Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise

“Reader Emails,” “Dr. Reality Steve,” & Live Video Chat Tonight at 9:00pm EST/6:00pm PST

I will be back doing the live video chat tonight talking all things “Bachelor in Paradise” etc, but I don’t know how happy I’ll be doing it. Why? Because I’m a tad sick. Throat is sore and I’m a little congested. So I’ll apologize in advance for not being my usual cheery, upbeat, bouncing off walls self that you’re so accustomed to. That was sarcasm. Anyway, since I’m a trooper I will fight through it to answer your questions for the night. Good ones, bad ones, weird ones, just bring it. Maybe because I’ll have Nyquil in me I’ll get loopy and share all my innermost secrets with a bunch of strangers? Or not. Whatever the case, I’ll be there tonight and you should be too. Just bear with me a little bit. Not a whole hell of a lot happening in “Bachelor” land this week really, so we’re just gonna get right to the “Reader Emails” and “Dr. Reality Steve.” A lot of short questions this week. Sometimes that’s a good thing. Although short questions tend to lead to short answers, so you’ve been warned. However, I think the question most frequently asked this week is why is ABC not televising Des and Chris’ wedding? A question I’ve answered, oh I don’t know, about 150 times since I told people about it. My answer is still the same. I don’t know why, I just know it’s not being televised.



I actually read your recap before seeing the first episode, and just got through it last night. Top ten thoughts:

1. Couldn’t agree more about Lacy’s fabulous chest. She may not know what 80 and 40 add up to, and if she were a guy she’d be slammed as a player, but frankly all that gets cancelled out by those impressive knockers. I think when she comes in the room with a revealing top on, there should be a moment of silence, maybe some applause, men could bow…something. Something that magnificent deserves public recognition.

2. If the Bachelor really wanted to do something interesting, they’d look into casting Marquel as the next Bachelor. Probably need to work on his willingness to make some moves on camera, but the show would become way more interesting with a minority lead (technically I know Juan Pabs was Hispanic, but looked more Euro, and anyway did anyone ever get past how damn stupid he was to even think about his heritage?). I liked Chris Soules fine, but yet another hunky white dude is a yawner at this point.

3. Pretty stunned to hear Graham say that he came on the show to meet AshLee. The previous book on Graham was that he was a mostly friendly, likeable guy, but a major commitment-phobe…so he comes on the show to meet Fatal Attraction 2? Pretty incoherent. AshLee’s behavior, while ridiculous, was a surprise to no one except Graham. At this point, how could you not know what you’re getting with her?

4. Michelle Money made me almost sad. She’s come a long way since the sexy maneater she was on Brad’s Bachelor season. So much less edge to her now—years have gone by, and she seems a little sad. Looks like she latched onto Marquel not because she was so enamored with him, but more so because he was the best of this particular bunch. That isn’t going anywhere. Anyway, kinda miss the old Michelle a bit.

5. Marcus was another one who depressed me, mostly because I do believe he really did get hurt on Andy’s season. Watching him chase after Lacy was sort of pathetic. He strikes me as somebody who’s normally a little bit smarter than how he acted, but he’s hurt and lonely and chasing a pretty skirt (and those gazongas). A girl who straddles Robert and dry humps him at the same time she’s leading you on…is probably not wife material. Marcus is (I think) a smart enough guy to piece that together on a typical day. I’m guessing he’ll eventually figure that out (presumably on a day when Lacy is wearing an oversized pullover, thus disengaging the hypnotic power of her girls) and they’ll not get married.

6. Lacy clearly loved it when Marcus gave her the rose, because she liked him coming after her. Which means she liked being competed for. Which means she’s unserious. Which means she’s toxic. Oh who cares—look down.

7. Clare is not really built for this franchise, but she hasn’t figured it out yet. Most of the people on this show are playing to the camera in one way or another, but you get the sense that with Clare, she actually buys into the whole thing. She really thinks she’s there to meet someone and “find love”. Which is really sad. It’s a joke, and most of them get it, but Clare isn’t in on the joke yet.

8. Can’t wait for Chris Bukowski. It’s rare to find such a pure douchebag without redeeming qualities. The only thing that would make his appearance even more eventful would be if he were not originally cast, but crashed the show as he attempted to do on Andi’s season.

9. It would be so awesome if Jake Pavelka were on. I know they really had to scrounge for contestants this time, but you can’t tell me Jake wouldn’t have done it. Dude would go on TV and have his own vasectomy broadcasted live if they offered it to him.

