Reality Steve

Dr. Reality Steve

“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & Live Video Chat Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

Yes, we will be back with another live video chat at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST tonight, but I won’t be happy about it. Why? Because we’ll be on during the exact time “Dating Naked” premieres on VH1. Of course I will be recording it and watching it afterwards, but damn, whose brilliant idea was this. Just another dating show where strangers meet except when they first see each other they’re both naked. No, not just topless. Naked. Fully Monty. The whole sha-bang. I mean, it’s not like any of us haven’t gotten naked on a first date before, but, right when you meet them? How incredibly awkward. And now it’s a TV show. Of course it is. Hell, I’m surprised it even took some network this long to televise something like this. There’s enough crap on TV in recent years that no one thought of doing this sooner? Whatever the case, I’ll be tuning in and setting it to a Season Pass on my DVR. Unbelievable. You have to have some serious balls to appear on that show. And I mean that literally and figuratively. I wonder if any of these people are remotely attractive or if it’s just gonna be a bunch of granola women who don’t shave and basically love being naked all day anyway. Should be fascinating to watch. Debuts on VH1 tonight. “Dating Naked.” You’ll never forget it. Set your DVR’s now.

Read a very funny and informative article by a former “Bachelor” contest posted on a website the other day. She’s actually an accomplished author and I’m guessing 99% of this show’s audience doesn’t have a clue who she is. I sure don’t remember her. Her name is Stephanie Simons and she was booted on the first night of Travis Stork’s season. She wrote a very funny column called “Everything I Know About Dating I Learned from Getting Rejected on ‘The Bachelor'”. Check it out. Gives you a glimpse on what someone goes through on this show. Best part is her talking about trying to set up her friends from the franchise with each other. I’m pretty sure I know who the guy is she’s referring to, but let me see if I can get a confirmation. A funny read.

Here are the deleted scenes from this past week’s episode. First one is Josh talking about the love potion he dranks and Nick & Josh’s video messages to Andi.

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  1. jillicious

    July 17, 2014 at 10:30 AM

    I created an account just so I could reply to the first Dr. Reality Steve email. To the writer: I would urge you to get out of this relationship right away. The behavior you have described is abusive – verbally and emotionally — and controlling. I understand that you believe that there are positives in your relationship, but abuse outweighs those by a landslide. If you stay with this man, you will regret it. I hope you love yourself enough to hold out for someone who respects you and treats you with love and kindness. It is 100% better to be alone than with an abuser.

  2. vicky15

    July 17, 2014 at 12:32 PM

    For the first Dr. Reality Steve writer. I agree with Dr. RS, you are probably more invested in the lifestyle and the stability you feel he can give you. Nothing is worth taking ANY verbal abuse. Get out now, too many red flags and fundamental differences. If you have to ask if you are ready to marry someone, you are not. Listen to your inner voice, it is there for a reason. Good luck!

  3. vessel

    July 17, 2014 at 2:56 PM

    For the first Dr.RS woman, if this was the right man for you to marry there would be no question in your mind. It would be a natural next step in your relationship, and one filled with no doubt, only with excitement and anticipation. If you question it to the degree you are writing to Steve then there is your answer. Anyone who lashes out and hurts your feelings repeatedly is not someone I’d advise staying with. Also, being a step mother is hard enough when you’re in love with the guy (trust me, it isn’t a bed of roses). But when you have different parenting philosophies like you describe picture the frustration and disagreement multiplied by a lot when the two of you have a baby of your own. My advice is the same as other comments here, love yourself enough to wait for the right one, when you find him you won’t question a thing.

  4. bigfatwoman

    July 17, 2014 at 4:06 PM

    Let me get this straight…..the person who thought they saw Gia Allemand in Paradise promos was being insensitive?

    Hmmmm…..could it be that she was genuinely perplexed as to why they would include her in promos?

    The most interesting thing about that “insensitive” email wasn’t the content. The most “insensitive” aspect was that you published it. Certainly you could’ve emailed her directly with your comment….but I guess public shaming is so much more fun. Rock on Steve.

  5. mariet

    July 17, 2014 at 7:36 PM

    I agree with the above posts regarding the first Dr. Steve email. Run away now! I always remember what Ann Landers (dating myself big time) said regarding marriage. Take whatever fault you find with that person while dating and multiply it times one hundred. That’s what you will get when married. And BFW I thought the exact same thing! Why publish that email? WTH.

  6. karynr

    July 18, 2014 at 2:17 AM

    I agree with everyone. This sounds like a relationship I was in years ago…..the one where I realized I deserved a lot better than a control freak who used words to manipulate and went right for the jugular when he was angry. Romance and sweeping me off my feet when things were good…..very mean, cold words when they weren’t. Run, don’t walk, far, far away from this man. To be blunt….you are in an unhealthy relationship with an abuser. My mom said it best at the time…”love’s not supposed to hurt so much.”

    “Damned if they do, damned if they don’t” What a perfect way to describe the haters this season. Nothing the show or Andi has done is right. Wow. IMO…one of the more enjoyable seasons due to a Bachelorette with some spirit. The last one I enjoyed this much was Ashley.

  7. karynr

    July 18, 2014 at 2:21 AM

    Meant a perfect way to describe the behavior and words of the haters. So much venom!

  8. deedee99

    July 18, 2014 at 7:45 AM

    To the first Dr. Reality writer..

    Abusive men don’t end up with women who tolerate it, by accident…
    They seek weak (sorry to sound harsh) women who they know will put up with it…
    …and how do they know if you’re weak or not…

    The very first time he abuses and you do nothing…you’ve just taught him.

    Unfortunately, it almost always escalates as time passes.

    Years ago there was a therapist on Oprah who said something I never, ever forgot…
    “When a man shows you who he is…BELIEVE HIM!!!”

