Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” and Courtney’s Book

Dr. Reality Steve

Hi Dr. Steve,

I have a friend who’s in an interesting situation and I could really use a guy’s perspective. To put it bluntly, she REALLY wants to get married asap. She’s from a family where the parents really push the idea that you are not successful until you’ve found a husband. She’s had probably 3 “boyfriends” in the past 2 months, all of which haven’t worked out.

She recently met this guy online who seems to be want the same things as her, but the rest of us think something’s a little off. He’s 32 and has never had a girlfriend or hook-up of any sorts (apparently only pecked a girl). He’s pretty religious, and I get that – I am also saving myself for marriage but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my fair share of boyfriends and mild hook-ups.
He claims he’s never dated because he’s been too focused on his career until now. But it seems that now he is not only ready to date, but they’re talking marriage/kids 2 weeks after their first date! It’s like he had no interest in dating/intimacy whatsoever, and now suddenly is ready to get married.

I feel bad for judging him, because he seems nice enough (and I’m sure people find it weird that I’m 25 and have never had sex). I just don’t understand the deal with this guy and my friends and I are not only concerned but just plain confused. Any idea what his story could be?

Comment: Ok, that’s just ridiculous. No, not that he’s 32 and hasn’t had a girlfriend, hasn’t had sex, and has only pecked a girl. More so that he’s 32, hasn’t had a girlfriend, hasn’t had sex, has only pecked AND NOW he’s talking marriage to a girl 2 weeks after their first date. There are really people in the world like this? Really? Yikes. I fear for humanity.

Hi Steve,

I’m a 23 year old girl just out of grad school. A little over a year ago I met a guy at school and we started dating. He was great. Funny, sweet, considerate, etc. I had really never cared for anyone like I did him. My family lived him and I got along great with his family. Our relationship got pretty serious rather quickly. After we had been dating almost 7 months, things started going downhill. He would call me not even 30 minutes after he got off work already drunk out of his mind. I don’t know why he started drinking so heavily but it happened suddenly and had never been an issue before. It really just shocked me because before that point he had never drank much even socially. But it was happening all the time. I finally told him I couldn’t deal with it and he needed to stop for his own health and well being. He basically told me he wasn’t stopping and if that meant me leaving then so be it. It really broke my heart. I even tried a couple of times to get in touch with him a couple of weeks after he broke it off, but he just ignored me completely. Probably a month later, his cousin (who I never got along with because she was nothing but trouble) posted on Facebook “I just love (his name)’s new girlfriend!! She is so kickass”. I knew at that point he was hanging out with the wrong crowd, but I couldn’t help but be even more heartbroken that he already had another girlfriend. I finally just decided I had to move on. I got a new job, moved to a new city, began dating again. My life was actually going pretty well. I deleted him from my contacts and off of Facebook/instagram/etc. I really wanted to forget him completely. I started dating a new guy who is pretty much perfect on paper. I’m really into him and things have been going great.

Then, a week ago, my ex texted me at 1 am just saying “I miss you.” I had deleted his number but knew right away who it was. I’m not stupid, I realize he was probably drunk, but there was a part of me that was heartbroken all over again. I just don’t understand how he still has such a hold on me. The new guy I’m dating is so good to me, and I really do like him, but the feeling I got when my ex texted me felt like I was right back in the relationship with him again. And for a minute I was even excited he had reached out to me even if he was drunk. Part of me is so curious to know what’s going on in his life, how is his family, etc., but I know that talking to him will just make me want him because he is so charming. I guess I have pretty much answered my own question. I know I shouldn’t get back with him. But I am just wondering if I am ever going to really get over him and not wish things could be the way they were before he started drinking. It kills me to know he’s ruining his life. He has so much potential that he is throwing away. And I feel so sorry for his family. I had gotten so close to them, and it’s hard to know they’re having to deal with him like that. As much as I want to move on and put him completely out of my life, there is just something that keeps me hanging on. I’ve had several tough breakups in my life, but I’ve never felt so held back as I do after this one. It’s been almost 5 months since we broke up. I mean we only dated 7 months. I feel like I should be over him by now. And just when I felt like maybe I was over him, he texts me and all of those feelings came rushing back. It kind of scares me and makes me wonder if I only have two options in life: be hung up on him my whole life or go back to him and deal with alcoholism for the rest of my life. Neither sounds like something I want to do. In an ideal world, when he texted me, I would have been able to see clearly that our break up was for the best. But that’s not what it felt like at all. I had such an ache for the relationship we had, and I knew I missed him too. I need some advice badly.