10. Towards the end of the show, I started thinking about Gia, and it made me have actual, serious thoughts. I remember when she went on this show (I think she had 3 total appearances on the Bachelor franchise) and she was such a gorgeous girl who seemed strangely lonely, needy, with an inferiority complex that never made sense to me. Not implying at all that the show caused her to take her own life, just saying it revealed enough about her to where you can think back and see the hints of what was wrong inside her at the time. You wonder who among the current crop could really use some counseling and friendship rather than to keep putting themselves into this shallow freak show.

Over and out

Comment: What a great email. Well thought out, great points, humorous, and pretty much accurate.

Hi Steve!

I gotta say I feel pretty weird emailing someone about a TV Show, but whatever, I’m curious and apparently I have the time in my hands right now (?).

I have not been watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette for long. I saw Trista’s season back in the day and that was that. But recently I came across your website and for some reason it made me curious so I watched Sean’s, Des’ and Andi’s seasons since. It’s admittedly a very silly concept, but it’s good for laughs and second hand embarrassment. Still there were a few contestants here and there that I liked, at least from afar. How can a show be entertaining, embarrassing and kind of stupid at the same time? I don’t know, but it is.

I have a few questions:

My first one would be concerning Des’ season. I actually really liked her season, and I’m glad with how things worked out. I do think Chris was the best guy from the beginning and Des seemed a little blinded by Brooks (even though he wasn’t giving her much to go by, so I don’t know why). I’m glad she finally felt right with Chris. I know you got the spoilers wrong that season, but you said in a recent email response that you didn’t understand the finale. I’m not sure what you are referring to. Did you not understand why the spoilers were wrong, or something else? I’m curious because so far it’s been the one I enjoyed the most. I didn’t understand how she sat there and told Chris Harrison that she was in love with Brooks, and less than two weeks later she was engaged to someone else. I don’t think anyone really understood that. But she and Chris are still together and going to get married, so I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought a year ago.

In regards to Andi’s season, it was fun to watch but I think it’s a bit less entertaining when the lead has a clear choice from the beginning, which was Andi’s case. I like it when they build up slowly (even if it is thanks to editing haha) like Catherine and Chris. Still, it was an ok season too. I think it’s pretty hilarious all the controversy around Nick’s sex statement. He said it, it was stupid, move on. I’ve been seeing such black and white opinions on that, and I just wanted to say for the record that I don’t think it’s an either or kind of situation. I think what he did was stupid and classless, but I don’t think it was that big of a deal either. As a contestant he was a bit annoying, but then again, most of them are, so… It’s definitely not black and white. There’s no right or wrong to what he did. All you have to do is read all the different responses. My personal opinion is it’s something I wouldn’t have done on national television. There was no point.

My next question would be about the contestants jobs, do they keep their jobs when they go on the Bachelor? It’s just that every season they make a big deal about being there “for the right reasons” but even those who are there to “really find love”, they are obviously also there to be famous. If all you want is to find love go to a bar, ask your friends to set you up, I don’t know there’s other ways. So even if you are there for the RIGHTEST reasons, being famous is always part of it obviously. But there’s only so much they can do with that show, right? There’s only so many ways they can exploit their pseudo-fame. And if they go back to their actual jobs wouldn’t being on the Bachelor lose them some credibility? I’m thinking for example Andi’s job which seems serious and I just don’t see how being on The Bachelorette won’t make her lose credibility in her actual profession. What do you think? Everybody’s particular job is different. Some quit their jobs, some lose their jobs when they get back, some go right back to their job. It all depends on what their job is.

And the last question: just to get your opinion, out of the (few) couples that got engaged at the end of the show and are still together, which one has surprised you the most? Like which one did you think would have broken up earlier – or you weren’t sure about – and have surprised you by staying together (at least so far)?

Ok, thanks for taking the time to answer these questions, as pointless as they are.

Comment: Probably just Des and Chris because of what I answered in your first paragraph.

Hi Steve.

This is not a question, per se, just an observation email.

After watching BIP, I got the idea that in all reality, what we are watching is a recap of any and all Bachelor/ette reunion parties. The only difference is, it’s shown to millions of viewers, we don’t need an invitation, and we don’t need to buy our dinner or dress for the occasion. Any thoughts? Pretty much since the dates aren’t all that exotic.

The lady that wrote to you about her dog chewing leashes? I’m thinking that the previous owner used a leash as punishment? Or was harsh with a leash and the dog sees it as a threat or punishment?

I’ve used bitter apple in the past and it works but the best thing is to get those big rubber chewy things that you can put gobs of cheese or peanut butter in that they have to work to get it out. And will last about 2 hours. Maybe that will help. Thanks. Love your recaps and spoilers. Don’t ever quit.

