Since last week’s recap worked so well, I figured I’d do it again. Rather than recapping the events of the episode in chronological order, I’ll just talk about what’s going on in each couple’s relationship. As we saw, Brooks Forester and Tasos Hernandez joined the show this week. Sarah’s had a crush on Brooks since Juan Pablo’s ATFR show, and Tasos, well, I guess they brought him on to complete their “scraping the bottom of the barrel so we can get 25 people on this show” list. Although I’m pretty sure the show is gonna be renewed next summer, I don’t know how the hell they’re gonna find 25 relevant people. Yes, I know there will be girls from Chris’ season and guys’ from the next “Bachelorette” season that we don’t know about, but damn. If the format is the same and they’re bringing people in every week, who are the former cast members to bring in that haven’t already appeared? Unless they don’t care who they cast and now that they know, there’ll be people who just wanna come on to be on TV. I guess that’s possible. I take it back. It’ll be a piece of cake casting 25 again next season.
Cody and Michelle
Immediately after last week’s rose ceremony, Michelle is feeling a little uneasy. We find out that Cody told her he loved her, and Michelle doesn’t know if she’s there yet. You know, because she’s only known him less than a week. Does Cody even know Michelle’s last name yet? Does he know her daughter’s name? Man, and I thought Marcus was off his rocker for telling two different girls in a span of three months, who he had known for less than a month each time, that he loved them. Cody has him beat to that. Michelle: “Cody told me he’s in love with me…he said his next girlfriend will be his wife and he wants me to be his next girlfriend…I’ve only known him a week.” I understand Cody is all about being positive and is seemingly the happiest guy on the planet, but saying “My next girlfriend is going to be my wife” is seriously one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard anyone say. How in the world can anyone make that proclamation if they don’t even know who their next girlfriend is going to be? Kind of backwards thinking from Cody. I think he needs to do a few more crunches and think this out a bit longer.
The day after the rose ceremony, Michelle is still worried. While Cody is squatting rocks on the beach and ready to hurl them into the ocean, Michelle needs someone to talk to about her dilemma. And what better man to talk to in all of this show for relationship advice than Jesse Kovacs. Huh? Michelle talks to Graham about everything, yet she sits down 1-on-1 with this nut sack asking for help? Man, that water down in Mexico must’ve been laced with ecstasy or something because Michelle is trippin’. She says she’s feeling overwhelmed and feels like Cody has gone from 0 to 60. And Michelle is still stuck in neutral. Sweet. Car metaphors. Exactly what this show needs. Actually, Cody has pretty much blown out the transmission on whatever car he’s in with Michelle from going to fast from the second he bought it. I think he needs to take it in for a tune up.
Later on, they have a talk on the beach where Michelle says in a voice over she needs to break up with him, although we knew that wasn’t gonna happen. “Cody’s feelings for me are stronger than mine for him.” Cody: “I know I’m scaring you…but it comes from my heart.” Oh, ok. Well that makes it much better then. Just bust out a serenade of “Thrift Shop” and it’ll all be good, Codester. I mean, really. That’s what everyone wants at this point, right? Michelle wants to take it slower, and Cody is already picking out china for their dining room table. After a while, it seems like she’s fine for Cody being so open, thanks him for it, and everything is peaches and cream between the two of them. Well you know, minus the fact that he wants to hang out with her every minute of the day from now until the end of eternity.
Marcus and Lacy
There really isn’t much to say about these two since they have zero drama surrounding them. They had the first date of the episode and Marcus got to go down another ladder into a hole for a date. That’s the second time he’s done that. Well, the second hole we’ve seen him go into. There could’ve been others. Moving on. While in the cave, there are sh*t ton of bats in there, which is freaking Lacy out. Well, I think they’re freaking her out. It’s either that, or she’s petrified of having to pronounce stalactites and stalagmites on national television. When the producer tells her what those are because clearly she had never even heard the words before, let alone know what the hell they meant, she repeated in her ITM that they were surrounded by stalaglites in the cave. Contrary to popular belief, stalaglites are not the creepy cousins of the Stagliano brothers. Just wanted to let you know. Their issue, if you even want to call it that, is that Marcus told her he loved her and Lacy hasn’t said it back since that’s a big deal to her. So not twenty seconds after we hear her telling us in an ITM how important it is to her to say that to someone because she just doesn’t open up to people, she says it to Marcus. Soooooo, how much longer before Lacy is moving to Dallas?