Thanks Steve!!

Comment: You’re 23. I’m not surprised you’re hung up on an ex. Just know that if you take this guy back, and dump the boyfriend you currently like, you will end up disappointed in the end. 100% guaranteed. He drinks, he treated you like dirt by leaving you high and dry on such a quick breakup, and now he wants you when he’s horny. If you don’t see the red flags here, there’s a problem.

I know you think now that you’ll “be hung up on him your whole life,” but you won’t. It just seems that way now. You’ll realize your ways, you’ll realize he’s a zero, you’ll realize you don’t need that drama in your life, and you’ll never get involved with him again. If you do, just know that you know what you’re getting into, so no behavior should surprise you. Just know it probably won’t be a great relationship.

Dear Dr. Reality Steve:

I’m hoping to see a counselor this week to work through some of this, but I really wanted a guy’s perspective too! If you need more details, clarification, whatever- just ask. I’m kind of at the point where I’ll share everything because I’m just so hurt and confused.

Yesterday afternoon, Sunday, my husband of four and a half years asked to talk with me. He had been struggling with something all weekend and wanted to get it off his chest. B went to a coworker’s house on Friday night to play some card games. He, four other guys, and his coworker were there. We’ll call the coworker C. She’s what she calls “pan-sexual,” which to her means that she loves everyone. B has shared in previous conversations that C has sexual relations of various kinds with at least four guys, including her husband.

B said that he was getting the feelings of missing out on something. He didn’t have a “traditional college experience” – his words, which to him means that he didn’t go to a four year school, live on campus, drink, have sex with lots of people, etc. He said after being at C’s house and hearing the stories of the other guys, he had the thought to ask for his birthday an encounter with C. B’s birthday is next month, July 13th. I’ll be out of town the 6th-11th because of church camp (I’m the only female adult going, and I’ll have 20 girls, grades 6-12– think kind thoughts for me!). He would like to have this(these) encounter(s) with her while I’m gone. The struggle comes in, I think, because he’s said in the past that marriage is monogamous. I wholeheartedly believe that- and while I’m not immune to temptation, I haven’t gone so far as to think of all the steps to take to execute something like this. He has.

I guess it comes down to this: what do I do? Do I give him permission to sleep with her, knowing it will do (near) irreparable damage to our relationship? Or do I tell him HELL NO and worry he’ll go behind my back and do it anyway?

Comment: Am I in the Twilight Zone this week? You really needed to ask me if you should let your HUSBAND have sex with another woman while you’re away?

I’m speechless.

Send all links and emails to: To follow me on Twitter, it’s: Instagram name is “RealitySteve,” or join my Reality Steve Facebook Fan Page. Talk to you tonight.

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  1. Dianne

    June 26, 2014 at 10:40 AM

    Regarding the “Blind Items” from Courtney’s book, I, without a doubt, would say Bachelor #2 would be Bob Gainey. He was that sleezy that I could totally see that being him.

  2. shouldbeworking

    June 26, 2014 at 11:06 AM

    I read the book and I liked it. I think it took me about 3 hours to read.
    Dianne…totally who I thought of first for Bachelor #2.

  3. kaybaby

    June 26, 2014 at 11:15 AM

    For the woman whose Husband wants permission to have sex with another woman while she is away, the correct answer is “You’ll have to decide that on your own. You’ve already done damage and created doubt to our marriage by asking me.”

