Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise

“Bachelor in Paradise” Episode-by-Episode Spoilers

Welcome to “Bachelor in Paradise,” or as I’m hearing it referred to as, “Bachelor in a place where roaches, scorpions, and insects ran rampant, the food was terrible, hot water wasn’t always readily available, and the place they stayed was kind of a dump.” So yeah, I guess if they want to call that “Paradise,” be my guest. Maybe that’s why #YOPO (You Only Paradise Once) has been adopted by these contestants, because they wouldn’t wish this experience on their own worst enemy. Whatever the case, this was a major sh** show from start to finish with no real concept of what the hell was happening or what the point of all this was. All these people could’ve dated and hooked up outside of the show. Hell, most of them already had. Or at least knew each other. To hear Chris Harrison describe it is pretty laughable. I mean, I get that’s his job and what he’s paid to do. But to call this the best show they’ve ever produced is just him being a mouthpiece for the franchise. Certainly not what I’ve been told. It hasn’t aired yet, and I can guarantee you it isn’t the best thing they’ve ever produced. But it will be a trainwreck you can’t keep your eyes off of.

Before we get to the episode-by-episode breakdown, let’s give you the basics. Kind of like a “Bachelor in Paradise For Dummies” if you will:

-Filming started on Wednesday, June 4th and went for three weeks in Tulum, Mexico.

-The show begins airing on Aug. 4th (a week after Andi’s finale), and will run for 7 weeks every Monday night. As of right now, there is no plans for a “reunion” or “taped finale” show where they bring everyone back to complete the ending of the show. Everything that’s already filmed is the whole show. Things can change, and I’ll let you know if it does.

-Not counting the three former couples who appear at the end (Des & Chris, Jason & Molly, Sean & Catherine), there are 25 different former contestants that appear at some point on this show.

-Breaking it down further, 19 of those 25 were on the show within the last two years, meaning they were from Sean’s, Des’, Juan Pablo’s, or Andi’s season. The six who weren’t are:

Graham Bunn (Deanna, Bachelor Pad 2)
Jesse Kovacs (Jillian, Bachelor Pad 1)
Kalon McMahon (Emily, Bachelor Pad 3)
Michelle Kujawa (Jake, Bachelor Pad 1)
Chris Bukowski (Emily, Bachelor Pad 3, and I guess technically Andi’s season too)
Michelle Money (Brad, Bachelor Pad 2)

-The show initially started with 7 women and 6 men. They were:

Robert Graham (Des’ season)
Ben Scott (Des)
Graham Bunn (DeAnna, Bachelor Pad 2)
Marquel Martin (Andi)
Marcus Grodd (Andi)
Dylan Petitt (Andi)

Michelle Kujawa (Jake, Bachelor Pad 1)
Clare Crawley (Juan Pablo)
Sarah Herron (Sean)
AshLee Frazier (Sean)
Elise Mosca (Juan Pablo)
Lacy Faddoul (Juan Pablo)
Daniella McBride (Sean)

Michelle Money (Brad, Bachelor Pad 2) came into the house within the first couple days before they even had a first rose ceremony, so I’d include her in the initial cast to make it 8 women and 6 men. Trust me, it’ll be much easier to remember the “8 & 6” formula because it’ll get kind of confusing otherwise. At the end of every rose ceremony, there are 6 women and 6 men remaining. Then 2 people will enter the show (of the same sex), bringing it to a staggered “8 & 6.” Each episode rotates which sex has two more people there than the other (except one episode where 3 people enter).

-Every episode, there’s at least one man or one woman who leaves before a rose ceremony for whatever circumstances arose. You’ll see those as you read on as I’ll explain why each one left. But it sure is awfully convenient that going into every rose ceremony, there’s always one more of the sex that’s receiving the roses that week than the sex giving out the roses, making the last person giving out a rose that week having the pressure to decide between two people (in one instance three).

-Every new person that “arrives” in Mexico, brings a date card with them and gets a chance to ask anyone in the house to go on a date.

-Outside of the first episode, there are at least FOUR dates every episode – two from the new incoming people and two “house” dates, meaning people who were already there are given a card to ask someone to go on a date.

-The same person can go on multiple dates in the same episode if chosen. Happens I believe in every episode actually. You’ll notice that the “incoming” people don’t want to step on too many toes and relationships that have already been formed, so usually they each end up going out with the same person.