Comment: You mean the Kongs? I’ve used that with Maddie. Definitely kept her occupied. But once she got the treat out of there, it was back to eating anything I happened to leave laying around.

How many producers really work on the show? I know some are more public, like Elan – do they have more power/influence on what happens on the show?

Love the blog!

Comment: Yes, Elan is one of the higher up producers. Definitely has a lot of pull and influence on the show and the contestants. There are lower level producers for sure. I’ve heard their names over the years, but I don’t remember.

Love your blog and your spoilers, congrats on being right, yada, yada, yada.

I’ve read where people are just shocked that Andi would sleep with both Nick and Josh within a few days of each other and then get engaged. Some have gone so far as to even call her a “slut.” Maybe I’m old fashioned, okay, not at all, but I would rather know what I am getting myself into in the bedroom department before I made my mind up. Say she didn’t sleep with either one of them and then picked Josh and he SUCKED in the bedroom. She’d forever kick herself because a. she’s either stuck with Josh and a crappy sex life or b. she has to get rid of him because I’m sorry, chemistry in the bedroom is VERY important. Maybe things would have been different if the chemistry with Nick in the fantasy suite were different, who knows? But, damn, people need to cut her some slack. I’m sure more people have thought about this but are afraid to say it. I know if I were down to my last two guys and one happened to be much better in the bedroom than the other, that would bear some weight on my decision. Maybe it shouldn’t, but it definitely would. Does that make me a slut? I don’t think so and I KNOW I’m not the only one that feels this way!

Comment: No, you’re definitely not.

Hi Steve,

I just love your blog. I probably wouldn’t watch the show if it wasn’t for your spoilers and great commentary.

Two questions for you. First of all, do you know why ABC will not be televising the wedding of Des and Chris? Considering how few couples from the Bachelor or Bachelorette actually do get married, it’s strange they are passing on it. No. I just know they aren’t.

Also, the Dallas TV series is resuming later this month. I never miss it. Do you watch the show also and if so how do you like it?


Comment: Never seen it. No plans to.

So now that we know it’s Chris, I was wondering if you knew who especially disliked him in the house. We know JJ was one, if memory serves we saw a soundbite of him saying flat out he didn’t like Chris.

Chris isn’t exactly like another Sean, because we’ve seen him willing to cuss out and fight other people.

Comment: I’m not sure, but other than JJ, I think he was pretty well liked.

Hi Steve,

Not something regarding BIP but after watching the video on Thursday and what you said about that E! show cutting you out was just wondering if ABC has directly ever done anything to try to stop you from spoiling The Bachelor/ette? Like have any producers tried contacting sponsors who pay you or contact you or anything to try to inhibit you? That’s pretty insane that they would go through all that trouble to force E! to edit the entire show because of you…

Just curious…I love those behind the scenes tidbits I had never heard that story before!

Comment: No, nothing like that. Contacting sponsors wouldn’t make any sense. There’s not a whole hell of a lot they can do. They tried to sue me twice, we settled both times, and I’ve continued to spoil. They just pretty much have to accept it’s going to happen at this point.

There was a reader question about the BIP house last week. I found the location online (Casa Palapa in Tulum) and it is actually a very expensive rental property ($17,500 to $24,500 per week for ten people, twice that for Christmas or Holy Week). That said, the rustic conditions are not that surprising considering that it is in Tulum. Tulum has been on the radar for a while now, but at least when I was there seven years ago, it seemed to be determined to keep a lot of its off-the-beaten-path backpacker beach vibe. There are a lot of “eco” hotels without electricity. There are a lot of places to do week long yoga and juice cleanse retreats. There aren’t all night bars, you don’t take a taxi into town to do tequila shots until dawn, and other than visiting the ruin or a nature preserve, all there is to do is lie on the beach. You pretty much go there to pretend to be living in a shack on the beach and go to bed at 9:30- right up my alley, but not for everyone. It seems like the cast was expecting your standard Bachelor luxury resort and got something a little more rustic. Any idea why they didn’t just rent a small luxury all inclusive in Cancun or Cabo for this show?

Comment: Not sure why. Obviously this show was a tad lower budgeted than “Bachelor Pad.” But people are watching so I don’t think they care.


Not really a question…more of an observation…

I wonder why Michelle Money was so over the top upset about Ben having a girlfriend. Her explanations that she left her daughter to be there made no sense. It was like she had been dating him and found out he had a girlfriend….except she hadn’t. At least nothing like that was shown…

It was somewhat bizarre and didn’t seem like 100% editing….

Thanks for your awesome commentary!