  4. arco5986

    June 26, 2014 at 11:16 AM

    Just wanted to mention that in the extra scenes after the episodes, Brian didn’t say f*ck in public, he said fart in public. That’s why the boys were all giggling like little girls while they answered the question. I have to admit, I was giggling pretty hard too. Re-watch the scene if you haven’t, best extra scene they’ve had in awhile.

  5. JovisMom

    June 26, 2014 at 1:18 PM

    How many pages is Courtney’s book?

  6. angelfish

    June 26, 2014 at 1:29 PM

    According to Amazon, Courtney’s book is 272 pages. Most of the customer reviews thus far say it’s very entertaining.

  7. addicted2rs

    June 26, 2014 at 1:44 PM

    I bought Courtney’s book and am about half way through it. I’m pleasantly surprised by how detailed she is about what casting was like, her experience during the Bachelor, her sex life. She is not vague. 🙂 I almost feel sorry for Jesse Metcalf etc… who are probably pretty mortified.

  8. bigfatwoman

    June 26, 2014 at 6:31 PM

    I’m sure Courtney’s book is entertaining but it would be hard for me to give my money to someone who seems to clearly be desperate for attention.

    From the ridiculous way she acted on Bach to over sharing in a book, I think this woman has a personality disorder and is nothing more than a pretty face.

    Sharleen’s blog is wonderful. I wasn’t much of a fan of her deer in the headlights persona with Juan Pebbles….but I thoroughly enjoy her witty blog.

  9. shouldbeworking

    June 27, 2014 at 7:01 AM

    I think I got my 12 bucks worth of entertainment from Courtneys book. I really wanted to know how the whole process works first hand. Steve calls her stories of touching herself exhilarating….I call it TMI. That didn’t need to be in the book. I know there are two sides to every story, but the way Ben acted in their relationship made me like him even less. I didn’t like him as the Bachelor, and she confirmed to me how he really is. Again, I know there are two sides to every story. I’m sure she’s no angel either.

  10. amyrn22

    June 27, 2014 at 7:17 AM

    No offense to Steve at all, but does anyone else think it’s weird how many women write in the reader emails or in the video blog about how good-looking Steve is or how “hot he looks tonight” in the live chat? It seems like it’s more and more women writing in and mentioning that every week, and there’s always 3 or 4 people who mention his looks on the video blog. He’s not ugly, but I’d say he’s completely average (not my type AT ALL). The way women fawn over him sometimes makes me think either there are some desperate women on this site or women just looking for attention from him. Like they want “unattainable reality steve” to like them. He seems really, really uncomfortable whenever he reads a comment like that- at least on the video blog. Maybe he’s flattered when he reads the emails alone but I always find it so awkward when someone comments about his looks or why doesn’t he have a girlfriend, etc. Am I missing something or do you guys see something in him I don’t?

  11. Dianne

    June 27, 2014 at 7:19 AM

    Oh, come on BFW! Give the girl a break. She was a victim to very bad editing on the producer’s part. I don’t believe for one second she’s “desperate” for attention. She had the opportunity to put it all out there with her book..and she did, and power to her. Nobody else has ever done this in the history of I give her credit where credit is due. So, tell me, BFW, if you were given such a bad rap, wouldn’t you want to do something to prove it’s not all true? Given the opportunity, I know I would.

  12. rob22

    June 27, 2014 at 8:19 AM

    Courtney wrote the book for money and attention. I’m sure the opportunity to put her own spin on things was a nice side benefit too. Bad edit or no bad edit, who knows? But remember, it was Ben Flatdicks season. He chose Courtney, otherwise she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be the villain and make money on a book. I wouldn’t pity her too much. In TV Land the only bad publicity is no publicity. The media and fan “hate” only fueled her notriety. Otherwise, no attention, no book, no money. Most of the lunatics that appear on this show have early exits and are never heard from again. Courtney is fully captializing on her 15 minutes.