-Date cards are not like the date cards on the “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” where every time a date is announced, everyone is gathered around waiting for them to arrive and a big announcement is made. Sometimes it happens, but not all the time. They just randomly show up.

-The people that arrive on the show with date cards come staggered. Each episode, they show up on different days (always the same sex meaning two men or two women show up), and they don’t show up at the same time every time. For example, it’s not like at the end of the rose ceremony Chris Harrison says, “…and here are our next two people to enter the show” and they come walking up. They just randomly show up whenever, and most of the time, the cast isn’t all together when a new person arrives.

-At the first rose ceremony, the men are the ones giving roses to the women. The second rose ceremony, the women give roses to the men. It alternates this way through the first six episodes. Also, when one sex enters the house, that means they are the ones asking the dates, and the other sex will be the ones handing out the roses at that week’s rose ceremony. So like in episode 2, two men enter the show, so that means that week the men will ask the women on dates, and the women give out the roses at the rose ceremony. The next week, women enter, and men are the ones giving out roses. This alternates for the first six episodes. Get it. Got it. Good. You’ll be quizzed on this later. 100 question Scantron test and you can’t use your notes.

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  1. purplesunsets

    July 3, 2014 at 12:17 AM

    I just got so confused after reading that.

  2. shouldbeworking

    July 3, 2014 at 6:30 AM

    Me too! I’m glad I’m not the only one!! I will probably still watch it though if there’s nothing better on.

  3. vessel

    July 3, 2014 at 7:41 AM

    Completely confusing, agreed. Michelle Money is with Cody??? I just don’t see it.

  4. angelfish

    July 3, 2014 at 8:22 AM

    I think it looks SO trashtastically bad, it’s going to be hilarious. Definitely a must-watch, just for the fakeness, disfuction and delusions!

  5. bigfatwoman

    July 3, 2014 at 3:34 PM

    Wowza… head is spinning. This may be one for the DVR, only to be viewed in times of desperate boredom.

  6. rob22

    July 3, 2014 at 5:32 PM

    What a steaming pile. If viewers can’t understand it and it’s full of D- level ex-bachelor contestants, who’s really going to watch? Yeah, I guess we like train wrecks, but I mean this is in a class by itself.

  7. elizabeth82

    July 3, 2014 at 9:33 PM

    Ha, I remember “Temptation Island.” Did anyone watch “Paradise Hotel?” I think that was just one season. Anyway, this franchise should stick to its first two shows. “BP” was lame and trashy (what I actually watched of it) and “BiP” doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much better.

  8. karynr

    July 4, 2014 at 8:24 AM

    Elizabeth… I remember Temptation Island and Paradise Hotel. One of the low-life contestants from Paradise Hotel came into my place of employment at the time the show was on, and I had the hardest time not giving him a big laugh and pointed look when I walked by. He was one of the worst dirt bags on the short-lived show, along with the girl he ended up hooking up with.

    rob22…I have no doubt most, if not all of us, will watch the new trainwreck. I get such a kick out of these people who say “I’ won watch” or “I’ll never watch again.” How stupid and annoyingly dramatic.

  9. jezziebezzie

    July 7, 2014 at 9:26 PM

    OMG, Temptation Island! My sister was the ‘Reality Steve’ of the Temptation Island Days! (I did a bunch of her research?) And Holy Smokes, those people … Especially the single ‘Tempters’? They were desperate for any kind of fame they could get back then.
    They used to send her all kinds of their side projects, ’cause back then “Reality Star” alone wasn’t a viable career choice, just an entree to get your name out there for something else. So she got more bad photography, cheesy poetry, horrible ‘self-produced’ music, bad fiction and even some kinda ‘art’ involving baby doll parts that they were trying to have promoted.
    The most exciting time was the Cease & Desist from creepy “Millionaire” Rick Rockwell when she was writing about his sham marriage to Darva Conger.

  10. jezziebezzie

    July 7, 2014 at 9:37 PM

    Yay, wayback! I found the Rockwell letter from the now extremely defunct site & her very tongue in cheek reply. (Nothing ever came of it … Unlike your ridiculous issues with, well, you know…)

  11. jc

    September 1, 2014 at 9:03 PM

    The hit or miss (usually miss) hotel conditions and conditions in general is rather typical of Mexico, especially in the Yucatan, Mayan Riviera. That’s why we haven’t gone back in almost a decade. It’s quite surprising though the show was filmed there…like Steve wrote, it’s more like Temptation Island than anything.

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