Comment: Well on the show she says it had to do with the fact that he took someone’s spot knowing he had a girlfriend back home. I think also the kid factor played a role. She didn’t feel he should’ve left his son knowing he already had someone back home.

Hi Steve! I just love your recaps and mostly, your spoilers!

I just love the hot mess that is this show! So entertaining and always fun to think, yep, I am not that bat s#*+ crazy. Ha ha

I have a big hope/dream/favour to ask. When Ben went home, with his tail between his legs, he has an awesome turtle shell backpack. Could you use your detective skills to find out where one can get that? Please oh please!!

A girl can dream. Thanks!

Comment: Toys R’ Us?

Elan tweeted a picture of Courtney with Sarah Herron, and Graham Bunn at his house watching this week’s BIP. Given how her book broke ties with the show by revealing so much, why do you think Elan would still hang out with her or publicize it like that?

Comment: But her book really didn’t reveal many behind the scenes stuff, nor did she mention any producers by name. Elan has his favorites in the franchise and Courtney is definitely one of them.

Hi Steve,

Your column very much adds to my enjoyment of watching the Bachelor series seasons. I enjoy knowing what’s coming and enjoy watching the characters evolve. I also love that your sources are so spot on.

Last night during the “reenactment” I think I heard mention of a psychologist being on staff, in fact, even wanting to talk with a cast member. Is this something new? Have all seasons had a psychologist hanging around. Since this is my line of work I see an enormous amount of diagnoses quite evident on the contestants. Last night ” denial, borderline, sex addict and avoident” were only a few of my thoughts. Good heavens the psychologists must earn their salary many times over with some of these good folk. Do you think they were on vacation when Tiara was around? Maybe this psychologist could teach some of these people to actually speak what they think in a clear and concise manner. Poor Dylan just didn’t know how to say NO…he’s not alone. Maybe we need a show about that.

Thanks again Steve, I look forward to reading your column and enjoy your matter of fact attitude about a show that is produced to make money. I love that you repeatedly make that statement…and yet, looking for love, finding love, romance in beautiful places and hot beautiful partners…the dream lives on. Wouldn’t it be nice….

Comment: There’s always been a psychologist on set. They meet with every contestant when they’re eliminated from the show to see where their head is at and basically just to check in.

Not sure how people are saying Dylan couldn’t say no. He specifically told Elise on two different occasions if she gave him a rose at the rose ceremony, he would reject it. That sounded pretty clear to me. Maybe he didn’t give her the reason she was looking for, but both of those statements should’ve been reason enough to know he wasn’t into her.

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  1. rob22

    August 14, 2014 at 10:07 AM

    To the Dr. RS emailer who met someone on some Internet forum that gave them super hot pics of themself, I’d be thinking Catfish. There are a lot of lonely cray-cray people out there starved for attention. I’d say virtually none of them are super hot. If they were super hot, there’d be no need to troll Internet forums.

  2. c104

    August 14, 2014 at 10:39 AM

    The ugly necklaces worn by the guys on BIP aren’t some sort of bonding thing. They’re for audio mics.

  3. angelfish

    August 14, 2014 at 11:12 AM

    Glad the necklaces are for audio. I was afraid they were all going for the “Scarf2.0”.

    As far as Andi still calling herself an attorney, she still is one, even without a current job.

    An attorney is a lawyer, but a lawyer isn’t necessarily an attorney. Anybody that graduates from law school is a lawyer, but you have to be admitted to the bar to be an attorney and actually practice law. People tend to use the terms interchangeably, but there are major differences.

    Andi was admitted to the Georgia Bar Association. She’s still both in the state of Georgia, even on her “hiatus”.

  4. corkystclair

    August 14, 2014 at 2:40 PM

    To whoever wrote about iCarly: Thank you! Ever since I saw that ridiculous interaction between Elise and Dylan I’ve been going crazy trying to remember what it reminded me of. You’re right — Elise was just like Spencer’s crazy girlfriend. I hope Elise make a pandapig for one of the guys.

  5. mommyof2

    August 15, 2014 at 5:52 AM

    Yeah, I saw onTwitter that the guy contestants claim the necklaces were their mics for when their shirts were off.

  6. Athena

    August 15, 2014 at 6:28 PM

    I agree with the reader who said that she thought Robert’s “break-up” with Elise was initially vague. I remember thinking the exact same thing at the time. If I were her, and had a major crush on him and heard him tell me that it would be “ok” if I got to know other people, I’d be like “hmmmmm…what are you getting at?” Granted, later on, assuming we’re getting the straight skinny from the editing on how things actually unfolded, his intention to move on seemed clearer and clearer and her denial more and more marked, but initially I think he could have been MUCH clearer and more direct.

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