  13. karynr

    June 27, 2014 at 8:19 AM

    I just finished the book and also feel like I got my money’s worth. It was entertaining and a very quick read. I was never a fan of Ben, but now know for a fact that he’s just a d***. I was never a fan of Courtney either, but really felt for her while reading the book. It’s so easy for all of us to sit behind our technology and say terrible things. When you read firsthand how it affects someone, it kind of makes you feel bad about being one of many judging someone I don’t know so harshly.

  14. karynr

    June 27, 2014 at 8:20 AM

    Grammar police….I know that last sentence is awful!

  15. strick432

    June 27, 2014 at 8:22 AM

    anybody that has the book wanna mail it to me and let me read it and I’ll mail it back? I don’t wanna buy it. I’m cheap.

  16. Dianne

    June 27, 2014 at 8:42 AM

    oh, I dunno rob22..I say that even if Ben hadn’t chosen Courtney, she still would have been give the opportunity to put it all in writing. She was pegged the villain from day one.

  17. grace6

    June 27, 2014 at 9:34 AM

    I don’t think Chris is the winner this season, but don’t dismiss that “idiot” JBF quite so quickly. You have to stop relying only of your “sources. Why was Chris S. handing out roses in Seattle weeks before the finale of Des’s season? Because there are now foilers! JBF had Chris as Des’s pick for most of the season! You were mocking the long list of clues/hints on that website during her season. You were wrong. They were right! Perhaps you should tone down your arrogance after that failure.

  18. karynr

    June 27, 2014 at 9:53 AM

    strick…I only have the Kindle edition or else I’d mail it to you.

  19. strick432

    June 27, 2014 at 10:48 AM

    Thanks karyn. I thought about asking Steve, but didn’t want to get my feelings hurt when he got mean with me and said no. I just can’t see buying it. My Kindle is broken. Any other takers wanna mail me the book?

  20. rob22

    June 27, 2014 at 11:52 AM

    Dianne, oh maybe, but her profile was raised significantly (and not in a positive way) when that idiot Ben Flatdick picked her. Remember the outrage and seeminingly weeks of tabloid and blog publicity that followed? Even people who never watched the show knew who Courtney was. I’m not sure someone like Tiarra would write a book and generate any interest. Maybe, but probably not.

  21. karynr

    June 28, 2014 at 6:28 AM

    It’s been bugging me all season, but I just realized who Nick resembles…IMO. I think he strongly resembles Peter MacNichol from Ally McBeal!

  22. sandy

    June 28, 2014 at 10:25 AM

    Well that didn’t take long. Rumor has it, that Andi and Josh will be competing against each other on next seasons Dancing with the Stars. Don’t they always plug a Bachette contestant each season.

    If so, then RS assumption that they are both hungry to stay in the media world would be correct.

  23. purplesunsets

    June 29, 2014 at 12:52 AM

    @karynr I see the resemblance! I loved that show.

    Ive read a rumor its The view is considering Andi after the two girls left. Its from a gossip sight though.

    Does anyone follow the other remaining guys from this season? I see their posts on IG popular page and it seems there’s a rivalry/sides of sorts going on? Like my bros and genuine people I love these guys but exclude certain people obviously in the picture. Well I see its mostly Nick, JJ and Brian who does it. Just found it weird

  24. andismouth

    June 29, 2014 at 7:03 AM

    To the reader who wrote that Andi’s mouth should have a Twitter account— it’s been actively yapping since the end of JuPa’s season.

  25. Sunnyside422

    June 29, 2014 at 10:13 AM

    Don’t intent to actually purchase Courtney’s book but if my local library can get it, I will read it that way. She deftly is over sharing her life…sad that she needs to basically trash herself and everyone in her life.

    Since Ben is butt ugly, he should have been very grateful that someone like her wanted to be with him! Always thought he was a twit and nothing he says or does now changes my opinion.

    Notice how he so wants to distance himself from Courtney and trashes her…hey stupid, you picked her so live with your huge mistake and shut up! I hope they both slither under those rocks they emerged from all those months ago.

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