Dr. Reality Steve
I love reading your columns and I never thought I would need to write to you for relationship advice, but I’ve found myself in an unfortunate situation.
About 2 months ago, I reconnected with a guy who I met at a conference in high school. We had a brief fling then but it never turned into anything else. We were flirting and catching up over FB and decided to have dinner. I moved away after college to a city about 2 hours from where he is now. We met in the middle and had a great time. The next weekend he came to my apartment and we had dinner and watched a movie and he slept over. We didn’t have sex, but there was definitely some intimacy there. We continued seeing each other and talking over the phone. We did eventually sleep together and he was staying over a lot.
About 6 weeks into the relationship, he started getting kind of serious. He was even hinting to wanting to move in my house with me. I kind of got weirded out by it because I am in no way wanting anything serious right now. I pretty much told him how I felt and broke things off. Well, a couple of days ago, his relationship status on FB went from single to in a relationship. I was shocked considering how obsessive he had been with me the last couple of weeks, so I went and looked at the girls profile. She clearly had just created her Facebook. I went back to his profile where he started posting a ton of pictures of the two of them together. When I say a ton, I mean so many that it was clear they had been taken over a long period of time. And on his relationship status, it said “in a relationship since January 2014.” I couldn’t believe it. I have no mutual friends with this guy, but I just couldn’t believe that he had a girlfriend the whole time. Here is my dilemma: I couldn’t care less that he has a girlfriend. I don’t want to be with him at all, and I’m fine if we never speak again. However, I feel HORRIBLE that I slept with him while he has a girlfriend. I feel really bad for her. And I don’t know if I should contact her or not. I honestly just want to put it behind me, but I know if my boyfriend was carrying on a relationship for 6 weeks with someone else, I would want to know. Help!!
Comment: I’d stay out of it. He’s someone else’s problem now. If you were still seeing and sleeping with him and just found out, I’d say something. But since you’re not, it’s only gonna cause some trouble if you do go ahead and tell her. Let her realize on her own what a douche he is. If you knew the girl, then I’d definitely say tell her, but you don’t. A stranger coming to her and telling her that will probably put her on the defensive, and she’ll want proof and all that stuff. I doubt you wanna go through all that with a guy you’ve moved on from. Not worth it to me.
By any chance, was this guy’s name Marcus?
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