Reality Steve

Bachelor in Paradise

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Dr. Reality Steve

Hey Steve,

I love reading your columns and I never thought I would need to write to you for relationship advice, but I’ve found myself in an unfortunate situation.

About 2 months ago, I reconnected with a guy who I met at a conference in high school. We had a brief fling then but it never turned into anything else. We were flirting and catching up over FB and decided to have dinner. I moved away after college to a city about 2 hours from where he is now. We met in the middle and had a great time. The next weekend he came to my apartment and we had dinner and watched a movie and he slept over. We didn’t have sex, but there was definitely some intimacy there. We continued seeing each other and talking over the phone. We did eventually sleep together and he was staying over a lot.

About 6 weeks into the relationship, he started getting kind of serious. He was even hinting to wanting to move in my house with me. I kind of got weirded out by it because I am in no way wanting anything serious right now. I pretty much told him how I felt and broke things off. Well, a couple of days ago, his relationship status on FB went from single to in a relationship. I was shocked considering how obsessive he had been with me the last couple of weeks, so I went and looked at the girls profile. She clearly had just created her Facebook. I went back to his profile where he started posting a ton of pictures of the two of them together. When I say a ton, I mean so many that it was clear they had been taken over a long period of time. And on his relationship status, it said “in a relationship since January 2014.” I couldn’t believe it. I have no mutual friends with this guy, but I just couldn’t believe that he had a girlfriend the whole time. Here is my dilemma: I couldn’t care less that he has a girlfriend. I don’t want to be with him at all, and I’m fine if we never speak again. However, I feel HORRIBLE that I slept with him while he has a girlfriend. I feel really bad for her. And I don’t know if I should contact her or not. I honestly just want to put it behind me, but I know if my boyfriend was carrying on a relationship for 6 weeks with someone else, I would want to know. Help!!

Comment: I’d stay out of it. He’s someone else’s problem now. If you were still seeing and sleeping with him and just found out, I’d say something. But since you’re not, it’s only gonna cause some trouble if you do go ahead and tell her. Let her realize on her own what a douche he is. If you knew the girl, then I’d definitely say tell her, but you don’t. A stranger coming to her and telling her that will probably put her on the defensive, and she’ll want proof and all that stuff. I doubt you wanna go through all that with a guy you’ve moved on from. Not worth it to me.

By any chance, was this guy’s name Marcus?
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10 Comments

10 Comments

  1. rob22

    August 28, 2014 at 4:39 PM

    A couple of things. Re: Josh playing golf and goofing off from his “Financial Advisor” gig. The local word is that Josh’s sole client is his brother Aaron, who’s competing for the backup QB spot for the Bengals. So, at this point, it’s barely a real job. The guy is pretty much a classic millennial slacker. Have fun with that Andi.

    And Marquel, I can’t believe he went with the ” I didn’t get it because I was black” line. No Marquel, you didn’t get it because you are boring, possibly gay since you absolutely refuse to get physical with girls, and you chose to swim in the BIP cesspool. Stop with the excuses. You’re not Bachelor material…. Which considering that prior Bachelors include Ben Flatdick, Huan Pah Blow, Jake Pukevelka, and Bob 5.5 Guinney… Your rejection should probably be considered a compliment.

  2. vessel

    August 28, 2014 at 8:42 PM

    Have to agree @rob22. At the Men Tell All his defense was all about “If I had only known everyone else in the house was all about kissing, etc!” Okay, forewarned, and yet you do a spinoff and keep it PG13, or not even? Meh, and people thought he could/should carry a season as the Bachelor? Zzzzzzzzz

  3. mush

    August 29, 2014 at 11:22 AM

    Graham and Michelle were a couple and are now friends. he supported her emotionally when her dad died. hes a true, loyal friend. they will always be real friends. as for Cody, yes hes into the gym and tanning. but so is michelle way into her looks with makeup, hair, spray tanning. and so what. they are fun spirited people. I hope they last a long time. have you seen michelle’s youtube? shes energetic and silly. so is cody. I say its a match made in heaven.

