-The group date was terrible. Just awful. Nine guys had to learn how to mime. Really, it was bad. If they didn’t already embarrass these guys enough already on group dates, now they put them in white face paint, white gloves, and that stupid mime gear. Needless to say, this had disaster written all over it. Chris: “There’s no mime’s in Iowa, I guarantee you.” No there most certainly isn’t. Because what a hootin’ hollerin’ time it’d be to watch a mime pretend like he’s bailing hay. Or pickin’ corn. Or whatever it is farmers do all day long. I honestly can’t remember the last time I ever saw a mime. Are they still around? Do people really enjoy them? Have you ever seen a mime that didn’t do at least one of these three things during his “act”:
1) Pretend he’s stuck in a box
2) Pull himself on a rope
3) Act out the point where life truly passed him by
Didn’t think so. I actually think the world would be a better place if there were no mimes in it. They add nothing to anything whatsoever and they should be abolished. Can we add that to the Constitution or something? Maybe start a bill? Whatever the case, if I never see another mime the rest of my life, it still won’t be soon enough.
-However Andi seems to think this is like the greatest group date idea ever. She’s big on nonverbal communication, so this is perfect. And hey, since almost half of these 9 guys we’ve barely seen or heard this season, this will be perfect. Andi: “They know how to step it up in those situations.” Uh huh. Just like they did on the stripping date, right? Step it up? How? None of them have the faintest clue how to mime, nor would anyone thrown into that situation. Did they try? Yes. Were any of them successful at it? Well, lets see: JJ imitated their 1-on-1 date from Santa Barbara, Marquel made babies cry, and Nick acted like an immature ass because he didn’t want to be on a group date. In case you didn’t know Nick, it’s physically impossible to go on this show and not be a part of at least 3 group dates during your time there. So you might wanna suck it up and stop acting entitled. Or, as everyone else including Andi is putting it, “arrogant.” Whatever you want to call it, Nick was the only one visibly upset with being on the group date and got called out for it later by Andi. I thought Andi called him “sulky,” but I guess it was “salty.” Either way, his attitude sucked and it’s probably because he didn’t get his Cheetos that day.
-The group date cocktail party is where all the drama kicked in. Two separate storylines of: Marquel vs Andrew and Nick’s arrogance rubbing guys the wrong way. But first, JJ steals Andi away for some alone time and relives all boys’ middle school fantasies by taking her on a ferris wheel. I mean, which one of us guys didn’t experience their first time with a girl on a ferris wheel? I’m pretty sure that most young boys copped their first feel on the ferris wheel. At least had a good make out session. Well, JJ got none of that. At least from what we saw. I could’ve sworn in the promo running for last night’s episode they showed JJ and Andi kissing on that thing. But come last night? Nope. I believe we got about 10 seconds of them in that thing before we were cut away to the drama going on back at the party. Poor JJ. First he gets stuck acting like an 127 year old man on his 1-on-1 date, and now he finally gets some quality time with her for the first time since Santa Barbara, and it’s barely even shown. Eh, I get it. They couldn’t possibly pass up Andrew the racist being confronted by the cookie monster. TV gold.
-But first up, the guys need to let Nick know how they feel about him. Cody says he’s getting a bad vibe from Nick and calls him out for being arrogant. Cody: “Do you think you’re the front runner?” Nick: “Probably.” This led to Cody attacking him for things Nick has said about him constantly saying he’s thankful to be here. Essentially, Cody thinks Nick rubs it in people’s faces that he’s gotten a lot of time with Andi and Cody is just thankful to be there. This causes Cody to bow up a little bit and put Nick on the defensive. He backs down, says they’re always joking on each other and apologizes. Nick doesn’t think it’s a big deal. Everyone else does. While this was going on, Chris gets some alone time with Andi and essentially rats on Nick a little bit telling her what just went down between Nick and Cody. Tells her that Cody didn’t like Nick making fun of him for being thankful he was there. Grown men acting like children basically. It was all kinda silly, but I think it would’ve been a lot funnier if Cody flat out military pressed Nick over a table Ultimate Warrior style. RIP Warrior.
-Nick is up next to talk to Andi and immediately she starts in with his piss poor attitude on group dates. Andi: “You seem salty on group dates…I just wanna shake you, just have fun…it’s hard for me to watch you on group dates.” Gee, that wasn’t the greatest vote of confidence now, was it? Nick says he’s not going to pretend he likes group dates because he doesn’t, and Andi says it’s part of the process you dolt. Ok, she didn’t call him a dolt, but you get the picture. Andi starts to question if she’s being fooled by Nick since he doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal, but she said since two of the nicest guys in the house (Cody and Chris) came to her and said this about Nick, there has to be some truth to it. So since Nick realized he’s stepping in it big time, what perfect timing for him to whip out a little something he wrote for Andi! Nick: “I’m not the secret admirer, but did write you something…” Oh, this will be good:
When I see you, I smile
When I see you, I blush
When I see you, I get nervous
When I see you, my chest bursts with excitement
When I see you, I see beauty
When I see you, I see strength
When I see you, I see purpose
When I see you, I see a future
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say the title of that note was “When I See You…” Just a hunch. Or, maybe it was “Since the Guys Here are Ganging Up on Me, Here’s Something to Get Me Out of the Dog House.” One of the two. When he’s done reading, Andi immediately says, “So are you gonna kiss me,” and basically whatever happened before that is forgotten. Kinda like Wonder Woman’s lasso. Or Clark Kent kissing Lois Lane at the end of Superman 2. Man, if we only had those powers.
-Time for Marquel vs Andrew, which in real life, would be a cakewalk for the cookie monster. I mean for pete’s sake, he does MMA training. He could probably snap Andrew’s femur like a chicken bone in 1.4 seconds. But since this is fantasy land where men have to solve their problems by talking it out, Marquel talks to Andrew in front of everyone to tell them he heard Andrew called him “blackie.” Smuggie laughs it off, says he treats everyone equally, and that he never said that. Marquel says he appreciates him being honest, and that was pretty much the end of that. Will we ever know if Andrew said it or not? Probably not. I’m guessing he did for the reasons I said earlier. Not to mention, some anti-Andrew fans out there sent me this clip from last night’s Buzzfeed Aftershow, where they talk about what happened on the “Bachelorette.” At the 4:30 mark, one of the hosts shares a story from this past weekend regarding Andrew and, well, it certainly fits the mold of what we’ve heard about him this season:
So lets see: In a span of three months Andrew has now been accused of three things:
1) Getting a waitresses phone number on a dating show
2) Calling Marquel “blackie”
3) Bad mouthing Andi to friends at a comedy show calling her the dreaded “c” word
But according to him, he’s being attacked and none of this is true. Ok. Got it. Lets let America make up their mind if all three of those things are completely made up. My guess is 90% of America right now thinks you’re walking slime. But hey, have fun trying to repair that reputation. Kinda hard to un-ring that bell. So how’s life of a reality TV contestant treating you nowadays? Regret that decision at all yet?
And oh yeah, JJ got the group date rose because he tried for second base on the ferris wheel. If he didn’t, he missed out. I mean, for a woman who basically never wears a bra isn’t she basically inviting everyone to join in on her yabbos? That’s what I thought.