  9. keddo

    July 18, 2014 at 9:25 AM

    Letter Writer 1:

    In a good relationship, the “in love” feelings last for a maximum of two years. When that disappears, what it left are the feelings that have been established by the way you treat each other and by the way you choose to behave towards each other. That is, to continue to have the FEELINGS of love for each other, you have to BEHAVE towards each other as if you genuinely cared for one another. This is maintained by acting towards each other in a loving way even when your feelings in the moment may not be loving. Whether or not someone is a Christian, I think everyone can benefit from taking to heart the definition of “love” as found in the Bible, In 1 Corinthians 13:
    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

    Does he truly love you, or is he merely doing what he needs to do to more permanently acquire the object of his sexual attraction? How will he treat you once he has you locked into the relationship and it’s easier for you to stay than to leave? What will happen as you become less sexually attractive, as we all do as we age? You owe it to yourself to deeply consider these questions.

    Also, by committing to him, you are not only getting a husband (or S.O., partner, whatever you want to call him), but he will likely become the father of your children. Is he the type of man you want to be raising your children? Now, it is not only YOUR life that is affected by your decision, but the lives of your children.

  10. liz123

    July 18, 2014 at 10:07 AM

    Hello there, dear long lost RS friends! I just had to take a moment out of my insanely busy life (the reason I barely have time to read RS’s recaps much less post anymore) to praise Steve for his response to the person who wanted Marquel Martin’s Nick speech to be posted. Steve, funniest thing you’ve written in 3 seasons! LOVED it!

  11. JovisMom

    July 18, 2014 at 10:34 AM

    Letter #1
    I believe 100% with what Steve said. This guy is no good! Do you see his ex (saying that b/c you are in his kid’s lives). Do you think you can get some insight from her? Why did they divorce? I don’t think moving in with him is a good idea. You deserve better than having someone lash out at you like that.
    Letter #2
    I am a 35 year old female. During the spring I met a guy and we dated for about 1.5mos. About the 3rd or 4th date (knowing he is religious) I told him something about my past to see how he would react to it. He told me that he is a born again virgin (he is 39) and has not had sex in 10years and does not plan on having sex until he gets married again. I have to admit that was the nail in the coffin for me. There were other things about him that I was on the fence about yes but sex is a big deal to some people, other people not so much. I’m not saying I am a slut or anything but I think of sex as a part of dating. You should try and let the guy know as soon as possible. The right guy (even if he isn’t a virgin) won’t let it be an issue. I applaud you for waiting so long!

    Good luck to you both!!!!

  12. keddo

    July 18, 2014 at 10:59 AM

    Letter Writer 2 (to Dr. RS, as I should have mentioned in my previous comment):

    There are several things worth discussing here.

    First, you say your are still a virgin because of your FAMILY’s Christian beliefs. What about YOUR faith? Because you are already letting the teachings of Christianity have an impact on the way you live your life, I am going to make a suggestion that probably most readers of this site won’t understand or agree with, but I believe will ring true in your heart. Stop thinking about what compromises or other changes you need to make in order to be accepted by a potential boyfriend, and start developing your relationship with Jesus Christ, the One who already loves you unconditionally, already has a plan for you, and is waiting for you to seek Him out. If you had a boyfriend, you would make time for him. Right now you can make time for Him, where you can pray and read His Word for yourself. Cry out to Him about the desires of your heart, including your need for a mate. Find a congregation that takes an interest in you and encourages you in your faith and in your struggles. If you do this, the issue of your virginity will become crystal-clear.

    Next, what kind of man are you trying to attract? Do you want a man whose primary concern is your performance in bed? Or do you want a man who first wants to commit to you, THEN wants to explore ways of learning to please each other by him telling you what works for him and by asking you what works for you. Do you want a man who dismisses you because of your lack of experience, or one who at least respects, or ideally shares, your decision to give your virginity to your mate as a wedding gift.

    Next, there will be indicators of what kind of lover someone will be in the way they are in less intimate situations. Does he consider your needs? Is he enthusiastic about trying new things? How does he react to disappointment? Does he respect your boundaries? Can he be trusted with your secrets? As your relationship progresses, is his joy in being with you becoming more obvious, or is it fading? When your ideas about things are not in perfect alignment, do you both make accommodations? When you kiss, is it obvious he’s enjoying you?…you, him? Who does he say he wants to model his relationship with his wife after? Do you also admire that couple’s relationship?

    Next, what kind of sexual experience do you think you will need to have before being acceptable to this yet-unmet boyfriend? A one-night experience to simply “pop your cherry”? A variety of lovers from which to gain a variety of skills? A variety of different experiences with different kinds of fetishes?

    What are the consequences of this cumulative experience? Heartbreak? STIs? Pregnancies? Time wasted on relationships that ultimately lead nowhere? When you finally meet “the one”, how will he compare to your previous lovers? Will you be continually thinking about how he doesn’t measure up to a previous lover? Will it always be in the back of your mind that he might be comparing you to one or all of his ex-lovers? How much do you tell him? What if you’re out together and you bump into an ex?

    I was a virgin when I married a virgin who shares my faith. My marriage has worked for 21 years and people continue to comment on our loving behavior. We have many friends who can say the same.

    My advice: Make your faith real. Find someone who shares it, displays the characteristics of a good lover, husband, and father, and who is really into YOU as you are NOW.

  13. val717

    July 21, 2014 at 5:33 AM

    Long time reader dating the person who is 17 years older needs to RUN…she’s got more red flags in this relationship than the United Nations has flags. I lived a similar situation and ended up married to the person. The emotional abuse I suffered had a disastrous effect on my and it took me a long time to rediscover who me. Get out while you can…your heart will heal and you’ll be better for it.

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