  4. jmania123

    August 29, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    I thought Marquel proved himself to be a dud on this show. He seemed inarticulate and prone to simple observational statements. A few people commented/asked about Jamie in Married at First Sight. It gives a sense as to why she was so messed up on BPad and Ben’s season. Chaotic family background. She breaks down crying when she saw they set her up with an ugly dude who lived at home. Must be too used to guys like Chris Bukowski (or too used by guys like Chris B).

  5. vessel

    August 29, 2014 at 5:29 PM

    @Mush I love Michelle’s Youtube channel. She cracks me up!

  6. karynr

    August 30, 2014 at 9:17 AM

    Totally agree with everyone who thinks Marquel would have been a dud as the Bachelor. He’s either gay or a player and there’s something off about him. I can’t put my finger on it, but he’s one of those people who can fool you into thinking he’s a great guy, but it’s a major façade hiding the real person, which in my experience usually means a lot of anger and turbulence. I, too, thought he was great looking and possibly one of the good guys. I guess a show like BIP is a good place to go to let your true colors come out.

    I haven’t watched this weeks’s shows yet, but look forward to seeing that scumbag Jesse leave at the end. I thought he was cute when he was on Jillian’s season, but after seeing the way he treated Elizabeth Kitt, the guy’s a d***. His family must be so proud. Maybe they can start a support group with Chris Buttkowski’s family…..DFA….Douchebags Family Anonymous.

    I sure hope this is Sarah’s last foray into anything Bach related. Run Sarah Run…..find a nice normal guy and get away from this dysfunctional Bach family!!!!

    If the Michelle/Cody thing is real, I wish them luck. She seems like a person with a good heart, not to mention absolutely stunning. He seems like a sweetheart too. He’s kind of adorable in a goofy way. I guess time will tell with those two. Same with Marcus and Lacy. Isn’t she really involved in her work? It must be hard for her to give that up to move to Dallas.

  7. rob22

    August 30, 2014 at 6:21 PM

    I’m not buying the Cody thing. OK, he puts on a good show, but a meathead is a meathead. Ever see Jersey Shore. When the going gets tough, punches will be thrown. Michelle better have a good woman’s shelter on speed dial.

  8. cjscjs711

    August 30, 2014 at 7:38 PM

    @rob22 and @vessel You should go to Marquel’s blog and tell him that. He won’t read it here most likely. The guy likes to get up on his soapbox about race and will use any excuse.

    Meanwhile he can run around looking for the white half to his black and white cookie, or the vanilla for his chocolate chip cookie, overlook a beautiful African American woman who was obviously attracted to him and choose the white woman who had no chemistry and probably asked him on the date because she didn’t want to step on toes and he was unattached. But in his mind, none of this is race-based when it’s himself doing the choosing.

    The tags on Lacy’s dress. It’s called “wardrobing” and so many of the stylists etc. do it for shoots. It is wrong but people rationalize it. I have found it is more work to find designers who will lend clothing for shoots (free in exchange for images) but it of course is more work getting these connections. Those companies in my experience take the tags off for you and put them back on and the dress probably goes on the discount rack. Not sure the case here – could also have been an ID tag on a mic pack. Very weird place for anyone to put a price tag. Would you think, looking for the price tag on a dress, to unzip the back and look inside, at the bottom of the zipper? I wouldn’t. I’d look in one of the usual places.

  9. vessel

    August 31, 2014 at 12:58 PM

    @rob22 That’s a pretty broad generalization you make about Cody. Because a guy works out all the time and has crazy huge muscles (and btw, isn’t his job personal trainer?) doesn’t necessarily make him capable or inclined towards violence against women. If I read your comment correctly this is what you seemed to suggest. Even putting that aside, isn’t this the guy that Steve basically said is the lone person ever in this franchise he can’t get a single negative piece of info on, all positive glowing praise?

  10. jmania123

    September 1, 2014 at 8:39 AM

    I just read the Marquel blog and found it as inarticulate as he was on the shows. They really need a bachelor who is too timid to kiss the girls and stays in the friend zone. It would have been funny to watch the final 2 both turn him down and say they just wanted to be friends – if any even stuck around that long.

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