you going to do then? Keep suggesting, or accept that we don’t really have any control of what our spouses, or anyone else, does in their lives?

    I do realize my responses came across overly strong. So, you do have my sincere apology for my lack of tact in my comments.

  11. kasey31

    June 9, 2014 at 3:57 PM

    Rob- Seriously, nice apology there. I think bc the majority of his Dr RS emails are so seemingly childish and immature, we mix up those emails from the few like these who are truly just looking for a response, not to be judged. And maybe it’s a girl thing, but I felt it was genuine and speaking from her heart.
    Touché with my cigarette analogy, by the way.
    I thought I had you there.

    Amym- You’re welcome! You seem like a very sweet, loving wife and I’m sure you will use the right words to talk to your husband about it, and I truly hope he takes it to heart.. When expressing some concern is coming from a place of love, it is felt by the person on the receiving end, even if they don’t necessarily like what you’re saying, And anyway, it’s difficult to get offended by the fact that he has a wife who loves him so much, she wants to spend as many days together as possible in the future.

    I agree with RS and Athena, talking to him about your concerns and why you’re concerned is the best route. In the end, you could essentially add another 10 years on to his life… Good luck!

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